Sorry, I was 9 notes behind. The other 8 will be posted today/tomorrow.
Ily

Hi
It's me again
You Probably don't want me
Don't want my poetry
Or my friendship
Well at least we talked again
Said you didn't want to lose me
It felt Amazing
But the problem is
I hurt her too
When i teared us apart
So we Can't just be like nothing again
Because it'll hurt her even more.
i'm sorry
Just wait

So I'm on a vacation for 3 weeks so my poems will be quick scribbles.
Thanks for understanding :)
Love you ( as a friend )

My poems are not me
My poems are not how I feel
My poems are just a simple constellation of words that my brain created, and my fingers wrote down for the reading pleasure of others
I'm fine

So, here's another thing I've written to you. I've filled pages and pages, and, I kept a record. It's calles: "All the things I wanted to tell you, but never did." Usually, I call it "All and more." I just read one of 'em back. And I still can't explain the anger I felt. "3 months you've been posessing my mind." I still feel the anger from when I wrote that down. I was so mad. Not at you, but at myself. At the world. For letting me feel this way, and allowing myself to feel this. I used to think you were just a wave of lurid inspiration. But you weren't. You weren't just a wave, you were the entire ocean. And everyone knows how beautiful the ocean is.

Why
Is
It
Going
To
Be
So
Hot
Outside

If all the good girls go to hell,
...
I'm the sweetest of them all.
...
Because I'm already there

I put alcohol in my tea
Help

I don't want to write anymore

My phone clock said it's 18:0011
And I wondered if I traveled back in time.
But then I realised, once again,
You can only do that after midnight.

[16:25, 9/24/2019] You: I read your letter
[16:26, 9/24/2019] You: and I also can't communicate so taht's good
[16:26, 9/24/2019] You: but I love you too

[16:26, 9/24/2019] Me: How do you make me so happy, it's unhealthy??

[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: literally though, talking to you makes me feel like I'm drunk, or high
[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: but in a good way

[16:27, 9/24/2019] Me: Finally someone who understands

[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: awww
[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I wanna kiss you
[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I want that so badly

[16:28, 9/24/2019] Me: I'm not gonna stop you.

[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: are you sure?

[16:28, 9/24/2019] Me: Yes. Really sure.

[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I have no experience whatsoever
[16:29, 9/24/2019] You: I probably **** at kissing, jsut warning ya

But I can't figure out what it is.

Started not that big.
Thought of you when i was with her.
Or in boring classes.
It got more,
Just like the feelings for you that i am not supposed to feel.
No one knew about this.
They think i am in love with her
Even she does.
Even i do.
But,
All i wanted,
To be the one to speak her name as mine.
Now you're always in my mind.
Even if i don't realise.
So please,
For once.
Could you stop taking over my mind?

Hey. Here's another letter kinda thing. Been writing these a lot lately. In my mind, never on paper. I don't really know how to explain what I feel anymore. It's like, I have this sense of feeling? Like I know that they're here, but I just can't seem to find them? Like I can see someone else in front of me, while knowing that they are a person with feelings and thoughs, but not being able to recognise them. Not being able to see the person standing there. Like I can see all of it, but not knowing that it's there. It kinda scares me, in a way. Like I see myself, but not me. Like I see something I was, that people still see as me. I don't know anymore. I've been trying to get my feelings out, and I still am, I just don't succeed often. This is seemingly the only way to get out whatever I'm thinking or feeling. Which is a lot, but also nothing at the same time. I feel lost, so incredibly lost. The world's passing me by and I'm behind a ******* window trying to reach it, but I can't. I never did. I just taught people how to communicate with me through that stupid barrier. It never went away. But if people don't come close to you they won't notice that, so it's fine I guess. And then you came in and smashed the entire thing with a ******* hammer. I wasn't used to opening up to people, especially not people who understand. But, I'm glad I did, and glad that you are here to listen. I don't open up to people much. Been botteling these emotions since 2006, so it's hard to open the bottle now. But I'm trying, and I can't thank you enough for being there with me. Thank you, so much. I love you, bye.

For everyone who needs it. Y'all better take care of yourselves, I love you.

First thing, If you think you're going to self-harm, make sure that there are people around. Meet up with a friend, walk around town, go to a shop, or even just go into the living room with your family. If you're not alone, you can't self-harm. You can also call a friend, whatever it takes to not be alone.

Second, listen to some music, watch a movie. Silence is a killer. Put on some relaxing piano music if you're having a kind of anxiety attack. If you're not being that anxious, maybe listen to some of your favorite (upbeat, happy) songs. You don't even have to sing along.

Smiling. Smiling, even forced, actually makes you feel better. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you look beautiful, that your smile is great, and give yourself some compliments. Even a little. Just, smile?

Writing it down helps too. Even if it's stupid. Just, write down whatever. Not just your feelings, but things like jokes, happy song lyrics, something nice someone said to you, whatever.

If you have an instrument, play it. Just, pluck the chords or smash some random keys. Same with drawing, you don't have to be good at it, just draw. You have to be busy, and actually do things physically.

Working out could help too. You'll be fit, and you'll feel better.

Draw/paint/write on the place you want to harm. Make happy stuff there, so you'll be reminded of good things.

Analyze movies, songs, beats, behaviour of people on soaps, whatever.

Do chores. Another "keep busy" thing, but it works. Your house/room will be clean, which will make you feel better. If you can't clean, just organize something.

Make yourself some food or a nice drink.
Focus on different things.
(Or message me of course)

If you really can't resist the urge;
You can shoot an elastic band at your arm or rub paper against your skin.

If you eventually end up harming yourself with scissors, a knife, razor blades, whatever. MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN. I can't stress it enough. If you decide to self-harm, you don't want it to infect.

What NOT to do;
- Shower. (You'll see all the places you wanna harm, there are razor blades around and sitting in the shower for too long will make you feel sad)
-Listen to sad songs. (They'll make you feel worse)
-Lie down. (If you're active, you're more likely to be happy. Don't lie down. You'll sink down, mentally and physically. Even if you just stand up and walk around the house that'll make you feel better)

I wanted to write a goed poem,
But words don't always work in the way you expect them to.

First of all,
Yes, i realise that this letter won't mean much to you but this really needs to get off my chest.
Sounds Standard like all,
Bet you heard all of these;
1. You'll get through
2. We care about you
3. We're There for you
4. You can do this
5. Don't **** yourself
Right?
But what is left to say.
I can't share my secrets
Because things can get quite complicated.
Wanting to be the one to speak her name as mine.
I understand
But nobody understands us.
So please,
I already lost myself to this illness called "suïcide"
I don't want to lose you aswell
Do it for me.
Please?

So I started a bullet journal.
Where is life going honestly

My father and I made a new card game;
It's called "*******"
I love my family

Today is a good day

Thank you.
I'd be lost without y'all

I dreamt that I kissed you last night,
But I wasn't sad when I woke up.
Because seing you in real life is just like a dream,
Like the dreams I lived were real.

I don't do don't don't disundisdisagreen'tn't

stage this; five kids from all different mcr eras. a scene kid for bullets, a depressed punk for three cheers. a baby bat for black parade. a modern punk/scene kid for danger days. a semi e-boy/girl for after 2012. they are standing in an alley next to hot topic and burger king. theyre in a circle. there's candles, pictures of ray toro and merch on the floor. you seem to hear nothing, but as you come closer you hear them softly chanting.
älbüm älbüm älbüm

Force yourself upon me
Push me down with all your strength
Let me be your prisoner

Lock me down and hold me still
Silence me against my own will

Tie me to your bedframe and we can play together for hours

Love my body the way you love my mind
Don't be tender,   don't be shy      (we're all gonna die)


If you can be so toxic to mind
Why aren't you like that   in real life?

Force your way into my body
No matter how bad you'll hurt me
If this means I get to hold you
I just want to taste you,  can't  you  see?

Take me,
Taste me,
Hold me hostage

Throw the dice, dear.
Before your time is up

before
               I
                    lose
                               my
                                        patience

You keep asking me to be more honest, reveal more. You're stripping me down, piece by piece, but the thing is; I'm already naked. You're just hopelessly tearing off my skin because you so desperatly wanna find something that isn't there. I must say that I feel sorry for you. Forcing me to be so honest sometimes just forces me to lie more. At least you tried.

sorry

"You make me realise a little bit more every day that love can be a good thing."

For the first time in a while
I felt comfortable with me
And I could show my true identity
So that everyone could see

I went paragliding again today.
It was fun.

Every day's a guess

Dear Rich,
Happy 6 months! I'm really glad we got to spend these months together. It was a heck of a ride, but you've always been there for me. Thank you. Thank you for always listening, always caring, for just being there and holding me when I need you. I love you. There isn't really anything else to say. I love you, and I'm so, so grateful you love me back. We've been through a lot, but look at where we are now! We're gonna be okay. I'm so proud of you, for everything. I've kind of lost my words in all the poetry I wrote, but I hope these still have a bit of meaning. Thank you for being with me.
I love you
Evan

I need to post actual poetry don't I?

Dear G,

I'm sorry. That's all there is to it. I wrote maybe a hundred sentences, but honestly? That's just *******. I tried to tell you in many ways, and here's another try.
I really am sorry.

Sincerely, yours
Lillie