You pressed up against me,
I was distracted.
While your eyes were closed,
When you hands searched my body,
I didn't get hot.
You hardened at the thought of me,
while I only did because of the cool air.
For once...I didn't care if people saw our pda
like the times I did before.
I wasn't shy like always
I didn't blush once when you complimented my appearance.
But in a sense, you still offended me.
I was more interested in your dog than I was you
But yet I still feel I need to have you to be
I tell myself
I don't love her
Though I miss her
Went months with out
Hearing From her
I was happy
Saw her again
Feelings boiled inside
Both hate and love
Should I let
Love or hate run my life?
Teach me to be more confident and reliant on myself.
Teach me to be more caring and considerate of my health.
Teach me that I don't need you.
Teach me that I no longer love you.
Give me a reason to despise.
Give me a reason to cry.
Give me a reason to scream until my throat becomes dry.
Tell me you'll never forget then find me at the bottom of the bottle.
Tell me you still skip certain songs sometimes because they make you feel hollow.
Tell me that you miss me, so I can be the one to turn you away.
Tell me that you need me, so I can say I need some space.
Let me be in charge of this so I can show you how much it hurts.
Let me push you away so you can contemplate your worth.
Then please let me come back so I don't have to think like this.
I've learned what ever lesson you wanted me to.
All of these complex things
Seen as a puzzle
I try to make up my mind
Most know my struggle
But what is a young man supposed to do
When love is a mystery
My mind and heart call truce
My mind speaks, and says to not abandon
But my heart is pounding, echoing like a canon
my mind fights back and tries to rebuttal
The effort goes unnoticed, seems so subtle
Did I do this to you made you feel the way that you
do I'm confused and lost and wonder why did I have
to say something I told you that I loved you and you
didn't reply back because you where already with someone
I just had to tell you but by achieving that I lost you
god what the hell was I thinking
the hour is late and upon the wall
i see words written in some
other worldly scrawl
and a part of me knows
I should probably be afraid
yet the only fear I have
is being swayed
to the side of the darkened gloom
that seems to penetrate
every corner of my room
and though I know
the morning will bring the light
it doesn't help me
while I'm here
in this blackened night--
peering at the writing on the wall
which is etched
in some other worldly scrawl
and finally I am able to decipher
and clearly read what is written there:
"Those who sleep here
must become aware
that when the night grows dim
and light shines through--
there will be death and horror
lying in wait for you."
Depression is hell and tis a bitch.
I hear Lucifer himself whispering.
You, 'buddy', are a mole. You're a snitch.
I'm numb, angry, sad. So damn confusing.
I can't trust anyone. What, why, how, which?
I'm not sure just what am I writing..
You want poetry. Not my ranting..
I can't help myself. I feel helpless..
I'm not weak. Done that, been places.
Forgive me for wasting your time.
Venting, words are dozen a dime..
They don't always make sense.
Heck, nor do I.. No surprises.
I think, I oughta shut up now...
Made enough fool of myself..
Will share happy thoughts..
When, and if it all, I ain't so low..
Give me something. Anything to quiet this feeling; this hollowness. Is this what happiness feels like? Is this what it’s like to be content?
I’m empty. I am a vast shell of a vessel that’s filled with such potential, such hope; but I waste it.
I’m wasted on the thought of you. The thought of you with someone else. The thought of being alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
It hurts. It shouldn’t hurt.
I am empty.
I don’t know how to feel but I do when you’re near and I wish that it would stop.
I want to be happy always.
I don’t want to be dependent on you for the sun to shine. I don’t want to feel as though you hung the moon. You didn’t. I did.
Wasted youth. Wasted love. Wasted space.
If this is what it is to be content; to be happy…
It’s a numb feeling.
Everything is perfect and yet…
I love with a burning passion, so much so that you get torn up and scorched in the process.
It is not a slow burn it is all consuming.
It consumes me.
I’m consumed with a lonliness when you’re gone and when you’re here I yearn to feed it.
I need to feel you, I need to be near you. I need to know you’re not leaving. I need to prove to myself that this is real and that you are here and that you love me.
If I don’t I burn, my fire stays in me and it burns, it burns, it burns.
I’ve scalded you; it’s too hot, you can’t breathe I’m smothering you and I can’t stop.
You push me away and the flames grow larger.
But when you go, the fire slowly dies out.
I’m not passionate.
I’m not a writer.
Slowly losing control,
Strings tugging away at my soul,
My mind is hazy.
These masks are my sanctuary,
Even though they make me feel like a liar.
I am no good at anything; useless.
So I put on a new mask everyday,
To cover up my mistakes from yesterday.
Hold your breath,
Let your heart grow hazy and hollow,
Forget what your purpose is.
You are just another masked being,
Ready to dive in deep of your own mortality.
Losing your true identity to all of those masks.
Slowly losing control,
Letting everything go.
As you let yourself go, and the masks take control.