Before the sun starts to rise,
before the world awakes.
In the stillness of mornings quiet
thats where you'll find the pain.
Pain of things that you regret,
pain of days gone past.
But the worse pain of them all,
the pain of choices you can't take back.
The things you missed while you were high.
The memories you didnt make.
The little voice at 4 am, you never heard
saying "Mommy, are you awake?"  
The guilt of never being there,
through a feverish night.
The longing for being the only one,
who would make everything alright.
You wish that it was you at night
who scared the monsters away,
and got cuddles in the mornings.
Every single day.
On quiet mornings you wonder what,
would be happening right then.
If you weren't a drug addict?
How much noise would there have been?
You think of how you would go back
in time if only you could.
You wouldn't do the things you'd done.
Instead you'd do what you knew you should.
But the past is past now,
and your choices were made.
So now you sit on silent mornings
with nothing but the pain.
And the knowledge that both your kids,
call somebody else mom,
and how its all your fault because you know
exactly where you went wrong.