Feeling kinda happy for once
It feels like a dream
And I’m scared to wake up

Messing up scares me
so much, I’ve become paranoid
Which messes me up

Screams echo
Down the halls
Bouncing on and
Off the walls

Pain and confusion
Lace the screams
Except no one can hear
Through the mask of glee

Too deaf to hear
Too blind to see
The pained cry
And agony

The uncertainty
Is killing me

No plan
For my path

No stone
To carve

No road
To ride

Lost at sea
No light house to guide me

What has happened to this beautiful home
Broken down and stripped to the bone

Crying
Pain
Loneliness
Hate

The dam
Keeping thoughts at bay
Cracks and overflows
Please save me
Before I drown

Hello
I remember you
I don’t know if you remember me
But I know I’m not really special

It actually kind of hurts
You left a huge mark on me
But you actually couldn’t give a crap
about me

Yes I’m hurt
No I don’t care
You have your reasons
And I respect that
I just wish I’d known

Oh, what I’d give
To stay in bed all day

A picturesque moment
Forever frozen still
Beautifully perfect
Before all became ill

Pictures hang on the wall
None of them with me in it
For I prefer being
Behind the camera
Than in front of it

While staring at the
Large, black abyss full of stars,
You tend to feel small

Writing this
Means the beginning
Of the end

•~•~•

The beginning
Of a new chapter
In my life
It’ll start a little lonely
And maybe stay that way too
Or maybe I’ll change
In a good or bad way
But it’ll be change
And that’s scary
But I can make it through

•~•~•

The end
Of an older chapter
That began
Just yesterday
Or so it feels
A chapter
I regret
And wish I could change
But it is too late now
It is still a chapter in my book
And nothing can change that

High school
Either
The best or
Worst days
Of your life

It’s still to be decided for me

I long for the days when
Ignorance was bliss
And
Innocence was kind

Waking up on birthdays
Used to feel full of magic
And special
Like that day
Was mine for the taking

Now
Everyday is the same
Dull and boring
Boring and dull

I feel like crap
For feeling like crap
And that makes me feel crappier

Nightmares plague my sleep
And my reality
And all the **** time

Eyes are supposed to be
the windows to the soul...

I think they’re really
Just funhouse mirrors

Taking something
And twisting it
Into something that is not

Where am I, you ask?

Lost in the clutter of my mind

Thoughts all jumbled up
Like a spool of tangled thread
And just as thin
So close to breaking

Fingers get caught
And slowly turn purple
Once released, permanent damage remains

My conscience plays the fingers
My mind the thread

Pull to hard,
the thread snaps
Don’t pull enough,
and it’s forever knotted

I want to die

Peacefully, on my own terms
Without pain or hurt

On my own
So that no one

Has to bear a loss
Though they wouldn’t be missing much


•••
Trigger warning ⚠️
(again, just in case)
•••


I often ponder
How I want to die

Do I jump off that balcony,
Or cross that street?
Do I use this knife,
Or just not eat

Thank you
For the likes
The loves
The follows
And the comments
It motivates me to keep writing
Espacially when I really don’t want to

What I didn’t expect
Was all that I’ve received
In this amazing community
Of (mostly) appreciative artists
So again
Thank you

Did it start with a bang
Or did it all just appear
Is it to science or religion that I must adhere

Religion is faith
Science is facts
I don’t know the right track

For I was raised with religion
But told science


Which one I believe is still in question

Beauty is in the
Eye of the beholder

Sadly my eye
Is not a fan
Of it’s view

To sleep
Would be an amazing achievement




At least until tomorrow

The combination I deal with is complete and utter hell

You do not strive for greatness
You strive for perfection

But perfect
Isn’t perfect enough

You don’t need a break and are not allowed mistakes
For you are strong enough

Smile
Say goodmorning
No matter the lie

Don’t cry
Sit straight
Don’t yell
No rough music
Be a good girl

For we only want the best for you

•~•

I mustn’t settle for greatness
I must strive for perfection

But don’t stop there
No matter how delusional it sounds

Breaks and mistakes are not tolerated
They think I’m strong enough

Smile
Say goodmorning
No matter the lie

Don’t cry
Sit straight
Don’t yell
No rough music
Be a good girl

Put yourself in the mold your parents made for you

The blade
A brush

My skin
The canvas

My blood
The paint

You are
1 in 7.5 billion
people on earth

Our earth is
1 in 8
planets in our solar system

Our solar system is
1 in 500 solar systems
in our galaxy

Our galaxy is
1 in 200 billion
galaxies

Our universe
1 in many possible
universes

We are so small

For nine months straight
You carried my weight

You’ve dealt with my flaws
I’m forever in awe

I love you mom
Forever and on

Shaking

Tunnel vision

Dizziness

No precision

Almost gone

Blurry vision

The world spinning

Vision fades

Lights out

Gone today

It hits me
Like a ton of bricks
Every single time

Sometimes
I’m not strong enough
To get back up


Brick by brick
I’m hit

An innocent little boy







Too bad nothing lasts forever

I thank him everyday
For him walking away