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Life Dec 2022
I see my timeline on this site:

From my older brother's diagnosis
to the death of my grandmother

Falling in love with you
My brother disappearing

To the breaking of trust in exchange of fluids
Never receiving what the law calls justice

Realizing you were never my first love
Merely my first attachment

But I never wrote about finding my brother
in the woods near the main road
white bones in a tent
not knowing who it was
only realizing after the police left my mother crying
for him
dying there alone in the woods so close to home

I cry for him
dying there alone.
Hidden by the wilderness
rotting away inside the plastic tarp.

I cried for him
and wrote for you.
This timeline is my reminder
holding my guilty conscience accountable.
This is my reminder to write.
Life Jan 2018
Oh dear,
you spoil me
I wanna kiss you
but I don't wanna test my gag reflexes.
Life Jun 2017
He was not good company in my despair.
But he was company and he was the only company I had.
I share that night with him.
Only him.

We were the only two that breathed oxygen from the air I screamed in.
The only two who felt the blows exchanged by fists.
We were the only two who shared that time and space.
No matter who and how many people I tell my story,
he will still be the only one who was actually there.

We are connected.
We are connected and I don't know how to free myself from these memories.
Free myself from this Hell.
Life May 2017
I do not miss him. Nor do I miss myself as a victim.
I'm neither suffering nor melancholic.
Nothing pulls me back.
Nothing at all, except that I was whole.
Maybe I was a victim, but at least I was something.
Maybe it was painful, but at least I felt something.
Life Oct 2015
Long walks by the sea
Drinking champain
Life Oct 2015
After you said goodbye,
I've wondered
what you felt
With me
Life Sep 2015
I am crumbling under your stare
In the moonlight
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