You are my mirror image
Which is why you make me so angry sometimes
We push and fight
Yell and scream
I slam the door, you hit the wall
Tension rises in the air like heat off the asphalt.

You spit venom at me
Your words hurt the most
I cry, you walk away
I crumble on the floor while you toss your clothes


Is this what we have become?


I convince you to come to bed
You grab my skin
&we **** the night away


Sleep.
Wake.
   Fight.
     ****.
       Repeat.

I don’t have to question why previous women fell for him
He is kind and gentle, dominant when needed, a head full of knowledge ready to tip at any moment
The words that linger off his tongue infiltrate my mind and carry me away to unknown galaxies filled of wisdom and smoke-filled lungs.
The way he sits between my thighs, glazed-over eyes, watching me melt
I can sense the hurt that he has endured before me and all I want to do is show this beautiful being that I will not do the same to him.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to find the words to say


I build up my wall and it tends to last all day


But when you caress me with your sweet soft hands


There is nowhere else on this planet I’d rather land


Because at the end of the day, you are my best friend


I promise to tell you my secrets until the end

My heart is open like a book
Feelings flooding out into my bloodstream
Hurt caught in my throat, makes me choke
Strained eyes to hold back tears
Skin so hot with pins and needles
Will you ever understand?

In 2017,  I wanted to die.
I wanted to know what it felt like to lose my breath, and never gain it back.
I wanted to know what it felt like to drift into an infinite sleep.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I didn't eat or drink water in hopes of withering away.
I didn't sleep in hopes of crashing my car on the interstate.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I cried until my body could no longer produce tears.
I cried until my head hurt.

In 2018, I want to live.
I feel the sunshine peeking from behind the clouds.
I feel like it's finally my time to know what happiness feels like.

The lines on my face tell a story of no sleep and cigarettes.
Too much alcohol and too little water.
Not enough food and not enough care.
The lines by my eyes tell a story of crying after you left.
Laughing when you were here.
Squinting at the words you said when you said goodbye.

There will be a day, in which you meet a man who makes you whole again.
He will make you believe in magic
He won’t stray to another woman’s thighs
There will be a day, in which this man will cry tears with you
You will begin to wonder why you swore off love before him
He will redefine ‘the one’ all over again

You're no longer the first thing I think about in the morning.
You're no longer the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.
He has replaced you.

He makes me feel things I never felt with you.
He is there when I need him, unlike you.
He touches my skin and explores my soul, unlike you.
He has patience.

Now that time has passed, I am not even sure why I fell for you so hard. You were selfish and had low self-esteem. I know those words are cruel, but I deserve the best, you know?

When he pushes me up against the wall of the elevator, with his hand resting on my throat, you don't cross my mind, because he is the only one I want to kiss.

Dear You,

I guess I have to accept the fact that one day you'll kiss different lips. I guess I have to accept that one day, you'll meet someone new and I will fade from your mind. You'll unfollow me on Instagram, or some petty **** like that, and at that time, I'll know that you have forgotten about me. I know I should move on. I won't lie. I've kissed other men, but none compare to you. They don't care like you did. They don't ask me what my favorite pizza is or where my parents grew up. They don't ask me what I think about love or if I ate today. The good morning texts are now long gone and I just want things to go back to the way they were.  I'm sorry if I rushed things. I'm new to this whole single life and to be honest, life was so mundane before you entered into it. You became a gleam of hope and a ray of sunshine on my soft pale skin. Thank you for showing me what happiness is and can be. It was short-lived, but I will always remember you. I will always have a special place in my heart just for you. You created such high expectations for the next guy, that I am afraid I won't find anyone to meet them.
I wish it was you. I would've waited. I am patient. That's not putting my life on hold; you were worth it. I want to apologize for words that may have upset you or pushed too far. I want to stop crying. I want to get you off my mind. I don't know how. Can you tell me how you did it? Can you tell me how to move on like you did? Can you honestly say my name and see my face, and not feel an ounce of pain? I was falling for you. You kissed me and I felt electricity. You will always be the one that got away. It's true. You made me feel so beautiful.
I wish you so much happiness. You deserve the best. Please never settle. Find someone who loves everything about you. Find someone who supports your work and pushes you to do better. Find someone who has your sense of humor. Find someone who loves you just the way you are. I want that for you-more than anything, even if it can't be me. Find someone, that when you kiss her, you forget I even existed.
I'm forgetting what your voice sounds like and I miss your laugh the most. I still think about you before bed and when I wake. The sun doesn't seem so lovely to me right now. I don't smile on the drive to work anymore. It's not your fault. We met at the wrong time. You were always very open and honest with me. I'm just mad I guess. I'm mad at myself for allowing my heart to fall so deep.


And
I'm
Sorry.


Love,
Ash **

He put his arm around me at the hockey game.
As we sat, he played with my long hair that grazed his hand.
In that moment, I felt like I was all his and he wanted nothing more...
than
to
give
me
all
of
his
attention.

It’s cold outside. Too cold to be considered a typical day in Florida. The night sky plays a familiar lullaby that surrounds my broken spirit and carries me home. The clouds are breaking apart into a pattern of transition and dissolution. I close my eyes and imagine my energy bouncing off the atmosphere of cosmic infernos and leading me to a new destination full of happiness and serene promises. The stars giggle at my naivety and shove me back towards the earth. I frown and try to grasp the Milky Way, but my hands frolic among nothingness and the moon light blinds my crying eyes. I begin to fall and images of regret and pain crowd my foggy brain. Not everything you see is what it seems, whispers The Moon.