Was it me, you?
I could not know.
As you sit by the veranda, I watched us fall down feet from each other
Years ago, our legs were entangled.
A choice made, that would change my life
Moving, living, and being together - then, nothing planned.
And now we don't see our plans as one,
And who could say what made that happen...
I'm trying to create my own - wonderland,
a place where darkness is not allowed,
and heartbreak dies, as soon as it tries,
to open the door.
a wonderland where demons turn into loving fairy's, and start to take care of all the flowers I'm trying to grow.
I'm trying to create my own wonderland,
a place where I can be my purest self,
In the highest form of happiness.
a place where I just don't want to
You will always be my little girl
Though now a woman in your own right,
And as you step out into the world
I pray to God you will be alright.
Though in cotton wool I would wrap you
To keep you from all harm if I could,
I understand that if I were to
That I would do you more harm than good.
Over the past few years you have grown
Into a wonderful young lady;
The strength of character you have shown
Tells me I have no need to worry.
So go girl! Do what you have to do,
There's a great big world waiting for you!
But remember, whatever you do,
That I shall always be here for you.
Love Dad x
She danced through wildflowers and wove lilac in and out of her long hair. She smelled of lavender and pine and she never went anywhere without a smile.
Dancing alone to the harmony of the wind and the beat of the rain hitting the ground softly she began to remember a better time.
A time before the hassle of growing up and before the sun stopped shining just a little to bright.
A time before she was afraid of sitting at home and just relaxing.
Remembering the smell of coffee and peppermint throughout her grandmothers home.
The idea that one day she would grow into someone she could respect and love.
She was strong and fierce but also slightly soft and simple.
She was wild and free but contained by walls of society she hasn't quite broken through yet.
Yet she continues dancing through wildflowers and spinning daisies around her finger tips.
She continues humming to the sound of the ocean and falling in love with natures secrets.
She continues to grow into someone she can respect and love- finding her own the only way she knows how.
there has been a split in phases
my bones have capped
i understand how my body changes
my hippocampus fluctuated in size in correlation with depression's hand in mine and my hair no longer grows blonde like yours did
my cells have divided and died to the extent that nothing you had in you is in me anymore.
i know it wasn't my fault anymore than it was yours
and that nothing of mine was touched like you were
your cells died
Behind my sternum, exists a void.
Made long ago on this voyage.
Trail and error; attempting remedies
From school, to art, to melodies
Continue to spirits, then Buddha
All these attempts: futile
Confusion, anger, melancholy
They say, "look in to find it's seed"
But how would they react
If they heard what I retract.
That I've looked introspectively,
From sphenoid to chest cavity
And found nothing but a void
yesterday, I learned of a thing called
a human-made environment, where plants
can bloom and grow with a bit of sunlight,
unaffected by snow and other
now, my experiment begins
i’m going to build one of my own
crawl inside it, make it my home
because i want to grow
because other people
like to stamp things down before
they ever get a chance to breathe
these structures called terrariums
they have glass walls, so i’ve built those too
they go up to the roof
but there’s something i forgot
to mention about terrariums
the things inside
can only survive with love and care
they must be watered and maintained constantly
this is where it gets a bit tricky
because the seed i want to plant inside my heart
requires not easy or intermediate level care
but an incredible amount of time
spent watching over, doting on
loving and looking after
until it can finally
peek out from beneath the dirt inside me
and I will name it Happiness