You are my post popular poem

I can't date you. Not now, not ever. I thought it was because I enjoy what I have right now but over the course of this past week I've come to a conclusion. Its because I can't find feelings for you. They were once there but you scared them away and I don't believe there is any going back to what we used to have. I'm sorry that maybe I got your hopes up or lead you on but you can get over it. Everyone eventually does. I don't doubt you once had feelings for me but I also don't doubt that you're very confused right now. You don't want me. You want someone new, and I'm only used a different way. You haven't broken me in yet, I'm like a new pair of shoes, everything is uncomfortable right now but you're making an effort to wear me in. Then I won't be new anymore, I'll give you blisters and hurt you. Then you'll go back to your old pair because that's what you're comfortable with. I'm sorry. Goodbye.

You made me believe there were nice guys,
But maybe the nice ones are just better at lying,
You made me believe I was worth the wait,
But it turns out you were too impatient,
You made me believe I was beautiful for once,
But I guess I will never have that confidence,
You made me believe that I could be happy,
But maybe I just don't deserve to be,

Am I broken if I can't let people in?
The best friend of 5 years just barely skims the surface,
Of my lasting secrets and dark thoughts,
No body knows anything yet they try to believe,
That I'm normal like them but no one knows me,

Whenever you held my hand I thought of the consequences,
Whenever you kissed me I thought of what might happen,
Whenever you put your arm around me I knew it wouldn't last,
And you wonder why I didn't believe a word you said,
Because all my doubts came true,
You never loved me,
That's why I never loved you,
I was raised cautious, not blind,
I was always told to beware of people like you,
Who disguise themselves as lovers when all they are, are liars,
You said it was cute, how careful I was,
Well is it still cute now? When you're not around,
You made the worry worse, even more than it was,
More catious than ever,
More careful than before,
Was that you're goal?
For me to scare away the next one?
Like I did with you,
Then congratulations, it's done.

You were my favourite hello
You are my most painful goodbye
You were the cool breeze
You are the rain in the sky

You were cool summer days
You are dark stormy nights
You were laughs in the park
You are late night fights

You were a comfy worn in sweater
You are an itch I can't scratch
You were the music to my ears
You are the gasoline to my match

You were cute spontaneous kisses
You are the stream of tears at midnight
You were said to be my fairy tale
You are not my shining knight

The elegance of sitting in a coffee shop alone,
With a coffee to your right,
And a biscuit to your left,
Listing to the slow songs on your playlists,
No one to talk to,
Not the lonely kind of no one,
The comforting kind,
Everyone minding their own conversations,
Meanwhile you're all alone,
In the coffee shop,

Your touch is still lingering although I try to rid myself,
Of the pain of your absence it's no good for my health,
Your kisses still wonder around my absent mind,
What good would it be to commit such a crime,
To keep me from sanity to keep me from the calm,
Oh how hard it seems to me, I mustn't go on,
I will not be sane, I will not be sober,
This endless pain and suffering shall ne'er be over,
Why cause me such misfortune, what was the point of this,
Why did I ever touch soft hands, why did I let us kiss,
I've always seen this coming, I knew it from the start,
I thought I could not feel such things, in my already empty heart,

Would it be silly
To say you we're the one
To say I had hope
For us
For you

Would it be pointless
To wish for you back
To be lost in your eyes
For us
For you

Would it be wrong
To keep hope alive
To dream of your kisses
For us
For you

Now tell me
If I were to beg
For forgiveness
For us
For you

Now
Would it be silly
Would it be pointless
Would it be wrong
To still love the one
To still love us
To still love you

Maybe you can make me happy,
Like I thought he could,
I don't want to rely on anyone for happiness,
But I know I can't rely on myself,

I hope you keep I love you's
Until it's really time
I hope that you don't rush her
Into what I thought was mine

You told me far too early
I knew it wasn't true
Now please don't make that same mistake
I dearly beg of you

Don't hurt that fragile girl
That will be my very last wish
You broke me into pieces
With every single kiss

You told me you were broken
That you would never leave
You said I made you happy
Oh the lies that I believe

If you do the same to her
Like you did to me
Do me one last favour
Please don't make it three

The memories fade,
Day by day,
Each step a new beginning,
Each touch a new start,

I try to forget,
But the absent mind still lingers,
It reaches for soft hands,
To guide,
False hope a common tragedy,

I wish for your hands,
Your lips,
Your face,
I reach out,
But nothing returns,

I hope one day,
I shall return to you,
In hopes you never forgot,
The one whom you fixed,
Whom is finally whole,

I've stopped listening to the sad songs because I can now relate to the songs about love,

You tell me I'm beautiful,
pretty,
gorgeous,
But why?
Because you are not tricking me,
But only yourself,
You think,
"If I tell her she's beautiful, maybe I will grow to believe it too."
Well sweetheart, it is working?
You ignore the flaws of my body, my face,
Only to deceive your own mind,
Because if you saw my flaws you might no longer love me,
You chose to ignore my acne,
Because if you didn't, you're afraid you would leave,
You chose to ignore my protruding chin when I smile,
Because you wish you had someone who could smile sunlight rays,
You chose to ignore the redness in my skin,
Because you want to believe what matters is within,
But is it working dear boy?
The more you use the word beautiful,
Does it make you any more confident being around someone who's not?

They say "love yourself"
They say "everyone is beautiful"

Society thinks they're helping,
But they only make it worse,
When curves are beautiful but what about me?
My body, my *******, my stomach,

That is what's beautiful, not your face,
The way your eyes sparkle with passion,
The way your grin expands through the depths into your dimples,

None of that matters,

For you are not beautiful unless you have this, or that,
****, ***, legs,
That's all they care about,

Saying "everyone is beautiful" doesn't help my self consciousness towards the awkward movements and gestures that make me stick out like a sore thumb in society.

Everyone is beautiful?
I call *******

I know you're broken,
But I can fix you,

I know you're lost,
But I can lead you,

I know you're hurt,
But I can mend you,

I know you're down,
But I can lift you,

I know you're alone,
But I can love you,

You used to tell me how you didn't like the way I lacked a sense of intimacy,
How I wouldn't hold you the way you wanted to be held,
The way she held you,
I wouldn't kiss you much in public,
So you didn't give me a chance to get away,
You would hold me tighter and my escape was found within the lock of our mouths,
I liked it,
But I always wondered what normal really is,
Were you like this with her or was she normal,
Do you crave the touch of women who lack the intimacy you desire, or do you simply like playing our little game,

As of late I've tried to touch you more, say words which feel like rosebuds,
So sweet and elegantly delicate,
And the more I show this foreign concept if an intimate relationship,
The more I fall in love,
The more I fall into your trap of smiles and fingers running through my hair,
The more I crave your kisses, your touch,
What happened to me?
Because darling,
I'm afraid.

I lost it to you,
I lost everything to you,
Now I have lost you,

My poetry is ****,
And so are you

If only you knew,
How much I hate myself,
Everyday I suffer,
With my own mental health,

I never feel good,
Everyday is a struggle,
I try my darned hardest,
Not to get into trouble,

I just can't fit in,
Anywhere with anyone,
Sitting home alone and crying,
Really isn't much fun,

You think I'm okay,
You think I'm just fine,
But that's only because,
I'm so good at lying,

12-
I dated a boy because it made me feel prettier than the rest of the girls,
I didn't want to kiss him because I was afraid I wouldn't know how,
I was eventually pressured into it,

13-
I didn't feel worthy of flirting with boys because I wasn't pretty,
I didn't know how to make boys like me,

14-
I dated a boy because I was insecure,
I thought he could make it better,
I wouldn't make out with him because I didn't know how,
I didn't want to be judged on my ****** experience so I broke up with him,

15-
I still liked that boy,
I often hooked up with him and began getting more comfortable with him,
But I wouldn't go under the belt because I didn't know how,

16-
I finally felt much more comfortable,
I didn't like him anymore but he was patient and I enjoyed being with him,
I opened up to him sexually because I wasn't as afraid anymore,

17-
I lost everything to that boy,
The one on the football team,
I didn't think I was special but I didn't think it would hurt that bad, I then discovered what it's like to be with a man who cares,
I finally felt safe

I was very late doing many things because  I was afraid I could not please a man,
Because  I grew up believing that if you cannot please a man you don't deserve to be pleased yourself,
Because men dominate the earth,
Because men are the all powerful,
But I have yet to find a man who can please *me

Sometimes I wish for once,
Things could go my way,
People wouldn't leave,
And I would be happy,

The need to get away,
The anticipation to escape,
To leave the future here,
And create a new,

The need to feel something,
Anything really,
To crave someone,
Anyone who cares,

The need to know,
What really is ahead,
Where I'm going,
Seeing,
Being,

You left me for her,
Please never come back,

She's leaving you now,
Please never come back,

I do still love you but,
Please never come back,

I don't think I could say goodbye again,
Please never come back,

I'm afraid of what might happen,
If I said yes again,
I want you back,
But promise me this,
Please never ever come back,

I felt my head on your chest and remembered what it's like to sleep with someone who dreams of me,
I kissed your lips softly and slowly and remembered what it's like to kiss someone who cares for every touch,
I held your hand tightly with sweaty hands and remembered what it's like to grasp for someone who won't let go,
I stared in your eyes and you stared in mine and remembered what it's like to look at someone who thinks I'm the most beautiful thing in the universe,

It was a Monday,
We were laughing, you asked for a hug,
You said I was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen,
I kissed you right there,
You said it meant something,

It was a Tuesday,
You text me and said you couldn't wait,
You wanted us to finally be together,
I told you to wait, for it would be better,
To ask me in person, you agreed,

It was a Wednesday,
You were holding my hand and said "hold on,"
I turned to face you, you grabbed my waist,
And said "will you be my girlfriend," I agreed,
We continued walking, hand in hand

It was a Thursday,
We stole kisses and hearts,
We laughed and joked,
We traded I love you's,
I thought it would last,

It was a Friday,
You were upset, I didn't know why,
I asked you "what's wrong?"
You snapped, and told me to leave you alone,
So that's what I did,

It was a Saturday,
I asked you when our next date was,
You said "we need to talk,"
I was panicked,
You broke it off that night,

And now every Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday and so on,
I still think of you and what happened that night,
I guess I'll never know,
So the weeks pass by with no meaning,
Without you,

You send me the signals that we're over, we're through. But why do you keep coming back if that's true? You ask for my forgiveness time and time again but I'm sick of giving it to you, not anymore will I. Your confusion is rubbing off on me, just because you're unsure doesn't mean I have to be as well. I know you don't want me, I get it, there's no need to make me feel like **** as well. I'm done with you, like you are I, now can we drop these petty games and part our ways?

I'm something borrowed, from he before him, and him before he,
You're something new, untouched, untainted by mine hands or hers,
You're not the old, for I am new, to you too,
I shall't be blue, for I am no longer 'borrowed' by you,  the 'new,' out with the old, say you,

I was drowning in love,
Now I'm drowning in sorrow,

Where is the love,
You let me borrow,

You took it back,
Now I am lost,

What is the price,
What is the cost,

The cost is tears,
In cold late nights,

After all the kisses,
And all the fights,

You've finally given up,
You've finally given in,

It was only false love,
Now my own true sin,

How
Do
I
Feel everything and nothing,
How
Do
I
Believe in everyone but me,
How
Do
I
Have nothing to hold onto,
How
Do
I
Survive like this,

I know I'm not the only one,
With scars from your lips placed on my body,
Who wears scarfs to hide because you don't want her knowing,
How dreadful that would be,
For her to know she's not the only one,

She's not the only one,
With the lights off,
As well with the clothes,
How lovely that would be,
To be the only one,

I used to think I needed you to be happy but you didn't believe me,
You didn't think I was happy so you said your goodbyes,
It's a shame you left though,
And now you want me back,
Once I learned how to happy without you,
I guess I don't need you as much as I thought I did,

Was I just a test? / A trial of time,
To see how long your hand / Could fit inside of mine,

I call myself a friend,
The end,
The end,
Every friend has it's end,
It is nearer than you think,
For I am the friend who cared too much,
And you,
Too little,
I tried,
You cried,
Screaming "how could you,"
I question your intentions,
For you think I cared too less,
But it was you indeed,
For I went on years no sleep,
Watching,
Waiting,
Making sure I would wake up with a best friend,
And I cried,
When it rang true,
The end of you had come too soon,
For I was the friend who had lost what I loved,
And you were the friend who lost everything,

You can't confess your feelings then leave me on the curb,
Then pick me up when you want me, boy you have the nerve,
To treat me like ******* trash, and walk around all high and mighty,
Saying how much you hate me and and that my tears were most likely,
The repercussions of your actions because, oh how much I miss you,
Well bull ******* ****, without you I feel new,
And now you're at my door step, begging for me back,
Well I'm sorry there bud, I'm done doing laps around the track,
For one stupid boy, who just couldn't treat me right,
You're really just not worth the ******* constant fight.

I feel like things are turning around,
I might just be happy,
My life is becoming what I want it to be,
And boy am I glad,

There's two kinds of liking a person,

The one where you're just getting to know them and you think they're cute. You have some common interests and they're nice to you.

Then there's the serious kind, the one where you're put in the situation where you have to make decisions, they want you. You have potential to be happy with them. You know their flaws, yet you don't care. You fall hard and fast and it's not just the present you're thinking about anymore, it's the future.

Use my body, for what you need,
Make me plead on my knees,
Make me yell, make me scream,
Use my body as you please,

I don't see the problem,
Find use for me,
Other then my mental capabilities,
I'm lost without a purpose,

Use my body,
Maybe you can find a use,
For something so useless,

I don't like you
But I like the way your gentle hands glide across my skin

I don't like you
But I like the scars your lips leave on my neck

I don't like you
But I like the smooth sincronized movements of our hips

I don't like you
But I like us

What you don't know,
Is that I kept the letters because they give me butterflies when I feel bad, especially when I feel bad because of you, they sit on my dresser for times of need.

What you don't know,
Is that I look forward to your drunk calls because they remind me that you think about me when I'm not around, lately they've been lacking but I know I'm still lurking in your mind.

What you don't know,
Is that sometimes when I'm alone I still think of us, and what we used to have, what you're desperately trying to get back, but I push you away because I'm afraid of loss.

What you don't know,
Is that I'm afraid to tell you any of this because then you might find my weak points, and use them against me, then I would fall so hard so fast, and I cannot let myself do that, I must stay strong.

But,

What you don't know,
Cannot hurt you,
Can it?

When the boy said.
"I love you"
I nearly wept the tears which have been filling since the last one left,
Unsure of my feelings I turn away and look to the ground,
Searching,
For something,
To distract myself,
I see the garbage, with the used wrappers from our affairs,
Wondering, maybe that's why,
Because why would a boy love me for any other reason but my body?
Because I have been taught to beware those three words,
For those are the words which are spoken when he wants more,
More than your touch,
Or cress,
But your lips,
His, on you hips,
For when the boy said "I love you"
I was confused and concerned,
Because why would he,
Could he,
Love someone like me.

Where to now,
Where shall I go,
I belong no longer,
For I am lost,
And don't want to be found,

I feel I'm sinking deeper,
Into a pit of insanity,
For it is to late for rescue,
Leave me here,

I'll drown in tears,
Of sorrow,
Of loss,

Where to now,
I seek a saviour,
I seek refuge,

Just one last time,
Kiss me goodbye,
For I must go,

Where to now,
You ask me,
That's up to you,
Please be my guide,

You tell me you still care, you tell me you still wonder, but but why? I ponder, why do you care? I thought we were through, it may not be over but I am over you, this poem I write, sadness within, you are with her now and I shall never win, the battle of love, the battle of trust, you tell me you wonder about my well being, well darling please tell me why must? You care about me and make it difficult to leave, the thoughts of you surrounding me.

It's all the same,
The same words,
The same lies,
The same empty promises,

Was it wrong to think it wouldn't be,
That this time was different,
This time the words meant something,
The lies no longer existed,

Such a foolish girl,
To believe such things,
These tears are the same,
These thoughts,
Running circles in my mind,

Nothing has changed,
Except one thing,
The way I will smile,
To show you I'm not broken,
You don't deserve,
My tears this time,

Goodbye for now,
Ill see you around,
And show you I'm happy,
Without you,

Our lips have met one another and tasted like liquor. But ones once they turned tasteless and my blood was no longer tainted, the greeting felt natural.
Your hands brushed upon my trembling body and they felt like the first fallen leaves of autumn. So delicate and new.
The words from your mouth felt like butterflies within my body, all over my body.
Your stare feels like a ray of sunlight after a wretched rainstorm, when I ask why you look you reply, "because you're beautiful"

You tell me you regret her, that you wished I was your first,
I look at you with distain because you know the mistakes I've made,
I wonder,
Will you say to the next one,
"I wish you were my first."
It seems to me quite strange because you once loved her like you did I,
But Ill tell you this,
I will not regret you, I will not tell them Id wished you were they, because although we loved and lost, all that matters is the first.

You told me you liked me,
You were afraid of rejection,
Little did you know I liked you too,
I wanted to be happy,
Be happy with you,
I thought we could do it,
It would be like the movies,
And fall in love,

You told me you loved me,
I was afraid of getting hurt,
You told me you would never,
I believed those words,
I began to feel the same way towards you,
We were happy with each other,
We laughed and went out,
We said we would never leave,

You told me you were leaving me,
You said it was for the best,
That you would hurt me if you stayed around,
I told you that was false,
You denied me a chance,
To prove to you my happiness,
You left without a trace,
And you said "I'm sorry" one last time,