drifting in and out of wakefulness
feeling everything and nothing all at once
that lump in my throat
but i can’t cry
i shut my eyes and press against them my palms.
i see swivels and vanishing spirals,
i see everything and nothing all at once
and i’m begging for it not to stop.
i scream into a pillow leaving traces of saliva
i still can’t cry, i still just can’t cry.
my head hurts like a hundred fingers flicking at it
it tingles like ants crawling underneath.
it feels sunken like the titanic with all its people
and i’m jack in the freezing water.
my eyes heave and try fluttering shut
i say no, not now.
it’s strange how my brain is a different entity,
almost like a guest that is always “going to leave”
but ends up staying the whole time.
maybe if i slit my forehead open
the ants under my skin will stop
maybe my head will finally feel light
even though my hair has been gone for days.
dear disheveled mind,
I'll call you "Euphoria"
I'll make your name that
I'll cry out your praises
And brand you on my heart
So scream, love
Scream and let me hear
For the greatest joy is
When I have you near
Euphoria is you
When your voice rings
I'll paint you all blue
So your eyes bling
Like a sky full of stars
You ensnare me
Your humble servant
Down on one knee
The sound of pleasure
You ring out of me
I shall always treasure
And for more, plead
Come now, O' love
Do you not see?
The galaxies above
Sing your glee
Euphoria is what I feel
When possessed by you
Head over heels
And all the lies are true
I come alive and more
When molded by you
Euphoric is your charm
Angelic is your hue
I do not love you
There is no truth in this
I'd gladly sacrifice
My heart's happiness
For you I truly do
Little less than worship
I'll slit my veins
My blood will drip
Euphoria is you
In every meaning
It all is true
There is no weaning
I just woke up,
From deep sleep,
Had a dream,
It was a crazy dream as usual,
But I saw someone in it,
And my stomach felt unusual,
Someone I haven't thought about in in a bit,
Someone I tried to forget,
A friend I met,
A friend I tried,
Or that's what I thought,
From a distance she said hi!,
The easy she always would,
Towards her I look,
And felt scared,
Scared when old deep memories come back,
Or was swimming in a void,
Those 2 seconds,
Opened old wounds,
Triggered old memories,
And old feelings.
Knowledge wakes up my dome with bombs thrown down my street.
I wake up, lost in dust & gun shells
" Shhhh. Be quite. "
As the sound of 1000 soldiers stomp across my heart.
Time stood still.
As my mom gets snatched right in front of me
" MOM, MOM, PLEASE don't take her away!"
I try to get one final word
"I love you. "
But it's heard on the bullet that went threw her brain.
Because of that,
I will never be the same.
America took away the one I adore.
For what. ?
All because of this war. ?
Just because my mom dressed in a long robe that hides her face?
Means she's hiding a terrorist in this place?
Is ready to enbattle vengeance on the American race.
These open wounds won't stop these open minded bombs
Won't reverse time
These open eyes
Won't stop the flashbacks
" STRAY BULLET! ".
And these soilders,
Won't stop this WAR.
Let's play a game!
Let's play with your heart,
And see how much it can take to finally break!
Let's see how many times I can tease it to finally make it cry!
Let's see how many times it can fall in love until it turns to dust!
Almost there! See how it becomes more and more dull!
Look! Look! It's fading away!
Look! Look at it weep!
Awww, It disappeared... You have one more?
you wonder why your fist bleeds
as i stand across from you with bloody teeth
and your only concern
is why your knuckles feel so raw
as my teeth fall at your feet, shattering
i am the one who was hurt
left to the pain, fed to the wolves
and yet you are the one crying
for your damaged skin
wondering, wondering, oh -
how dare you hurt me like this!
You can ignore me,
but remember that you once loved me.
Yes, it hurts me sometimes,
but then I remember what you've done.
Taking screenshots of my loyal love,
and making fun of me for my feelings.
Thinking my heart was just a pawn,
a pawn in a board game that you'll forget about.
This bitterness against you isn't me being a crazy ex girlfriend,
it's me being human and having feelings.
I just don't understand how you could tell me that you loved me,
but leave me for the girl whom you told me you couldn't stand,
and do this all in one day.
you said you love me
but i only smiled
you held my hand
i just let you but i didn't feel giddy
you looked at me with love in your eyes
mine held guilt
you told me you want to be with me forever
i only laughed it off
you told me why
i just smiled at you
you spat at how cold i was being
i didn't care i was laughing in my head
you asked how i can break a man's heart so easily
i said nothing
did you ever love me? you asked
i shook my head and you cried
you asked again why
my reply was simple
In love purely with a fancy
provoking emotion and confusion
a struggle to face freedom
accepting to abandon a bond
between us two
dreading you will glide over your memory of me
within a blink of my drowning eyes
lead by desire, desperation and fear of dependance
dreading your actions will be parallel to mine
a route i am ashamed to admit to
a journey of freedom
leaving behind a bitter ending
losing the chance for another beginning