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chichee Aug 24
Before, I would have jumped into the ring for you. I would have swallowed tar. Fistfight, bad nights. This fleshy body, these calloused hands-
Apology has become a defense mechanism,
because a mouth sounds stupid when it asks
for reassurance.
All I've ever asked for is one ******* wednesday night
where you gave a ****.
whatever, whatever.
And I-
I am scared,
of your silence.
After indie games and bad films,
my credit card, your bills
The absence of answer
an answer in of itself.
fatalistic as ****.
chichee Aug 2
In the backseat of your Audi, the three o clock shadow
slants across your face like a threat, makes you look
dangerous. Makes you look
interesting.
So what do you do?
I tell you
I write.
What does that mean?
It means walking into a crowd and getting lost in your head. It means finding loose change in your heart.  Means the world is your dysfunctional, perpetually disappointed, ailing mother. Means this isn't going to last.

But all you see is a silver smile.
chichee Jul 19
in the east, they tell you
that beauty is something you
work for.
lactic acid, hydroquinine
my fickle beauty time machine-
I stand naked before him
wondering how can I ever be anything
but a body.
cleaning out the drafts again
chichee Jun 22
His mouth against my lips
turns my philosophy into nonsense
puts his hands on my hips and makes me
feel like I'm just a girl,
makes me feel
okay
to be just that.

Loving him is so easy it scares me because
I've never known
                                          easy love.


He's not perfect, like you were.

But he's ******* real;
                    and when he laughs in the glint of the pool light-
I don't think I've wanted anything more.
an old one I never knew how to finish
chichee Apr 25
My brother takes me bowling.
I'm upset again, another
exam, or a breakup or some other
stupid ****.
But he goads me-
You're just scared you'll lose
I beat him 67 to 25.
I did win, he grins later.
You're smiling.
.
chichee Apr 8
He liked my smile but
not my laugh.
He liked my sarcasm
but hated my scars.
Between hello and we need to talk
I wanted the world and all he could give me were
three idiot words.
Again, what's on the tin. I should probably stop procrastinating.
chichee Mar 29
The traffic lights
blur your reflection in
a puddle on 6th street-
               You're stalling, saying something like
                                                The world is quiet here
             grocery stores and
                           train stations with
                                   names like liverpool, kingston
                       lundmouth, maurist

You broke my heart here years ago, Mari
saying all those pretty words.
       
I get by just fine without you these days. I make
tea for one,
           dress up for none,
I can walk every street in this ******* city
but this one.

                   Mari, it's just us now.
I'm all out of love.
I'm all out of everything.

                               There are no cameras rolling now darling,
                        
                                                                ­                   So just say it.
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