Mohammad Kassem
Mohammad Kassem
7 hours ago

I am tired of being told what I should and what I shan't.
And I know this platform isn't for ranting and yet here I'll rant.
I am sick of being empty, aimless, vague and out of place.
I am sick of wasting all your air, of taking all your space.
And my claws, I use to tear my skin, so that I could be set free,
And my screams I let out muffled and hushed to spare you my agony.
And my body feels imprisoning, my breath is getting faint
And my eyes are melting, face is welting, dying from the paint
And the bathroom doors complaining from the numb and from the tear
And my psyche getting tired of all the sorrow and the fear.
And the voice inside my head, always saying I'm not enough
And the lies I tell myself like "you can make it, you are tough."
And the people I looked up, lived with, shared with my days
And the lies they taugh me, unconditional love, they said, stays.
And the God whom I once worshiped and for whom I often cried
And the deaf, the blind, the disabled, to whom he's closely tied.
And the fact that I am beyond your repair, beyond all that can be done
And the way I feel at the start of each day and with every falling sun.
And the creature biting on my heart at every given chance
And the demons sitting in my head, not letting me advance.
And the love I always had, different faces every while
And the feelings that I gave away and never even got a smile.
This is not a ranting place, and yet here I wrote.
Is this a good place though to write one's suicide note?

#love   #suicide   #hate   #god   #religion   #society   #lying   #rant   #lgbt   #parents  
Spencer
Spencer
22 hours ago

I

I swear to God, don't fucking have children
if you are not prepared for them to be less than perfect

II

you were offended that my father's sister
passed you a book about acceptance
obviously meant for your children to read
but she has MS, her
adopted children have Down Syndrome
I can certainly see her motivation
but you never could, you closed your mind

III

I knew something was wrong with me
when I couldn't stop writing until it was perfect
when I couldn't stop adjusting until I was perfect
you praised me for being so meticulous
perfectionists succeed, you know

IV

my diagnosis shocked you,
I could see it in your eyes
but you smiled and kept your cool
since shock is not honorable
since you must keep up appearances
you nodded and got me a shrink

V

you tried for at least five months, I believe
to heal me without interference
the psychologist, he helped
you told me to calm down and just relax
the psychologist, he listened
you shoved your words and multivitamins
down my throat as I begged for you to hear me

VI

finally, I'm on medication
it's a small, white, circular pill
it helps me more than "calming down"
I don't think you understand how tics work
you try not being able to control your body
you shrug it off and yell at me for my messy room

VII

I hear you joke that I can't have my illnesses
as I swallow the white pill
and a blue, more rectangular one after it
since I'm so disorganized
you chuckle as I clench my jaw

VIII

my father understands me the most
he is not like you; he knows
what it's like to be disordered
but you don't like me talking to him
according to you, he's lazy and wrong
you say as he is the only one with an income
this house creaks as the toilet plugs, again

IX

under my Hello Kitty weighted blanket
I tic and tic and obsess
at least you don't deny my first three issues
but you scoff at the possibility that I could
just maybe, jump off a tall building

X

it's taken two psychologists (one from school),
the guidance counselor,
a goddamn neurologist (he prescribes the pills),
and only now do you believe that I am drowning
you pass me an oxygen mask
but only when you're getting told what I am
whenever we get back to the place you call my home
you're holding my head underwater,
ignoring my input
drowning me

thanks, mom. seriously. got kids? prepare for anything. please.
Spencer
Spencer
2 days ago

I

when I was little
I got real bad nosebleeds
it would just come suddenly
a raging river of iron and angry red
even now when I've outgrown them
(for the most part)
I still expect one every time
I feel that rushing in my sinuses

II

when I was little
I pushed my brother into concrete
I'd just be violent suddenly
a malicious flash of white hot rage
even now when I've controlled it
(for the most part)
I still expect it every time
I feel that throbbing in my mind

III

when I was little
I got yelled at real bad
it would happen so suddenly
a thunderclap of misdirected ire
even now I still get beaten
(for the most part, every single day)
I no longer fear it
I feel the heat pressure cooking my insides

your affectations mean shit now.
#anger   #control   #parents  
Spencer
Spencer
2 days ago

I

I hit my head on your pencil
you marked the notch and told me to calm down
do be patient with your growth
women are, after all, shorter than men

II

I hit my head on the ceiling
you didn't forgive me for testing the laws of gravity
I wanted to fly at such a tender age
you kept me firmly grounded in my head

III

I hit my head while coming out of the car
so ready for the trials ahead
yet I was shaped in the mold you had poured me in
I was too afraid and too naïve to crack

IV

I hit my head on that lamp that hangs over the dinner table
funny how I'm so ready for the next level
you can see me trying to escape
you double-check that the doors are locked and the blinds drawn

V

I hit my head on the floor, laying down
I am ill, I am not what you signed up for
I have a penchant for exploration
you've clipped my wings and broken my ankles

VI

I hit my head on my friend, just a bump
because she's being ridiculous and my hands are occupied
for approximately eight hours a day, I am free
but I am tethered to this cage and shut away from myself

your children are not your property
Spencer
Spencer
2 days ago

According to you, I am the chokehold around your neck.
You shiver to the melody of that song that you love
And deprive yourself of little delights.

I am the reason you ignore the details in favor of the bigger picture.
You reject your friends and come home as you should.
Modest and honest and neat and nice,
You crawl into your bed and you crawl into your home.

I found you.
How could you?
Why did you wear that necklace of rope
And not the golden chain I got you as a child?

Don't demand blind obedience from your children.
Terry Collett
Terry Collett
6 days ago

Lizbeth sat
at the dinner table
her father beside her
and her mother opposite.

The dinners
were before them.

What were you doing
that took you so long
to come down?
her mother said.

I didn't hear you
Lizbeth said.

Are you deaf?
I have been calling you
three times
her mother chided.

Busy tidying my room
Lizbeth lied
looking past her mother
at the clock
on the mantelshelf.

About time
her mother moaned
it has been like
a tip up there.

Still is
Lizbeth mused to herself
picking up
her knife and fork
and began to eat
thinking of Benny.

She wished
he was upstairs
waiting for her return
lying on her bed
undressed
and ready to go.

But he isn't of course
she mused
forking in a carrot.

Her father talked
about his work
and the type of day
he had had.

I would gobble
this meal down
if he were upstairs in bed
she thought
looking at her
mother opposite
wondering what she
would say if she found
her and Benny
in bed together.

Best not
to think of that
she thought
watching her mother's mouth
opening and closing eating
her mother's fingers
holding the knife and fork
in that posh way.

Lizbeth thought about
that time she had Benny
upstairs in her room
a while back
while her mother was out.

But he wouldn't
and her mother came
back early.

If only he was
Lizbeth said to herself
if only he was waiting.

Her father talked on
her mother ate.

She mused that Benny
was upstairs on
an extra special date.

A GIRL AT THE DINNER TABLE MUSING ON A BOY AT SCHOOL IN 1961
#girl   #boy   #parents   #1961  
BE McComb
BE McComb
Feb 12

i wish my parents had
loved me enough
or just had enough
good sense

to put me on a diet when
i was nine years old

because now that i'm
older i can say with
certainty that i would
have rather grown up
thinner and slightly
worse for the wear

than grow up the
way i did
(fat)
and be the way i
am now
(fat)

because i ended up
distorted and
unhappy even though
they told me i was lovely

and i would rather
have had me miserable
and skinny rather than
miserable and fat

i only wish they had
told me the truth
instead of letting me
discover for myself

Copyright 2/11/17 by B. E. McComb

He had been becoming older
I looked at him the same
his dark hair showed no signs of it
his beard had flecks of grey

I remember we would take refuge
under blankets
or a fort made of cushions
we'd stay up later than our mother knew

soon he would be the parent
being hidden from
when his little boy grows up
maybe he'll be a rogue, like you were

occupied in work
with the thought of coming home to be a father
it feels like we're living the future now -
he's married and so settled down

light blue sheets cover the weary mother
they catch my eye, I smile
because they match the cap and romper suit
of his new-born baby boy

A poem about my new-born nephew.  I'm a creative writing student so constructive criticism is welcome.
#love   #life   #happiness   #family   #childhood   #baby   #parents   #birth   #beginning   #nephew  
Collins
Collins
Jan 30

Gone but for the warm kisses on my forehead.

A few months ago, my Mother died. Some days are harder than others. When those hard days start to become unbearable, I think of this. All the times that she'd kiss my forehead and say it would be ok. "Dor" is a Romanian phrase that is used to describe the emotional pain of being separated from the person you Love.
#love   #loss   #mother   #poems   #separation   #missing   #parents   #dor  

I will protect you, my child
no harm shall come
So long as I have life in me
I will protect you from harm

I will protect you, my child
no harm shall come
I have life in me
I will give all to keep you safe

I will protect you, my child
Though my body is tired
I am not done
Keeping you safe and sound

I will protect you, my child
If you’ll help me
My voice is strong
and my reason is still here

I will protect you, my child
Even though I am so tired
My will remains
and I will myself on

I will protect you, my child
From beyond here
I have given all
but have no fear
and weep not
for I watch on

#death   #mom   #children   #parents  
 
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