I was young and alone
Needed the piece to my puzzle
Didn’t know what I desired
Until there was you
I felt complete
And I was frightened
Not knowing how to love divine
I needed God’s direction
To help me leap for the sky
I was scared he would leave
Like those saying,I love you
Loved so much
Imbalance in my heart
I spoke up,opened up
His love surrounded me
I felt whole for the first time
Years later we have changed
But our love fills every star with light
I’m more than I ever dreamed
My love grows with each day
My Love,Sweetheart,and Honey
You are my Dear

The fear broke off my breath
My body frozen in weakness
Is this my time for death
Seeing my world with bleakness
With a screaming soul
I scream God’s Name
Needing to be whole
Rescue me and this pain
I can’t do this alone
Necessity is my thunder
Enrapture to your throne
To never be asunder
You come in like a flood
Loving me ever and ever
For sacrifice and your blood
Never Your Hand to sever
Healing to all my scars
Giving I my hand
Embraced by all the stars
For fear, now I can stand

A divine insanity consumes my soul
Showing colors I can barely behold
My eyes see the seas of possibility
Yet fighting master of doubt in its own committee
My thoughts are not my own
I look to a higher throne
Yet my darkness lingers
Fire destroy leaving nothing but cinders
Freedom and ******* has its fight
Crying for sanctuary in the light
Images swirl around my head
Looking at the scars and how they bled
The fire burns in a depth of a blackhole
Days and years dance and how they toll
The insanity speaks the only truth
Confessing,revealing,the only proof

Past memories burn my day
Pondering ignites the tears
A black mark against white paint
Choices encompass my mind
The why’s sing their song
Help is my hearts cry
Can the God of Heaven heal me
Prostrate I scream my life’s blood
Light begins the war with the darkness
Peace begins its roots
A spark of hope comes alive
Future again has no more power
Moments are love letters to the soul
To live now is great,and to live later is to falter

Will you still love me when I am not young and beautiful
When my face is a road map of my life
And my body creaks with the melody of dried wood in a fire
Will I still be your pretty girl
Will I still catch your eye in a crowded room
Love me through the grace of age
Please see the girl in the woman
And wisdom in the gray of silver
Never leave me nor forsake me
Will you still love me when...

Adoring you in the light
Your likeness is beauty
Your aroma is sweet
Your love warms my blood
My heart aches for you
Your voice is pure music to my ears
You overwhelm my senses
I cannot live without you
Never leave me, nor forsake me
Embrace my love with yours
Past,present,future I want to be with you forever
I love you, I love you, I love you
Jesus I love you

Oh my soul I am weary
tired of the fear and doubt
How can I be free
My past is the prison of my mind
The shackles grow thick with unbelief
My back is prostrated with pain
Please...I want to believe
I don't want to be afraid any longer
Jesus save me I'm drowning
I hold my hand out
I want to believe
I need to believe
My faith is fragile
But my hope is child like
Save me Lord
Save me.

I dream of your face
Need the warmth of your touch
To get you is such a race
Waiting for you is to much
Watching my youth expire
Praying for you is the great chase
This fear is a burning fire
I will hold you,this I proclaim
You'll be mine this is true
Sophia will be your beautiful name
And forever and always I'll love you

Show me Dearest your love
Leave me not alone
for tears fall in my exhale
Hold me in your embrace
Can you make me happy
or do I love love and not you
Am I alone per chance or choice
My mind is a race that I never win
I must let go

Where can I go
Where can I hide
The fear is at my door
There is a crack of darkness
It desires to envelop me
Falling to my knees
I cry out my pain
I see a rushing wind of light
hides me in sight
Dear God its You
Take me Lord
Keep me Jesus
Hold me dear,heart and soul
For You alone are my hiding place

I the Poet,
Seeker of worlds,
Light and darkness,I possess both,
Looking to see,
Listening to be heard,
Feeling to be loved,
To understand the silence,
Maestro to my music
Ink liveth in my pen
I,the Poet

Feeble in this heartbreak,unable to move
My limbs paralyzed by my fear
I need help,but cannot raise my hand
Darkness is a king I never crowned
I scream in such perfect silence
Homeless in search of a home in you
Breathless longing of a glimmer of peace
Can you save me from the mire and the clay
Of the buried remains of an innocence stolen
There,I can see a flame in the storm of my spirit
My emotions swirling in the power of your hands
Can you save me? Please I pray thee,save me

Holding tears of pain in my hands
my hands weak by the magnitude
of its power
looking to your grace to uphold my frame
for weakness has been my meal of transgression
without you I cannot venture onward
be my fortress to hold my fear in place
to be encompassed in light and glory
caressing me in Your devoted affection
Be my love,be my love,always be my love

In waiting for you
You made my dream come true
Alone would no longer be my label
Happy forever would be our fable
With every rotation of the earth,I would be loved
Answered prayers floating high above
Till you decimated our joined glory
Once upon a time was no longer our story
I loved you more and more everyday
Stilling my voice and I had so much to say
Pain was your weapon and you had much skill
Articulating my misery increases what I feel
Please Lord stop my suffering so I can sleep
And may they feel the fullness of torture so deep
Knowing they held something true from above
And now they have lost,nevermore to feel love

My eyes long for your embrace
Your eyes speak they may know
I must quiet my body
So it cannot share another thought
Dreaming of you and I and the perfect night
The stars shone brightly and illuminate
Your curved lips and your strong hands
Could I dare tell you what my heart whispers
I shall be silent and long in pain
Forever I will long in pain

I AM the same yesterday, today,and forever
is what you imparted
and You are so much more than that
You Lord are the very beat of my heart
You overwhelm my senses
and I respond with tears and awe
I don't deserve anything
I am nothing,am I not?
I hate my reflection
that cannot be me,please,not me
Yet I hear the melody of Your song Lord
sing to me my God,My Savior,My Lord,my yearning
Leave me not,change me,please change me
make me beauty,make me glory,make me love
Where the darkness claws and my insecurity rages
You give me hope...Your my hope
changing me to pure innocence
leave me never for Your my Everything

Can I let you go
Can I let you be
Can I let you breathe without me
Do I trust you will fly home to become one with me
I can't stand the beat of my heart
It yearns for you even in my sleep
Do I hope,do I wait,do I wait
My Love please come back to me
Please come back to me

The darkness of the void seemed seamless
Loneliness was the best friend I did not pursue,
he chased me down enclosing me in his *******
I screamed,wept,and wailed
Loneliness leave me be and let me breathe
impossible to find one who is perfect for me
Looking to look yet I do not see
Find me my love,find me
and death to loneliness,forever leave me be

Storms of life weather in
You whisper in my ear
telling me I am loved
I'm Your Beloved

When fear overwhelms
You invite me in
saying I am needed
I'm Your Beloved

Insecurity burrows in
You embrace every tear
singing I am special
I'm Your Beloved

Your love envelops my heart
You captivate my spirit
saying I'm Your daughter
I'm Your Beloved

Sadness you have been my cloak
and my dagger
dividing asunder the sadness from my hope
Hope I am wailing your name to save me
Wisdom show me the path of candlelight
delicate in it's way yet has the power
to give darkness it's own fear
I hate this heaviness,bringing me down through the waters
chains grapple my ankles and my arms fight with the very strength
God endowed me in birth with the breath of life
breath to fight with my sword and my shield
to cut the chains of Sadness and it's brother Depression
Lord,surround me with faith so I can move mountains
and the mountains can no longer crush my being
One day I pray soon to be freed of Sadness
and breathe the breath of Freedom

Do you know
Can you see
Would you hear,
would you take the time
I feel so weak,but I must hide
because if I open the vault
you would turn and run
you couldn't handle it,could you?
Yearning to be me
longing to be embraced for my feelings,my words
Remove the mask for good and be loved for my spirit
I have something beautiful to give
be patient and I will reveal it to you
just give me a chance
Give me a chance,I am more than smoke in a mirror
dew in the grass
wind through the sunflower
I can be more than the sunflower

My Love,to understand is to listen
but you must first allow my heart to speak
We cannot hide anymore,it hurts to deeply
our smile has been the thread that sowed our love together
but we are unraveling and our smile is a fake lie
Truth must be our lantern to lighten our path,
if there is a path together,but I see a fork in the road
Do I choose you,or do I choose me choosing you
I feel so lonely in your embrace
what do I do My Love
do you still love me,want me
Too many questions and no answers

Spirit of Wisdom I call out your name
will you sing your song to me and soothe my fears
Fear, alas he knows me,from seed to tree
working hard to confound my limbs
to break down my branches
O Great Spirit I wept a melody only You can comprehend
The wind blows through my leaves
and I am barely holding on
I feel myself falling,falling to the ground
I look to the Heavens to restore my grandeur
or at least a moment, a quiet moment for my end
But my spirit would not die
I became apart of that ground
my blood going through the veins of Father Earth
creating me,molding me,becoming apart of that tree again
Another chance to breath each season in,to hang on
and drink the mighty brook that flows next to my trunk
Wisdom I hear her now,now I am ready
Fear now he has a proper foe
being the mighty oak, I am my own defense

My inner self thirsts for the Living God
yet my spirit struggles with the darkness
Why are you cast down,O my inner self
you moan and weep over what you cannot change
the darkness tries without ceasing to cover my light
for it cannot darken my light,for my light comes from You
Weary my form is,it needs Your rest,calming my tears
Why are you cast down,O my broken heart
Hope in God,trust in faith,long for love
Wait expectantly for He Who is the help of my countenance
Who restores my inner self to the Everlasting to Everlasting Light

There is a Story in my soul
but I have no idea where to go
The story fights against my will
so much to think,to feel
Heart's desire is to write
but with fear and anxiety do I fight
Comes down to who I am
feeling like my will is out on the lamb
I need Someone to be my lead
so I can rest and think in the mead
Story let me know you and you me
so my will and soul can finally be free

The reason for the season is my Lord,but
what makes my heart warm with love on Christmas
is your embracing love for me
I love you more than all the times you've caressed me added together
I listen to Christmas music while absorbing the crackle of the logs in the fire,dancing to the music we make to each heart beat

My Love you are my Christmas, without you their is no food,no song, no present that can take your place
I dreamed for so long to find someone like you or rather just you
to love me so deeply that I am filled and I no longer feel empty
You are and always will be my Christmas Wish

'

Your words cut like a double edge sword
Forgiveness comes like rain,that I cannot afford
Draining me of my love because of the pain
Making me crazy, making me insane
You my Love are becoming a bane
I know your angry and you want your due
But I was not the One that hurt you
So I don't deserve your boiling point
I want us again to be a counterpoint
I miss you,I miss us
I don't want to fuss
I just want the two to be one
Crying lasts only the night,but joy comes with the morning sun

Where do I go to get more of you,my dreams or my reality?
In my dreams I,me,you,we can be anything,go anywhere
Alas,in reality your touch overwhelms my senses,
my soul and what makes up my soul; my mind,will,and my emotions
When we have no provisions and we are impoverished of our wishes and whims
We dream and travel through reflection to go to our beautiful Ireland,where the music
plays on the wind and the water crashes against the glorious bluffs
With reality we can dance on love's tender air,where I float and go nowhere because your strong chiseled arms keep me close
Oh,my Love I cannot choose,just like I have no choice whether or not to love you
I will just be your joyful Bride to live my life with you in my awesome reality and my faith filled dreams

You walk in the room and my breath disappears
I can't help but watch your every move
Our song is everything we do together
Do you even notice me?
Does my beauty put you in a trance or is my beauty nothing to you?
I adore our conversations,I could listen to your voice for hours
and I have when we talk in the midnight hours to morning
falling asleep on the phone,I feel so close and so far from you
Am I ever in your mind's eye more than a friend?
Do you dream of me like I do of you,what do I have to do for you to notice me?
You are Man and I am Woman,what else must I do to gain your attention
Being your friend is the hardest thing I have to do
Because I can't imagine you not in my life,I need to just let you go
but I have no idea how

I know every line of your glorious face
with an ever gentle touch I solemnly trace

You thought you couldn't injure my heart
and that you could get away hurting me by your cheating dart
But you were so wrong cause I am ready for a fight
I am so much stronger with amazing might
Revenge is my name and I am ready to take you down
I am not crazy, my mind is incredible and sound
Cheating guys are all the same and you never change
with your dog like personality and your mange
You rack up your numbers saying this is what makes a man
I promise you Mr.Dog you will get yours,you will be ******
I will find a real man,I will be respected and greatly loved
Only thing you will find is your many diseases and your doctors hand gloved

I thought the pain of not being respected by my peers was the worst
Until I met Social Media
She is a selfish dictator
Dictating who I should be,who I need to be
Telling me in every moment I am not good enough
Now if I get praise then I am elated,in such madness I feel accepted for my personal moment
Then the next day comes and I have to prove myself all over again
I am a blank slate,time for my begging
Social Media you have ****** my moisture dry in the deepest of my ligaments and bones
Who do you think you are?
How dare you tell me who I am?
You know nothing...nothing at all
To live ones life in constant expectation
left wanting to be liked,even appreciated for your work
Are you a photographer,writer,singer,lover of the Arts that have given you such joy
Artists of our past put out their work every 6 months to a year or even years
And we are expected to come up with something magical everyday,multiple times a day...again I scream,"Madness!"
I have been a people pleaser my whole life.
Beginning my life yelling at the adults,"Look at me,look at me!"
I grow tired of this impossible grind
Weariness is my comfort(how twisted)
Forget this,forget them all
I am going to go read a book now

Weakness is my enemy
Control is my vice
the illusion of protection
guarding my heart for out of it flow the springs of life
How do I guard my heart?
I cannot take the pain hurting me,the little girl
I hide in my mind's eye in a room with the thickest door
sitting in the chair of fear,possessing the scratch marks of my pain
the spotlight showing my vulnerability
I am that little girl,how can I protect myself
Outward I show the skin so thick
nothing can penetrate,I am God-like you can't hurt me
But if you had special vision you would see the world that is my burden
tears like showers coming down like a summer Southern rain paint my face
I have lost count of the knives that have pierced my back
Where are the truthful,faithful,caring, and empathetic
Are they a rare species that is extinct,or have they never lived?
This is not truthful,for I possess those gifts
and when I love I love with all I have,all that I am
why can't I find someone like that
I don't want to be hard,I yearn to be soft and tender
Friend-foe, Lover-Ex, I just want to love
So are you out there,have I met you yet?
Giving my heart I want and I want you, you to keep and protect it
My Eternity,keep my heart

I am your Bride,you are my groom
without you I cannot face our bed room
it is the place we laugh,love,and fight
Walking hand in hand it feels so right
The sunshine warms my skin and your lips
across my neck I love your finger tips
Shall we run across the summer meadow
even out of breath my heart feels so mellow
They way you look at me that way
you my Love have nothing to say
Yet your voice is music to my ears
and when I am anxious you embrace me against my fears
We will grow older together
being able to hold against any weather
Be my Love and I will always be yours
can we dance one more time on our floors
I will not live this life without you
you hold me to this earth like glue
One day the dirt will hold our form
this I ask and nothing more
To be hand and hand in the eternal flame
Always so thankful that I took your name

What am I thinking?
Nothing good only bad
put myself down,these are the weapons I have.

I am so weary,so tired
must fight,fight for me
why should I,what could I turn out to be

Let the mirror be my dictator
people are my judge and jury
if they could only see the shame of my fury

They believe they know me
I feel I have something to give
if I could just get a chance to breath,to live

Wisdom says don't listen to their doubt
Revelation speaks strength and hope
Knowledge can give me power against them so I can cope

I know I am not alone,you feel it too
We can rip their lies and deception at the seam
Beholding the Light and learning to dream

Closed down, for that Mom and Dad said they loved me
I wrapped myself in darkness with each star a dream that I could be loved
You the first made a point by poem no less,that you wanted me and wanted to love me
One of the stars shone brighter than the others so I allowed sunshine a certain place to shine.
Elated I was for I was loved.
The Wall I had built with childlike hands began to burst with hope and trust,opening my hands to hold yours my "Best Friend".

Then I felt with all my being the knife of deception and lies ****** in the light of that star which cascaded with hundreds causing such darkness in my soul.
You said you loved me,I dreamed with you,I made a door just for you in that encasement that surrounded that little girl...you said.

Since then I had others and I did not believe I could take the pain anymore,I would say goodbye
But You,You saved me from all of them to the beginning,to this moment
The little girl rests in Your lap listening to the loving music of Your heart
You never leave me nor forsake me
You have never lied
You simply hold me and tell me through You I am good enough
I don't need to be ashamed or alone anymore
Now my stars share the sky with the sun and the moon
and I see beauty on this earth for the first time
You love me,You said it...I believe it

I am so lonely for your smile
No one can make me laugh like you
Loving your eyes sparkle with laughter
I am so lonely for you

I am lonely for your arms
They are my comfort through my blessings and trials
They are my refuge and my fortress
I am so lonely for you

I am lonely for your faith
You believe in me no matter my sins or failings
Your belief believes I can do all and no army can stop me
My Love,I am so lonely for you

Weary of being broken
My wings are tired of flight
Weakening the soul for my fight

Drowning from being broken
The tears are more than I fear
Needing you to see my eyes and hear

Do I give up because I’m broken
My heart is overwhelmed and almost dark
But I must hold on to the lantern of my smallest spark

I am so afraid,so scared
How will I be able to bear
A lovely,sweet hearted child
Kind in disposition, loving and mild

A home and money to share
with a body weak and sick,it isn't fair
I just want to be a Mother
A Mother who loves Another

With all her heart
I am late to start
That is what the world professes
Not knowing how to get well,doctors keep me guessing

I just want to love...is this wrong
In my heart it beats it's own song
I want to love and my child love me
So my soul can finally be opened and I can see and be

A Mother.

I am so tired,so weak,so fragile
how will I take this next breath
So much to do and with what strength
why does everyone seem stronger than me

God help this weakness that feels apart of my bones
my blood cries out for someone to avenge me
I try to be good,to care,to love
but why do I feel so alone

Can anyone hear my silent cry
the weeping that lasts through the night
Awaiting joy to come in the morning
can anyone see me,can anyone hear me

Am I really alone,or is it all in my head
do they care and can they carry me
Carry me through my valley,with all it's hills
Someone hear and understand,so I may feel loved again

Walk with me through the storms of my pain
for it is your love that keeps me sane.
The enemy lies and says
abandonment will be your cause
because I am to damaged with all my flaws.
In my heart I beg you not to leave
give me a chance, promise you 'll see,
hard I am working, past their brutal abuse I will be free.
Vows I will no longer question for I will believe.
My Beloved I will honor our love
knowing our love will be blessed from the heavens above.
Your love heals me everyday.

What did I do
what did I say
what could I have said
why did you go away

I loved you more than words can give
you were amazing to me
you were so beautiful
nurturing just enough to leave me wanting

You were my hero
you were so strong
you could make me laugh tears
I loved you more than words can give

Abandonment became my world
the pain nurtured my fears
people were there only to twist the knife deeper
and increase my baggage

Family is supposed to love
I have seen their world myself
Why was I unlovable
Why did you choose selfishness over blood

I needed you,I wanted you
but someone has found me
so I want to say goodbye to all my wounds
allowing his love to carry my baggage and heal my broken heart

We are one
we are complete,I am complete,I was complete

Anguish blackens my soul
pain inhabits every tear
alone I am no longer whole
the shadows fill me with fear

I use to like wearing black
but not today,I long for a joyful shade
I stand immobile with the wailing at my back
staring at this casket,hoping my memory will fade

How can my lungs breathe
all these questions,more than a few
anger keeping me alive,how I seethe
when I long to be with you

Freezing hand of dirt,a thrown rose
shadows of yesterday etched in a thought
how do I get through this,I don't know
laying on the ground with you,I can't be fought

Dreaming,dreaming,I dream of this ethereal place
where I do not merely exist,I live
All my tears are wiped away,
pain is no longer my companion
I am finally free,free to be who I was created to be
and I am loved for it
******* is no longer my name
free to walk without shackles
Peace is in the land of my heart,war no longer has a place
I smile at you and you smile back
our eyes no longer possess borders
finally we are connected,nothing can separate us
My clothing is my glory and I am embraced
with the song of Your love
Let the world become a dream I begin to forget because
I am finally awake
Do not weep for me Child for truly I am in a better place
I am home.

One day I found my mirror of old
the girl stood now as woman
Memories swirled in time past
Adorning my face,excitement in my heart
mindful of the night,would I meet my soulmate
Dreaming in the mirror,time was a tool in my hand
seeing my wedding day and a future of mirth
but truth did not mirror dreams
life harder creating fears
Torment in my present and my sinking regret
some of my dreams did not beget
Found love and so much pain
Looking in the mirror,do I dare to dream once more
Holding on to my faith and what life could be
Reflect love to those you adore
To fight for that life and so much more

When did it happen
when was that moment
when you became my home
Your steadiness has kept me safe
it has warmed me from the chill of being alone
I am comforted by your embrace
When the spirit of fear tries to choke my peace
you are there to steady my hands and my gaze

That night when I could not find you
I was amazed how quickly my world fell apart
feeling that you were hurt or the possibility
of your absence from my life
panic became my every inhale and exhale

Then I heard your voice
and my world was sane again
surprise over took me in my realization
of how intricate you are to my life
I am more than wanting you
I need you and that within itself scares me
I have to have you,because you are my home

Your soul,that choice
how could you steal my voice
The trust I folded from the beat of my heart
in my mind's eye,we'd never part
We gave each other our word
it was rooted deeply,never to possess flight of a bird
Never would I think of the word betray
blinded was I to the secrets of your true way
The promise we made with our soul
it was true,honest,lovely,concreted with my whole

Now I leer and gaze at someone that might be honest and true
but I am overwhelmingly careful,never to be that fool
My heart taking so long to heal
so afraid to allow myself to feel
will I ever give out trust in my once childlike manner
flying now is distrust and doubt,color change this is my banner

I chase her,but I need her to catch me
finish this dastardly deed
Hopelessness you work in the Art of killing faith
Naked my soul should be so I can bathe
looking to hope so she can set me free
the sun rising,mooning dancing,my heart allowed to be
One with creation,living my very best
not one with exhaustion driving me to my endless test
Where is my freedom, find and fight to hold on to peace
where my mind is open for any demon to lease
Find my armor,need my shield,wield my sword
losing even one drop of blood I cannot afford
Am I the player of this endless game
Just tired of the fighting,but I must,to breathe the breath of the sane

Beauty you are
Love is your blood
I Am is Your Name
Your Hand is mighty,
yet gentle to every single tear
You war with death
yet You breathe peace
You make me laugh
moved to tears so I can weep and wail
the water cleanses my soul
You make me feel
Overwhelming my senses,
not one devoid of emotion

Take me with You
I want to go to Paradise
I despise this world and it's way
Restore my innocence
I want to believe again
I want to love...
I need to...