A test, another thing to best,
A new you for another day
Sometimes you can't survive the burden,
That lay on top of you.
Your shoulders were never weak,
Until you saw the path that lay ahead
The mystery of life brings you down,
How does someone stay content amid such chaos?

Building yourself up every day
Only to be broken down again,
Overcoming your shallow misdemeanours
One day at a time.
If there's no bliss at the end, is it even worth it?
How hard must one grovel?
Maybe you've never seen the real thing?
Or maybe this is that path you were too afraid to travel?
If overcoming is the result, why must I even bother?

Maybe all I want
Is to persevere,
But towards a tangential goal
The sight of which still seems near,
It is too much, I often lose myself
In trying to build houses,
Over the grounds of disdain and despair.

Maybe all I want
Is to be happy right now,
Not thinking too much
About the load that I have to carry.
On the road with my dusty soul
I often wonder about could have been
Had I been normal,
Not letting my mind into overdrive
Running wild with thoughts asynchronous,
Maybe then I could have finally put on a savoury smile.

Can't always be proving myself,
I should instead focus on growing myself
To deal with things I've never dealt with before,
Tackle all of the unknowns
Trying to hold on to my peace of mind,
Never letting go of the grind.
What if I lose myself in the process?
What has been the purpose of all this struggle?
Isn't it to find solace in all things uncertain?
Or just make peace with what you had always known,
Still not fit for the task, I have got to grow.

I have got to rise, be mature
Get real about the situation,
Can't escape anymore
Is it a stronger sense of urgency,
Or a deeper sense of complacency?
That keeps you dwelling
Upon how things will eventually turn out,
Maybe you've always known.
Even with the work, you'll probably still end up ashore
In a sea of ghosts,
Never once been able to set sail for the treasure island.

Don't let the result bother you, they say
Well, that's the novel approach,
You've always been told to stay awake.
Never resting, never sleeping
For you might miss your chance,
With your ever fading vision
It's getting rather harder to hang on,
To the thought of you ever climbing up the skies
Bringing upon a tear down your eye.

Regardless, the wheels of change are in motion
You have to play your part,
Even if you feel like a deserted hut on a mountain hill
Like a cactus plant on a long country road.
It feels like the strangest thing,
But now you have a deeper understanding
You have to put it all on the line again.
Let your purpose be all-consuming
For this time if you fall short,
You fail with a purpose
Of trying to never let go of it,
For now, you are closer than where you were before.

If I let my sins do the talking,
You'll only hear them say
Pleasure is all you were seeking,
Pain is what lead you to stay.
Knowing this story of right and wrong,
Of pleasure and pain, of black and white,
Has got no end
Things so often knock you off your spirit
Bring you down.
For it was never binary
But rather multifaceted,
It was all the colours that you had found.

Maybe that's the only lesson here
Altering your thought process,
To walk with different shoes at different times
Always staying on top of each phase.
Winning is rather inconsequential now
In the longer run,
You'd have enjoyed your date with destiny,
With all its ups and downs.
All the times you'd have previously frowned
Now you'll smile in the same place,
For now, you learnt how to let go
Of that two-faced coin,
Holding on to the idea that experiencing a multitude of emotions
Is still a better result than waiting for the ultimate win
Feeling all the colours of the rainbow after heavy rain.
.

I often have a dream,
About this feeling
It is an escape,
This love.

I don't know where I am
So I thought of holding her hand
And taking her along
On a journey with no sure destination.

Sometimes I'm stuck
listening to the background noise,
I'm fading out into the unknown.
This seemingly perpetual dip in time
Makes me come back to life.

Realising a purpose
Now that I have her,
It is time to make our journey
Conflate and intertwine
Like Adam and Eve
Exiled from the garden of Eden
Seeking salvation together for eternity.

It is time to put an end to this pretend
Even if this union is treason,
For the summers are always slipping away
But the show must go on
We can escape together now,
Without having to give any reason.

don't worry about fate darling,
even if she got it bad for you
don't worry about things breaking,
even if I'm not there to fix it for you
for even fate follows her foreseen immutable road,
while you push on looking for some inviolate abode.

Life, as we understand it, could just be another one of our fickle imaginations
Every day is a new fantasy
We are running around in circles concentric;
Making us feel vulnerable and asking ourselves whether we are eccentric
With each passing experience, we make the circles grow bigger,
But are we growing, who's to know?
Maybe we are and who's to blame us,
After all, life is all about trying to be a better part of our selves
At the core of these circles, we lie and we never try to forget
Who we were during the part of the whole process.

Even if we did figure it all out, who we were supposed to be;
Never fearing about the fall-out and remembering our need to be free,
Even if we did stutter to make the best of it,
Did we ever try to feel like a complete part of it?

Who are you chasing?
Is it a part of you that you left behind or just another one of your own created versions?
At the centre of it all, we're still the same person
Who we were and we never tried to escape it, all we did was just reshape it.

We're running in tails of who we wanted to be
Never realizing how much we want to be the one we were supposed to be
But who are we supposed to be?
What's the cost of happiness we ask,
Is it drowning into your problems or giving life a way to seep through you?

Every tangent is different, every experience will take you away from your circle,
to make you feel something more
But that might not be the only way to grow, but it surely will be the right one
They say 'go with the flow' without ever telling the real truth,
Go with the flow as long as you don't crash and burn.

Chaos is everywhere, within you and without you
In chaos there's meaning, there's truth
It's inevitable but so are you
Each chaos is your tangent, maybe the aftermath is not the complete you,
It won't matter though as long as you take the exit
And get back to where you were before.

At the end when the dust settles, you're still your self
Your version who thought he was better than your previous self,
It was harmonious knowing what you know now
Even if you found yourself and how,
Knowing you'll never go back to being the same person you were,
before life consumed you and you became the paranoia that only you know.

You are still the centre of your creations,
Raking chaos in your way of finding a meaning.
Trying not to lose yourself along the way,
Before you fade away.

I'm in love again
Not with a girl,
But with life and other things
Maybe I'm feeling outside Of life
as I know it,
Maybe I like what it brings.

Do I Love things or people?
Maybe that's the question?
Why not both?
Ah, don't be greedy!

It could manifest in human form
But also lies subdued
within me,
trying to get out,
In forms I can't even count
It colors the dull days
Of this everyday life.

Keeping everything aside,
It helps me
Glow brightly as the summers day
For I know that they say
love is a gun in your hand,
Never did they tell me though
It's something you don't always understand.

I thought I had lucked out,
Of all the things it could have been
It just turned out to be
Yet another listless face in a luckless place.

in the night
all by yourself,
with some tunes
in the background
to hit you with the memories,
they all seem very real
you'd thought they
would simply disappear,
but a lot of time
has gone by since
and now here you are
where even the walls have ears,
having heard many stories
over the years
so what's it going to be tonight?
'hold my hand',
says the hour hand to the minute hand
of the wall clock,
tick tock!
as time seems to pause
and you deep dive
into the music,
lyrics and instruments
with their own
ups and downs,
yet in perfect coherence
the harmony taking you places,
feels like a nightcap
for some midnight nostalgia
coming back,
you snap out of it
as the sound waves
fade way
in distance
'well, that was a nice little adventure...
onto the next one!',
your mind goes.

Life could either be
defined by your parents' mistakes
or solely yours,
only here to live and learn
with the hindsight
that you may well be
one of those mistakes too.

The unparalleled serenity
Of a misty mountain top,
That made me stop
Right in my tracks
As I was rambling on,
With a haze of clouds surrounding
I gazed at the top.
The winds of surrender
The sounds of thunder
Had me shook
Before that first breath
That I took
With surreal beauty in front,
Of which I was always in the hunt
The desolate hilltop,
Is where I wanted to start a bonfire
The exquisite brisk of solitude
Was rather great to set the mood
Nature is very welcoming, I pondered
That is when it hit me
We are all connected,
Through some invisible wire.
We fail to see that,
Because we are all prisoners of our desires.
What a perfect recluse
to try and find my muse.

How far will you go
To get labelled as a giver,
Till there's nothing left to give
And you mutate into a taker.

when my heart was
inundating with love,
I tried to fill up yours
so you don't feel vacant inside.

I thought we'd both survive
by this give and take
only you took everything
in return for false hope.

eventually, I got to know
what I had to do;
just walk away from you
while learning that not all change is good.

I used to think you'd make me whole,
holding hands together we'd stroll
but the fairy-tale jig is up darling,
don't think this as a love poem for your soul.

my frantic anxiety used to wait for you,
now it just waits for a notification.

I feel like having a little part,
A little part of the sun
Like the hope that it brings
Seeking to catch the rays of positivity
To bring some of it into my life,
To still burn brighter,
Rather than burning out
By all things that lead you
To you dismay,
Winding you down at the end of the day.

Sometimes it's perplexing
When I try to rise and shine,
To be brighter than life
These rays of the sun
When it gives me hope,
Knowing full well it will all come undone
By my discretion
With which I can't even cope
Things have some way to spiral,
Spiral out of control
Tricking me into believing
If I even had that power for a fleeting second
Well, some things have a bitter end
There's an end to this pretend
I'm trying to give it more,
More than it needs
Despite knowing the truth
Which is not so great as it always fades,
By the layers of the facade that lie underneath
Can't be unearthed,
It all feels surreal
But the effort is, in fact, very real.

Going back to the childhood days,
When you were bright as the day
Somewhere hidden these memories still lay
Pictures of your innocence,
Dragging you around
The bluntness of reality leaves you to astound
All I'm looking for is a haven
A sanctuary for healing the wounds,
Maybe I'm chasing the wrong thing
Maybe all I need is somebody
Somebody to share the pain,
Someone to hold hands with
Under the beautiful rain
They always say that when you have love,
You don't need anything else
Maybe that is my answer,
Maybe I've been asking all the wrong questions.

Getting over myself, I come to my senses
Life can't be lived in future tenses,
It is what is, right here and now
Not thinking about how you go out
But what you make of it while you still can,
The journey of this ever running man
Running away for myself,
From myself
Maybe I've got everything I need
If I live in this space between
The beauty and pain.

In need of a light
That goes on till by seemingly endless days
Thinking of the impossible, I know
What's the harm in thinking
Of a better place in my heart?
Rather than these graves that I've dug for myself
Where the cold wind blows
All I hear is the silence now,
Never heard it like that before
Trying to make sense of it all,
Still leaves me baffled somehow.

All I need is a little part,
A little part of the sun
To feel the burn,
To feel the warmth inside
A perpetual storm resides within,
Cold winter snow in my soul
The fluctuations of my reality
Finally taking its toll
The moment is edging closer
So I decided to drop this act like a poser
Its time to be real, be a man
I would need a new plan
To deal with these mistakes
From which I can't outrun
Although it is easier said than done
But all I need,
Is a little part of the sun.

a man's word
is all he has,
a poet's word
may just be
a pipe dream.

Reality is jaded, memories are faded
The end of a long hedonistic night comes down to the same old plight
Reminiscent of the old days when you never knew you had enough to go on,
In the end, you always got more than what you thought
Is it the freedom that you're after? or is it the one that's chasing you?
Are you trying to create a story for yourself?
Or just being a part of one makes you feel complete?
Maybe you've always given your best, maybe all you need is some rest
Some shut-eye to take a temporary pause in a life that never stops
Will you ever get there or is it just a waste of time?
Will your passion be the wildfire you crave or will it put you in your grave?

There's no end to this pretend, maybe this is the wrong intent
Project what you are, there's no reason to be scared
Madness is the only reality and reality is the only madness
You thought life was a gravy train and you arrive late to the station
But believe that this struggle is your only salvation

Now that you try to fight it, try to snap out of it, it seems harder than usual
This encounter with your past self might not seem so casual
Maybe it has some significance
Or is there another meaning to life?
Well, if at the end of the tunnel you see the meaning
Will you chase it or would you want to transcend the feeling?
Because maybe if you already found the meaning, your life would lose it.

Talking to myself,
With a glass of whisky sour
If only love was a cake,
That I'd thoroughly devour
Hard to get off the
intentional high
In a world of unending emotions,
All I know is a melancholic sigh
Quiet uninhibited, this feeling of trance
All I needed is one last dance
Yet here I am
Hopping some brews,
If I fall in love again
I'm sure it'll make the news
The regular life
Now seen as an aberration
Of what used to be,
When we used to hold hands
With the whole world at our feet,
Just like the sky won't stop turning blue
Rest assured darling
I'll always remember you.

yet another quiet reverie
precursor for a life forgotten
snatched away like the dreams I never had
of lush green valleys around the mansions,
fancying a meal of venison
in a clandestine shade of night
sparkling wine was a flavour of few,
lying awake at night
with a lover by my side

raucous laughter coming from all around
kind behaviour of the family makes you astound,
as a whole rather than a half
all together cherishing your art

lives were made and ruined in the night,
take it from an artist for losing everything in sight

a kleptomaniac of not just thoughts but words to boot,
fishing for inspiration while straightening my suit

scrambling for meaning even in the delusions,
living in denial rather than waking up from illusions.

I've met so many people,
Seen so many faces
Yet here I am
Sitting by the tree
All alone,
Often Pondering
What life would have been?
Had I not cut off
People who reminded me of
Simpler and happier times,
Singing together
To the tunes that barely rhymed,
Had I not cut off
The things that always seemed so real,
And some feelings that I tried to conceal.
But here I am
Learning to be happy,
Even if it seems sloppy
Maybe God's watching over me,
As I walk along my path carefree
Maybe I was playing with my sanity,
Just by sleeping in the arms of destiny.
Will I be happy about being selfish?
Or is treading the longer path towards gratitude something I'd relish?

without a vision
people are rarely reminiscent,
of what they have been seeking
and fall into a deep torpor
maybe its this slumber
that makes them realize,
all they wanted was right there
in front of their eyes.

there was a girl, brave and bold
carried in her heart, a potful of gold
searching everywhere, knowing nowhere
where she would get her answer.

with such strong desires held in her soul,
a fire ignited in her heart
as she wandered into the dark,
the rustling of a brook, somewhere in the woods
where she would often sit by and ponder
'Is happiness all I seek?
or is it just one of life's very old tricks
and maybe it reeks?'

with such a heavy heart
she walks alone into the woods,
contemplating whether life is something
that she never really understood.

I met a girl
Last night,
When the stars aligned
In a straight line,
Like a 2-d plane
With the axis-aligned,
She came in
Like an external variable,
To bring another dimension
To add an edge
And take the edge off,
While I try to understand
This secluded sense
Of restless validation,
I try to jot it down
These words in commotion
Alas, poetry in motion.

stuck in an abyss,
staring down into nothingness
as if it will shine a light,
when you least expect it
lost myself in a manner
it was hard to recover,
with the missing pieces
still at large
but can't give it up,
not yet
I have a long way to go
before I eventually blow
looking for some sunshine
after this punishing snow,
clear as a crystal
while my husky's fur bristle
getting a cup of coffee to go,
its high time for me to grow
more than I ever know,
I feel it is harder
to pull yourself
out of the funk
when you have been down and out,
there is that element of doubt
hindering your next move,
to get out of the abyss
and find yourself in a place
surrounded by love and hope
sometimes even your heart can't cope
simply because it ain't used to it,
but this time I shall submit
to a higher belief
that everything is gonna be alright
give my future self a chance,
a chance at redemption
to take responsibility
for myself
and those around me,
a chance to start over
fail
and rise again.