2 hours ago

i stopped checking the weather forecast because it's been 2 years and it hasn't stopped raining since you left

i took the bracelet you bought me out from underneath my bed, blew off the dust and wore it to a wedding. only to take it off half way through because as if being a prisoner to your heart wasn't bad enough, i didn't want people to see the shackles too

i stopped wearing my seatbelt when i drove 100 on the high way and started using drugs with funny names, i did anything to make my heart feel the rush that it felt  with you.

i kissed other boys and chugged the whole bottle while i danced on the table at the party, only to cry the  next morning because he wasn't you and even after all the alcohol was consumed, i was still empty inside.

i messaged you at 1am that tuesday night saying i was sorry, you messaged me back asking if i was okay and i told you i was, i was really drunk crying on the floor of his bathroom because he was too fucked up off drugs to hold me the way you use too let alone care about me at all.

i drove all over that small town looking for all the parts of me you stole when you left and all i could find was my self wanting to just give up and go home, only to drive half way to your house and realize you are not my home anymore.

i have never laughed, smiled, or cried the same since you left ,i will never be the same ever again. my world is constantly dark now and i will forever push everyone away because they aren't you.

2 fucking years. 2 fucking years since you left me, jimmy.
2 years of hell.

i fucking hate this month.
#love   #sad   #depression   #heart   #up   #lost   #break   #heartache   #imissyou   #imisshim  
Lady Bird
Lady Bird
3 hours ago

it takes time to sort through
sometimes you may get lost
it might be mind boggling
but keep  trying don't give up

I'm starting over fresh
putting the past behind
and moving forward with
every Tic and every Toc
with every minute passing
upon the great clock
I lose a little Yet
I gain alot...

#time   #up   #mind   #trying   #give   #dont   #keep   #boggling  
Feb 11

When do you know when you're all grown up?
Does someone send you a letter
Or does it come in a dream
Maybe it takes a knock to the head to realise it

I am stuck in between an age of
Wanting to grow older
Yet stay this young forever

Quite a pickle, ain't it?

#up   #pickle   #grown   #grownpickle   #uppickle  

Lately I don't remember feelings.
See her touch is all I know.
I'd rather erase it all from being.

I'm trying to be normal.
  I guess
              the pressure is
                          getting to me.

Maxing out memories,
     I was denied a visa.
Remember the time I wrote
you that card.

Brace yourself for this part
              For A small view in my heart:
Letting go is getting easy.
         But facing the truth is hard.

Sorta venting.
#life   #up   #break   #dark   #friendship   #rejection   #goals  

Does your mind go there?
When my ranting becomes too much.
When my emotions go haywire,
And you cannot hide.
Do you fantasize of the possibility?
When I am unmanageable,
And you cannot imagine the ability to take more,
And I am your biggest hurdle to leap in the day.
Are your dreams filled with thoughts of life without me?
When I am at my worst,
And cannot appreciate your forever best.
When I am unlovable.
Do you think of leaving me?

#love   #sad   #loss   #up   #you   #me   #do   #missing   #leaving   #breaking  

Something very deep inside
Something I have tried to hide
Somewhere farther than my mind

Something I don't understand
Something deep inside my head
Somewhere I can't really get

Something that I just have found
Something big something unproud
Somewhere no one ever got

Something huge
Something new
Something scary

Something I will work out soon
Somewhere only me and moon
Thinking deeply, using time
Feeling like myself and I

Shall the weirdness stop that day
It ain't meant to stay forever
I will deal with it, find the reason why
This new challenge shall begin!
And the light is there to guide
Through the darkness of my mind
Through confusion, through the night.

My stomach is full of sorrow

but my heart is void of warmth

A selfish coward who yearns,

for the ending of existence.

Candlelight flickers in the eyes,

but the spark is unseen.

#poem   #poetry   #sad   #dying   #sadness   #death   #up   #unhappy   #giving   #emo  

There is this place
With magnificent grace
Its so very peaceful

It abounds with love
And no one can get enough
But thats fine
Because there is plenty of time

There all is great
No one ever has hate
This place is called childhood

But not all are so good
And not just those from the hood
I was raised in a christian home
Yet still i was all alone

I hear others as they talk
And i silently gaulk
At how good they had it

And its like they dont even know
And i almost want to show
Them how bad it can be
To just let them see

But i just sit silently
I want to scream violently
But i never do

So instead i just write
From all these thoughts in my head
I used to wish i was dead
But now i can see
How it all made me
Who im supposed to be
Well im not there yet
But my life its not set
Im growing
And i hope its showing
So tho it was painful
Im in an odd way grateful
Not for who else was hurt
But for the way iv grown since

When life throws you lemons suck it up and pucker up.
#life   #up   #childhood   #grow   #tough  

Check in and
Check out
Breath in
And breath out
Let's play
A new game
Insane in the
Figure out
Too much
Feeling Free
Wild Touch
Catching Plays
I am ready
It went heavy
It went steady
Stop and think
Never be
Take your time
For this
A lot more
Than that
Having this
Right now
Makes me Question
Many hours
Until the
Real touch
Worth it
Was it
It is new
To me
We felt same
We felt differently
I'll embrace it now
And I'll take my time
There's no need
For structure
Find the

Feb 3

Release me from this disease.
I don't want to freeze.
I fall on to my knees
Feeling the breeze.

I'm at unease.
I don't want to die alone,
and turn to stone.
You know?
I can't go, on my own.

I've grown weak.
I ain't unique.
I been living on for weeks.
I don't know what I seek.

I feel so sore,
I fall to the floor.
When is this war over?
I don't want it anymore.

I'm in a trap door,
what a bore.
Before, I had a score.
I knew what I was looking for.

A dream that fired up like a hot steam.
I had a purpose.
I rose to the surface.
I felt nervous.
I was never worthless.
I never closed the curtains.

So please release me from this disease.
So I can go on,
and achieve my dream.


#alone   #not   #up   #dreams   #courage   #never   #give   #determination   #special  
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