Maybe the next time
our eyes meet
like joining hands
you can come on in
and not disappear
like all my other
Maybe the next time
you lay the bait
I will take it and
let you take me away,
make the night
feel like a dream.
In the orange cream dying sun's half light
swaddled by blankets wrapped in dirty clothes
I open my lips wanting your taste
eye to eye, mons pubis, warm fragrance
To offer myself and soul over completely
When we were young did you ever think
we'd drown in the ocean of flesh between legs?
She smiled brightly, made noises
overjoyed much more than confused,
though that's not the story now, is it?
In an instant passion rises up with steam
gone again before I wipe the mirror and
brush my teeth, and once again I see
blackened debris, they're rotting out
from misspoke verbs
All that's sweet now is the imagining
of diabetic what once was
Two closed eyes reach back with a breathy sigh
withheld truths and well meant half lies,
cannot inspire lift again that left me,
but that doesn't stop the faithful
Has the tide this whole time been sending
waves of false hope, on which I'm floating?
Daydreaming, heating oil, she wants dinner,
and I hunger for satisfaction in new pictures
A hand for a finger, a tongue from both mouths
comforting by grabbing hungrily
until heads get thrown back, abs tighten
when pressed to relax, on the rack
stretched but both floating
Why does she want to drink my blood?
I don't ask just imbibe in return
Those days are long gone
Times when the worst thoughts could not undo
whatever flicker remains in the waning brazier's ember
Peddling chrome plated items of refuse
Is this all there is?
I wake up
I go to school
or maybe I'll have a bit of food before I go back to sleep again.
I brush my teeth
I take a piss
I look at myself in the mirror
I brush my hair
Every morning is almost the same
I text you, or you text me.
We talk for hours
sometimes even talking while I'm pissing
and we're fine with that
In school, I listen
I look around
smile at people
I don't usually get a smile back, but I don't really care.
I get home in the afternoon
lie down on my bed
I guess I'm spontaneous that way.
I'm in love
I'm in pain
I look at my skin and I feel like I could do better
but I just say "fuck it" and move on
But if I could do it all with you
I'm fine with it.
flowers bloom to the sound
of your voice
a heavenly melody that
keeps the songbirds in awe
as they try to comprehend your beautiful noise
i rest my soul in the softness
of every word
every syllable is sweet to my ears
like a stream gently sliding
on the soft and quiet earth
the sound of your voice brings
colour to these young petals
for as long as my love for you is not shown
the stems of my heart will never settle.
the radio static of a blank station
the moment raindrops hit surfaces
the gliding of wooden sliding doors
the tick-tock of the clock on the wall
the sounds of leaves flying in the wind
the period of time a guitar is being tuned
the mellow piano scale of moonlight sonata
the echoes of footsteps in an empty hallway
the breathing of a newborn and a dying man
the far-off engine roars of a car on a highway
the supersonics of an airplane flying overhead
the crashing of tidal waves upon the breakwater
the tinkle of chimes or frozen icicles on a cold day
the scrape of my pencil on paper as i draw and write
the scratchy noise after a vinyl record finishes to play
the ruffle of bedsheets when someone is restless in bed
the bristle of hair when mothers tousle their children's hair
w stands for wistful and wabi
s stands for sounds and sabi
wabi-sabi: the philosophy and design principle which appreciates the aging and decay (due to time and weathering) of an object, idea, or even a person. It is said that wabi-sabi is the feeling that stirs a wistful, sad melancholy close enough to spiritual longing.
"Senpai, are you okay?" you ask as I stare once again. Your steel pools look into my purple orbs, full of worry.
'God, how I wish you'd look at me the same way you look at cheesecake.' is what I wish to say, but all that comes out is a harsh "Fine.".
'Why can't I just say what I feel with ease?'
"Senpai, look at the birdies!!" you squeal like a child, even though you're seventeen. The birds fly in the garden, just like the butterflies in my stomach. And I almost smile...
'How do you manage to make me smile when all I want to do is cry?' is what I wish to ask, but all that is said is a cold "Be quite, brat.".
'Why is it so hard to express my mind?'
"Senpai, look at my new dress!" I look up only to blush, it goes unnoticed by you. But not by our friend of music, who stands with a smirk behind you. The blood red dress reaches your mid thighs and flows like a river. Long sleeves just the way you like it, to hide the scars. A white ribbon tied around your waist defines your curve.
'You look gorgeous as always.' is the complement I wish to give, but all that comes out is a sharp "What's the point?".
'Why is it so hard to complement you?'
"Senpai, I got you a present!" you hold a black and purple box in front of me, while dressed in a Santa dress and gray tights. Something our friends probably made you wear...
'You shouldn't have bought me something, being with you is enough.' is what I wish to preach, but all that is spoken is a bored "What is it?". And you pull out a silver chain with a silver snowflake that holds a red jewel in the center. You hook it around my neck with a giggle. And I fall in love with you more...
'Why do you still stay with me despite knowing what i'm capable of?'
"Senpai, you're bleeding!" I look down and see blood seeping through my sleeve. My eyes widen, as I hold my wrist and swiftly walk out of the room. "Senpai, are you okay?!" you ask in a panic as you follow, but I stop you.
'I need help, I cut.' is the truth I wish to spill but all that comes out is the acidic "Go away!". That night you stayed by my side, despite my pleas to leave.
'Why do you still care about me when all I do is speak harshly?'
"Senpai, do you hate me?" the question I've always dreaded hearing.
'No, Scarlet I don't hate you. I love you.' is the confession I wish to voice, but all that comes out is a simple "No.".
'Why do you make me so nervous with a single word?'
"Senpai, have you drank tonight?" you ask looking at me as we dance to the slow song. Your dress fanning out as I spin you.
'No, i'm trying to stop like you've asked me to.' is the gospel I wish to share, but all that comes out is a single "No.".
'Why do you still have faith in me after I've let you down so many times?'
Every question in my mind starts with a Why or a How, and are directed to you. You're all I think about day and night, trying to figure out how to tell you how I feel. Yet, I can't even speak my mind!
When I fell, you helped me up.
When I was lost, you led the way.
When I yelled, you remained soft spoken.
When I became violent, you became the voice of peace.
When I was harsh, you were kind.
When I was hateful, you were joyful.
The Sun and the Moon
Light and Dark
Water and Fire
Yet you stay by my side, but why?!
I'm the monster and you're the little girl.
I'm the hunter and you're the hunted.
I'm the demon and you're the *angel.
All I do is corrupt you, so why stay?!
update #1: still in the making but getting close to done. - 3/23/2017 12:30
I've never told anyone that I missed them,
never told anyone that their absence keeps me up at night,
never had the privilege, or perhaps the curse, of experiencing my heart when it's submerged in love and longing.
I guess I've been dipping my toes in the water - too afraid to jump right in. I've never been careless like that.
Love is not a game, not a lake you jump into during the summer when the sun is high in the sky and you're sweating bullets.
Rather, love is that oasis you find after walking one eternal day in the desert of life - the clear water you stumble upon and drink and drink and drink until you're stumbling away with lightheadedness.
Love saves you -
gives you a reason to say I miss you,
I can't sleep when you're not here,
take my heart with you if you really must leave me.
My mind is full of rhymes
Too clouded to find
A single one to pen down
Words beautifully woven inside my crown
Another page I turn, some courage I gain
But more than the ink, my tears stain
The empty white sheets that you've left with me
I pushed you away, but through my actions, couldn't you see?
I needed to hear something you'd say
That would give me a sign, hint at me to stay
Now all but your memory and this silent night remains
And more than an aching red, these heart wrenching beige stains