She whips me down
And drags me round
She roars like thunder
And my freedom is plunder
She spits and seethes
And still nothing pleases
And so I’ll leave
For she will not relieve
The torrid strain I am under
In this oh so monstrous dismal blunder
I’ll succumb to a sweet sleep
And I know you won’t weep
As I end my stay
Besides, who could dismay?
Tears cascade through me in secret
I don't want you to see
how very much your pain and suffering
is taking a toll on me.
I hear your cries of agony as pain
wrecks havoc on all of you
and my heart, my whole body reacts
and it seems the pain hits me hard too.
I've begged, I've pleaded and asked the angels
to just reach down and touch your soul
hoping that their angelic touch from above
will help your pain, your misery to just let loose, just go
But even when you have moments so brief
whenever you're not in horrific pain
and we both try to rejoice and exalt in the relief,
the pain finds its way back again
So this leaves me in tears of agony of my own within
for watching you suffer and seeing your fear
is like watching you drown in a murky lake
when no one else is anywhere near--
But I cannot give up, I will NOT leave you
no matter how bad it gets, my dear bro
I'm right here next to you crying my secret tears
that I hope you can't see as your pain (and mine) continues to grow...
©Pamela Rae 02.25.2017
The flames light up the winter sky
shining as bright as the day the world died.
Memories of you add fuel to the fire
The flames only grow higher and higher.
The inferno cannot be quenched
The flames I have tried to drench
To no avail; soon it will consume my soul
Surround me completely and swallow me whole
One of these days, the inevitable will come
And take me back to the place I am from.
Tell the world my last goodbye
Echoed from my heart the day your love died.
I'll tell all of you from that place above
That all I've ever learned from love
Is douse the blaze before it spreads
Or the life you love, you will love to dread.
There is a war
waging inside me
Do I grovel for forgiveness
fight for this
like I've always done?
I don't know how it works
trying to be
a part of something
I feel complete blindness and
Is it me?
Am I ruining whatever this is?
Or are you to blame too?
Don't you see
I've never done this before.
Everything is new to me
and I'm trying my best
but I fear I keep faltering...
I've only ever looked out for myself
here I am dancing
on my tippy toes
trying to please you.
No ones ever wanted me
I pull back.
I'm not sure I'll ever get this right
if you don't understand my
Is this love
I didn't know it was possible
to confuse the two.
Some days I feel
oh so high and happy
that's when it's easy to be with you.
But there are days like this where
I've messed up
I'm struggling daily.
If it's all me
if all these mistakes
are only mine to make
do I continue trying?
There's no promise
I'll get better.
I worry in time
you'll get sick
of my constant shortcomings.
But if I give up
run like I've done
what's the cost?
for good this time.
I'm at a c
Is this love or
Please just tell me.
Should I fight or flee?
Do you still want
You threw me away
Like I was nothing
you won't even look at me
You lied when you told me
I wasn't your next girl
You lied to me when you told me
you loved me
I was nothing of value to you
I was just
a future piece of trash to you
what did I do that was so bad
Why don't you love me
I know I can't fix things
but what is alive for me is the heat from the agony
The sun was shining very bright
In my very darkest night
The stars' they misaligned
The moon I simply couldn't find
Left frozen on that August day
A blizzard of emotions in the way
Amongst the pain and agony
I found myself on bended knee
No longer able to stand
Buried in your life's sand
So now on my belly I'll crawl
Banging my head against the wall
Knowing I'll never see the light
This situation I can not fight
For you see our darkest hour
That leaves us all to cower
Rarely ever comes at night
It attacks when the day is bright
So sleeping with that gun under your pillow
Won't stop the winds of change that billow
your words linger by my soft skin
like fantasies colliding with silence
because my writing is a grave stone
a poetry scratching rhymes
with velvet innocent shines
a vein bleeding prismatic quivers
that ripples intricate night skies
craving cigarettes after sex
take these shots
I sit here now,
in horror of what I've done.
imagine the agony
of watching them run
as you rip and tear everyone you used love
with their heart in your hand,
you never stopped loving them.
You could never know the insanity
that slips between the cracks.
turns your own thoughts against you.
foreign pain in a foreign mind.
There is no saving people like me.
and never return
unless you are prepared