I'm in shackles, not looking for keys,
No dreams of escape, no silent pleas.
The iron hugs me like a fate I chose,
But this pain, this ache, only I know.

One by one, I break my bones,
Not in hope, not to atone.
Each crack sings like a prayer gone wrong,
A mournful verse in a forgotten song.

They do not see the blood I spill,
The silent wars, the quiet ****.
They think I sleep, they think I breathe,
But I’m unraveling beneath each sheath.

These shackles aren’t just forged in steel,
They’re made from every wound I feel.
And as my flesh gives in to dust,
So does my soul, so does my trust.

Each snap, a scream that no one hears,
Each fracture, stitched with ghosts and fears.
Not breaking free, but breaking down,
Stripped of name, stripped of crown.

No freedom waits at the end of this game,
Just pieces of me too worn to name.
But still I crack, bone after bone,
Tearing away till I’m fully gone.

Let them wonder what silence means,
I was never bound by chains,
I was bound by me.

Six weeks from now everything changes.
Leaving family and friends, colleagues and neighbours.
No more car or address, speaking native to strangers.
Just me, two bags, and thoughts as a burden.
I step into the dreams that I dreamt for so long.

— — —

Travel has always soothed my mind.
Backseat, between my brothers.
I look outside and explain it all:
That road heads north, look there’s fish to catch!
It doesn’t matter where I go, inspiration everywhere.

— — —

The divorce doesn’t matter, mom and dad seem happy.
Twice the vacations! Twice the presents!
Never talk about the other house, pretend and please.
It’s just a secret. A trade for love.
I lie well. Kids do.

— — —

When I grow up I will see it all, no secret can hide from me!
I am independent, I don’t need your help.
Who do you think you are for even offering it to me?
I’m smarter than you, I will find my way.
There’s nothing I shouldn’t be able to reach on my own.

— — —

We are doing great on our own, don’t notice the mess.
We don’t want a family, can’t you imagine the stress?
No one understands the way we think, how we feel.
Why even try connecting if it’s not meant to be?
We know the stories. We tell them. We believe them.
Isn’t that enough?

There’s no need to run, is there?
Look how well you’ve been doing!
Don’t ruin it chasing what you’ll never keep!
Are you sure? Not just impulse again?
Is it really necessary?

— — —

Bless you for all that you’ve done for me.
I wish you’d leave now, it’s time, but I’m sure you’ll stay.
Tell me all the lies I used to love.
Where’s the doubt and shame?
Show me if you are still able to be creative.

It seems easy now, a simple life.
Would I have even gotten here, if it wasn’t for you?
Tickets booked, goodbyes planned.
Or maybe everything has already changed.

I don’t really like who I am when I’m next to my friends,
I feel someone else every time I close the living room door in my apartment.

My mom’s at home.
I can’t recognize how I act when I’m living with my family,
If I lock the bathroom door, I feel myself now.

How can I be someone else when I’m still the person I am in any situation?
How can I feel myself when I’m alone if that means no one’s watching?
Does it mean no one is ever gonna know who I am?

Who will I be when I meet someone new?
Who will talk about me with sureness?

I still lock the doors of any room I’m in.

She's flying away
For good this time
Fells like we only just met.

You make heaven seem so dull
With your beautiful laugh
and tumeric juice.

You were never mine to lose,
Yet I lost you nun the less.

Entangled forever,  
until the tides forget to pull us apart.  

You soundly touched my soul,
And left no finger prints

We said goodbye,  
I wished you well.  
You said  It's just words.  

I knew That was the last time  
I calmed your flames.  

My deep blue waters are void again.

I wait at the lobby of your old apartment.
Just to remember how it felt to drop you off.

Riding in the rain seems a lot less fun.
Walks in the park a lot less nice.
And songs in the dark a lot less paradise.

I love you gently,
The only way I was allowed to.

I really hope you don't read this poem.
So we can stay goodbye.

Knowing you,
you'll have another one of your
Gut feelings and just know I do.

You're actually gone aren't you?

I laughed - not for likes,
but because the sky was kind
and the breeze felt honest.

I wore comfort,
not costume,
and danced without a soundtrack.

No mirrors.
No filters.
Just me,
at ease in my skin,
and joy
quiet as a secret,
loud as my heart.