Someday, maybe just someday
I will no longer be sad
I hope it will be in this life
And not in my next

Black and withered
Condemned to hell
Nothing to care for
Nobody to live for

Lost beyond redemption
Charred beyond recognition
Pile of broken bones
Leaving behind a trail of discarded hopes

Soulless spirit
Wandering the earth
Darkness the only friend
Death the only end

Heart racing
Limbs shaking
Ears throbbing
Stomach revolting
How do I just calm down
And stop thinking of it
When all I can think is what if

I can’t breathe
I can’t stay at ease
I can’t just let things go
Because anxiety won’t let go of me

I stop talking to everyone
I stop going out
Maybe it’ll make me feel better
But anxiety is getting the better of me

I’m losing control
Why can’t you see it
Maybe it’s just in my head
But why does that make it unreal

I am but just a slave to my anxiety
And I just can’t get free.

I keep living
As though love
Comes with strings attatched
And try as I might
I cannot cut through
That lie.

White canvas
Black lines
No space for color

White is too bright
Black is not dark enough
Oscillate between the two
Less towards the light
And more towards the dark.

Clouds roll in
Dark and scary
Threaten to push me under
Ask them to come join me

this transition
this phase
not the worst - maybe the best
could the kid have resurfaced
if not first folded into deep rest

Not everything sacred needs to be born of suffering.

Not every acknowledgement needs to come from rock bottom.

My love,
you are allowed to feel peace.
You are allowed to live a joyful life.
You are allowed to experience softness and call it sacred.

So stop using your pain as proof of your depth.
It’s time to retire that narrative,
that your pain is the most interesting thing about you—it’s not!
There are hundreds of beautiful reasons for your existence,
but suffering isn’t one of them.

You can explain every scar.
But when it comes to healing?
You stall.
Because healing isn’t poetic.
It’s messy, boring, frustrating.

Peace makes you suspicious.
If things go too well for too long,
your brain starts poking at old wounds or inventing new ones.
You miss the chaos even though you claim to want peace.

But here’s what you need to know;
you’re still becoming.
You’re still growing.
You can still be profound without bleeding for it.

So allow yourself to heal,
and let joy into your life,
because the best version of you isn’t your pain,
it’s your rebirth.

Don't punish your body for carrying the weight of your soul.
You are meant to be alive.

Weight gain
Weight loss
I'm in my hypomanic period
I have insomnia
I'm hyperactive
But I get tired... I do a lot of things
I move around a lot
I know that soon I'll have my down phase
It's the phase where I sleep for hours on end
I eat and do nothing
I gain weight
Then it starts again and I'm a live wire
I stop taking medication
Medication takes away my inspiration
I'm a vegetable when I take them
I'm no longer myself
I used to be unable to manage my emotions
I used to have tantrums
Today I manage without difficulty
It's a rollercoaster life
It's going to be like this all my life
I have to learn to manage
But I can no longer afford to be 'unstable' for my son
So I'm doing the best I can
I love you all
xoxo kass <3

what a sick coincidence
some cruel ******* joke
crafted by the god
he so desperately believes in


why would he want me
when he has two daughters
one he’s molding into everything
i refuse to become


the other still clings to his shadow
like it’ll keep her warm
telling me to be more forgiving
as if he ever earned a single ounce of grace


where was he when i needed a father
not a ghost with loud opinions


he disappeared
then returned
acting like he deserved applause for showing up late
to a life he walked out on


you don’t get to pick which parts of me you accept
and still try and call it love


i’m done pretending this day holds any weight
that it means anything more
than a simple *******


i made it without you
and that is the only thing
worth celebrating