we all know it's a lie
deny me when I say
'I want to let you go'
see through my eyes
heal the tears inside
kiss my lips that lie

at times I wonder,
from an elusive time
and place unreachable
where time no longer exists for me
this one's for the generations after mine
what would they do, as they
come across my poetry
and as they seep into the pages
they will delve into the sadness
of my sweet sorrow letters for thee
will they ever thought the same?
thinking more of our narratives
that should have been—
but was never put into paper
of a love that never came to be
wishing that it became a love story
rather than a story of me
loving thou unrequitedly

she found herself staring too long
a glimpse of those eyes
every features and movement
laid intact in her mind

everything about that blonde
gives her something welcoming
though she tries to get away
risking herself into falling

Luster all you can
Shine until I am blind
You're the gem
I ought to protect
and the treasure
I'll sought to find

I usually don’t like silence in general – the awkward silences as they will call it (when I’m with someone). But with you, it’s a different case. I can actually endure these little instances of silence with you.

Because I know you’re there to fill it up. Like knowing that you’re present – that you’re there –gives me a sense of comfort.

We can take a pause and breathe without hearing a complaint from one another. I know that another person understands me with these wordless exchanges, with these simple gestures, stares, and soft-hearted smiles.

The spaces in between our conversations, and just the stillness of the atmosphere… You’ll somehow manage to add up the warmth, the comfort. Just your presence is enough.

shove it down my throat
suffocate me with my words
please do it in my sleep
let me ask you gently

Must I stay
to know that
I can’t really
let you go?

— not-so-sober thoughts

Your every move
seems to catch my eye
And your warmth
draws me closer to you

I want to touch your hand
to see if it fits into mine
I want to touch your face
to see your eyes flutter

I yearn for your touch
I dread to hear your voice
and for you to be beside me

All I want is for you to sing
lullabies in these cold nights

But we could only meet
in a place called my head
As I drift off into sleep
In my dreams, we meet again

on a place far away
I believe our laughs play
by the bay till dawn
it is somewhere days doesn't end
as it traps time in our own little land
there is no song unsung,
no cries tears shed,
only our smiles would replace the sun
just a perfect wonderland
where both our hearts would lead

— too bad no such place exist; like us

I want to approach you
how have you been?
I hope the summer's breeze
doing you well
I miss you
Heat's fastly approaching
But I still feel
the cold you're bringing

At least look me in the eye
Stab me, let me bleed
please, if you may
At least, pierce through me upfront

If this is goodbye
please tell me
Though, I'm afraid to let go

Just tell me
all the hatred
you feel against me

It was never my intention
to hurt you, dear
But I still did
I guess...
This will be the last time
I'll apologize

on depiction on books of fairytales
stories that were put to me as a child
to be tied on another being
pinkies and a red string— a promise
to spend an eternity together
with a perfect stranger in this world
that still do not put sense into me
to this day, but at some way
it made my heart feel at ease
that somewhere out far there
is looking for their other half as me

You'll never know
the pain and sorrow
I feel from loving you
Much more than the chance
of getting near you
as I float outside planet Earth
Though I'll keep wandering
I'll continue to jump
across space and time
Just to get a glimpse of you
I've yet to accept my fate
that you are a star
far from my grasp
and I'm merely a girl
admiring you from afar,
the one who continues
to shine brighter
each passing day
Keep on shining, love
as I stay here on earth
Let me just wish for you
as we're galaxies apart

I want you to leave traces of me
shot across the galaxies
scatter my star dust with your words

when we see each other
comfort me with a hello
set me off with a kiss
sing me a song of love
before I let your heart
beat to it

look for me in every person
you have come across with a heartbeat
long for something
that haven’t even touched your lips
please wait for me
as we make way for destiny
hope you and I make this a reality

—please come look for me

Like each star on the night sky,
you're shining like diamonds
You're worth a millions
So beautiful, I could only sigh

'You are my star, but we all reach that point in life that we no longer wish into one.'

Moving forward to a year, I trace upon the letter I wrote for you.

With the smile on my face, I look up the night sky.  I am reminded of how your eyes shine brightly at the scene, and the mole beneath your eye resembles so much of the dots laid up high.

I let out a big sigh. How different it is by this time...

I realized now that we are two of the same; two bright stars. Glowing and burning embers on their own.

We're both coexisting to shine, though we cannot meet for one of us fell for the other too deep already.

A falling star, I cried to you; a shooting star.

How can our stars align? Our paths and distance don’t comply. Far and far across galaxies. You blinded me by that sight. My light cannot compare to yours.

My dearest, you shot too high up the skies to live on your dreams.

And mine just remained being one.

Even as I want to take a step further, closer to your lane
I am still asking myself to restrain
For I am afraid of what you might think of me
Once you look my way

— Leap of faith

Is it right or is it wrong
to not ask anything in return
yet wanting to ask for more?
I can be a walking irony
as I make my way closer to you
How can it be
I know that we cannot be
yet risking to cross the seas
to close the gap for a kiss?
Why is it that
the distance between us
cannot drown me
on how far my dream can be—
you're impossible; unattainable
yet why can't I put an end
into these feelings I question
if it's bad or good
to pour on efforts
to soar these emotions still?

What a waste. Such a waste.
All the effort and time going down the drain.
The solution's so easy
So foolproof
Yet why does it have to be us to suffer
I thought we're going to be set free
Let all the hard work be paid off
I was excited to taste that sweet ecstacy
Yet in one glance, it's still out of reach
Another chance slipped away
Such a waste,
disappointing how the universe can't let us be
Ah, I must have forgotten how unfair life can be.
It screws you up whenever it got the chance
It's such an easy way out, yet why choose a more difficult route?
And that everyone ask me to be practical?
Why must I be the one who's selfish?
It's not all the time I ask for myself—
why must I be the one who will look bad?
This is why I kept my mouth shut
Bury myself in these fort of blankets and pillows;
at least here I can find comfort
What's a home if you're conscious of every move you make in these four walls confining you?
Do I not have a right to be upset?
Must I act like a robot?— it's not every time I can act perfect
I will instead mope around, I can't even whine
As if I can do anything about it, right?
I'll say goodbye to my dreams to aim high and spreading my wings
Wave at the anticipation of leaving the nest
I'm still stuck down here, dying to break free
For more years to come till my grave...
At least I have something else to anticipate, right?
May we let go of old ways that's keeping us from moving forward?— no, I apologize. I must not speak.
I'll just stay here and rot in silence.
And silence where I'm supposed to be kept.

noong una kitang nasilayan
inaamin kong hindi ikaw ang nais kong kamtan
ngunit habang tumatagal,
puso ko’t loob, sayo’y natuluyan

hindi ko rin alam kung bakit
dahil ba sa boses **** nakakahumaling?
o sa mga matatamis **** mga ngiti?
mistulang nawawala ang iyong mga mata
sa tuwing ito’y iyong gawin
di ko alam, pero simpleng titig mo lamang
ka’y laki na ng epekto nito sa akin
hanggang sa palagi na kitang hinahanap-hanap
aba’t ginayuma mo nga ba ako?

ngunit, kung ano't saya ang nadarama
ganoon din ang kapalit nito kapag nandyan ka
sa mga panahon na wala ka sa tabi
pasakit at dalilubho ang naranas
bakit ba hindi ko kayang sayo ay mawalay?
ngunit kailangan kong magtimpi at alamin
kung hanggang saan lang dapat ang hangarin

ngunit aking nagunita,
ikaw talaga ang natatangi sa puso, at tuwina
ngunit kung gusto ko ring makaalpas sa sakit
kailangan ika’y kalimutan
sa gayon ay baka matagpuan ang kalinaw

pero ang alaala ng kahapon ay sadyang bumalik
kahit saan man magpunta, ika’y naka-aligid
kung alam mo lang ang aking tinahak
pagod, at hirap – naranas upang sayo’y makalapit

ngunit ano ba pa ang magagawa?
sa una pa lang, nagmahal ng isang tala
at kung bigyan man ng pagkakataon
mas pipiliing sarili ay ibaon
lahat ng nararamdaman
na hindi mo rin kayang ipaglaban

dahil hindi mo rin naman ako mahal,
mas mahal mo ang iyong pangarap
at hindi ako yun, ito'y tanggap

sakim man sa kanilang paningin
ikaw lang naman ang gusto ko
ngunit, bakit? bakit…
ipinagkait pa sa akin ng mundo?
pero ito ang nagpapatunay
na kahit gaano pa ako kailangan na maghintay
para sayo'y hindi ako nararapat
dahil tunay nga ba ang aking intensyon?
o ginagawa lamang kitang desisyon?
tingnan mo nga, miski ako may pagdududa

kahit man ito’y pag-ibig natin ay isusugal
kahit gaano ko pa ipagsamo sa Maykapal
wala rin naman itong mahahantungan
hindi rin naman ako ang iyong kailangan

kaya't ito'y hahayaang dalhin ng langit,
kung saan mang lupalop ito'y dalhin
pinaubaya sa Maykapal,
antayin na lang maglaho
ito ang aking huling habilin,
bago kitang tuluyang iwan

pero ito'y mananatiling nakaukit
sa puso't isipan,
dahil kaya nga ba kitang kalimutan?

ito’y magsisilbing alaala
ng minsan nating pagsasama,
kahit sa panaginip lamang

ang ipagtagpo ang isang ikaw at ako,
ang mabuo ang salitang 'tayo' –
napaka-imposible…
napaka-imposible.

eng trans:
when I first saw you
I admit you're not the one I yearn for
but as time passes by
my heart, and mind – fell for you

I don't really know why
is it because of your alluring voice?
or because of your sweet smiles?
it's as if your eyes disappear
whenever you do this
I don't know but in your simple stares
it has a big impact on me
until I'm always looking for you
oh my, did you put a spell on me?

but in what happiness I felt
that's what I also feel whenever you're there
in times that you're not beside me
pain and dreading was experienced
why can't I stand being apart from you?
but I have to resist and know
to where I should stand in line

yet I've realized
you're the one that's always in my heart
but if I want to get rid of this pain
I have to forget you
by then I might find peace

but the memories of yesterday kept coming back
everywhere I go, you're there
if only you knew what I've been through
exhaustion, and rigor – I have to face to get close to you

but what can I do?
from the start, I've loved a star
and if given a chance
I'd rather choose to bury myself,
all these feelings
that you're not even willing to fight for

because you don't even love me,
you love your dream more
and it's not me, I've accepted it

it may be selfish in their eyes
you're the only one I want
yet, why? why...
did the world denied + you from me?
but this just proves
that no matter how long I have to wait
I'm not the one for you
because is my intention real?
or am I just making you a decision?
see? even I have doubts

even if I gamble this love of ours
even if I plea from the Creator
this will just go nowhere ++
I am not the one you need

that's why I'll just let the sky take this
wherever in the heavens this will be held
let the Creator take charge
I'll just wait for it to fade
this is my last will
before I will leave you

but this will remain etched
in my mind, and heart
because can I truly forget you?

this will serve as a memory,
of our once encounter
even if it's just in a dream

for you and me to meet,
to form the word 'us' –
it's so impossible,
**it's impossible

bakit ba pinagpipilitan ko pa ring ipaitindi sa iba?
hindi rin naman nila talaga alam
sa paningin nila, napakababaw, napakataas naman ng pangarap ko
isipin mo, ako? isang simpleng babae, minamahal kang isang lalaking maraming nakaaligid? na pawa bang isa kang nilalang na taga-ibang planeta
alam kong minsan ka na rin nakaramdam ng pagiging ordinaryo
pero sadyang ka'y layo mo na ngayon, iba ang takbo ng mundo mo
minsan inaamin kong nakakahiya, na ipagsigawan 'tong pagmamahal ko sayo
pero dahil sa iniisip kong hindi nila naiitindihan
at di kailanman na maiitindihan
itong nilalaman ng puso ko ay ikaw
sinasabi nito na mahal kita
na mahal na mahal kita
kahit di ko magawang ika'y lapitan
dahil paano mo nga ba mamahalin ang isang taong napakalayo sayo?
pero patuloy ko pa ring iniisip na mahal na mahal kita
inuulit ulit kong sabihin ito
kahit na alam kong di mo rin naman din ako maiitindihan
oo, alam **** mahal kita
pero hindi, mas higit pa sa iniisip mo
gusto kita
gusto kita, gusto kong mapalapit sayo
na mapasaakin ka
yung gaanong kagustuhan mo sa isang tao alam kong di kailanman kayang ibalik ang nararamdaman ko
pero bakit ko pa rin ba ito pinagpapatuloy
kung alam ko rin naman na wala tong mahahantungan
napakasakit man isipin na hindi ka pwedeng mapasa akin
gusto kong may makiramdam sa akin
pero hindi nga nila maitindihan
ikaw ang gusto ko
pero napakasakit na mahalin ka
bakit ba kasi ikaw pa?
mahal na mahal kita
gusto kong ipaalam sa'yo
pero paano nga ba?
kung sa una pa lang
hindi mo ako maiitindihan
ang tanging naiitindihan ko lang
kahit napakasakit man tanggapin
napakasakit man para sa'kin
pero eto ang realidad
na alam kong mahal mo rin ako
mahal mo rin naman ako
pero bilang isang tagahanga mo lamang

eng trans:
why am I even forcing others to understand?
they don't even know
in their eyes, it's so dense, I have dreams way too high
think about it, me? a simple girl, loving someone like you who's surrounded and looked upon to? as if you're a being from another planet
I know that you once felt what it's like to be ordinary
but you're just way too far from my grasp now, your world runs differently
I admit that it's embarrassing, to shout out this love of mine for you
but mostly because I think that they don't understand
and won't ever understand
that you are the one kept in my heart
it tells that I love you
that I love you so much
even if I can't even get near you
because how can you even love someone that's so far from your reach
but I kept on thinking that I love you so much
I will keep on repeating this
even if I know you won't even understand
yes, you know that I love you
but no, it's much more than what you think
I want you
I want you, I want to get close to you
for you to be mine
that kind of desire for someone you know won't ever reciprocate your feelings
but why do I even continue this?
if I know this would get on nowhere
it pains me to think that you won't ever be mine
I want someone to empathize with me
but they just don't understand
you're the one I want
but it hurts to love you
why does it have to be you?
I love you so much
I want you to know
but how?
if from the start
you don't understand me
the only thing I understand
even if it hurts to accept it
even if it hurts for me
that I know that you love me too
'you love me too'
*but only as your admirer

you're like a stain on my white dress
that I'm aiming to remove
it just leaves more creases on the fabric
no matter what I do, I can't, nothing
but in fear of losing you
I cannot throw you out of sentiment

—you're my favorite dress

the way you look at her
is different from how you see me
I sure miss last summer
when you only have eyes on me

but it was my own fault,
it haunts me every passing day
I'm sorry; I regret
when I left you hanging last May

at these times when the stars dip low
as the night sky is a shade darker
I feel myself fall deeper into blue
often times I cannot comprehend
how the world can be cruel to its ebb
haven't I sweat enough buckets to fill a lake
to get more to what I can ought to take?
as I hid in the shade at afternoon's peak
when I beamed when the sun rays kissed my skin
even though the rigor and gravity pulling us deep
we made it through
I thought the universe paid me off
with little things to keep me warm
— such little things, I say,
meant so much little more —
as I have hidden far too long in the dark
He had sent me gifts to treasure all through
— but why must you send off things
that also meant the world to me?
I do not have the right to question You this
but can I even make it through?
all along the deepening way of the night
with only a lamp post to guide me through
I cannot help but feel restless
letting these fears and doubts creep in—!
the twisted thoughts have taken over me
same with the fellows who got me through
we expect a night of toss and turns,
as we ready ourselves how this unfolds
how can we even sleep soundly this night?
when the monsters that is visiting us
is what used to be the light who helped us through?

sometimes my dear
I feel sorry for the times I lean
towards such light like you
like a firefly lured, I am blinded
by your shimmering glow

why do I only reach out to you
whenever I feel lonely in his arms?
but then you can provide me the warmth
his hands isn't able to give into mine

how could I even appreciate a sun like you
only when the moon is already at peak at night?

all these times, you've only brought me hope
you made my heart soar miles
it fluttered farther than ever before
you've brought me sunshine beyond compare

my knight, your back stands safety and comfort
your eyes resembles the sharp edges of the stars
but then your smile radiates a thousand suns
you are the sunshine to my beating heart

how many times should I learn
that you are always there for me
you have always been
even if it's clouded in the distance
you're always at bay

I want to wake up
at the sound of your beating heart
beside me, with that intense stare of yours

I want to be the one
who will trace the lines
of your calloused hands laid out for me

I want to get lost
into the depths of your soul
as we both exchange our love wordlessly

I want you and me
intertwined into each other
with your hands wrapping safely with mine
As if you don't want to let go

I want you to love me
to look at me the way
I would look at you
to look at me in that way
you would give in
through the music you create

I want to love you
to express all the love I have for you
I only wish for you my dearest

But sometimes this want
is the hindrance to it all

But
I want you
I still want you
**But I must not

As day passes by, it never really occured to me
can my love overflow beyond its capacity?
Your love can fill me up to the brim
It is only you that can bring me off its course

To me, you're a serum I want to take,
even if they said you're no good for me

You're a melody that's ever so addicting,
a rhythm I'm trying to forget, but cannot

My love, you're chained to my heart
etched deeply — I want to break out of it!
But then you're the only one who has the key
I can't let you go, until you set me free

it is not the matter
of distance or chance
getting close to you
but where my heart
compass to

— it still leads me back to you

Maybe the fact that this place is so familiar, it gives me nostalgia.

The consciousness that you were once present in this place hurts; it brings me an ache in my chest — like a hole ******* through me — a piece that's been missing.

Because here, it just reminds me of you.

I am looking for a sign of your touch between these spaces. Tracing every edges. Through the hard wood, the dim lit wall lights, through the white sheets of the soft bed.

I am longing for your scent that I haven't even grown to know.
I am looking for you even if it has been a long while since you've been here. Your scent's no longer lingering here...

It's been long gone, you're far from here now...

Why do I even go looking for something that I am not familiar with? Why am I even searching for something I cannot reach?

here I am again feeling lonely
missing the sights I can't see
what can I do for me to reach
the stars up high before me?

why am I even here down below
with the things they have?
the things left unfamiliar
I have not been bestowed?
is it bad to ask for more?
why can't I have the sights to soar?

but in reality, all I wish
is the gentle touch of his lips
as he press it close against
the hollows of my neck
on these nights so dark and deep

I could care less for diamonds and rings
along with million lights that could sing

but how can I even reach him
without passing the riches
that put him up the skies in the first place?

— loving the stars

I only pray for you, and only you.
Is that too much to ask?
I miss you so much that it actually physically pains me to know how far apart we really are.

My love, how long must I wait? – I long for your touch, I want to see your face. I just want to pull you close. Let me hear your heart beat and let me calm myself with your voice.

I want you to nuzzle softly in my neck, and gently press your lips on my cheek — can you feel them burning from your touch?
Let our lips dance, and let our hands roam – North, south, let us move to the rotation of the coast.

Will the universe align itself for our meeting?

Please let us be tied with destiny, let fate be at our stead.

dear Alice,*

roses, your lips flushed red
violets, I am blue
without you here
you're too far off the garden patch,
I've been looking by the bushes nearby
hoping I'll catch a black ribbon at sight
one last glance

I've been here underneath the trees,
but you're just fading,
the colors of the skies are melting
to blue, to orange...
with vibrant scarlet
then velvet of darkness of purple
I do hope the wonders of the land are doing you well

though as morning came,
I saw a pixie painting me in blue
a bob cat greeting me with its pearls
I'm glad to say
I'm moving ahead the meadow,
getting attached with her metal clutches
as she's getting near my flower bed
but I do admit
your dimples and flowy locks
could not compare
I still miss you

from Little Red

describe how my eyes pierce through you,
beyond the windows of your beautiful soul
tell them how my glance
stayed with you for weeks

can maybe for a moment,
your breath hitched
and that static surged
from a brush of fabric?

see the skeleton in my body
and how they shivered
at the sight of you
see the depths of my soul
and how they're raging in fire
see how the trillion cells of my body
react in front of the likes of you
tell them how it left a mark
on your mind for days

I wish the warmth of my presence
linger bit longer than I hope it did

I want you to say in your chaste lips
'she had such a sad smile,
but she would laugh
till her rib cage tremble
beneath her tan skin'
I want to make you pause for a sec
'her laughs are like cries of a raven,
how it oddly resonates
a maiden hiding in plea'
I want it all pierced by your tongue

describe me like the lyrics you write
when you're needing of company
on lazy afternoons, even late at night
times when you write with your soul
and not with your hand on paper
melodies that could carve deep
into people's hearts
recite it like you're missing a place
from a different era in time

let this serve as a favor
all I wish is for once
the remnants of me
pass through your lips
sing a sad love song
dedicated for me

— a poem I wish you'd write for me

As I am looking at the stars above
I wonder what you might be doing
I wish to each, I wish you'll be seeing
the scattered pieces I laid, my love

I'll then ask the one in charge of this all
"why is it only me that must fall?"
In these silent prayers,
am I the only one who cares?

I'll then ask if I could be one with them
At least by then, I can look after you
and give you light,
maybe by then I can shine
As I am etched upon the night sky

So you continued on living within the pages, tucked hidden in the stories I create. There are signs that dimly represent you in the scenarios conveyed, or can be oh so overt on the characters I portray.

I still can't help but slip you on the pages, love.

It can sometimes be involuntary, but it's not that I take dislike on it. Even if I say I want it to stay hidden, this love still show through. So I try to include you in my narratives, and tell the world around me how much you mean to me, one way or another.

Nothing can compare... to what I feel for you.

this must be a writer's curse
to feel everything, to not feeling at all
it is to let the mind pump to its beat
and letting the heart up high to soar

alas, this is where I have put my fate onto
to write and write and write
and let the pen scar the paper’s skin
for it to run its ink to the course
running, and running till the end of time
as long as till my hands bleed ink
it is to miss the things that doesn't exist
or at least in my head, it's there they reside
as it makes the rhythm of my heart reverberate

they are now a part of me, it always have been
it just took long for me to find and master it
bend it, and let it go onto my will
as much as I don't want them to be
it became my limbs, my everything
it is a part of me
the words are flowing down my veins
I am not alive if it wasn't for words
my heart won't ever grow tired
as it's the purpose why I'm living
and no one can take it away from me

For me, he screamed vibrant yellow
under the pale July morning
He seemed to capture me in a distance
For the longest, I have been a sunflower
drooping down low
Till your rays come shining down on me;
you're the warmth I never saw coming
Ever since that day you passed me by
I've been wishing for another chance
can I ask you to give me another glance?
I want to get closer, I want to get near
For us to get to know each other all the more
You have been the one I'm praying for
For now I can only look at you at bay
I'll just go on and reach your hand
when I'll get the chance to ask you to stay

chasing you I tried to hide
hesitating all I can
everything about you was beautiful
I admit
saying a word about it terrifies me though
keeping these thoughts,
oh I did
a word was kept, these feelings hid
denial I was to you, I was confused
even to myself I refused
resenting these feelings for you
yet you mesmerized me
luring me onto you
loving you, I did too
admitting it would be a crime though
giving signals was not possible too
confessing will make this haywire blow
oh I hid these feelings all too well
pretending that this was nothing at all
rue within me grew cause everything seems so wrong
all these I did to hide everything to everyone; **including you