Tears and tequila sloshing in her stomach
She’s a turbulent maelstrom, violently
Pulling and pushing people in and out
Of her suffocating grasp
The ocean calls out to her, whispering
“We are one of the same;"
Tugging and strumming the strings of her heart
As they wail to the violins
Shattered glass and swirling gales
Lure her to moon white sands
Her body moves unconsciously,
Gliding smoothly toward the tides
The waves crash at her feet and
She is salt water -- the teasing temptress,
Singing siren, luring men to certain death,
Spitting limp bodies back to shore like seaweed
Foggy eyes drip brine into the ocean
Essence fading with each step forward
Shallow waters embrace and murmur
“Welcome home,” her last moments
Preserved in the crashing sea foam
There was a full stop
hedged on a semi-colon,
but you just flew straight through both.
A train wreck thunderstorm, lightning bolt
smiles that were just a touch too bright.
One thing fell and then another, repeated,
endless cycles of your closed eyes, averted face,
until the pebbles that fell graduated to stones,
to boulders, and you turned and ran towards them.
Each step was a decision, each step another false idea,
another pathetic tragedy, trapped in viscous thought
as silence became a screaming, scorching pain after
you chose to become the enemy.
I was here, I was breathing, I was one step away
from you. But you did not reach for me, you did
not speak. You did not call. I left my phone on for you but
you did not call.
You stole secret to the edge and ripped yourself asunder.
You wrapped your fingers around our throats.
You decided to disappear your problems, to rest in pieces.
You resolved we should be the ones left to suffer,
standing perpetually in your shadow.
I still suffer. I am still here. I am still breathing, but it
is no thanks to you. Your mother cannot look at me anymore.
She says I remind her too much. She doesn't breathe,
she doesn't talk, she doesn't call.
She is the remnant you left behind, cast off like an old coat,
worn and weary and wasted.
Do you remember me? Do either of remember me?
Do you remember how I made you smile?
Because I cannot do it anymore.
Your legacy is made of salt and water
and all I want to do is forget.
Brother. Mother. Sister;
the family tree is dead.
Call 116 123 (free UK helpline for Samaritans), talk to a doctor, talk to your friends, talk to your family, talk to a nice stranger, talk to someone like me who will be broken and angry when you're gone. Please.
I'm paid to paste this smile on my face
Though it's rarely ever there
Because money doesn't motivate the clinically depressed
As much as we all would like it to
No, I won't make it easy on you
It sure is hell isn't easy on me
Driving through town with my music loud
And a pain so heavy I can barely breathe
Trying to drown out the hurt in endless caffeine
That only makes my heart race faster
And my breath more shallow
And most nights it seems I'm fading
Into the hell that is this life
Because I feel almost nothing
Except the shame and guilt that comes with existing
And my counselor says that
dissociation occurs most
with having done something awful
But how can I explain that
Simply living my life
Feels like an awful thing
And my heart tells me that
Death is my destiny
Of all things sentimental.
She came through the door wearing a suit of armor.
The door closed behind her with a rattle and tick of swaying arms.
With rust around her eyes she longed to be melted down.
A drop left in her can of oil.
The metal on her chest plate dull, full of dents.
She explained that her heart stopped working.
That the gears and springs just won't turn.
With a screwdriver jammed in the middle and a bolt or two missing.
I heard the man behind the counter say that he could repair it but she too insisted in a louder voice.
Its not worth the trouble, that she'd rather be melted down.
Too much time has passed, she wants to finally feel the warmth of something genuine.
I watched her as she walked into the welder's shop.
Some people laughed. Others wore a look of wrinkled eyebrows.
Revealing their defect. Noses turnt sharp in the air.
Beauty comes in all shapes and form.
A beautiful shape molded into tin to protect how precious she was.
Dings and dents from the rocks they'd throw.
The world is a cruel place.
Her operator forgetting her name, A reflection of alzheimer's not done intentionally.
The damage of watching everything around you slowly change.
The insecurities of home no longer being home.
She pierced a hole over her heart with a screwdriver.
Jamming the gears. Causing nuts bolts and springs to bounce everywhere in a buildup of steam.
Rust composites in the duct of her eyes.
I watched her walk through the door.
Making brief eye contact before walking through the door myself.
When I walked in there was no sign of her.
Just the man behind the counter setting out a new watch stained in rust
Damaged seeks damage
And misery loves company
I think that's why we're best friends,
We understand each other's melancholy.
I realized out of the blue
That I've never written anything for you
And that's just ridiculous, you know,
You're the best friend I've ever had
You're angry, and I'm sad
But deep down inside it's the same broken path
I destroy myself for the hell of it
And you watch with open arms,
You stick around.
Thank you for that.
It's three thousand miles of pure bullshit
But at the end of it all there is nothing more sincere
Than the way we can laugh with each other
After so many long years.
This is pretty messy, this is pretty dull
But I wanted to write something that hadn't been said yet
About something that hasn't grown old.
Our bond is irreplaceable,
Thank you for showing me unconditionality
And thank you for being around for refusing to forget.
See January 23rd, 2019
Is gonna either make or break me
I will fly my way across this torn land
I will stay by your side.
And when the clock strikes midnight,
January 24th, 2019
Will break it's way through the clouds to greet you.
A world without you would break my heart
Every day that came.
And in the time we spend apart
I learn the spaces between your name.
This one is yours, for you to keep
Please remember me, when you turn 23.
give it a try
not your hardest
stained my skin and left all sorts of marks
rip it apart,
there is no truth
perspective leads to no singularity
perception leaving no place for reality
bleeding gums and a pity party of the ages
except instead of bottles and ashes its
pills and bodily fluids
now why i’m alone i don’t know
he had my heart, though
denial is an old arch nemesis;
my mother’s truest friend
she visits me in your absence
instead of facing an end
she tells me sweet stories at night
“he’s coming back, and never leaving again”
and then rage, rage, rage
whenever i can believe you’re gone for good
she tells me sweet lies at night
“i don’t love you anymore.”
sometimes i wish i stayed inside my mother
sometimes i wish you had let me die, that day.
now we’re left with this game we play,
this stalemate game we play with each other
Like a razor
Like a knife
Throw a blow
Impale the heart
Twist the brain
To wish a death
Careful of words
In a mind's world
© 2017 Jim Davis
My paper crown has burned.
My wings have been ripped away.
My faerie godmothers are not real,
Neither is the court of Fae.
So while I sit and wait
For a darling prince to come,
I may as well remember
That there isn't going to be one.
Heart beats and paper wings,
Tattered clothes and souls that sing.
Beauty that relies on grace,
Salty tears that run down the face.
Hopes that give a crown and throne,
Fears that wittle down to the bone.
Angels protecting with all their might,
Demons killing out of spite.
Making sure another dies,
She won't live to be a butterfly.
I'm not sure what exactly this is, other than a culmination of my mind.