tears and screams and laughter
are but song --
then there is no tune without life,
Am I so deaf
that I cannot hear your melody?
Am I so cold?
When I sing
will you listen?
There is a disconnect.
Dancing to no music,
you did not speak in my dream last night
but you were there, parallel.
Your eyes screamed to me in the silence
and, turning away,
I was deaf to your dance.
Blind to your voice,
we have fallen out of rhythm,
nothing more than an old
My mouth became a cemetery
for all the words I didn't say,
I bought them all
tombstones and coffins
and buried them,
a self destructive funeral.
I could rip you in half,
turn into a lurid scream
and shatter your spine;
I think you would be
the perfect picture of putrefaction,
mutilated, in monochrome;
the very shade of my heart.
Self hate is so much more than based off personal looks.
The way your eyes slant downwards or are just a little too squinty, the way your nose takes up a fourth of your face.
The way the kids tease you that your lips are too big or small.
The way that girl called you fat,
The way they told you you can never be loved.
Self hate routes from something bigger...
A fire burning deep inside.
Self hate comes from emotion.
It comes from the people closest.
The ones your told to trust.
Mom, dad, sister, brother, aunts and uncles.
Mom and dad used to fight...
Your older sister said it was all your fault.
You blamed yourself for so long.
Then one day you took a blade.
First time you ran it down your arm.
Let out your demons.
They screamed inside.
And now they are free.
Sure the kids at school all play into this.
But it's so much more.
If only you could see.
Within you there is still beauty.
Therefore insperation remains alive.
You got past every name you've ever been called.
Every word your parents cursed.
You got through it all.
crimson gold you're a royal scream paper cutting
your own fingertips that my core is slicing its own arteries
like vicious ink smearing unforgiving skins
because the stars no longer luster the luminous mesmeric night sky
& every blemish is breathing
" beautiful sapphire don't you remember me?"
Bowl of riches
I have a dream,
I just hope I don't get assassinated,
To get rich,
Beyond my wildest dream,
So I can make my mother retired,
And not have have deal with her screams,
Day and night,
I shouldn't put up a word fight,
You go through to much,
To support our small family,
Your the one that suffers the most,
So every time you scream,
You just put me in such a mood,
So one day,
When I'm swimming in my bowl of riches,
I can make you retired,
So I don't have to deal with your screams...
-Paul R Hensley |||
hindsights stumbling over intuition.
Guts hard as a rock.
Minds eye coupling with superstition.
Feeling lost, without a paddle, up the stream facing tomorrow.
Trading calls, seizing, coughing out a scream. Laced with a sorrow.
Silence escapes the harrowed moment.
a siren: opaque.
Privately shamed, a borrowed atonement and a giant mistake.
On the nights when I couldn’t speak
I screamed the loudest
For my silence is never passive
I felt as if I were to implode
The inside out
Into intense particles
Scattered via combustion
For my words were in my touch
They haunted my stares
And you tasted them as they seeped into my tongue
You looked at me with your nothing filled eyes
And I knew I had said something
Even if I only sighed