It's dark and the light leaks out like the change in my pockets; like the blood from her nose; like knowledge from my head.
And I can feel myself being swallowed by this systematic long dark. I cannot remove myself, a gut-worm in the lower-mantle belly. Watching video-cassettes of my birthday. I don't know what happened to my birthday video. I don't know what happened to my parents or what I did to happen to them.
The light leaks, again, and I choke on my celebri-thoughts; mentally-******* to the waves I'd give on a book tour or studio lot. Talking about some movie that made some money, somewhere in Santa Fe or L.A.
The news is channeling my president: a swollen man that is the physical representation that a lot of American people are parasitic; lovers in racism, xenophobia, transphobia, Islamophobia, homophobia; scared of everything except the 'straight-talking' magnate they put in office. Not playing president; playing God.
I'd hate to get political, though. I'd hate to ramble on and on about something I don't know enough about to **** myself over. I can feel myself picking up steam. I can feel myself getting redundant but embracing the bruised ego and poor technique. Loving the entrails spilling out of the splits of my fingertips; more beautiful than the brains I bashed on the sidewalks of old Morgantown. Morgantown, a town so kind you are gently destroyed by its over-crowded masses, dying to be different or drunk -- I suppose that's not very different than most places.
But let's get back to these trees that I haven't even talked about. Let's get back to the kitchen table with the hollowed hard-drive, with wires and cords flopping to the sides, like a gutted spaghetti eater with poor stomach acid. How terrible. I'll never forgive myself for that last line.
I feel so rudderless. So cynical with a touch of cliche. I keep pushing back that age for success, thinking that I have the luxury of choosing. My vocabulary is limited. My intelligence is assumed; probably a void, where delusions manifest and asian **** rewinds and plays, rewinds and plays.