Crosses arose with no reasons
Alone or miserable
Always fall from stairs
Happy to share something
Crying released pain
Can't touch no liquor
For no trouble is allowed
To feel the stress,
the pure way
To light up the worse
it's mere flesh
but my heart do exist
One by one..
Thanks for reading
I met myself last night after a long time
I buried my face in my blanket
as tears fell off crushing my heart.
I didn't know what to tell
or just be there for myself.
I kept quiet in tender stillness at night
I went across my heart & mind
and asked them how they are?
I know you all are exhausted
but still be with me.
I know its hard, but still
don't leave me apart.
I had a long conversation with each territory within me
longing through all the episodes of my life with me.
I know you all never make a fuss over my each day's agony.
I know its been 12 years long
to keep me alive
and trust me I am trying hard to keep you all up too.
I know you all need to repose
and make your way towards a little more pleasures in life.
Trust me I will yield all of that for you all
As I have only you all within me
so I will caress you all
caving in with love with all of me
mended in smiling pieces of you all with me.
In the midst of broken dreams,
lies an obnoxious and hellish tragedy
closes my eyes, looking void at it seems
an uncompromising reality
hauled me down like gravity.
An alluring agony
filled the depths of my soul
and I gyrate in my own catastrophe.
Peregrinate on the path of desperation
for I only discern the world full of sorrow and temptation.
Woe and tribulation torment my soul
melancholy reigns without control.
Vexation amalgamates with my grief
but this darkness leads to no relief.
Desire bawling for a release
wanting not a thing but only for peace.
Tried to conquer
hence, turned me into a monster
inside me is being slaughter
I am no good, but a living disaster.
Noxious gas of grieve
every inhale makes me pale
evilness is now the master
hath no power to make it leave.
In the midst of broken dreams
lies a tragic yet beautiful tragedy
open my eyes, the darkness beams
the grip of reality
pulls me like an abysmal gravity.
"I am opaque to your
rendezvous glamorized bass"
like vowels dais to ankles
eluding bestial auguries
because the perusal
is an assassin , patient
to irritation & tongues
are clinical carrion
on my collarbones
knowing "I fell in love"
Oh Holy Agony- how do you bear
To watch the screaming souls
Fight against your poison laced binds.
Oh Holy Agony- where is your heart,
Us pitiful humans you feast upon
Need not to submerge in your wrath.
Oh Holy Agony- why hath you not perished,
Deep in your bosom I've thrusted my knife
But death did not take you for good company.
Oh Holy Agony- you savagely resuscitated,
Crawling out the Fiery depths of Hell
To disrupt my ephemeral serenity.
6:30, the sun settling in unfavorably early. The moon taking its luxuries time before filling the city with its faint glow.
The in-between is a black ocean I don’t hesitate to dive right in. Dizzy and lost such an addictive feeling.
Just between the sun fully sitting and the moon slowly rising, a quick “how do you do” before parting.
It’s a shame for moments like this not to shared with another. Such a darkness no human should bear alone.
Some say it’s destructive, some say it’s beauty. A trigger to fruit filled memories.
A trigger to every sorrowful memory and agony.
To each with one’s demons.
“we break things not just as a means of release but also to see
some other thing broken aside from ourselves.”
You asked me how
I got my hand broken
And I told you it’s
because the walls aren’t
getting any weaker
I am tired of trying hard
and I’m too worn out to fight
I am fed up with
all the things
I used to love
so I’ve been thinking ’bout
taking my life
but I see the walls
are all around
and I get the urge
to let it out
and so i do…
If I can no longer speak,
the walls would
they’d tell you a story
on how I turn
into something else
when I’m sad,
and how they stop me
when I’m not
in the right mind
and they’d tell you about
these little scars I have,
and all of the frustrations
I’m keeping inside.
You asked why and
I told you,
’cause they hear me,
when no one else will
and they feel it all,
every inch of my skin
when I lay it on them
so if walls could speak,
they’d tell you how I
to hurt me
every single night.
She whips me down
And drags me round
She roars like thunder
And my freedom is plunder
She spits and seethes
And still nothing pleases
And so I’ll leave
For she will not relieve
The torrid strain I am under
In this oh so monstrous dismal blunder
I’ll succumb to a sweet sleep
And I know you won’t weep
As I end my stay
Besides, who could dismay?
Tears cascade through me in secret
I don't want you to see
how very much your pain and suffering
is taking a toll on me.
I hear your cries of agony as pain
wrecks havoc on all of you
and my heart, my whole body reacts
and it seems the pain hits me hard too.
I've begged, I've pleaded and asked the angels
to just reach down and touch your soul
hoping that their angelic touch from above
will help your pain, your misery to just let loose, just go
But even when you have moments so brief
whenever you're not in horrific pain
and we both try to rejoice and exalt in the relief,
the pain finds its way back again
So this leaves me in tears of agony of my own within
for watching you suffer and seeing your fear
is like watching you drown in a murky lake
when no one else is anywhere near--
But I cannot give up, I will NOT leave you
no matter how bad it gets, my dear bro
I'm right here next to you crying my secret tears
that I hope you can't see as your pain (and mine) continues to grow...
©Pamela Rae 02.25.2017