Before, I would have jumped into the ring for you. I would have swallowed tar. Fistfight, bad nights. This fleshy body, these calloused hands-
Apology has become a defense mechanism,
because a mouth sounds stupid when it asks
All I've ever asked for is one ******* wednesday night
where you gave a ****.
I am scared,
of your silence.
After indie games and bad films,
my credit card, your bills
The absence of answer
an answer in of itself.
fatalistic as ****.
In the backseat of your Audi, the three o clock shadow
slants across your face like a threat, makes you look
dangerous. Makes you look
So what do you do?
I tell you
What does that mean?
It means walking into a crowd and getting lost in your head. It means finding loose change in your heart. Means the world is your dysfunctional, perpetually disappointed, ailing mother. Means this isn't going to last.
But all you see is a silver smile.
in the east, they tell you
that beauty is something you
lactic acid, hydroquinine
my fickle beauty time machine-
I stand naked before him
wondering how can I ever be anything
but a body.
cleaning out the drafts again
His mouth against my lips
turns my philosophy into nonsense
puts his hands on my hips and makes me
feel like I'm just a girl,
makes me feel
to be just that.
Loving him is so easy it scares me because
I've never known
He's not perfect, like you were.
But he's ******* real;
and when he laughs in the glint of the pool light-
I don't think I've wanted anything more.
an old one I never knew how to finish
My brother takes me bowling.
I'm upset again, another
exam, or a breakup or some other
But he goads me-
You're just scared you'll lose
I beat him 67 to 25.
I did win, he grins later.
He liked my smile but
not my laugh.
He liked my sarcasm
but hated my scars.
Between hello and we need to talk
I wanted the world and all he could give me were
three idiot words.
Again, what's on the tin. I should probably stop procrastinating.
The traffic lights
blur your reflection in
a puddle on 6th street-
You're stalling, saying something like
The world is quiet here
grocery stores and
train stations with
names like liverpool, kingston
You broke my heart here years ago, Mari
saying all those pretty words.
I get by just fine without you these days. I make
tea for one,
dress up for none,
I can walk every street in this ******* city
but this one.
Mari, it's just us now.
I'm all out of love.
I'm all out of everything.
There are no cameras rolling now darling,
So just say it.