white people, white people, white people
I chase my drink
It won't come back
white people, white people, white people
here is something metaphorical
allegorical
white people, white people, white people
I heard someone spends thousands
to look like pennies
white people, white people, white people
**** your poetry in the bed
you tell cheap lies in
white people, white people, white people
my god
it's all so wrong

when I was the happiest
I found a glimpse of true friendship
in sparklers and smoke bombs
driving to the town over
to stand in the dark
blasting out our ear drums
I had never had anything like that
before
the days were long
into the night
when I sat on the top of the hill
where my life began
where I thought it ended
the place I gave my heart away twice
I pushed the seat down
and blared the music
I cried for something better
than this
if I only knew
I'd been having fun all along
it was all just a game
I had liked to play too much
until 2 years too late
I sat in an empty apartment
messing the floor with ribbons of red
coming from my wrists
they should have been at my sides
next to the boy whose fingers
were broken
and I held them in mine
and told him
his hands looked like me

makeup smears
the people jeer
cameras flash
and we all
fall down

you used to puff steam
I used to puff joints
when that was cool
we'd sit beside you,
I used to love you as much
as my useless boyfriend
now you're both gone
and I sit in your shadow
and listen to my CDs
"get out, stand back
if you don't let go -
you're gonna break me"
I'm so sorry
you're all burnt up
blue is copper
you are a frame
I can't ever tell
if that means you want
someone to build you up again
or if you just want
torn all the way down
the hell with it
I can't ever tell

I miss that feeling
of when I had the power
to stir the ***
and change the tides
a single word could carry
so very far from me
and I could elect myself
most valuable liar
I love you
or at least I want to
don't give up on it
pick up your bags
you're not leaving
but now
I'm here,
in an empty, sad and little room
and I know there is not one
I can call
or with a click of a button
tell I want back
it's been far too long
I've distanced
I am distant

I'm thinking I'm thinking I'm thinking
so softly
in the back of my mind
so you won't hear
how do I memorialize
those 2 boys
who sat in the shop
and pumped gas by the road
near our highway
until your ex boyfriend
came in and shot them in 2
I'm thinking I'm stopping
being in touch with this kind of
reality
altogether

it's officially been a year since you left us
it still hurts.
I still miss you.
my text messages don't send anymore
maybe this will

call me when you're thinking
when you're lonely
and I'm wondering
will he ever call again?
I haven't heard from him
in so long
call me when you can't think
whatever you do
just call
because I love to let the phone
ring and ring

forget it
and **** it up
if not me then who?
a friend of a friend
I mentioned and they said
you weren't ever done
or over it ever
******* too
you just wasted a life
you just wasted my time
why can't you just
forget it
and **** it up

he kissed me everywhere
and I wanted to cry
but I didn't say a word
because girls don't talk
and boys are just fine
I left my heart
there on his pillow
and pretended I am used to
having love that is normal
normal and fine

I want to kiss you
everything is focused
all it is
is sun
and you
you're talking about everything
you always do
can you handle yourself?
this sunset
I'm laughing
I'm smiling toward you
I want to kiss you
you tell me
**** makes you high
alcohol makes you *****
I wish we had drank
I just want you

everything smells like you
and I'm so ******* tired
of crying in my car
because I liked a boy who
tore his own heart out
just so he could forget
his own mortality
and knowing you won't ever
be with me here again
like this
and all we have is now
Makes me so sick
so sick and so tired
but if I do sleep
I may not wake up in time
to see you go
so please don't be angry
because I am just so, so
tired

I'm breathing
bruising easier now
banging my head against the wall
you say you don't have money
you say you don't have time
you say you're over it
banging my head against the wall
I'm not sure if I can finish this
I'm not sleeping
breathing
bruising easier now

they can't all be winners I suppose
that's why
I've withdrawn myself from the running
take it upon me for your frustrations
I've never told a lie
you sons of ******* are all winners
because of me

you were so different
when I loved you
or at least I thought you were
were you?
gosh, this mind
what a funny thing

we were built by the chaos theory
no outward motion of science
ever led us to believe
or left us believing in each other
one small wing from a butterfly
brought me nearer to you
and farther
now
when my head is on your shoulder
and your heart is with her

I'm picking up the pieces
from what you left
I'm scratching at my neck
collar thick
until it bleeds
deep red
a waiting game
it's you, for you
makes me nail myself down
punching a frame around
my body
box me in here
I'm no use
in your world

I sat in the church parking lot
upwards of an hour
at 1 in the morning
to cry with the rain
and I just want to know
if that is how I'm supposed to feel
at 18
in the summertime