I remember, that quiet night.
The trees were dark but the stars lit up the sky.
The lonely sidewalk was lit by the fading street light.
I remember, you asked me to walk out to the deck.
I pulled on a sweater because I was cold.
You met me there, flower in hand.
I remember.
You swept me up and told me you had been waiting.
I said I was sorry.
You kissed me, and I tasted pure love on your lips.
Our movement, like poetry, moved me in a way I hadn't before.
I remember, that dance of joy we shared that night.

She stayed outside with the falling petals.
He stayed in burying himself with a game controller
Years past and the two finally met.
This time, she took him outside with her.
And he discovered how beautiful the world was.

I didn't know.
I didn't know that she believed in God as much as I did.
I didn't see.
I didn't see her gain 150 pounds of pure stress.
I didn't hear.
I didn't hear the doctor talk about her grandfather's new-found Cancer.
I didn't feel.
I didn't feel the pain of losing a brother who was half deaf.
The lump in her throat when she cried every night.
She was battling her demons while I was too busy battling my own.
I didn't know.

Like glass, hearts are fragile.
You drop them and they will break into a million pieces.
If you are afraid of falling, then don't sit so close to the edge.
Because there's no one there to catch you.
And maybe there is.
Maybe there's someone at the bottom waiting to hold on to you no matter how cracked you are.
Maybe there not.
Maybe there's someone at the bottom waiting to catch you so that they can drop you.
So that they can leave you on the ground.
Shattered.
And maybe you'll realize you weren't the only one.
They'd wait for anyone to fall into the trap.
Manipulating the way you were meant to be held.
You tell them,
That a heart is like glass, If you drop it it will shatter into a million pieces. it's pieces will cut you so deep you begin to bleed.
You tell them,
Don't complain to your doctor when they tell you you've got a transmitted disease.

She never knew.
She never knew the hand that man touched me with.
She never saw.
She never saw the eyes of my father glistening with alcohol.
She never heard.
She never heard the names my brother would call me when I got home.
She never felt.
She never felt the shattering of my heart.
The thundering pain of a thousand words like bullets through my spine.
The weight of expectations just ready to crush me.
She never knew.

Nice blue sky
Puffy white clouds
The sun is blinding me.

She saw shadows when she walked.
They moved underneath the darkness.
She was the only one who saw them.

She heard ringing in her ears.
A monotone an octave higher than the voices around her.
She was the only one who could hear it.

We were friends.
She changed.
I didn't.
Enough said.

If you hear a phrase too many times it just becomes white noise.
If you say the same thing over, and over again someday you'll forget why you say it.
If you feel the same thing enough times you tend to not feel it at all.
If you go to the same place every day you become blind to your environment.
If you stay underwater long enough you forget how to breathe
And if your heart dies everyday you don't remember what it's like to live.
I know.
I know that if I remember my past it is still my present.
But I know that if I forget my past, then I won't know where I've been.
If you sleep too much, you won't know when the dream ends.
And if you never sleep, you think life is one long nightmare.
Know this:
There is a difference between heaven and hell.
There is a difference between a dream and a nightmare.
There's a difference.
I just know there is.

One, She grew up in a nice home.
He grew up on the street.
She ran playfully across her yard.
He ran to get away from the cops.
Two, the night of the school dance her heart got broken.
The night he picked up a gun, his soul was lost.
She swore herself off of men for as long as she lived.
He swore himself off of heartbreak for the moments he had left of his.
Three, Something happened and made him stop for just a moment.
Something made her remember what her mama told her.
"Don't be afraid."
She realized that's what it was.
He noticed that's what it was.
Four, a week before graduation.
She found herself looking at a painting one of her classmates had made and she dreamed about life in the picture.
He walked down the hallway and saw a girl looking at his painting.
Five, It's the day of graduation and she's nervous as hell.
He on the other hand knows he wants to go to art school.
She sits next to a boy waiting for her diploma.
The boy glances at her and notices she was the one who saw his painting in the hallway.
Six, the two had said hello.
Her hands were shaking
His voice stuttered.
But they were both exited to finally meet one another.
"Hello."

She burned
Herself
Into
Ashes.

I want to get inside your head...
See the world through your eyes...
Touch the ground with your feet...
Only then can I understand.
Forgive yourself…
For your sins.
Forgive yourself…
For being fragile.
You are only mortal.
Forgive me…
For not answering your burning question.
Forgive me…
For I cannot answer.
Forgive…
I know so little…
I’m trying to understand.

I want to get inside your head...
See the world through your eyes...
Touch the ground with your feet...
I want to hear what you hear...
Feel your heart beat.
Only then can I understand.
Understand me...
Understand you.
Forgive yourself for your sins...
You are only mortal filled with blood and bone.
Forgive yourself for being so fragile.
Forgiveness...
I forgive you.
Forgive me...
For not understanding
your world.

If you fall off the highest point of your life, I will no longer be your net. I will be the concrete. And if you lay there long enough, I will liquefy into the IV that goes into your arm. And if you don't move I will be the oxygen mask. See, my mind is the hospital in which you will stay. My arms will be the blanket and my heart will be the nurse. But I will never hold you too tightly because I don't want you to confuse the water in the IV with the ocean. Because the ocean drowns people. The ocean will take you away like driftwood.
My body is the hospital. But remember a hospital is a building, and a building cannot stand without support beams underneath.

I used to always want to be a back-up plan. A person people could fall back on. Meaning, people can ignore me for a year, but the moment something happens they now want to be my friend. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not a net, or a back-up plan. I'm either in your life or I'm not. Make up your mind, because I'm fine either way.
I have come to realize in my life that I don't have a problem letting people go. I have a friend who was best friends with a group of people for three years and they suddenly decided they don't want to be friends with her anymore. It's been months and she's still angry about it. Who knows if she'll ever get over it. With me it's opposite. You don't wanna be my friend anymore? Fine, go have a happy life, I'll be here living mine.

See the sorrow through tired, old eyes
A minute like a century
For I have lived a thousand times
Have died just as plenty

I could sing a song
Would they listen?

I realized something today
After months of figuring
Who am I?
I am me.

And who is me?
Someone to warm your cold hand
Someone to protect your battling soul
Someone to bandage your ****** heart
Someone to trust you when you can't
Someone to sing you asleep
I'll tell you a story of a girl I knew
Who couldn't fix herself quite right

It's like I've lived a thousand lives
And I'm tired of goodbyes
I'm falling from the sky forever

I need to move on
I've done something wrong
Need to run, need to fly away

As long as my heart still beats
I have no way to see you
You're so far away

It's like I've loved a thousand times
Only one man on my mind
Running through my mouth
Need to walk, need to run away

Because as long as my heart still beats
As long as I still need you
I can't do a thing

All I need to say
Good night
Good night

Cuz I've loved a thousand times
I've live d a hundred lives

I'm an outsider
Looking inside
I'm telling the window
To close the blinds
And def my ears
And numb my nerves
And dry my voice
So I won't be heard.

Breathe, my little darling soul
Drop defenses, just come home
My little darling soul
Spoil it for me, when do I go?

I'm growing sick here
I should just leave
I'm held down by
Only me

Breathe, my little darling soul
Drop defenses, just come home
My little darling soul
Spoil it for me, when do I go?

The reason I stay here
Why I won't leave
I wanna be your back up plan
Because someday you'll remember me.

Hold me down
Keep me here
Don't wake me up

Hold me down
Stay with me here
Before I wake

I always wanted this
I had it
For a while I didn't know

We stuck together
Like a magnet
Everywhere we'd go

I notice now
That it's not me
It's not you who wanted to leave
It was her
Who taught you I was poison
How to know what to do
Well I know
I don't need a friend like you.

I tried to write you
A simple lullaby
One to put your pain to sleep
One to sever mine
But that's too hard to do
When I can't express
How much I love you
How much I care

I tried to run from
This feeling of ours
I didn't want to know
How well it'd go
How can you love me when I can't
I don't trust myself
But I love myself
Because of you

I tried to write you
A simple lullaby
One to put your pain to sleep
One to sever mine
How can I express
How much I care
When all I have to say is
I'm in love with you

Her hair was red and her nails were short.
She was a spark that got lost in the flame.
In need of water to drown out her screams.
But her screams won't be the only thing it'll drown.

Let's find some place to go,
Where it never snows,
The rain is always warm.
Let's find somewhere,
Where the only tears cried,
Are content.
Let's find somewhere to go,
Where the sky is always clear,
As pure as the hearts we're given.
Let's find somewhere,
Our own island.
A sanctuary.

Stained.
Like the blood on my hands have dried to a crust.
My heart had thawed but now has freezer burn.
The strands of blonde that were bleached last year.
The words that I won't forget.
Stained.
Like the white dress that has now turned yellow.
The dried candle wax that won't come off the carpet.
Don't love me, or I will become hard.
Don't leave me
Or I will become,
Stained.

Do you think I'm good at it?
Being myself?
Being the opposite of you?
Do you think I'm good at it?
Managing my life?
Managing you?
Am I at least okay at it?
Letting flowers die?
Loving you?
Is it right for me to say?
That I hate him?
But never you?
Do you think I'm doing well?
Filling the holes
That he left
Is it okay?
To think you'll love me?
Forever kept?

He watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
I feel no fright.
Last night he smiled at me.
I asked him why.
He told me the story of a girl
Who sounded awfully like I.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Eyesight locked tight.
Three years ago i asked him why.
If I ask again now he won't respond.
"Who are you?" I ask.
"Someone worth the bond."
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits,
Twelve years ago i asked him why the strange sight.
I grow weaker.
My days are numbered.
He stands.
And he waits.
I close my eyes, and realize our fate.

He watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Waits for what?
Last night he smiled at me,
I asked him why.
He told me a story of a girl
Who sounded awfully like me.
"One day she will realize why I am here," He said.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Three years ago I had asked him why,
If I ask again now he won't respond.
"Who are you?" I ask,
"Some one important," He says.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Twelve years I had asked him who he was.
I grow weaker.
My days on earth are numbered.
I am hooked to IVs and still he stands.
And waits.
When I close my eyes for the last time, I realize who he is.

Death laid down beside me,
And whispered in my ear.
It made me a ghost.
A shadow of what once was,
Is now dead in my arms.
Now I lay down beside you,
and whisper in your ear.
One day you'll listen,
One day you'll hear me,
And I'll be there,
Waiting

I didn't care.
Maybe I did, but not enough to cry.
I heard the words, "he's dead"
But I felt no death.
The day I screamed in pain but with no tears in my eyes, they thought I was joking.
I threw my computer because I couldn't think of anything to write.
I snapped my pencil because I couldn't draw as well as they could.
I screamed out, but with no voice they thought I was yawning.  
I didn't care.
Maybe I did but not enough to scream I love you.
I heard the words "She's gone" and I ran.
They thought I didn't care but truth is I cared so much I didn't know what else to do.
My heart aches because of a disorder I have no control over.
I didn't care.
Maybe I did,
But when I heard the words "I love you" I had no clue what that meant.
I run down the street not only to get exorcise,
But in hopes that if I run far enough I'll run away from myself.
When they spit in my hair, and threw a cheap shot, I went home crying but nothing could be done.
I screamed out in pain but they didn't get it.
I said, I didn't care.
But just maybe, I did.

Somewhere out there there's somebody.
Somewhere out there is another world.
A world where there is a reason to love.
A world where the sun always outlives the dark.
A world where the cold never adds discomfort.
Somewhere out there is a house, three floors and strong.
It has a place for tea and a place for rest.
It adds protection from the fears that come from the other world.
The other world, that uses lies and hatred as a blanket like snow.
Somewhere out there is you and me under an apple tree.
You kiss my life with a single word.
Somewhere out there you look at me with hands full of desire and eyes full of passion.
I can't wait to meet you in that world.

It grabs you
With long dark nails
It pins you down
Captivating.

It looks you in the eye
You see a fake present
You see past with future.

Tell not nobody
Or it will **** you
It kills you not to
Tormenting.

Your body moves in a seizure
No one notices
Tell not nobody.

You're blinded
Punctured with light and words
Words, difficult, passionate, dulling
Enrapturing.

The more anxious, the more I seizure
It grabs a hold of your heart
Never before feel losing blood
Tell not nobody.

She came out at night
Past the pond she'd stir
She fell upon a grave
And prayed it would be her.
But prayer doesn't work for her
For she is still alive
Go home and scar herself
Reminders of time.
She looks at the grave
Time moves slow
But she's dead still, she is sure.
Past the trees she'd stir
She found a new grave
And hoped that it'd be her.

I thought I was done
But I remember.
Your hand
And his spine
Almost made contact.
I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But no.
Writing it down only resurfaces what happened.
You never hit me.
You never would.

But it's them you hurt
And for that you are done.
No longer mine
No longer theirs.

I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But I remember.

I told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
I was told that I whenever I talk I speak as if I'm telling a story.
When I tried out for every solo in middle school and never got it.
Notice: That never stopped me from singing.
When my best friend ignored my words of wisdom, or told me she didn't get it.
Notice: That never stopped me from writing.
Those plenty of times I've sprained my ankle or was too weak to run another mile.
Notice: It never stopped me from running.
I'm stubborn and that could be a good thing and a bad thing.
I was told by my own family "Shut up, no one cares."
Notice: That didn't stop me from having a voice.
I was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I'd need an ambulance.
Notice: I still went outside.
See when I was a baby I never tried new things.
I didn't take risks.
But I was told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
Singing to the heavens, singing to the sky, singing all the angel's goodbye.
Notice: Nothing has ever stopped me from believing in myself.

Love is immortal
Don't say it isn't.

All fear is unbeatable
It'll always be there.

Emotion is eternal
Forever kept.

Don't lay me down.
Sleep is not an option.
If you told me to be happy without my pencil,
Don't lay me down to sleep,
Lay me down to die.

You struggle so much just to talk to me. because you don't want to make me mad or upset by just disappearing. You get angry with your computer and internet just to talk to me. Or are you angry with the fact that I can't be there? So you struggle. Just for me.

She wrote:
Meet me there.
Run across the track.
I never watch you leave,
Please, come back.

He wrote:
If you never watch me leave,
Then I am still here.
I watch over you, darling.
I'll be there.

Who are you?
Are you a human gentle and sad?
Are you a flower slowly wilting?
Maybe you’re the sun burning with radiation,
Or a myth that outlived a century,

Who you are is not what you think.
Maybe you’re actually a star burning with gas,
Or a medallion worn around an empress’s neck.
Or maybe,
You’re the God.

Maybe, you know exactly who you are,
Because the spirit never changes.

Everyone forgets your name
The name never spoken
The name never said

The name that sang songs
Too beautiful for the ear
The name that waltzes on every tongue
The name that’s like a being
Like a creature that hides
Only to be seen by chosen

This name that is never said
This name that is never spoken—
Only remember this:

Everyone forgets.

I feel like a germ
An infection
A plague.
I feel like an alien
A being
A thing.
I am matter
Air
Space.
I am nothing
Non-existent
A face.

I can’t say a word
If I do the world will end.
I’ll be the cause
I’ll be the blame.
I can’t write anymore.
My words are too strong
Slowly, you’ll die.
I can’t say a word,
I’ve said too much
Like insects eating me,
I’ll be the fire
I’ll be the bomb.
I can’t write anymore
My words are defeating
Slowly, I’ll die.
I can’t say a word
If I do, the world will end.
I’ll be the cause
I’ll be the blame
I’ll be the bomb
I’ll be the flame.

Five years
Eleven cries
Don't go now
Don't let it die

A thousand years,
Two-hundred cries,
It's never gone,
But it nearly dies.

Watch me then
Watch me now
Your silence is soft
But silence is loud.

Eyes of new and old,
As deep as the sea,
Golden eyes as cold,
As eyes that watch over me.


Meet me there.
Run across the track.
I never watch you leave,
Please, come back.