If I could restructure this pain
To make it look beautiful
I'd spend an eternity doing so

Sometimes
All that surrounds
Is death
And I cry
Because I feel so small

I have loved you for a thousand years
And failed you a thousand more
I get lost in the taste you leave in my mouth
Of blood and salt
And they were both my own
Let us go home
So we can be alone
To hide myself under your touch

Remember
Not all improvements that matter
Are necessarily visible
The most important start inside
A seed planted
Now rooting within us
Becoming a permanent change

I try to remember how the trail looked the day we took the long way up Griffith Park
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember the movie we watched every Thursday night and why it was so intriguing
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember how the apartment looked when you began packing
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember the design of the door that I focused on for hours after you left
But I can't and it hurts
It hurts
Because all I can remember is the smile that caressed your lips after you whispered 'I love you'
But that hurts too
Because all I can remember is the journey of the lines etched on the palms of your hands in the dark
But that hurts too
Because all I can remember is the exact shade of your eyes as the tears streamed mercilessly down your cheeks before you closed the door
But that hurts too
I fall back in my seat and try to regret all the things I missed in this world while I stared at you
But I can't and that hurts the most

I hate when you leave the toilet seat up
Or how you spill toothpaste over the sink
I hate finding your clothes hung over furniture
And how you sleep pushed up against my back
Radiating your heat all through the night
I hate even more waking and realizing you're gone
I still can't bring myself to erase the signs of you
It's been a hundred and twenty days since you left
A hundred and twenty days since I last saw you
A hundred and twenty days since I touched you
I remember staying up late at night
You said you'd travel to the most distant places
With or without me
I never thought you'd actually do it
A hundred and twenty days since you left
I still feel you pushed up against me at night
And I wake to an empty spot on the bed
With a matching pain in my heart
While grief is the only one I wake up to
A hundred and twenty days since your death

Heaven is around her
If she only knew just how beautiful she was
Maybe she would've never felt like a blur
If she only knew just how sorry I was
Maybe then she would live again
Instead I wallow in all things we could've been
I can't live like this

I whisper 'i love you'
With a deafening silence
I caress every inch of your body
In my mind every minute of every day
But you turn away and nestle against
The one you chose to spend forever with
You and I both know you're not in love
But It's quiet there
It's safe
You're comfortable
While I, I am left with this love
Gnawing at my stubborn heart
I lay every night rapidly combusting
Wishing for the burning to end
So that the ashes that do remain
Will blow away, travel with a gust of wind
And settle upon
Your soft, conforming skin
Then you and I will finally become one
As you always promised we would

If I could hold onto anything in this life
It would be to the end of each of your sentences
Or the corner of your smile
Those are the two things I never want to end

He says "let's go back to my place"
So she follows in strides right behind
Her smile illuminates the path they take
And she feels like she can do anything by his side
She asks "do you love me?"
He nods and grins with malice as he touches her face
His eyes are as dark as his intentions for the night
The still darkness and saten sheets bare witness
To her loss of innocence
Lying in bed regretting her actions
Leaving her feeling empty in her own right
She asks "do you love me more now?"
Her outstretched arm is met by his indifference
He says "please lock the door behind you"
His laughter echoes throughout as she leaves in tears
At least now she knows
He was never worth it

Do you feel the once calm flames buried beneath your skin
Rapidly raging with the urgency of my nail?

Will the loneliness caged in the dip above your collarbone
Latch onto my lips with anticipation to be freed?

Can you sense the warmth of your love between your *****
Pulsating and growing with every movement?

my hands
            shake.
 
        my heart
  quivers.

i remember a time when
    both my heart and hands
      knew what they were meant for

             a time before you came along
   and they made it their job to show
the love they could hold for you
             
                 my hands
                                shake.
                      
                      my heart
              quivers.

Actions speak louder than words
You’re 80 miles away
And all I have is your absence
Speaking volumes over my love

If you were a beautiful thought, I would hope you were conceived in my mind

If you were the most awe-inspiring work of art, I would wish to have been the artist

If you were the finest jewelry to ever exist, I would want you on me forever

Everything about you is beautiful

I'm here dealing with the memory of our love every day
It feels like a pinch begging to be caressed until the pain is eased
But there is no physical area to be relieved
The ache is deep within and you left it behind when you walked away

I'll never have the chance
To tell you that
Your favorite poem of mine
I wrote it for you

I stopped at a desolate fork in the road
My feet felt heavy, burdened by shoes
Took them off and winced at torrid asphalt

I walked until i felt the weight of things untold
Looked up at the sun in search of clues
Guilt consumed me because it was all my fault

I want the sun to kiss me upon my forehead
To comfort the cold that stings inside of me
The one that overwhelms me with darkness
I want the wind to blow fresh air into my lungs
Since those are the ones to be tiring the fastest
Leaving me breathless like almost-lovers before

Beauty is fleeting
It's very misleading
Expectations never meeting
Forceful in greeting
Her heart I'm seeking
She says she's needing
Room for her breathing
Made her my everything
But she's always leaving
She just isn't seeing
The friend I'm being
I'm left here bleeding

I am an island
Like Alcatraz
Abandoned and haunted
People rarely visit
No one ever stays
My conditions are changing
I thrive life and beauty
No longer just to survive
I am an island
Maybe someone will visit
Maybe even stay

You were the water
   I needed to quench my thirst
   When the desert inside me was too cruel
You are the water
   Found overflowing in my lungs
   Collapsing my breathing, ending my life

Love is my nemesis
Shape shifts into another
Leaves me battered and frail
I try to fight but why bother
Love will always prevail
I enjoy all forms of this
Let us rise and hail
My persistent nemesis

I finish tearing the seams which lie
When they say you'll never be mine
You tear the stitching in the sky
As your body prepares for pleasure to dine
The pitch in your voice becomes high
As my fingers move down your spine
Weakened when against my ear you sigh
Let us blur and erase our cautious line
Bathe in this feeling and never ask why

You think you're too serious
Too shy
Complain about being too curious
Too sly

You say you're too independent
Too whimsical
Question why you're too impatient
Too analytical

I need you to realize and stop whining
You're the right amount of everything
With the most impeccable timing

I would like to paint my life with your love
So that everything looks as beautiful
I want to delve into a pool of your scent
To find the origin of the wonderful intoxication
I need the passion you demonstrate to me
Be injected and course through my veins
So I can boast that your fire burns within me
Allow for your smile to reside in my visual cortex
That way, your happiness is all I will ever see
I desire for you to become the essence of faith
So I can say I am fully inspired by you
Enlighten and extricate this encaged heart
Just like the day liberates us from darkness
I will keep your presence in my chest
And say you are the ***** that keeps me alive
With every beat and every pump
I gain more will to live and to love

If my thoughts and dreams can come to life
They'd be brought back in the shape of you
If my love can be a force of nature
It'd be the oxygen pumping through your lungs
It'd be the light in your eyes that once was
If I could have one wish granted
It'd be to have you back
Fearless and breathing

My heart skips a beat at the sound of your heavenly moan
As my lips attach to the particular spot on your neck that I own

Your warm breath, tinged on my ear through our conversation
Causing in the pit of my stomach, a deep and fluterry sensation

The rhythm of our bodies set by the rise and fall of your breathing
In this moment, an immense amount of love for you I am feeling

Oh the sweet scent of your being clouded my senses as i breathe you in deep
It all felt so real, it aroused me from my sleep

The cold that seeped from reality, the warmth of my dream it broke
Regreting the moment I ever awoke

With your white silky sheets, my face I cover
Squeeze my eyes shut, in hopes that the dream I may recover
And regain the presence of the only one who will ever truly matter

She seeks God in the river where she drowned him
The same one she once tried to cleanse her soul in

Her heart listens to hymns sung by her petrified flesh
While her lovers' lips set the pace of her forgotten faith

She is lost

When I'm done with this body and leave in a hurry
I don't want you to cry nor to stay up and worry
Don't be sad, you know how easily I bore
Your love shook and rattled me to my core
In my departure the last vision I'll see
Is of you smiling right back at me
Do know I leave only because I must
That our love transcends all I want you to trust
When I'm done with this body and start a new journey
Remember that your love is engraved deep within me
Goodbye for now

I feel a pain in my stomach in the form of you
And hear the rumbling of our future memories
I want to expel you from the void inside of me
And wish to see the beauty of us becoming
I taste the longing of you upon my tongue
And feel the growling of my ***** anticipating it

I attempt to find comfort
In my fascination with death
I need to know there is a reward
For loving you even after you'd left
I lay my head on a cold tombstone
Caressing it lightly I almost feel warmth
I swear i hear your heart beat in my ears
But its only the cause of me holding my breath

I was once aching flesh
On worn down bones
Encaging a restless heart

You were the cure
The ailment
You were everything

I feel like artwork
When you pin me
Against the wall
I see masterpieces
Burning in your eyes​
Use me as a canvas
Paint me red with passion
Paint me red with anger
Let us make art
And then destroy it

do you ever ponder me
blue
from being in love with
you
do you ever dream me
yours
hand in hand through life's
course

I could draw parallels
Between you and nature
In your beauty and grace
But it's hurricane season
And your anger grows
Threatening to sweep through
Destroying every fragile piece
That I have glued back together
So I'll hide from you
Because I fear I won't recover
From your beautiful wrath