Standing at the door, hesitant.
Wondering what I'll see.
The other side is haunting,
The other side's a mystery.
It could be the hell
I've always learned to fear
With dark emerging creatures
And an exit no where near
Drowning in your sorrow
Replaying every trauma
Screaming out to no one
It's more than highschool drama
Demons crawling under your skin
Breaking every bone
Scratching and tearing to get them out
You've never been so alone
Screaming in the night
Gasping your last breath
Ripping your own heart out
But never rewarded death
These images they haunt me,
But I've come to far to leave.
I must know what's in there
And what my future will be..
So here I go..
I open the door...
Oh my god..there it is....
This is what I've been waiting for..
I look outside,
See all the things that I'm missing,
I feel empty,
Too scared to still make the change,
I follow the same old pattern,
The pattern that kills me,
While I'm still breathing,
I'm choking myself slowly,
It's like a disease,
I'm supposed to live,
But I've given up,
Given up in slowmotion.
i want someone to read my dirtiest thoughts
and not be scared
or pity me
i want empathy
while i spit blood and cum and sweat and pull at ingrown hairs;
while i tell you i’m not sure why i’m alive
while i tell you i’m not sure anyone loves me
while i tell you i’ve had dreams about you exploding,
your insides spread across the living room walls
in some kind of strange irony,
i want you to be as sad as I am
but lovely enough to pull us both out
i want to be saved
little by little
person by person
word by word
secret by secret
until i know longer feel like you would run if i told you i wanted you to run,
or if i wanted you to stay;
until i no longer have anything horrible enough
to scare you away.
They're empty first of all.
And anything or anyone that appears to be there, isn't actually there, you-- are dreaming. Don't believe me?
Let's play a game, it's called, "Where's Waldo?" With you as "Waldo".
Yes, that's right, you-- have to find yourself in this sea of walls, floors and people you do not know.
These people, with stoic faces, walk the same halls, looking for the same thing. They do not care that you are here, and you don't care that they are here.
Just get to the end of the hallway, but don't go into the light, you are not here to die -- you can't. You have to find yourself before you do. But there are some people who die before finding themselves in the "Where's Waldo?" page.
Out of this maze of halls you find yourself in.
You are determined. You will not leave without finding yourself, do not allow yourself to give up!
At the end of the hall! It's you!
You found yourself! You win the search! Now go!
Run! Get to them, yourself is waiting for you at the end of this hall.
RUN! Run as fast as your legs can carry you! Because you do not have time to think, so RUN!
They need you to save them! They're calling out to you, screaming for help, for You.
Get to them, grab their hand, save them!
...And just as you barely make contact with their hand and lock eyes with a body with the same eyes and face as you...
They begin to fade, to disappear!! WAIT! NO!
You were so close to saving them!
You wake up.
It was all just a dream.
You were dreaming right? You know you were dreaming!
You get up. Open the door... exit the room...
And you walk down a hallway...
When you broke your nose, I remember the sound so vividly.
The bones cracking reminded me of my old walks through the forest on a late autumn evening, making sure to crush the freshly fallen twigs on the ground.
Your pain became my reminisce of a childhood dream I thought I lost. You knew me too well without even trying and that actually scared me
You were my human diary, you unknowingly held my secrets and brought them out of me. You made me happy when I didn't want to be.
I felt innocent but aged when with you.
Your idiocy made me mature with sensibility but reminded me of a younger self.
I can't forget who I was when you're near and I'm starting to think that's not all that bad.
How do people keep on trying
As though their hearts aren't broken
With every rejection, each no?
We just can't control what'll happen
We wait for tides to ebb and flow
Knowing fully well we're only boats
Impatient pawns on a chess board
In a horrid storm that only grows.
Waiting listlessly for an end
Confiding in foes and secret friends
Now I'm entirely at a loss
Which of my coins will Fate toss?
Or will it even try something
Has it given up on me too?
Just as I've lost hope in myself
I know what's false, but what is true?