painstakingly human—
with tears like a noose,
wrapping of tethers
begging to choke me,
with their tendrils of ice
that fade into the pillow.

just because i don’t live my dream,
doesn’t mean it will never be lived...

your heart
breaks different
when it beats
alone

i will be in love
for as long as your smile
brings my head to a boil

the hardest part
of loving you

is being myself

When I swore
I'd never find another like you,

you proudly announced
that's it was a good thing...

so I tried my best to respond
like my world wasn't falling apart.

my leg bounces
like my pulse on the trigger
with my thoughts going slower
and stakes bigger

My love and your peace all drowned
Out by the sounds of the ocean and I know
I won’t climb your hill alone

you pulled me in
to a home, and yet i
feel no greater loneliness—

as if suffering in silence
is how i am supposed
to reside—

as if my payment for
shelter is that of
dried tears.

you gave me a promise
of no hurting alone,
and i broke that.

i should be left in the chill—
lose my toes and mind,
for i do not deserve your time

and so i break but i earned it
as you have
earned the pieces

and some day
the rain will pour,
all the way down
and hit the ocean floor—

countless names
wash up on shore,
with an empty face
and empty core

How do your
nothing's
mean everything
to me?

I can't breathe.
I cannot believe.
Youll never say love,
I'm impossible to please,

is this all that is?
all that ever will be?

i will never be his...
so i fade as you see

meeting you
is like reliving a memory

and loving you
is forgetting the worst ones

woven through fingertips—
gleaming tendrils of light,
a hundred lives woven
in the darkness of night.

stitches of amber
sewn through time,
with time itself sewn
through the ethereal divine

Yesterday,
I stole your drink.

At least now you can hate me
stone-cold sober.

each passing moment
i felt the scabs reopen—

running with you through the cold
if only my legs could hold.

and so i limp when i wake,
but on god you’ll never see the ache

one lone trumpet
calls out into the night,
over a field of tumble weeds—
making love to its echo.

Ah, what a life for me!
Everything and nothing—
both to the extreme!

the skies have eyes
and i’ve got paranoia,
i feel this sinking vibe
just like i’m in water.

no matter what i try
i’ve still got eyes for you,
and in my lies
i’m slowly sinking towards you.

clutching your shirt,
as i melt away
through droplets on your arm
that’s just out of reach...

To run through the grasses, grasses of tall blades of purple and emerald.
Splendid views from the final steps.

With weeks passing, each step guiding me to the final destination, time blurred.
So much monotony bring the worst out
in weak-willed men.
A hike of millions of inches.

A backpack full, practically dragging my shoulders to the ground,
Always eliciting shouts of impending scoliosis.
Yet after three days, the bag blended in with the air.

i want a love that is selfless
a love that make you hate yourself
because of how good they are

i want a love that is warm
that you can sink into
where getting up is a foreign concept

i want a love that is an orange
split between two without thinking
deep under the tree it grew

and lastly i want a love that is easy
a love that happens slowly
and a love that is unnoticeable

sometimes the trickle of
words to my own self
seeps into my veins
and leaves my heart beating

I'm the cigarette--
glued to your hand.

I am the soft
flick of your thumb,

dripping ashes on your hand
like snow.

break me—
as much as you will.
so long as I
will always still
drift away
off my window sill.
my life of joy,
I shall wait until...

To dance through the
negotiations of gods and men,
To pull the strings
tighter than the strings of your dress.

Adrift from hand to hand,
with fingertips soft as leather
and a head as empty as the city,
you delicately play your hand.

God has woven your souls,
or so the legend is told.
But somehow I find you four years later
With another man, and a country to rule.

be warned,
you do not want to
see me grieve.

You told me once
to never stop asking
my hundreds of questions
that leave you gasping.

When you looked at me,
eyes tracing your hands--
with a quick grasp
at the drawer of your nightstand.

You asked me a question--
just like my hundreds.
So real and so hot
mouth open, body spread;

"So you’re telling me, somehow
i have to take the most beautiful girl
in my life,
and bruise her thighs?"

we battle demons
back to back,
both of us
protecting each other...

i haven’t seen
your face in so long,
that i would let them
**** us

to kiss you

Sometimes somethings **** sometimes,
sometimes somethings **** all the time.
When nothing ***** though,
that’s when it all hits you.

When nothing ***** what do we do?
We ponder life? Write ****** poems?
When nothing ***** we make other things
**** to stay entertained, I guess...  

Maybe we should let some things ****,
not really bad things—
but just enough
so it doesn’t ruin everything else.

love is just
an infinite amount of
conversations

I’m dangling.
I’ve been hanging
for so long
my arms don’t have
the strength
to carry on...
yet here I dangle.

I’m begging you—
don’t give up on me

please

Candle wax, renegades,
cigarettes, and lemonade.
Maybe it’s time to engage
in our ******* crusade?

Ink wells, stormy skies,
footsteps, little lies.
Revolution in her eyes,
our boats in harbor never tied.

Metal clangs, laying down,
boots soaked, name is drowned.
No longer pushed around
but too dead to make a sound

be the vines,
exist slowly. cautiously.

crawl up, looking for any
footholds to expand your reach.

exist violently.
tear down the bricks of
the building you conquered

and above all else—

rise to the top of what you hate the most.

deeply sorry,
i am that
i can’t bleed
a little bit more...

I’m woven in your veins—
tracing circles on your lungs,
draping shameless over your brain.
all through your blood i am strung.

with blood red eyes you met mine,
shone blue from the water and the moon.
mine faded to a deep and dark wine
as we drank on the shore with the loons

bullet in my brain,
even before you shoot me
i’m already dead.

who cares!

the spice on my tongue
that lights up my eyes,
you pull out my breath
with ropes and with ties.

Is it the caffeine
or the hunger that’s keeping
me up every night?

Today, I had more calories
in my beer,
than in my meals...

But who’s counting, right?
(me)

And as it appears,
I’ve gone and lost my mind and
can’t remember where

each scrawling night,
i stumble to my cave.
moss walls dripping—
the ocean kissing the lip.

i scratch my voice
into the bare rock,
with the sunlight trickling
in with the tide.

i poke my head out
when the night seeps
over the horizon...
i watch the cave flood.

try and speak your love
in the common tongue
pull and shatter above
rain down songs unsung

Confidence and cowardice
Which is your path?

One of righteousness
Or one of wrath

One lets you live
One lets you live on

A fine line between
Old age and long after you’re gone

The only difference I see
Between brain and brawn

Is the motive you have
And who sings your song

what to say
when words mean nothing
even to my own ears

Is it God I’m searching for?
Is it whispers deep,
deep in my ears?

Is it someone puppeting me?
With threads of gold
tieing me into knots

Resisting the pulls on my hands,
I tug with my might
And my arms fall with a thud

I wish to lift my arms,
Their muscles weak
By my own design

I beg for my tethers back, to a blank face.
Stone gaze,
With eyelashes of gold

Tears crash like waves on my chin.
Puddles of ash,
Begging words spilling out as sand

Cold lips press together as a silent nay.
I lift my arms to pray
But sadly they stay limp at my sides

I wake up to sun
pulling at my eyes,
like a worm yaked
from dirt to skies.

Kind and careful touches,
like hundreds of flies
dancing on my skin—
a pleasant suprise!

Kind wool beneath me,
wrapping me in thread
of a sheep who only trusted
and has since bled.

I wander to my home,
the path as long lost
as yesterday’s morning sun
buried under this ones’ frost.

Kind smiles greet me—
wheels thunder underfoot,
rolling into a town
thickly polluted with soot.

I smile deeply.
Live life as close to best,
I shall smile through it
like the knife through my chest.

when the tender stems
of light reach out,
they slide beneath my door
and pull me through—

and as the tendrils
dance in their own silhouette,
they tell my story
written in flame.