For I have restrained from the light above
Thou, in the ogling reflection, stood, awaiting
Amorphous reiteration of the rue singes the flesh
For I ,ere sewing the sin on my flesh, was inebriated from passion and from those I regret.
The eons of dust arched the back of the wind,
Integrating through, never did they collide, only swiveling.
For I missed the light flickering,
Beyond the hues of tears clear on my skin..
Only in this meandering path do I bedeck my complexion,
With sins ,adjoining skin over skin
I have never admired
The way they nestle over sin.
Thee; The patchy and rough branches,
Sew beyond the bones under,
Inexorably calling to terminate
This pain over and under
For i have sinned, please tune me out
Discerned from the peaks of higher mountains; Apart.
Though the stars shine upon solely a dust,
For a jiff, merely descends the armour, down
Caved in, clemency seems away in clouds,
Billowing up towards the luminary.
Did I crave it or did I not?
Does flesh ache a lot.
I stood in front of a mirror,
Abhoring the adversarial and metaphoric matter
Ethereality strikes over my flesh,
When I commemorate the sins I have flecked
A bright, blinding light glows
Above me with brilliance,
Contrasting the ambiance.
My eyes are fixed on the hospital room's ceiling,
While my facial expressions change.
I see instruments used on me.
I let wave after wave of pain
Wash through me
And wait for the agony to subdue.
Sadly, hitherto, there is no distraction of any kind
That makes me forget the unbearable pain.
At the moment of utter helplessness,
The lines of my poem
Come to my rescue,
The words slowly taking birth,
Take my mind off agony.
I think of ways to describe
The hell I’m going through,
Knowing only too well
That I might not be the best person
To paint the picture.
Yet, here is my attempt!
I have the mad desire,
Raging through me,
To somehow leave my body,
Take my soul with me
And run away from the room.
I just wish I had the powers of Doctor Strange,
So I could escape into another realm,
Where I can have peace,
Where there is no pain.
Lying down there,
I secretly wish for death to take me,
Which I believe is sweeter
Than the inescapable torture
I face as a patient.
But that would make me selfish,
For I would leave my people,
The people who love me,
With a void that cannot be filled.
So, I wait patiently for my term
As a patient to come to an end.
And while I wait for the end,
I am writing this.
Sensible mural, feeling beautiful
water coloring rendezvous skylines
with sober contours that salvation didn't bless
perihelion callouses such as frantic want
dehydrating finger tips scorching seraphic crevices
like honey frazzles exhaling tremors between
breathless liquor halts
What makes me horribly gut-wrenchingly sad, is that at my weakest moments, I didn’t even think I deserved my tears. Like somehow in the grand scheme of things, my pain isn’t validated. Others have suffered worse, why should I think I deserve to cry?
What a low place to fall, that even my agony was a flaw.
They're all ugly,
they're all wrong,
they're all weird,
they're all annoying...
that's what I tell myself when I'm all alone.
Do you get to laugh like they do?
Do you get to feel normal?
Do you have more friends than family?
Do you feel attractive?
It's alright cause I'm content in the corner.
Your clothes make you feel important,
yet I don't even get noticed,
those shoes are ugly and fashionable,
mine make me feel barefoot.
After all I'm cool, I tell myself running away from everything.
Sometimes I wish I were dead
Locked in a wooden cage and buried six feet under
Just so I wouldn't have to feel.
Or deal with the reality before me
Sometimes I wish my heart could be ripped out &
shattered to pieces before my eyes
To reflect the shattering I feel on the inside.
Sometimes I wish I would stop feeling...
These tears that fall
Are seen as a sign of weakness
But what these tears are
Are a testament of hardships;
Of trying times only the Bravest could survive
Are a reflection of the open wounds
that still pulsate
Desiring care and healing
But are instead seared open,
& made to bleed all over again.
Welcome to my heart...
Life always somehow hurted
But I have lost all feeling
My emotions I find deserted
So much my mind is reeling
I feel my soul begin to wane
As I realize, I feel no pain
There are times when my soul
Should be black and twisted
But I look and I find a hole
As if the agony never existed
Maybe I've become insane
Because I feel no pain
In my confusion I cut deep
To see if I am truly human
I look and blood begins to seep
Feel the cut where the knife ran
Yet no emotion I gain
Why do I feel no pain?
My mind should be suffering
And my soul should be broken
But all I hear are the leaves rustling
As I look for emotions unspoken
My mind begins to feel the strain
As I cannot fathom why I feel no pain
Life continue its cycle
And more times I should be hurt
But the pain becomes spiteful
Running then hiding in covert
I decide to not wrack my brain
And let it hide as I feel no pain
Injected with doses of isolation
Solitude is where I sojourn
On the edge of the cliff Melancholy
Is where my Destruction was born
Paranoia drowning through my lungs
Hatred drawn across blood-red skies
Agony rained down and into my soul
Being beaten I had found my Demise
So down the road of Misery Lane
Im dragging my feet one-by-one
The land of Peace has been burned down
Depression became the new sun