what poison ridden blood,
flowing under my flesh
you hate the most;
incisors digging through
layer after layer of tissue,
you wish to extract
in a violent fit of
I do not know much of hemodynamics,
of the constant flow
which gives life to this body
no matter how much venom is introduced.
I know these vessels
are not filled with the red stuff of life,
but with a different ichor:
I feel it seep
through flesh and bone,
watch it crawl
down wrist and thigh and chin
on nights when creation
bursts right out
and breaks the skin,
in spite of everything.
I do not know much of art
but that it is a natural bodily process,
and that without it,
physical shock ensues.
still rife with poison,
produce a particular
attempting to remain
resistant to ruin.
But when the page is full,
that patient poet
and then silence.
Red, you see in red
Eternal soul, it drapes the line
deep blue veins
Eternal life, unhallowed pact
See only red
Can't scrape the taste from tongue, so
Dream only that in the end you escape
Every season I loathe
The change faced
I stare into obscenity,
Nothing can stop this,
It's taking over me.
I look into the mirror,
Despising what I see,
I realise that someone else is controlling me.
Im not alone in spirit,
I'm not alone in bone,
I'm looking for a way to descend into the unknown.
I hold a knife to my neck to see if it'll bleed,
I slice my jugular vein,
More blood I want to see.
It has become an addiction,
Unsettling to some,
To me it's the most beautiful thing that could ever have been done.
I watch myself bleed out and Incessantly laugh,
I stand naked, bleeding into the bath.
Maniac desires to kill and be killed,
Eyes turn yellow before the bath is is filled
With crimson blood,
My body will flood,
I dream to join a regime where it is normal to feel how I feel.
No one can know it,
No one can see,
What is this demon living inside of me?
Take it away,
Relieve the pain,
Before I bleed out,
Never to watch my blood again.
Burn yo castle 2 the ground
When u hear my niggaz coming don't u make a sound
Snitches get stitches but these suckers get fouled
If u don't
If u try 2 go 2 war then we don't conversate
Niggaz been fuckin bitches while y'all masturbate
Break a swisher
Make her lick it
Blow it in yo face
Smoking haters out the box
Summertime come around
Niggaz acting wild
Cpd hit the block
Sneakers shake the ground
Icy roads painted wit the blood
Fuckin wit my Lil niggaz
Meet up wit my snub
Meet up wit my snub
Naw meet up wit yo maker
Hera hermes shiva me?
But they ain't praying tho
U ain't even gotta mic so what u speaking 4
U ain't even gotta high so what u fiendin 4
U ain't even gotta lie
Who u sleeping on?
If he ain't getting money don't speak 4 me
If he getting out his body he can't blow 4 free
If a nigga get loud makeem rest in peace
Deuce deuce at yo chest like double Ds
I squeeze them thangs 2 make them squirt
If a nigga acting childish get his just desserts
No Häagen-Dazs nigga
We don't fuck wit lames
Pockets got diabetes cuz we stuffing cake
N that's on me
Remember when the boys n blue tried 2 cuff a g
Remember times got hard
We was hungry
N now the fam eating good no gluttony
So go 2 sleep
Lil nigga go 2 sleep
That's what my cousin use 2 always tell me
Cuz when id wake dollar bills is what id c
On me now we living outta dream
Yea now we living outta dream
Yea now we living outta dream n errthing ain't always what it seem
So don't sleep mf don't sleep
You'll be home soon while I continue to languor in orbit and disappoint myself and perhaps you. As we both go after what we want miles away from each other. Related tho. We are somehow related to each other just like my cousin Chris. I forgot what I promised Chris or if there ever was a promise. Tell him that he's amazing.
I remember when one of his luggages was sprawled on floor of the room he stayed in while he was here. He was folding the clothes he washed that day, and in a blink of an eye there was a pile of folded clothes. He said it used to be his job to fold clothes. How he filled my heart with pride.
Pride. We were drinking in a club one night, one of the cheap clubs in the heart of the city. We were binge-dancing, and he held my hand as we both drunk smiled at each other. And then we looked at the crowd.
He was leaning on me as we were going home, like an airplane on a slant.
For I reckon his plane was on a slant when it landed one February night - as I welcomed him after fifteen years of being away and disconnected from each other, like something was hanging in the air. The eye contact. And just like one of the Coldplay songs, there was a rush of blood to the head. But it flows. All over.
And as blood is thicker than water, tell Chris how much I care about him. More years of disconnection and distance from each other has no connotation. Tell him not to drop something important as he goes to wherever and forget how or when he lost it. Let him drop things when he is aware.
Ps. For days I thought I was progressing when he was still here, like I was on my way to somewhere only we know.
When you went away that sunny morning, I knew that you have led me to the zone between nature and reality. I know you had it for me - a mahogany jackwood lotion, and I could almost smell it. But where is it?
The things that I’ve been told,
And all the lies that spread
The rumours I watch unfold
Let torture claim my head
To open who I am
A lock that gleams so cold
To end where I began
To sell before I’m sold
A tragedy unfolds
Not all that gleams is gold
My actions deemed as bold
My habits have grown old
Tiring of this life
Aged before my time
I wish to say goodbye
Unlock a deep bloodline
The dark drowns the light
And the light no longer shines
The key, it gleams so bright
And now I bid goodbye
Sludge and blood. The smell of deep red iron
filtering through the rocks and bodies bruised to the touch.
Grotesque collections of pills and broken skin;
infections and secretions and violent affections -
Spit stained fingers and dilated pupils at thoughts thick with resin.
Waking up with sickness in your stomach and bite marks on your neck
The pull of clutching hands at strands of hair and bitten lips and sweat
Pulling deeper, sharp inhale of self-done stitches
Ripped open insides and the moment his breath hitches -
aches forever. Pulsing, swollen, bleeding on the brain
Sweet and sickly, gorgeous and gorged veins
Momentary singularity in pain.
who would have thought it ends this way?
the stars, how they had warned us.
now I don't know how to make you stay.
I can feel the life slipping through.
My hands shake, you are cold,
and I never guessed, I never knew.
My heart breaks as I let go.
we never knew where this led,
and now there is blood on my hands.
As the lamb makes his final stand,
now we know how this ends.
and now the sands tell your time.
as the wolf shouts to the moon,
the stars above you, they align.