and one sunny day
i ll just dissapear
but leave all my diaries
so all of you
will know why.
i want to be happy. i want to be somewhere else. i am tired of feeling so low because of others. i leave it all behind and be myself anywhere away from here.
All those times I’ve tried
Thinking that I’ve tried to hard or too little
To please the people in my life I consider important
There is a thin line for what is too wrong or too right for the soul
That invisible veil blended into the atmosphere
I’ve done it multiple times
Felt as if I’ve given my all and still fell short to everyone else
They couldn’t read my mind though
They didn’t know what they were putting me through
Only I knew what was inside
A black canvas with words scratched into it
They made me feel like a failure
And since I’ve failed...what next?
What do I do now?
It was all I felt
Not towards anyone but towards myself
How stupid could I be to go through so much and follow the same path again
Why did I still care about the opinion of people
My tears were proof of self torture
A gloomy cloud frequently hanged over my head
It showered me in black thoughts
Soaked me in dangerous emotions
They weighed me down with what if questions
I knew I would be fine though
To end all of the turmoil I thought of a temporary fix
It was that little white bottle filled with little white pills
I found great relief in the form of deep self medicated sleep
But I promise you now I’m doing much better
I do consider what people think
But I don’t allow those opinions to rule me
I am my own person
And I may fall short sometimes but nobody is perfect
And I’m perfectly fine with that
Because in the end nobody’s got me like I got me
I see people
a one way mirror.
Transparent to me,
dark to them.
I see myself
a piece of frosted glass.
I am starting afresh, starting new,
not with the many, only with a few.
I left behind what did not grow,
held the door open, asked them to go.
For this year, my head is very clear,
who doesn't uplift you, really ain't your dear.
For this year, my heart is very aligned,
who is not kind, really ain't worth your time.
-Paras Bajaj #PoetrybyParas
Instagram : @mr.parasbajaj
Standing here idle as the rain washes my plans away
Who can relate?
Now the cold winds are getting chilly
I'm slowly slipping into a regretful place.
I thought I could escape unscathed
but no, this is my fate.
I thought I could move my pieces late
Oh, what a dangerous game.
Procrastinating my actions
only to get caught in a vicious state.
The painful path was that I saw it coming a mile away
Yet I held to my resolve not to emulate.
As a result, I'm paying the prize in currency I had hoped not to pay.
Standing here now as I tell myself
how can i have peace of mind,
when i can’t help but feel like there are
missing pieces of my mind?
i gasp for air and realize I’m no longer whole, feeling the winds of regret
through and through.
my lungs feel as weak as the
late November leaves
that are left behind
during the changing of seasons.
i am reminded of the times i gave
the worst people
the best parts of me.
words they didn’t deserve to hear,
skin they didn’t deserve to touch.
i can’t turn back into my old self,
but in its absence,
i felt presence.
i was once just a flame,
but now i want nothing less
than to be a forest fire.
Unseen, unheard, invisible.
Sad, alone, miserable.
Too late I have realised - these are just words.
It is time I break my bounds,
step into shoes that fit,
Thank you to those my world who have lit.
No more scared or scarred,
ready for a new dawn, my positivity unbarred.
My 50th poem here on Hello Poetry! Coming back after long, ready for a new dawn...
I held scissors between my hands yesterday's night,
I cut a heart out of cardboard,
gave it a shower,
tucked it to bed,
sang to it a couple beats
and buried it in my chest.
Life did hit us hard
Life did left us scarred
Life took us this far
Life, give us the power to bear
When you make us the best
Out of what we are
In this brand new year
#NepaleseNewYear falls either on 13th or 14th April