Uncle Mike was heading south
To Jamaica he would head
With the amount of hair that poor Mike had
He could only have one dread

A conference for his workplace
A nice resort and lots of sun
Mike was set to go an party
He would work and have some fun

But if you've read my other poems
Mike is not ...well, tuned in
You see his trip was almost over
Before it even did begin

The day that he was leaving
Mike was notified by mail
He needed a new photograph
For his ID card....no fail!!!!

He was already at his hotel
When the notice came to say
You must send us a photo
Or you can't come here to play

He bought himself a camera
A poloraid and then
He tried to take a picture in his room
A true multitasker among men

He put the camera on the hutch
Bent a hanger down to length
And then he tried to push the button
but, the hanger didn't have the strength

He knocked the camera all about
Taking pictures of the walls,
One picture of the tv set
And four photos of his *****

This would be a no go
He had to ask someone instead
How do you ask a stranger
Take my photo on my bed?

He made the plane to Kingston
Found the hotel, settled in
Now, Mike was in Jamaica
And the real fun would begin

I
Finally
Understood
Women's
Minds...
Then
The
Alarm
Went
Off

People plugged in everywhere
To ipods, games and phones
Like non-existent robots
The world is full of drones
We're now made up of circuit boards
We've lost all of our bones
Be different, and unplug yourself
Grow a pair of stones

Your life is electronic
on a tablet or a chip
You run your life remotely
you give people email lip
you wouldn't dare go jogging
you might fall and break a hip
Be different, and unplug yourself
And give technology the slip

A record made of vinyl
now it's just some bits and bytes
It's a relic in an antique store
Along with other sights
Like cameras using flashbulbs
when taking shots at night
Be different and unplug yourself
Show digital your might

It doesn't matter where you go
A text, you have to send
If you're going to the shopping mall
Or just walking 'round the bend
You've more holsters on your belt loop
Than gunfighters would depend
To hold onto their weapons
Before they met their end

Turn off the boxes, read a book
Do something that's old school
Don't follow all the others
Acting like a dumb pack mule
Don't rely on electronics
Just use it as a tool
Unplug yourself from everything
Be a leader not a fool

People plugged in everywhere
To ipods, games and phones
Like non-existent robots
The world is full of drones
We're now made up of circuit boards
We've lost all of our bones
Be different, and unplug yourself
Grow a pair of stones

I'm sorry that you're hurting darling
I wish that I could ease your pain
But, it's not something that I can do
Until we meet again

I'm standing at attention
Watching, knowing what you feel
As you struggle in your mind
To figure out if this is real

I love you and I'll be with you
Although I am buried here
There's other soldiers with me
They say there's nothing you should fear

Veterans from others wars
Who laid their life down on demand
Others, valiant women and men
Who followed country and command

As they fold my flag for you
You wipe away a tear
And smile up so bravely
There is nothing you should fear

I'm standing at attention
Watching silent with no sound
As the guns go off is sequence
And I'm lowered in the ground

I love you and I'll be with you
Although I am buried here
There's other soldiers with me
They say there's nothing you should fear

Veterans from others wars
Who laid their life down on demand
Others, valiant women and men
Who followed country and command

Remember what we always had
A bond that only death could break
As strong as any hurricane
That only love could make

I am standing at attention
Here, with veterans who went before
I know that we will meet again
I'll be waiting at the door


I love you and I'll be with you
Although I am buried here
There's other soldiers with me
They say there's nothing you should fear

Veterans from others wars
Who laid their life down on demand
Others, valiant women and men
Who followed country and command

Now be my strong brave soldier
Take a breath and count to ten
For I'll always be here with you
Until we meet again

I got the news this morning
Not the way to start the day
Another friend had fallen
I now grieve for Johnny Ray

I can not hide my feelings
I'm not sure how to feel
I wait for him to phone me
This just does not feel real

Let's celebrate his life though
Not with prayer, let's sing and yell
We know that he will hear us
Up in heaven raising hell

When you lose a loved one
There's things they say to do
But, ***** that, let's get rowdy
Let's do something loud and new

Remember them through music
Do it loud so they can hear
Sing, shout, be vocal
They're gone but they're still near

Tonight we will remember
On the stage we'll sing and yell
So Johnny Ray can hear us
Up in heaven raising hell
Yep, Johnny will sure hear us
Up in heaven raising hell

rural or urban
urban or rural
no matter who says it
it always sounds turrible

It came out all wrong
when joe biden tried it
tonight watching the news
our newscaster fried it

two little words
that everyone knows
say them together
your mouth sounds all froze

city or country
nor urban or rural
they both mean the same
But the second pair sounds turrible

Dark green urban tumbleweeds
Roll on up the road
Bouncing off the passing cars
Dispensing their rotting  load
Garbage bags full of waste
Full of the remnants of the week
Don't let one ever hit you though
They all have quite the reek
Urban, plastic, tumbleweeds
Put out early for the trash
They blow in all directions
Not knowing where they'll crash
Blue boxes trail them on their path
Leaving plastics  in their wake
It's only one plastic bin
But, the mess that it can make
Blue and green, like bulbous flies
Full of garbage and the dead
meat, and tins and paper
decayed food stuff and old bread
Urban plastic tumbleweeds
Every week blow in the wind
Scattering their insides on the landscape
Things that should be binned
It doesn't matter where you travel
But I know you're sure to find
Urban plastic tumbleweeds
holding garbage as designed.

Work was looming over me
It was never getting done
The family was tired too
It was time to have some fun

A trip away from madness
To a place away from here
Where work would not contact me
And I could rest and drink some beer

I checked the bank
The news was bad
I'd spent all the money
That we had
We wouldn't travel
on vacation
We were gonna take
a forced Staycation

We'd shut the doors
Shut off the phones
We'd make it look
Like we weren't home

I thought this seemed alright to me
Now, I must convince the family
We'd stay at home where it was free
And it was cheap as cheap could be

We'd do things like we always do
No surprises here and nothing new
We'd stay up late and sleep till two
I could see nothing going wrong

I told my wife
She told the kids
She put my life
On up for bids
If we stayed home
Like I had said
She'd make sure
I'd wake up dead

I went on down to see the bank
And see if I could see
A manager to loan some cash
To save me from my family
A staycation is something that
Is great at times in life
But, it will not do you any good
If you try to sell it to your wife

Deep in the past
In legends and lore
Dragons were plenty
Yet, we see them no more

Dragons were awful
That's what we were told
They killed and left waste
And they all loved their gold

Well,

Up in the northland
Where magic still lies
Are four magic mountains
Where dragons still fly

The dragons lay waste
To the towns long ago
Stole all of their treasures
As far as we know

The story is written
About a  wizard from Wales
Who could make weather
And control mighty gales

He talked to the living
And he talked to the dead
He made water  spin
And could make gold from lead

The King sent out word
Bring the wizard to me
The dragons must go
It's them, or it's me

Many months passed
The kingdom covered in snow
The soldiers returned
With the wizard in tow

The King told his tale
To the wizard wide eyed
He looked at the King
Then the wizard replied

"I'll not **** your dragons"
"For they are too strong"
"But, I'll keep them away"
"Hidden where they belong"

"I'll help save your kingdom"
"But, there will be a fee"
"No venture this large"
"Can be done for free"

The King sat in silence
Then asked for the plan
"Not **** the dragons?"
"Hide them...where man?"

"Right where they are living"
"I won't change a thing"
"I'll protect all the people"
"And you'll remain King"

"All that I ask is"
"That you spread the word"
"Of the Wee Wise Welsh Wizard"
"I'll know just who heard"

"If more kingdoms call "
"To **** their dragons too"
"I'll know how they found out"
"And I'll know it was you"

"If all remains silent"
"Now, listen my rriend"
"The spell that I've cast"
"Slowly will end"

"The dragons will learn"
"They'll fly here in the night"
"They'll burn down your kingdom"
"And you'll be dead by daylight"

The King thought about this
Then he asked "why not three?"
"Keep three dragons living"
"And **** one for me"

"No" said the wizard
"It's none or it's all"
"If one dragon is living"
"Then, your kingdom will fall"

The king thought again
and he asked "why not ****  two"
"The only ones that will know"
"Are just me and you"

"Negotiate further"
"And I'll walk away"
"The dragons... all living"
"Or your troubles will stay"

"I'll cast a great spell"
"Around the mountains of four"
"Your kingdom not damaged"
"And no dragons...no more"

"I'll hide them behind"
"A magical veil"
"Stronger than dragons"
"And lighter than mail"

The King said "One question"
"The treasure they guard"
"Can we at least go and get it"
"Will that be so hard?"

"The treasure stays theirs"
"That was not what you said"
"You said get rid of the dragons"
"They'll be gone but, not dead"

"Their treasure is theirs"
"You can have one but not all"
"Either be done with the dragons"
"Answer me when I call"

"I'm leaving to scavenge"
"All the things for the spell"
"Give me your answer"
"When you hear the town bell"

"It will ring thirteen times"
"So you know I am near"
"Tell me your choice"
"When I reappear"

In a great cloud of smoke
The wizard, he went
The King sat and pondered
What the wizards words meant

"I can't **** all the dragons"
"There's too many for that"
"I must make a choice'
said the King where he sat

Two days flew on by
And the bell it did chime
The bell, it reached twelve
Then it rang one more time

In a great cloud of smoke
The wizard did show
"Tell me your answer"
"Do I stay or I go?"

"I've thought long and hard"
"You can put up your veil"
"You'll not **** one dragon"
"You'll not harm one tail"

"I'll pass on the word"
"Lose the treasure they keep"
"But, in the end sir"
"Much more soundly, I'll sleep"

The wizard went onward
To the mountains and then
He started casting his spell
It took him hours, near ten

The drape he created
Came on up from the ground
Slowly hiding the mountains
It did not make a sound

The dragons were sleeping
With their treasure below
The spell had been cast
And they did not know

The King was then summoned
By the wizard to see
The veil he had cast
And of what the kingdom would be

"Your higness, inside here"
"The dragons can fly"
"They can do what they want"
"But, they never can die"

"I've finished the magic"
"Remember our deal"
"For, if you back out"
"You'll be their next meal"

The King turned away
Let the wizard depart
He gave up a fortune
Showed he did have a heart

All went as planned
The wizard got hired
The wizard got rich
And the King, he retired

With no dragons to fight
He lost interest and soon
The King up and died
One day....around noon

His son, the new King
Took it upon himself
To make up for their losses
And to regain some wealth

He checked the agreement
That his father had made
He read the fine print
And found that all had been paid

The dragons were living
The Kingdom was free
He thought of his plan
And he thought "We shall see"

The next morning he went
And put up a sign
"come see the dragons"
"Tours start at nine"

"I can't have their treasure"
"That much is lost"
"But, I can show them to others"
"And there shall be a cost"

"Tours to the Dragons"
"Where all can now see"
"I'll make a small fortune"
"On what is there for tree"

The Valley of Dragons
Still exists to this day
But, if you want to see them
Be aware, you must pay

I'm a Tree Huggin', Soy Chuggin',
I won't eat no meat
I'm a vegan of convenience,
Still, there's leather on my feet
I don't believe in lots of things
I'll protest and attack
But you won't find me out in front
'Cause I'll be in the back
I give money to my causes
Save the whales, electric cars
But I'm not one to lead the fight
"Cause I don't like the scars
Bricks get thrown alot you see
And those things ****** hurt
And I'm not a happy camper
When there's blood upon my shirt
I won't eat seeds of any sort
They get stuck in my teeth
My clothes are all from LL Bean
Except what's underneath
Way back in the sixties
I lived communaly
We ate only what the earth gave up
We didn't watch tv
As years passed by, our voices died
Our causes became much rarer
We sounded more like Manilow
Than Phil Ochs or Tom Lehrer
I choose fine wine over wheatgrass juice
I like leather and wear silk
I no longer go and get the goat
So we can have fresh milk
I'm a Tree Huggin', Soy Chuggin',
I won't eat no meat
I'm a vegan of convenience,
Still, there's leather on my feet
I don't believe in lots of things
I'll protest and attack
But you won't find me out in front
'Cause I'll be in the back
I've changed lots since the sixties
I'm a capitalist blood hound
If I said I'm a true vegan
My board would see me drowned
I used to wear just cotton
Hemp and caftans  and blue jeans
Leather shoes and belts and jackets
Were just not part of my scene
My friends, well, they grew up
And others stayed in touch
The ones with money see me
The others not so much
I used to go out jogging
Through the park in puma shoes
Now I workout in a private gym
Wearing nikes and with my  crew
You see I'm still a vegan
When it suits me, don't you see
My new girlfriend likes organic
And she's only twenty three
There's forty years between us
Though I've done it all before
When my girlfriend is not with me
I am a carnivore
I support all of her causes
Though most things I don't attend
I'll be a vegan of convenience
Until our courtship ends
Who knows, what then will happen
Will I eat Tofu or some chops
I know which way I'm leaning
We'll see how that one drops
Like I said when we first started
I am a vegan, so I am
But instead of eating quinoa
I'll stick to eggs and ham.
I'm a Tree Huggin', Soy Chuggin',
I won't eat no meat
I'm a vegan of convenience,
Still, there's leather on my feet
I don't believe in lots of things
I'll protest and attack
But you won't find me out in front
'Cause I'll be in the back

The slot machines remove my cash
with Dyson like precision
The operation's painless
There isn't even an incision
It's gone as soon as I sit down
For that is just their mission
I lose as soon as I sit down
I made a bad decision

The table games are even worse
Distractions everywhere
Table dancers walk and dance
But most folks do not care
In shorty shorts and thigh high boots
They flick and fling their hair
And we sit losing wads of cash
As though we do not care

The strip itself is free to walk
It's a breaking even quest
Unless you take the monorail
Then you get put to the test
Long walks between casinos
Through the homeless where they nest
Once you walk to where you're going
You need to sit down for a rest

The walkways littered with lost souls
Our society's open sores
selling water for a dollar
blocking all the hotel doors
tourists cueing up to see
shell and ball games by the score
We walk by glancing down on them
For we are Vegas ******

A city based on excess
Where the winner is not you
There are some that leave with money
But, in truth....there's very few
The derelict and drunkards
beg for change the whole day through
and their dogs beg from the beggars
It never changes....nothing's new.

The topic for today's selection

Is how to deal with your *******

The price is high to get a thrill

But, it comes in a small blue pill

If your private will not shoot

Or, your soldier won't salute

There's an answer from a lab

That comes to you in a small blue tab

If you have poor self esteem

This pill could just fulfill your dreams

If your pecker seems to wilt

This will give your kilt a tilt.

So, if your manhood is slightly flaccid

Like the waters of Lake Placid

One small pill will make a diff

It won't take long and you'll be stiff

It works deep down on your projection

And points it in the right direction

It helps the package in your trousers

And makes the women all say "wowsers!"

They tried a cream, now that is gone

They couldn't get their work gloves on

They say it works and really fast

And helps to make your love life last

Your girl will love it, that's the goal

For now you've got a brand new pole

Dr. Frankenstein, he brought life

But, no excitement for his wife

She wanted more than he could give

The Doctor's "Monster" didn't live

They say don't drink it with a beer

The side effects are ones I fear

They say that if your BP drops

There's chances that your heart could stop

And should it last for say....4 hours

You should take some cold, cold, showers

Then, if it's still petrified,

I guess...go take it for a ride

Apparently, when it's like this

It makes it really hard to ****

But, if this pill should make it stand

Don't go waste it in your hand

Don't buy generic, at least not yet

For there's no telling what you'll get

It may stand up, it may lay down

It might just turn a dark, dark brown

Remember, it's to give you pride

And make your smile ten feet wide

It's not to ask "what's in my pocket"

"Well, dear it's shaped  like a rocket"

It's something to improve your life

And return enjoyment to your wife

For now that she knows this stuff works

You won't be wasting it on  jerks

You'll  be home where there's no pressure

And having *** at your own leisure

So now, I'll end with some advice

And I don't want to have to  tell you twice

The next time you go to NIagra

Take along a few ******!

I've seen palaces and castles
pyramids and fields
I've seen all sorts of beauty
That this world of ours yields

Horses running wild
In a canyon in the spring
Eagles catching salmon
Even Saturn's outer ring

There are views from atop mountains
That will take your breath away
But, I've never seen anything
Like the view I had today

It's lower than a mountain
And I'm not one who will fuss
But, it's the first time I've looked up
When I was thrown under the bus !

Driving up the highway
When I saw it in the mist
Like a pure and tender ******
Still waiting to be kissed
A village all forgotten
Somehow time had missed
You could see it from the highway
slightly hazy in the mist

Had time forgotten this poor place
Left in limbo for all days
Was it just a trick of light and sun
Manufactured through the haze
Were the folks here ****** to stay
Out of reach but in our gaze
Or were they truly here by choice
Living old, forgotten ways

Brigadoon did spring to mind
but, in truth I thought this good
Be something better than that curse
This village protected by the wood
I pulled on to the shoulder
And tried to see as best I could
This simple town or vision
That had not aged as it should

I saw no point of entry
No way to get there from my place
It was perfect, untouched, special
A village bathed in grace
Folks kept driving past me
Up the highway at such pace
They would never see this village
In the mist as fine as lace

The village may be magic
It may be something in between
In truth all I can tell you
What I saw, not what I mean
It's a village, plain and simple
in the woods, all shades of green
Un-kissed, and yet so perfect
stuck in stasis, in between

A platter of black plastic
Spinning circles at a speed
That fill the air with music
The inspiration that I need

I close my eyes and listen
To every hiss and pop
I keep the arm retracted
So the music doesn't stop

The little worn out player
With the sweet distorted sound
Takes me back to being younger
It's where memories are found

It's magic made of plastic
Spinning out musical streams
That box that pops and crackles
And fills my vinyl dreams

Virus Covidius, it is quite insidius
Much worse than Ty-phoid Mary
They say it arrived from China
But, I'm thinking North Regina
Virus Covidius, it's gonna get rid of us
It's so contagious they cancelled baseball
It's affecting the world from Brazil to Nepal
You can't go to church, but, your'e safe at the mall
This virus called covidius
da da da, da da da, da da da, da da da,

You can go buy, at the shops, if you try
If you're ready to get in line
Toilet paper is out, there is none about
But, you can still get wine
Oh virus covidius
If you shop for toilet tissue
You'll find none, and that's an issue
Oh virus covidius, it's quite insidius
It's much worse than the Spanish Flu
They say isolation, stay home alone
Watch your tv, play games on the phone
Just rearranging the things that you own
You can thank the **** covidius
Da Da Da, Da Da, Da,Da, Da Da, Da, Da Da
Always wear a mask and please keep your distance
Simple, but met with resistance
They are all saying don't touch your face
Stay six feet apart and give me my space
Da da da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da
If a second wave comes and hits us much harder
I'll have lots of food stored here in my larder
But then there is still the issue
Of Where do I find toilet tissue?
Da da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Oh virus covidius, it is quite insidius
It's changed the way that we live
They've cancelled all of the games that we play
From down in Montana, to old Mandalay
With out a vaccine, we just live for today
You can blame covidius
da da da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da
I said covidius, yes covidius
I said covidius yes covidius
Da da.

There was a knocking on my bedroom door
It was almost ten past three
I thought it was a dream, so I
just ignored it...went to ***

I came back to my bedroom
And in my corner chair
Sat a Christmas ghost I'd seen before
I acted though he was not there

I looked at him and then it dawned
You're number three of all the ghosts
He said that nothing much had changed
The others were working up the coast

He said since his last visit
I'd gotten somewhat worse
And that the chance of my salvation
was far outnumbered by my curse

You don't believe in Christmas
You're not one we can change
On a scale of one to ten sir
you're not even in the range

The others figured what the heck
You go, you don't need us
It's only been one Christmas
So, there's no need for us to fuss

He told me Scrooge, you're awful
You make what skin I have left crawl
You're so close to the bottom now
You'd have to go up just to fall

I told him you're mistaken
I donate, and then...what's more
Scrooge is my next door neighbor
He's one house down at forty four!!!!

Madness is a fine line
You don't know if you've crossed
You don't know if it's happened
You don't know what you've lost
The words that am I hearing
Let me know that I'm not dead
The problem with the words
Is that they're all inside my head
People say I might be crazy
My writing does inspire
I know that I'm not lazy
I'm walking a tight wire
It's just there's other voices
I hear that mean I'm sane
I just know all these voices
Are stuck inside my brain.
I see things slightly different
I look from the outside
I might not see what you do
But my view is much more wide
I don't know if I've lost it
My marbles might be gone
But the voices I am hearing
Are singing a nice song.
I'm not saying I'm a genius
I just can't stop my mind
I know that what I'm writing
Just helps me to unwind
It's funny how sometimes though
I think it may be true
But out of all the voices
None of them is you.
One thing about the voices
Is what they sometimes say
They speak in different accents
They try to show the way
The good thing about madness
Is you never know you've reached
Across sanity's border
Because your mind's now on the beach
I hope that I'm not crazy
It wouldn't be much fun
To not know all the voices
Are really me...the only one!

I've been here forever
In your life
But you don't know
I'm on the outside
looking inwards
And my feelings
never show

I've helped you out
through ups and downs
through highs
and through the lows
but, the truth
and how i feel for you
i'm sure you'll never know

close your eyes and see me
stop and listen and you'll hear
there's more than one heart beating
one is mine when you are near
the sight of me escapes you
though i'm always where you are
close your eyes tight so you'll see me
i'm always close, i'm never far

broken hearts
i've mended some
i've been there
when things go wrong
but, the winds of life
come blowing
and you aren't sad
for very long

i'm a friend
but not a lover
not a fighter
just a friend
i'm your shadow
with some feelings
and i'll be there
till the end

close your eyes and see me
stop and listen and you'll hear
there's more than one heart beating
one is mine when you are near
the sight of me escapes you
though i'm always where you are
close your eyes tight so you'll see me
i'm always close, i'm never far

my love
is unrequited
it's one sided
that is true
you never
ask my feelings
the only one
that counts is you

i'm here
when i'm needed
always just
a call away
i'll drop
everything i'm doing
in case
today may be the day

close your eyes and see me
stop and listen and you'll hear
there's more than one heart beating
one is mine when you are near
the sight of me escapes you
though i'm always where you are
close your eyes tight so you'll see me
i'm always close, i'm never far

Power went down twice today
Once was just a flicker
In fact in terms of laughter
I would call that one a snicker

The second time we lost it all
The house went cold and dark
So, I got the dogs both on a leash
And I took them to the park

Five hours passed before they came
And said "The power's back"
It was just then I started to
Have an I.T heart attack

I'm not one for computers
The phone, or tablet too
They had gone down with the internet
And I knew not what to do

Each electronic item
That resides inside this place
Defaults to needing passwords
And well, me...I'm so off base

I couldn't watch the tv
The computer screen just stared
It kept asking for a password
and I admit, I was a bit scared

I didn't phone my spouse to tell him
That I didn't have a clue
I'd wait for my young daughter
She'd know just what to do

In our house things are different
We never phone up a help line
Our kids reset the passwords
And our kids are eight and nine

They'll fix what I can't restart
They'll get me back on the tv
And the best things with this I.T team
Is that all their help is free.

The crowd is loudly cheering
For that is what crowds do
But, I only hear my heartbeat
For now, it's just us two

There's clowns in the arena
There's four barrels where they hide
But, it's me who faces danger
It's me that has to ride

They joke about the battle
They tell tales of my ex-wife
How I said "I did your sister"
Then I held on for my life

The truth is much more dangerous
The truth is what I know
The truth is underneath me
The truth is set to go

My boots are on the sideboards
Beneath me is the bull
A hurricane in waiting
With his anger set on full

The crowd still cheering loudly
I lower myself down
the rope around my right hand
Eight seconds to the crown

I'm not here to fight him
Just to hold on and be one
He'll try his best to throw me
I'm the bullet, he's the gun

I try to match his breathing
Slow mine down just like my heart
In a heartbeat it is over
But, right now, I'm set to start

I signal that I'm ready
It takes forever, but, it's quick
I now hear both our heartbeats
While I am waiting for the click....

Waiting, sitting patiently
For the days end whistle
Then, I'm gone out to my truck
I'm like a human missle

The final hour of the day
My only thought I'm thinking
is getting gone
And getting out
To go and do some drinking


Boys are waiting
Beers on tap
It's Friday night
The weeks a wrap
Amp the music
Chill the beer
Cue the crowd
The weekend's here

Two beers in
And there she was
I didn't know her
I was at a loss
She asked me nice
To have a dance
I thought here I go
Here is my chance

I can't two step
I can't waltz
It's just that I
was never taught
But at that moment
On the floor
Holding her
I wanted more

Boys are waiting
Beers on tap
It's Friday night
The weeks a wrap
Amp the music
Chill the beer
Cue the crowd
The weekend's here

My buddies said
Let's move along
I told them all
"just one more song"
I wasn't leaving
Not tonight
I'd found my girl
And things were right

We talked and danced
And danced and talked
My dancing,
Still was bad
But at the end
When last call came
To end it made me sad

Boys are waiting
Beers on tap
It's Friday night
The weeks a wrap
Amp the music
Chill the beer
Cue the crowd
The weekend's here

Time flew by
Like it's wont to do
When things are going well
We made a date
To meet again
That's a good sign,
I could tell

I'm waiting for the day to end
I'm waiting for that whistle
I'm heading out, this time to dance
I'm still a human missle
The boys have lost me for a while
I even cut my hair
I think I'll see just where this leads
And I'll be dancing my way there.....

"Hey mister, how you doing?"

"Do you need a friend tonight?'

"I can take away your troubles"

"I can make what's wrong seem right"

A woman's thoughts from a childs voice

Knocked me senseless in the dark

I guess I should know better

Than to walk home through the park

"Baby, you'll forget your troubles"

"If you'll spend some time with me"

"Where's your car? Just let's go do it"

"You'll really like it, wait and see"

I kept my pace and ventured forward

I didn't want to see her face

I didn't want to see her standing

So I began to increase my pace

"C'mon baby, it's worth your while"

"I can make your problems go"

"It won't take long, I know you'll like it"

"Come and play, it's fun...you know!"

I turned around to see the speaker

Just to say that I'd heard enough

I didn't want to hurt her either

I didn't want to come off tough

So when I stopped and turned to face her

From the darkness she stepped out

A tiny child in a woman's outfit

Looking like she'd been knocked about

I said "No thanks", this ain't my style

I just want to get on home

I want to go about my business

And I want to go on home alone.

"But baby, I'm the best thing ever"

"You'll never find a girl like me"

I swear to God, she acted older

But she only looked one score less three

I looked at her and something tingled

"Sure, let's go" I spoke aloud

Then she smiled, ever so slightly

She hooked my arm and I gently bowed

"I have a question, dear...before we"

"Head on out to do the deed"

"When did you last eat dinner"

"When was your last real good feed?

"It's been a while, I can see that"

"Your'e nothing more than skin and bone"

"If your'e my date, we'll first have dinner"

"Then, I'll take you to my home"

'She acted tough, but failed to hide it

"Dinner..fine..but then we go"

I smiled back, and off we ventured

Through the park, our heads bowed low

We found a small, deserted diner

We took a booth where we could talk

Talking was just what I wanted

But talking, that's where she would balk

She ate her meal like a starving beasty

Sparks were flying off the plate

What? I thought had forced this child

To turning tricks to be her fate?

We finished up and left the diner

She said that I would not regret

I took her home like I had promised

For a night  I'd not forget

I hung her coat inside the closet

Climbed the stairs up to my room

She followed close, but was not speaking

The air hung heavy with her gloom

I said "Before we do the dealing"

"You should clean up...the showers there"

I found a robe and watched her smile

I then sait down in my old chair

I heard the water run forever

She came out clean as she could get

She wore the robe and a small hand towel

Wrapped about her hair so wet

I'd make some drinks, some nice hot chocolate

I sat her down and then she spoke

"I'd like to thank you for the dinner"

"do you mind if I have a smoke?"

I told her fine, but had my reasons

I'd keep her busy, without ***

She talked for hours, just like a child

She was rubbing her bruised neck

She said she'd run from down in Georgia

Coming here was not her plan

She had wanted to go to college

But this was where the poor girl ran

It's funny but this child like woman

Never talked of why she'd come

She talked of people she was missing

She'd said she'd like to once more run

She nodded off into a slumber

I picked her up and laid her down

I wrapped her up with a warm blanket

And then I headed off to town

When she awoke, I sat there smiling

And not a word was ever said

For when I left, I bought a ticket

One...to Georgia...lay on the bed.

I said "It's yours...if you should want it"

"You've got three hours, so let's go eat"

This waif like girl then responded

With a smile that just could not be beat

We headed back down to the diner

Breakfast was the meal this time

I paid the bill and from my wallet

Said "Here, take this...it's still my dime"

This girl was lost inside her body

I helped her find her way  again

I watched her leave clutching the ticket

I knew we'd never meet again

I hope she found where she was heading

I hope she made it , I admit

I never went to check the depot

I hoped she used that bus ticket

Another night, another walk home

Another voice came from the dark

"Hey sweetie, you look kind of lonely"

I smiled..and walked back in the park.......
.

Out walking in the sub-zero cold
Nose hairs sticking together
**** frost visible on fences
Cheeks, feeling like untreated leather
Snow, crunching, underfoot
Eyes, watering as the wind whips
Ripping my tears from my eyes
And stealing feeling from my fingertips

Twenty minutes and I am numb
My thighs are tight and burning
Wind is howling like a banshee
Hitting full force, so I am learning
My ears are on fire beneath my toque
No snow though, too cold to form
Can't wait to get back home
And let the burning finish before I warm

Through it all, without a care
My dog is leading me around
I'm fully covered, and still I hurt
He's leaving gifts upon the ground
His pads must be frozen
His muzzle is a frozen mask
Finding the perfect spot for one last ***
Seems to be his only task

....all I can say is "I'm freezing, and this ****** owes me!!!"

The room was dank and dreary
The past hung in the air
There was a scent of mildew
A smell of history was there
The paint was old and faded
With stains all dark and brown
The wallpaper too was dated
And it needed to come down
It was a home for 50 years
That stood so strong and proud
It comforted all of our fears
Far from the madding crowd
We stripped away the paper first
Each layer a strip in time
It showed the old room at her worst
It really seemed a crime
To tear it down, and think of when
Each layer was first  applied
The walls that seemed so tall again
I just stood there and cried
I thought about the birthdays
Celebrated in this room
Of getting covered all in glaze
That we cleaned  off with a broom
The roses were much redder
Than I remembered them to be
In fact it now looked better
Than it did when I was three
I remembered Mother loved this
And of how it made her smile
And she gave Father a light kiss
After toiling all the while
The next layer though was not as nice
"Twas beige and a sort of lime
It made the room feel cold like ice
It spoke of another, somber time
I looked at the wall and I noticed the lines
Marking our heights as we grew
This was on a paper all covered in vines
Mom loved this one, we knew
It seemed  surreal that Mom was not here
To see these passages pass
But we knew in our hearts that she was stil near
As we looked at paper covered with Bass
That was from when Unlcle Jim came to stay
And our folks gave up their room
To help out a brother who I still love to this day
One who can always help  brighten my gloom
They changed the wall just for him
To make it seem more like it was his
They put their life on hold for Jim
And the wallpaper choice was his
The years pass by more quickly now
The paper doesn't change too much
Jim moved out and that is how
The paper changed just a touch
Mom got sick and Dad quit work
He did the room in flowers for our mom
It was at this time we noticed the rooms quirk
One of those things that made you go hmmm
Far up in one corner behind a section of curtain
Dad had left a small square showing the years
worth of papers we were certain
It was to help mom with her tears
Now as we finished we looked to the man
Sitting alone in the old corner chair
He smiled at us as best as he can
But I don't think he knew we were there
I handed him some paper and I looked in his eyes
He stared clear on through me
And then he started to cry
This was the last of this paper he'd see
Dad and the house now have gone into dust
The years get short and  have tapered
But to go back in time I know all I must
Do, is look at my small square of paper.

Skin cancer isn't funny
so cover up when it is sunny
so slather on all sorts of ointment on your skin

It might just be a rumour
Every skin tag's not a tumour
You don't want to think  of what just might have been

If you find you have a pimple
On your back or in your dimple
Go and get it checked out all the same

You don't want to die of cancer
When you could have had the answer
You have to know that cancer's not a game

So, do not be indignant
It might just be malignant
check it out before the nightmare comes to pass

See a doctor if you're worried
Go real fast as if you're hurried
You don't want your name read out in your church mass

I hope you get my meaning
And you know which way I'm leaning
I don't want to hear you died when you should not

Take care and do inspections
Of all your parts and sections
Remember, this is the only life that you have got.

Some guy eats a ****** bat
do dah do dah
All I say is "fancy that"
all the do dah day
keep your distance, give me space
do dah do dah
remember do not touch your face
all the do dah day

wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.

keep your groupings under ten,
do dah do day
that goes for women and for men
all the do dah day
stay inside and don't go out
do dah do dah
the virus is all round about
all the do dah day

wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.

toilet paper's hard to find
do dah do dah
some folks have just lost their mind
all the do dah day
buying everything in sight
do dah do dah
i've got to say that isn't right
all the do dah day

wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
twash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.

if we all play by the rules
do dah do dah
and quit acting like ****** fools
all the do dah day
this will pass i promise you
do dah do dah
do what the doctors tell you to
all the do dah day

wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.

Have you ever sat and wondered
On a frosty winters night
Do Santa and his reindeer
Practice for their flight

I've often thought of this myself
After one too many nogs
I'll stare into the winter sky
While I'm out walking with my dogs

A shooting star, a flying sleigh
A light of shiny red
Is it Rudolph that I see?
Or is it in my head?

Look off in the distance
Past the gentle child lights
And think, is that one Santa Claus?
Is he in the sky....tonight?

You never know just what you see
It's magic after all
Am I looking at a reindeer light
From down here on this great ball

Watch the stars this Christmas
Through the stars and falling snow
You may just see old Santa
But in truth, you'll never know

I saw her every morning on my walk
i always waved back as i passed
she stood there staring never looking down
and waved her hand across the glass

she never saw me waving from the street
the girl was blind, had always been
still i waved back as i passed her house
a wave returned but never seen

I dreamed that she waved back
The girl would wave at me
But, just who was I fooling
Knowing that she could not see

She'd wipe the condensation
It felt so good on her hand
She couldn't look to see me
I was in another land

The girl up in the window
Watching, seeing no one pass
Sitting there in silence
With her hand upon the glass

But every morning as I'd walk by
I would wave to her up there
Sitting, watching nothing
With a red bow in her hair

I know she couldn't see me
She couldn't see me wave
She didn't know about me
Or the smile that I gave

I walk by every morning
Hoping one day that she'll see
Me giving her a gentle wave
And she will wave at me

We are the missing, the dead, the lost
Never found, and in the world
No monument exists for us
No flag has been unfurled

We lie in riverbeds and wood
Beneath stream beds and in fields
Were tears of woe ever wept for us?
Did a heart break, did it yield?

We wandered off in cases, some
In others, lured, abductions
Our bodies never found, but though
We caused a family some reduction

In others, we were found too late
Dead, mistreated in a hole
The one who did this thing to us
Until caught, ******* their soul

We lie here waiting for the day
For our remains to be found
We lie in woodlots, basements cold
Buried crudely in the ground

Some of us were lost before
We ever lost our lives
Roaming streets, with no real home
Dancing on a hundred knives

Some of us are living
Still at odds with where we are
We're prisoners inside our mind
And have gone and wandered far

But, those of us, the dead, the cold
Lie waiting for the day
When our bones will be discovered
And then at rest we'll lay

Are there people out there looking?
Many years for us have passed
Are we still an open case?
Or has the time for that just passed?

Do we still have family waiting?
Time goes slowly when you're lost
We lost our lives to violence
And I question at what cost?

Are we still considered missing?
With us the searching will not cease
We lie here, the dead, the missing
Until our souls can be at peace

I had a fight once with my wife
I threatened her...I'll leave
She said...then I'm coming with you!!
That kinda defeats the purpose
So, we don't fight anymore !

I had a fight once with my wife
I threatened to stop cooking
She said...then I'll cook
I figured, if that happens we'll starve
So we don't fight anymore!

We don't fight about ***....

Western Justice
It was known just as "The Tree"
It was on the fence line of Jade Ranch
And on the wizened, hardened oak
Was a limb, known as "The Branch"

On the branch hung seven ropes
Of seven different lengths
Depending on the sentence
They chose one of seven strengths

Now a posse and a lynch mob
Are two completely different groups
You may always end up hanging
But through two different loops

Get caught with someone else's horse
By someone from on the ranch
Then you'll face Western Justice
And end up hanging from "The Branch"

Western justice it was called
And lynch mobs had a thirst
To see you hanging from "The Tree"
If you didn't meet the Marshall first

Get caught with an extra ace
You'll be called out as a cheat
You will never make "The Tree"
You'll get gunned down in your seat

But, have a horse, that's not your brand
And a lynch mob's soon around
Western Justice will prevail
With you ten feet from the ground

You'll sit upon the horse you stole
No one hears your weak defence
One slap and the verdicts in
You'll hang on the ranch side of the fence

Shoot a man in town and you
Will end up in the local jail
But, shoot him where the Law is not
And Western Justice will prevail

Seven ropes of different lengths
Take a man on to his death
Once the horse is slapped to go
No one will hear your last breath

There's a lynch mob and a posse
You don't know just how close they are
One does what they think is right
One feels the same, but has a star

"The Tree" is there in waiting
For the next rope to be strung
If you aren't caught by the Marshall
From "The Branch" you will be hung

It was known just as "The Tree"
It was on the fence line of Jade Ranch
And on the wizened, hardened oak
Was a limb, known as "The Branch"

On the branch hung seven ropes
Of seven different lengths
Depending on the sentence
They chose one of seven strengths

Now a posse and a lynch mob
Are two completely different groups
You may always end up hanging
But through two different loops

Get caught with someone else's horse
By someone from on the ranch
Then you'll face Western Justice
And end up hanging from "The Branch"

Western justice it was called
And lynch mobs had a thirst
To see you hanging from "The Tree"
If you didn't meet the Marshall first

Get caught with an extra ace
You'll be called out as a cheat
You will never make "The Tree"
You'll get gunned down in your seat

But, have a horse, that's not your brand
And a lynch mob's soon around
Western Justice will prevail
With you ten feet from the ground

You'll sit upon the horse you stole
No one hears your weak defence
One slap and the verdicts in
You'll hang on the ranch side of the fence

Shoot a man in town and you
Will end up in the local jail
But, shoot him where the Law is not
And Western Justice will prevail

Seven ropes of different lengths
Take a man on to his death
Once the horse is slapped to go
No one will hear your last breath

There's a lynch mob and a posse
You don't know just how close they are
One does what they think is right
One feels the same, but has a star

"The Tree" is there in waiting
For the next rope to be strung
If you aren't caught by the Marshall
From "The Branch" you will be hung

We Three Guys (We Three Kings)
by Roger Turner on Thursday, 11 August 2011 at 17:20 ·

We're 3 guys who ride on the bus
Please take a good look at us
We have no home, or a cell phone
There's Me and Bob and Gus
Chorus
Sally Ann will take you in
Eat off plates that look like tin
There's no fear there, and there's cheer there
Please may we 3 come in


All we have we wear on our backs
We don't have to pay income tax
It's not funny, we've no money
Yes, these are all the sad facts
(CHORUS)
I once used to have a good job
Now I dress myself like a slob
I'm a good dude, though I look rude
Greetings, my name is Bob
(Chorus)
We don't want for you to feel shame
There is no one for you to blame
Folks ignore us, some abhor us
We look at them the same
(Chorus)
I am Gus and I'm not well off
Lately, I've developed a cough
Could be TB, may just **** me
Then I'd be better off
(Chorus)
I am Paul, and these are my friends
Our good will to you we will send
Come and join us, riding our bus
Riding it Till the end.

Nothing screams like silence
You can hear it in our house
You left, but never left me
But, to me ....you're not my spouse
Nothing screams like silence
You can scream, but no one's there
It shows you in our marriage
That no one really cares

We've been a part forever
Though you never left our home
We've been apart forever
We're a pair, but, both alone

We've been a pair for sixteen years
You left, but, stuck around
A tree fell in our forest
And it never made a sound

Nothing screams like silence
You can hear it in our house
You left, but never left me
But, to me ....you're not my spouse
Nothing screams like silence
You can scream, but no one's there
It shows you in our marriage
That no one really cares

Leading separate lives each day
But, no one really knows
We're actors in our marriage
Each day, a brand new show

We've been apart forever
Though we both did choose to stay
We're actors in our marriage
And our marriage is a play

Nothing screams like silence
You can hear it in our house
You left, but never left me
But, to me ....you're not my spouse
Nothing screams like silence
You can scream, but no one's there
It shows you in our marriage
That no one really cares

We Were Over When we Started

©21 June 2015 Roger Turner & whitney Rix Victory II



You know, I should have seen it from the start,

Because we were over when we started,

Oh baby, That was plain for all to see,

And the only one who didn't see it,

From what I now know, was the lovestruck me.

I don't know why I could never see it.

Guess it was the fear of my breaking heart.

You know we were over when we started.

And baby, the signs were there to show me,

To say that we would never ever last.

Oh baby, why was I too blind to see,

While, you only talked about your past,

I always talked about our future,

Joke's on me, we'll never have that future.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.



Oh baby, that forest I couldn't see.

The trees were just too thick I couldn't see.

Hidden in the woods, thorns my heart to *****,

What I'd one day find would make me sick,

The breakup I was never ready for,

I wasn't ready to fall anymore.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.



Everyone around me told me to leave,

I should be aware for I would soon grieve,

The love that I held locked in my heart,

In yours, it just wasn't there from the start.

Any compromise was missing you see,

There was no chance love was our destiny.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.



It was always your way or not at all,

As your harsh, heated words I now recall,

So now, I've learned to look around me,

And learned not to fall so hard and fast

I've learned to take my time and maybe,

The next time I'll find something that will last.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.



I guess that we were no good together,

And through my tears, I seem to know that now,

You taught me what to look for I gather,

So, you could stand up, take a final bow.

And nevermind I'm drowning in my tears,

Only memories remain from our years.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.



You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.

I'm a better person now forever,

Even though you broke, tore apart my heart,

I'll admit we were no good together

Blind me, I should have seen it from the start.

You know we were over when we started,

And now I am more than broken hearted.

Did I say what they said I said
Some I said, not all
If I said the things I'd said
I'd have no time to play ball

I said some things I think I said
Some things came right from me
Some things I said, I wished I said
But those things, let them be

I said some things I said I saw
Some say I didn't say
Some things I saw, I didn't see
I just looked the other way

Some things I said I didn't say
I know, because it's true
I said some things I said I saw
The choice is up to you

There's things I said, that people like
Those things, I know I spoke
The other things I didn't say
Were just written as a joke

If I said the things I said
And you like them, say them too
But the things they said, I didn't say
Some are old, but most are new

I know I didn't say as much
As people said I said
There's more from me, I didn't say
At least that's what I've read

So, sue me if I say I say
Some things I said, but heard
I know it wasn't me that said
I don't know all those words

So, if I said the things I said
Instead of going out to play
I ask you now, to tell me please
Exactly, What'd I say

You know those questions that you get
Like why is the sky blue?
The ones you can not answer
But, try to pass off that you do

Well I got one the other day
My son came up and said
What with Jesus and with Christmas
I told him...go to bed!

It's only three o'clock he said
Well...then...go and ask your mom
Dad, I already asked her and
you're where she said to come

I thought, my god, she owes me now
So, I told him, grab a seat
I figured I'd go down in flames
But, I'd fight in my defeat

He said, all the Christmas specials
talk of Christmas and that stuff
But, Rudolph, Garfield, Frosty
well, I think I've watched enough

Some talk of baby Jesus
Others talk of shops and toys
Why is Jesus linked to Christmas
And I answered him.....with poise

Jesus Christ, the son of God
came to earth in all his Glory
Now, go and read you bible
The games on...read the story

He trundled off, I thought I'd won
In an hour he returned
With that face, you know the one I mean
Dad...there's something that I learned

If Jesus Christ and Christmas
are tied together, as we see
Did they celebrate on Christmas Day
Before Christ turned thirty three?

I mean, was it Christmas for a reason
Or did it start once he was dead?
I thought, that's a good question
And it came from my boy's head

His mother brought hot chocolate
She still owed me, and she knew
that whatever payback I devised
would be multiplied by two

I said, son, the idea of true Christmas gifts
Dates to 313 A.D
Back to someone called Saint Nicholas
Santa Claus to you and m

The wise men came with presents
To celebrate the ****** birth
They celebrated the fact that God
had sent his son to earth

So, what does that have to do with snoopy
Rudolph, Jack Frost, my son said
I told him, read your bible
The story's there, no go to bed

He smiled and he hugged me
He said I think I know one part
It's that Christmas isn't presents
It's something you feel in your heart

It's a spirit of goodwill to man
And to all who you may meet
I said, yep...that's it
You've summed it up, maybe I should have a seat

So, Christmas isn't retail,
It can't be bought, it has no box
It's a feeling deep within you
though...this year I need some socks

It may have his name attached
But, true Christmas is defined
By our love for one another
and the love for all mankind

whatever floats yer boat
paint a picture
sing a song
even write a note
just get out
and tell yer story
whatever floats yer boat

the message
is important
you could paint
it on a goat
just get out
and tell yer story
whatever floats yer boat

a writer sings
a painter paints
an author uses words
it's no good
unless the message
isn't seen or heard

keeping thoughts as secret
isn't good and here is why
because sharing brings them life
and otherwise they'll die

write a letter
do a play
or even bake a cake
the message
it is important
who cares what form it takes

say it loud
or scream it
even put it in a song
opinions
are for sharing
even if they're wrong

a writer sings
a painter paints
an author uses words
it's no good
unless the message
isn't seen or heard

keeping thoughts as secret
isn't good and here is why
because sharing brings them life
and otherwise they'll die

paint a picture
sing a song
even write a note
just get out
and tell yer story
whatever floats yer boat

I would pull stars from the sky
Swim the deepest ocean blue
If it gave me just a little piece
of more time spent with you

Do you want me to slay dragons
Beneath the mountain high
In order to spend time with you
or just pull stars from the sky?

Whatever it takes to win your heart
That's all you have to ask
Whatever it takes to win your heart
Just give me a new task
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'll sail the ocean blue
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'd do it all for you

How high, how much
How many, how low
just tell me and I'll do
I'll spin straw into gold
just to spend more time with you

how fast, how far
how quick, how slow
ask me something new
i'll make diamond out of chunks of coal
just to spend more time with you

Whatever it takes to win your heart
That's all you have to ask
Whatever it takes to win your heart
Just give me a new task
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'll sail the ocean blue
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'd do it all for you

I'll catch a star from the night sky
I'll navigate the seas
I'll go on an adventure
If you'll spend your life with me

I'll climb the highest mountain
I'll fly into the sun
Whatever it takes to win your heart
And hear that I'm your only one

Whatever it takes to win your heart
That's all you have to ask
Whatever it takes to win your heart
Just give me a new task
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'll sail the ocean blue
Whatever it takes to win your heart
I'd do it all for you

I remember when you tucked me in
and would kiss me on the head
you'd leave the bedroom door just so
the hallway light just touched my bed

The monsters would all stay away
While the light was on you said
They were stuck behind the closet door
And if they touched the light...they're dead

Now, the years have passed us by
And our roles are re-arranged
Now, I do the tucking in
But, the story hasn't changed

I tuck you in, and kiss your head
And then you go to sleep
The monsters all are hidden
In the closet....so so deep

There's times you may remember me
But, many times...there's not
Your eyes will barely flicker
You can barely hold a thought

The monsters are inside you
From the closet, they have come
You may not know just who I am
But, you'll always be my Mum

Now, it's time to get tucked in
And for me to kiss you on the head
I'm gonna pull the door just so
The light....protects your bed.

I took a snapshot of my life
And wondered what if I was not.
If I never had existed
What would our lives had frought?
would my wife be just as happy?
Even thugh I was not here
Would my brother be more social?
What would he hold so dear?
If I had never come along
And come into the world
Just how would life be different?
How would their lives unfurl?
Would my mum still be in England?
Would my dad be with her still?
Would my Megan be as happy?
With someone else for her to thrill
The fabric that has been my life
Would have gone a different path
For fifty years are missing
I'm not there to share a laugh
Are my family just the way they are
Because of how I act?
Or would they all have been so different?
I don't know and that's a fact
A fifty year time difference
In all that's come before
because I didn't make conception
I didn't break on through that door
It's strange to think of what might have been
But all the same I'm glad I'm me
And that you've all been part of my world
And seen the things that I can see
I know that I'm a better man
for having you all in my life
I've got so many friendships
And I have a loving wife
To think that if I'd not been born
Just what your worlds would be
I hope that it is better
Because you all know me.

What exactly would you get
if writers changed the things they wrote
If painters changed their style
And singers butchered every note

Romance books by Stephen King
Horrors told by Suess
Comedic plays by E.A. Poe
And **** by Mother Goose

Dali paints like Monet
Monet paints like Degas
Van gogh would hang his brushes up
And go and detail cars

Michael Buble singing screamo
Operatic stuff by ****
Yoko Ono would seem right in tune
It's enough to make one sick

I hope it never happens
It would change things quite a lot
But you know, I think that **** by
Mother Goose could be quite hot!

There's lots of books out there on marriage
But one thing is a must
Your marriage will just crash and burn
If it is not based on trust

Ma and Pa were married now
for 40 years or so
When asked what made it last long
dad said mom knows how to....

keep a house and run the kids
she finds the deals out at the malls
and when the day is done and dusted
mom is good rubbing my....

back, dad he likes his hunting
going fishing and his truck
mom, likes to make up scrapbooks
and mom also likes to....

work the church bazar each month
she is always baking food
while mom is working for the church
dad is running around...

driving us kids everywhere
he likes to takes us to the lake
we fish for bass and afterwards
he pulls out his large .....

*** of bills, so we can buy pop
still in bottles made of glass
he always buys one more for mom
to take and stick it in her....

fridge, they always say I love you
before they go to bed
and then after they say goodnight
mom gives daddy...

a good night kiss. (what did you think?)


There's lots of books out there on marriage
But one thing is a must
Your marriage will just crash and burn
If it is not based on trust

I don't see things that others see
When they look in the sky
I don't see sheep or ***** cats
As the clouds go rolling by

My mind just doesn't work that way
I see just what I see
They see sheep and ***** cats
They don't look that way to me

I wonder when they look at sheep
Do they see a flock of clouds?
or when they hear a ***** cat
is the meow not quite as loud?

They see faces in the bark of trees
And see people in their toast
My mind doesn't work that way
And I think I'm like the most

I don't see things that are not there
I see just what I see
My mind just doesn't work that way
My mind is not that free

They see spirits in old photographs
They see things that are not there
I look and try to figure out
What they see that isn't there

I see stars that are no longer there
But, that's a trick of time and space
These people look at lumps of rock
And they see Jesus' face

My mind is not wired the same
As these who see what I do not
I just hope I never catch what
It is that they have got!!

What the hell is X-Mas?
What does X-Mas mean?
It seems to coincide with Christmas
Is it something for the teens?

Is X-Mas from the X-Men
A Marvel comic sort of thing
I've looked it up on google
And no bells does X-Mas ring

Now, Christmas, that is different
I know exactly when that is
Well, not exactly to the minute
Is X-Mas the same as this?

I'm told that X-Mas is a way
to write down Christmas fast
I mean how lazy can a person be
To worry just what time has passed?

Christ is represented now
By an X and a small dash
Just think of all the time you saved
and of all the extra cash

Saved by companies on Christmas cards
It really makes you think
Three letters gone from Christmas cards
They save a ton of ink

An  X, it just does not make sense
At least it don't to me
If the X stands for his cross
Then why not use small T

To paraphrase a friend of mine
Don't send a card to me
If Christmas isn't printed there
Then it's a card I will not see

X-Mas is not a phrase
Even PC people say
They don't even understand it's use
They all say Holidays

So have a Merry Christmas
Celebrate, our saviour's birth
And bury X-Mas in a snow drift
Even that's more than it's worth.

Listen close...you'll hear the voices
Devil, Angel, Evil, Good
One tells you what you want to do
The other....what you should
One talks to you in black and white
The other shades of grey
Which one of them talks loudest?
Who do you hear today?

There's an angel on your shoulder
And a devil in your heart
One can make life beautiful
The other...tears apart
All that you believe in
The truths deep down you hold
Which voice do you listen to?
If I may be so bold...

Your true colour's showing now
It don't take much for it to show
You've worn a mask for all of us
To keep the real you hidden low
You're an angel for the public
But the devil rules your mind
You've got dark secrets in your closet
Secrets you hope we never find

Whichever path you follow
Whichever voice you hear
Remember, the end result
May hurt those you hold dear
An angel on one shoulder
And a devil in your heart
Don't sign until you're ready
Or you're done...before you start.


Is the angel just a puppet
Or is the puppet here just you
The strings are neatly hidden
So I give the devil his due
He's won you and is waiting
Sitting, waiting, biding time
He's already told his minions
That this boy's soul is mine

Did you find him in a bottle?
Was he driving a sports car?
Did he promise you a fortune?
Did you meet him in a bar?
Did the angel look away a bit?
And then you let him in
Remember, dogs can learn new tricks
But a snake...still sheds it's skin

Whichever path you follow
Whichever voice you hear
Remember, the end result
May hurt those you hold dear
An angel on one shoulder
And a devil in your heart
Don't sign until you're ready
Or you're done...before you start.

When did the world get colour?
did it happen overnight?
In all the older photographs
The sky is black and white
The trees are grey, the leaves aren't green
All the cars are grey as well
when did the world get colour?
Is there someone who can tell?

black and white in photos
black and white in all we did
One kept to another
Even when one was a kid
Don't mix them, it's immoral
It's a secret we keep hid
When did the world get colour?
Did God just lift the lid?

It's funny how with colour
all the photos that we like
Are the ones that show we're happy
The one's in black and white
We were posing looking silly
But were content in who we were
When did the world get colour?
Can you answer me please, sir?

Colour brings together
Lots of things, it shows our heart
Black and White,it is divisive
It's always driving things apart
There is an issue with one's colour
A racist gene beneath the skin
why can't the world be full of colour?
The way it's always been

black and white in photos
black and white in all we did
One kept to another
Even when one was a kid
Don't mix them, it's immoral
It's a secret we keep hid
When did the world get colour?
Did God just lift the lid?

I must report the passing of a dear old friend today
I'm not sure when it happened, but I felt I had to say
That the Vegas that's in movies, books, and on TV
Is not the one that you will find, it's not the one you'll see
I know your expectations are of glitter and of lights
Of singers in the lounges that play into the night
The lounges now are empty of the singers and the bands
Instead they're full of djs, and bad magicians badly tanned,
The song that was Las Vegas is not one thats in your head
The one you know with Elvis, is now gone, you see it's dead
The old hotels are gone now, It's not like it was before
The new buzzword in Vegas is now just, MORE, MORE, MORE
It's now a culture aimed at being bigger than the rest
For now it seems that bigger, means you're now known as the best
There's hotels full of bedbugs and the service is the *****
But, the casino doesn't care if there are people in the pits
The strip is nearly two miles long, and almost half is blank
It's like the desert opened up and ten casinos sank
At one end is the Stratosphere, it's got a real cool view
But, because of it's location it's not easy to get to
The Sahara was next closest, but now the Lady's gone
And to walk from this tram stop at night, well I cannot say it's fun
It's dingy and it's ***** and it's not a place to be
I wouldn't recommend this part, it's not a place to see
Freemont Street, The Old Vegas is off the beaten path
It's an hour ride upon the bus, and a taxi...do the math
It's just a place to go to once, there's no reason to return
And if you ever visit here, I think that's what you'll learn
The middle part of the strip is glitzy and spread out
It's kind of close to what Las Vegas is about
It's not all geared to people who have childeren all in tow
These ultra cool casinos is where you might just want to go
The other end is busy, but it's full of gloom and doom
And on every single corner, you can get girls to your room
There's people handing out small cards with women with a price
Who'll come up to your room and well....let's say they don't play dice
On every bridge across the strip, there's beggars and there's hawkers
They're selling everything from cds to bottled dollar water
It's tourist town, a fast food mess, it's Disneyland on crack
There's lots of things to do down here, but you must always watch your back
Did The Mirage **** it?, when Steve Wynn said let's go really huge
Hotels like this were ten times larger than the Moulin Rouge
It wasn't when Hughes came to town and bought the Desert Inn
You know the land that's now the new home of the casino known as Wynn?
It didn't die when Elvis left, it sill was full of life
But at someime since the town has died, it has fallen on the knife
The strip itself is two miles long, but you know that that's not all
In the years since Elvis left, it's become a big strip mall
There's stores here selling plastic , and the people shop in streams
I'm not sure, but to me NIKE is not the Vegas in my dreams
Rolling in their graves, I bet the stars who made this town
Are sitting in heaven or hell, saying when did it go down
There's more shows now of tribute acts and hypnotists galore
And you can find a Circus from Quebec through nearly every hotel door
At some point rigor mortis set into this old girl
I wish they could revive her, at least give it a whirl
There's buffets selling fried foods, obesity....my lord
And if you don't go out to Denny's, the restaurants you can't afford
My mind has got an image of Vegas that is cool
It involves going out late and spending daytime at the pool
You dress to go to dinner, maybe dancing and a show
And the concierge at the hotel is someone you should know
But now, you go out shopping to the outlet in the day
The casinos are all empty, since there's no one left to play
Getting dressed to go to dinner, means you switch from shorts to jeans
And the ways some people act now, well it's borders on obscene.
So, today I'd like to ask you all, for you may know more than I
But, can anybody tell me, just when did Vegas die?

At what point , does the liquor
Start doing the talking?
At what point do you cease to exist?
Is it three shots, or four shots
When the liquor starts talking
You are buzzed but you aren't really ******
The people around you
Notice you're slightly different
The bartender says to you
"no more drinks"
But the liquor inside you,
Tells him where he can stick it
The liquor's in charge now, me thinks
You try to control it
You try not to listen
You want to pack up and go home
But, the liquor inside you
Says, ****...keep on drinking
I'm in charge now,
And you're not alone.
It happens so quickly
The old you gets buried
The new you comes out
Between rounds
It's funny, it happens
When the liquor takes over
And it does it
without making a sound
Some people surface
when the liquor is talking
The new person is
much more fun
But, tomorrow...you'll know
that the liquor was talking
When your head hurts
at the sound of the sun
Drinking ain't evil
It's just a product of living life large
But, watch out you people
for when the liquor starts talking
you know you're no longer in charge
So, when does it happen ?
When the liquor takes over
Is it three shots or possibly more?
You'll know, yes I'm certain
when the liquor is talking
That is when they will show you
the door.