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"tugging" poems
Bare-handed, I hand the combs. The man in white smiles, bare-handed, Our cheesecloth gauntlets neat and sweet, The throats of our wrists brave lilies. He and I Have a thousand clean cells between us, Eight combs of yellow cups, And the hive itself a teacup, White with pink flowers on it, With excessive love I enameled it Thinking 'Sweetness, sweetness.' Brood cells gray as the fossils of shells Terrify me, they seem so old. What am I buying, wormy mahogany? Is there any queen at all in it? If there is, she is old, Her wings torn shawls, her long body Rubbed of its plush ---- Poor and bare and unqueenly and even shameful. I stand in a column Of winged, unmiraculous women, Honey-drudgers. I am no drudge Though for years I have eaten dust And dried plates with my dense hair. And seen my strangeness evaporate, Blue dew from dangerous skin. Will they hate me, These women who only scurry, Whose news is the open cherry, the open clover? It is almost over. I am in control. Here is my honey-machine, It will work without thinking, Opening, in spring, like an industrious ****** To scour the creaming crests As the moon, for its ivory powders, scours the sea. A third person is watching. He has nothing to do with the bee-seller or with me. Now he is gone In eight great bounds, a great scapegoat. Here is his slipper, here is another, And here the square of white linen He wore instead of a hat. He was sweet, The sweat of his efforts a rain Tugging the world to fruit. The bees found him out, Molding onto his lips like lies, Complicating his features. They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass? Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her ---- The mausoleum, the wax house.
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38k
Stings
Bare-handed, I hand the combs. The man in white smiles, bare-handed, Our cheesecloth gauntlets neat and sweet, The throats of our wrists brave lilies. He and I Have a thousand clean cells between us, Eight combs of yellow cups, And the hive itself a teacup, White with pink flowers on it, With excessive love I enameled it Thinking 'Sweetness, sweetness.' Brood cells gray as the fossils of shells Terrify me, they seem so old. What am I buying, wormy mahogany? Is there any queen at all in it? If there is, she is old, Her wings torn shawls, her long body Rubbed of its plush ---- Poor and bare and unqueenly and even shameful. I stand in a column Of winged, unmiraculous women, Honey-drudgers. I am no drudge Though for years I have eaten dust And dried plates with my dense hair. And seen my strangeness evaporate, Blue dew from dangerous skin. Will they hate me, These women who only scurry, Whose news is the open cherry, the open clover? It is almost over. I am in control. Here is my honey-machine, It will work without thinking, Opening, in spring, like an industrious ****** To scour the creaming crests As the moon, for its ivory powders, scours the sea. A third person is watching. He has nothing to do with the bee-seller or with me. Now he is gone In eight great bounds, a great scapegoat. Here is his slipper, here is another, And here the square of white linen He wore instead of a hat. He was sweet, The sweat of his efforts a rain Tugging the world to fruit. The bees found him out, Molding onto his lips like lies, Complicating his features. They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass? Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her ---- The mausoleum, the wax house.
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60
Warming up; broad strokes, slow. Weaving in; zig zags, back and fore. Quick flicks; **** and sip. Wanting more. Long circles; slide, gently touching below. Come hither; and it's off you go. Wet drawers; when it rains it pours. Foreplaying; got us both on all fours. Knees weak; can't take it anymore. My lips; tugging yours. Amazing sensation; curling your toes. Lapping tongue; series of sips. Guiding hand; full of tips. Bodies part: tongue, fingers, nose, lips Raising tides; lifting your hips. Quality time; best spent like this.
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Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 5:54 PM UTC
Quality Time
i have slept restlessly for  nights now, reliving the events that have conjured within the past 72 hours. i think to myself, how would anyone want to bring another into this world knowing the pain they will endure? yes. you will feel pain, indescribable, chest filling, body aching pain from your head to your toes. i wont try to paint a perfect picture of this world and let you down. hating me every moment for the things i never said. you will be beaten down by others, torn away from the connection you thought you had. you will sit in a coffee shop alone, biting your lip with anxiety, and he will call you in the dead of night pleading for you to keep him company once more. you will miss the way you looked at the world, with innocence and purity, reliving every moment of suffering and rewriting its pages. you will invest your heart in people, things that will only let you down. but sweet child this suffering that you feel will be soon over. it is how you overcome these situations of awkward confrontation and scandalous betrayal. because one day a bee will buzz past you and you will jump up and down like a child again, tugging on the end of your own dress, smiling. you will laugh once again because the perpetual love you feel from those who surround you with positive energy will fill the gaping hole of disappointment that the world has so willingly handed you. like i said, i will not paint a perfect picture for you, because every artist has their flaws, but they cover them oh so well. and you should never have to carry that kind of burden. love always, me
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Nov 29, 2016
Nov 29, 2016 at 8:07 PM UTC
to my future daughter
i have slept restlessly for  nights now, reliving the events that have conjured within the past 72 hours. i think to myself, how would anyone want to bring another into this world knowing the pain they will endure? yes. you will feel pain, indescribable, chest filling, body aching pain from your head to your toes. i wont try to paint a perfect picture of this world and let you down. hating me every moment for the things i never said. you will be beaten down by others, torn away from the connection you thought you had. you will sit in a coffee shop alone, biting your lip with anxiety, and he will call you in the dead of night pleading for you to keep him company once more. you will miss the way you looked at the world, with innocence and purity, reliving every moment of suffering and rewriting its pages. you will invest your heart in people, things that will only let you down. but sweet child this suffering that you feel will be soon over. it is how you overcome these situations of awkward confrontation and scandalous betrayal. because one day a bee will buzz past you and you will jump up and down like a child again, tugging on the end of your own dress, smiling. you will laugh once again because the perpetual love you feel from those who surround you with positive energy will fill the gaping hole of disappointment that the world has so willingly handed you. like i said, i will not paint a perfect picture for you, because every artist has their flaws, but they cover them oh so well. and you should never have to carry that kind of burden. love always, me
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3
*Blue clouds gaze the wrapped sun frozen kisses in my blood travelling a thousand miles to meet up with you. There is none else walking down this path where memories wake up and dance inside my armored heart. I peeled off each kisses embrace out of my parched lips. I shook off the tree, where your scent had blossomed.* ***Every step down this scarcely trodden path saw... Each peel fall with helpless, damsel-like grace. Brown leaves shone amber touched by fingers of the sun Invasion of warmth through my greyed bony carapace. Gentle tremors reverberate within with subtle anguish. Sweet scented portal that took me back, To the illusion of time where we once were... In drunken stupor...laying under a star strewn canvas of black. Senses that spoke of a great fantastical tale. You are still here... In this cloying void with no one around... Only that scent...your scent tugging on my core Invisible tendrils berthing my feet back on ground.*** *Alone and wanting don't want to be anymore. I want to feast my lungs on your skin once more. I want to vibrate under your touch again, In anguished anticipation and sweet pain. I hurl your name to the echoing wind, Blowing ferociously over the closed passage. Only to find that I'm but elongating the distance between our fading wishful stars.* ***Fading far only to find that I'm lost yet again, Still harvesting a basket full of ripened hope. Traversing planes with warped, slanted doorways, Frantically seeking purchase on knobs with fevered gropes. Heavy layered breaths inhaled too shallow... Tracing missteps to decipher what it all meant. When all is moot...weary, weathered and futile, Forever I'll be bathing in the familiarity of your soothing, nectarous scent...*** Dajena M ryn
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Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 11:50 PM UTC
Scent
*Blue clouds gaze the wrapped sun frozen kisses in my blood travelling a thousand miles to meet up with you. There is none else walking down this path where memories wake up and dance inside my armored heart. I peeled off each kisses embrace out of my parched lips. I shook off the tree, where your scent had blossomed.* ***Every step down this scarcely trodden path saw... Each peel fall with helpless, damsel-like grace. Brown leaves shone amber touched by fingers of the sun Invasion of warmth through my greyed bony carapace. Gentle tremors reverberate within with subtle anguish. Sweet scented portal that took me back, To the illusion of time where we once were... In drunken stupor...laying under a star strewn canvas of black. Senses that spoke of a great fantastical tale. You are still here... In this cloying void with no one around... Only that scent...your scent tugging on my core Invisible tendrils berthing my feet back on ground.*** *Alone and wanting don't want to be anymore. I want to feast my lungs on your skin once more. I want to vibrate under your touch again, In anguished anticipation and sweet pain. I hurl your name to the echoing wind, Blowing ferociously over the closed passage. Only to find that I'm but elongating the distance between our fading wishful stars.* ***Fading far only to find that I'm lost yet again, Still harvesting a basket full of ripened hope. Traversing planes with warped, slanted doorways, Frantically seeking purchase on knobs with fevered gropes. Heavy layered breaths inhaled too shallow... Tracing missteps to decipher what it all meant. When all is moot...weary, weathered and futile, Forever I'll be bathing in the familiarity of your soothing, nectarous scent...*** Dajena M ryn
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42
Big **** The Head ******** was the head of all the ********* in the ******** Shed. What made Big **** so skilled and keen at dickheadedness was to be seen. Big **** had a certain ******* flair, for tugging at everyone's short and curly hair. He never had an important specialty, except for being a type-A personality. His skills were near to nothing great. He kinda looked like a backward ape, with a necktie 20 years gone out of style, and his middle-management bullshitty wiles; "I'm better than any ******** here!" He'd proclaim everyday with a prickish sneer. So they put him on his own cocky shelf, where he could reign all by himself, and every ******** ***** or asshole-wanna-be, would come to the ******** Shed just to see, what they could achieve if they'd observe instead, the ways and means of Big **** The Head ******** ___________ Dedicated to every single uptight, middle-management, pain in the **** you have ever had to work with or for.
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Aug 8, 2010
Aug 8, 2010 at 1:07 PM UTC
Big **** The Head ********
In his barren room of eternal darkness, you will find her suspended alone in space. The silhouette that continues to haunt her soul have returned to reveal its obscure face. Its eyes dazzles with the pure optimism for the uncertainty of what secrets the future has in store, But her dimly brown stained eyes are plagued by the sadistic knocks of death at her door. The seemingly gullible and naive entity clings onto an orb that has an effervescent shine, This radiant glow, beckons for my soul to remember, to remember that it was once mine. What is the reason for my once pure light to turn into the blacken, tainted soul that lies within me? Is it waiting for the completion of my quest to find my hidden euphoria to be finally be set free? Its voice sings to my inner demons, tugging at my existence like a synchronized team. But the painful reality of life has taught me that happiness is nothing but a just forgotten dream.
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Feb 15, 2012
Feb 15, 2012 at 2:59 AM UTC
Nostalgic.
At the Zoo Patriots and faux exhibit and binge on synonyms of liberty printed on beer and underwear Advertising what should be unspoken and inspired to pervert and romanticize Preludes to the parades and finale above us all Weeks of saturated irony Cuckoo bird irony and BBQ As they reform Phoenix, rebirth of distractions and thievery Predators in ally ways pursing America's diamonds and legs Then gunpowder Gunpowder of colors and cuckoos Layers of streets in gunpowder Towns built of gunpowder Sky is gunpowder We are born addicted to led and gunpowder Gunpowder ****** in the air Success, display and diversion and more gunpowder to ingest. The Grand Finale The Volta of the evening The hammer of the judge *** appeal of death and nature flexing it's muscles-   show us some skin! Covering your ears Eyes fastened- Ready to burrow back to mothers womb Binged and free Chinese celebration hijacked Red, White and Blue And a moment of silence   Orchestrated onomatopoeia in heaven Chorus of arousal on Earth Band marching war machines in hell The showdown of 241 years! This freedom we are all grateful to only talk about Only free to battle shackling intoxication Men and women tugging extra weighted offspring Sulking for indoors and portable addiction   Chanting three letter obedience God being counted by his blessings Fear and Statism in every breathe for salvation from our stick swatted enemies Checkpoints that serve and protect asking for a toll; liberty synonyms. Arresting the too free At the Zoo, The cuckoos regaining reality. The phoenix red eye and held under oath To the next day where we are back To hate each others freedom, again.
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Jul 10, 2017
Jul 10, 2017 at 1:31 AM UTC
4
At the Zoo Patriots and faux exhibit and binge on synonyms of liberty printed on beer and underwear Advertising what should be unspoken and inspired to pervert and romanticize Preludes to the parades and finale above us all Weeks of saturated irony Cuckoo bird irony and BBQ As they reform Phoenix, rebirth of distractions and thievery Predators in ally ways pursing America's diamonds and legs Then gunpowder Gunpowder of colors and cuckoos Layers of streets in gunpowder Towns built of gunpowder Sky is gunpowder We are born addicted to led and gunpowder Gunpowder ****** in the air Success, display and diversion and more gunpowder to ingest. The Grand Finale The Volta of the evening The hammer of the judge *** appeal of death and nature flexing it's muscles-   show us some skin! Covering your ears Eyes fastened- Ready to burrow back to mothers womb Binged and free Chinese celebration hijacked Red, White and Blue And a moment of silence   Orchestrated onomatopoeia in heaven Chorus of arousal on Earth Band marching war machines in hell The showdown of 241 years! This freedom we are all grateful to only talk about Only free to battle shackling intoxication Men and women tugging extra weighted offspring Sulking for indoors and portable addiction   Chanting three letter obedience God being counted by his blessings Fear and Statism in every breathe for salvation from our stick swatted enemies Checkpoints that serve and protect asking for a toll; liberty synonyms. Arresting the too free At the Zoo, The cuckoos regaining reality. The phoenix red eye and held under oath To the next day where we are back To hate each others freedom, again.
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47
Feelings, the treasure of ones heart, A flame, cast ablaze by the purity of righteousness, warm alike sunlight, yet not as burning or uncomfortably hot if exposed too long, As embracing, as a motherly tugging hug, full of love and dearness, It feels so gentle, like a soft breeze, sweetly touching the blossoming petals, after a soft rain pours water over their delicate, little bodies, So warm, as if enlightment were close to reach beyond the border of consciousness, growing strong and happy, alike a peach tree, Celestial is what it tastes like, sweeping over my transience in awe, It is but an emotion, which would soften a stone hard heart and make it alike cotton and wonderfully sweet as candy from amongst heaven, Inner peace, served on a golden plate behind a courtain of sunlight, describing the greatest pleasure,your drink and thankfulness for what you have, without greed, the desire to have more, despising violence, And even though humans will keep on living, such whilst being in a wretched, poor state, destined to fight on and hope for the better, Living, is what I find very beautiful. ~ Umi
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Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC
Flaming Soul
I. The heart is clumsy, our thoughts provoking disaster when pulling on the wrong strings before the storm, and after. II. You and I, encompass the sky that hovers above us holding clouds that serve purpose to embellish or destroy waiting for the wind to mould us into strange shapes tugging at others’ curiosity not knowing what we are or where we’re going. III. Muffled speech, blinding weather in his eyes, today we are not raining together drop by drop He falls and changes, beauty into anger, I await on a lonely ground to catch him. IV. We exist in all shades, unpredictable, beautiful, converging into one another calming the anxious souls that we transport to the heavens above. V. I watch the sun and moon alternate, natural occurrences, I notice just like the thoughts that feel like clouds in my head when my heart reminds me of him at an ungodly time of night striking me like lightening, thunder echoing between these ears that long for the voice of an angel instead.
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Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 4:32 PM UTC
Clouds
Warming up; broad strokes, slow. Weaving in; zig zags, back and fore. Quick flicks; **** and sip. Wanting more. Long circles; slide, gently touching below. Come hither; and it's off you go. Wet drawers; when it rains it pours. Foreplaying; got us both on all fours. Knees weak; can't take it anymore. My lips; tugging yours. Amazing sensation; curling your toes. Lapping tongue; series of sips. Guiding hand; full of tips. Bodies part: tongue, fingers, nose, lips Raising tides; lifting your hips. Quality time; best spent like this.
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Jun 8, 2014
Jun 8, 2014 at 8:06 AM UTC
Quality Time
I was treated like the VIP, A cat and a big fish, A hook and a big Six, whilst visiting madam bow-peeps rotisserie of ***** Always receptive, Wearing open silk working 9 to 5am. With a little overtime, hot funk never satisfies, She had the way-with-all to feign, delight; even interest, before negotiating the price, Two shekels, She was classy, kind of slick, she tickled my ears for nothing more than kindness, a small token in exchange for a smile. She popped on a tune, as she took off her dress. The petting started her two hands tugging with the zipper of my jeans. A woman's touch... Ha HA, the rich sultry kiss of ***** tight and tasty; ***** like a ripe tomato, Sugar fried and drunk. She opened her legs, her hair smelled like shampoo, She was on her belly, knees tucked up as I took in the fruit, deep holes filled with **** and shabby fingers, hollow spit and angry poison, head spinning to the groove, loud and high, The bed squeaked and a single light bulb dangled like a loose tooth, Ten minutes and two ******* love songs! Sick and spent up, I got dressed to leave, I said with a poke, "I couldn't get laid, Not even in a ***** house!" And now I'm back in the cold again, only dirtier.
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Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 4:50 PM UTC
The ********** inspired by William & Don G
I was three When I first felt the pull And I know it seems impossible But I know my heart And it gave this tug Telling me this was the beginning Of my search I was seven When it pulled again Telling me I hadn't Looked long enough I was nine When I figured out That friendship Led to crushes and the tug Told me it could lead To more So I couldn't give up Not yet I continued my search At ten The tug snapped My mind out of a crush And back into reality Then at 11 The feeling that tug In my chest Faded and instead I felt flipping there Brown eyes pierced my soul And my chest flipped wildly At 12 My brown eyed boy left And the tugging started again Reminding me of him Everyday And how his eyes Made my heart flip At 15 I was reunited With my brown eyed boy Finally at 16 We've settled And every time I look at that boy Who is now a man His eyes still seeing Every bit of the real me I smile Knowing my search is finally Over.
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Oct 7, 2013
Oct 7, 2013 at 7:04 PM UTC
My Brown Eyed Man
The release; so powerful; sometimes to feel alive: all you need is a reminder: His guiding hand:supplying the demands to the upper-hand, across her belly button, to forbidden; lands. Parted lips, her pink folds;dragging his hands down. Working each other: we ain’t fooling around; our bodies, over time. Dripping wet with desire. Her reaching back; she leaned back. Over the edge; of the bed. standing ***** Picture perfect; she’s holding her breath, as he’s kissing on her neck, her breast, focused on her ****** the left. Right in my mouth. Long ponytail, pulled to the left. She is wet, under there, her underwear - pulled to the side, exposing her underhair; shaved bare, under there. Fingers wrapped around him. Looking hard, she found it; tugging on it. Him pushing his luck got her pressing her lips against him. Pulling his belt out of way; biting his lips, he’s tensing. She, kiss as she play. looking a certaining way; tempting how she tempts him. She’s over the top, and its so overwhelming. She’s all touched, from touching it; so fortunate, her ******* soaking wet, juices flowing. Wet spots, he’s all over it. Exposing her **** to his fingertips: with his index; middle finger next. Started working her slow, building up to raw *** Pressure building, rising her chest. She’s worked up; trying to get off. Giving it our best. Her waistline, being pumped from behind, so smooth; the finest wine. Unsatisfiable rhythm, keeping them inline. Holding onto her waist, he’s so online; bending backwards, pleasuring each other, every time. Some may come and go, but they come together every single time. He’s feeling it: the way its feeling, feels so good - a burning sensation: her tenderness subduing his manhood; all is well, so it must good. Movement, with quickness, once his hips shifts, its motion sickness. Stroking his egos, increasing his stiffness, filling her deep. She’s clenching him, tighten, tighter. The feeling of him growing, she’s feeling him insider. Their wet bodies, skins glistening in the their fire.
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Jul 4, 2014
Jul 4, 2014 at 11:05 AM UTC
Rate(R):Explicit Content
The release; so powerful; sometimes to feel alive: all you need is a reminder: His guiding hand:supplying the demands to the upper-hand, across her belly button, to forbidden; lands. Parted lips, her pink folds;dragging his hands down. Working each other: we ain’t fooling around; our bodies, over time. Dripping wet with desire. Her reaching back; she leaned back. Over the edge; of the bed. standing ***** Picture perfect; she’s holding her breath, as he’s kissing on her neck, her breast, focused on her ****** the left. Right in my mouth. Long ponytail, pulled to the left. She is wet, under there, her underwear - pulled to the side, exposing her underhair; shaved bare, under there. Fingers wrapped around him. Looking hard, she found it; tugging on it. Him pushing his luck got her pressing her lips against him. Pulling his belt out of way; biting his lips, he’s tensing. She, kiss as she play. looking a certaining way; tempting how she tempts him. She’s over the top, and its so overwhelming. She’s all touched, from touching it; so fortunate, her ******* soaking wet, juices flowing. Wet spots, he’s all over it. Exposing her **** to his fingertips: with his index; middle finger next. Started working her slow, building up to raw *** Pressure building, rising her chest. She’s worked up; trying to get off. Giving it our best. Her waistline, being pumped from behind, so smooth; the finest wine. Unsatisfiable rhythm, keeping them inline. Holding onto her waist, he’s so online; bending backwards, pleasuring each other, every time. Some may come and go, but they come together every single time. He’s feeling it: the way its feeling, feels so good - a burning sensation: her tenderness subduing his manhood; all is well, so it must good. Movement, with quickness, once his hips shifts, its motion sickness. Stroking his egos, increasing his stiffness, filling her deep. She’s clenching him, tighten, tighter. The feeling of him growing, she’s feeling him insider. Their wet bodies, skins glistening in the their fire.
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6
Empathy is like: 
I see the light pouring out of your eyes and into mine
 and I know how the whole world
 is tugging invisible threads under your skin
 and I want to help you unravel them
 until you feel free
 until you feel safe
 until you feel loved
 until we both grow apart
 until we die
 until we’re dust
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Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 1:22 AM UTC
Empathy
And when I met that girl in San Francisco Off a dusty little pier with rotting wood and squawking seals And screaming bayside wind She caught me off-tropics and danced with the grace of a palm tree lines between the quaked concrete off telegraph avenue On an obscuring Sunday morning and no she didn't go to church or any silly thing like a temple or synagogue She said those were no places for god God was the trees We smoked cigarettes and got off to each other's carcinogenic practices oxidizing a little faster in conjunction with hopeful Formaldehyde Deriding the formalities of small talk and trivialities She liked her guitars with nickel-wound strings I with nylon But I couldn't play songs that sounded any good with them while she could and did. and girl did it ever sound good She'd laugh at the contests on the radio while we drove on a half-moon to half-moon full and whole of ourselves We'd stopped in the lobby of a cheap motel And waltzed to background muzak wacked out of our minds Sniffing in deep huffs of subliminal divinity Understanding loving that mind-numbing monotony muzak... ppsh. Who ever really listened to that? And then she left at the end of one fine winter day in a cloudless sky I waved watched her plane skip off towards the edge of a pale blue horizon back south to warmer climes to wherever she truly stayed The tugging on my heartstrings chimed grotesque in precise D minor.
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Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 9:23 PM UTC
Steel Guitar
With every day that passes by the conjouring thoughts of you never leave my mind The infactuation your spell binds me with raddles my senses into a saturation Twisting and Tugging at my every emotion My heart begins to lurch My knees begin to weaken When time comes to make our greeting When our bodies collide I plan to be captivated by your entire entity Our time will be made of continuous serendipity.
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May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 9:19 PM UTC
Meeting
There is nothing more unsettling than a teenage Christmas. The coming of age when adults find their inner child again and you have to try and get rid of yours. 11 is fine. Part of you still believes Santa put the presents under tree. 12 is also okay, just a little less pixie dust stirs in the stomach on Christmas Eve. 13, 14 and 15 are tricky. You don't want to look babyish by getting too excited, so you shrug it off and ask 'Santa' for a mobile phone, a laptop, a TV, until by 15 you ask for the most 'grown up' present of all. "I just want money." The words burn your lips and tongue like acid, a yearning for the sensation of a gift you can unwrap tugging in your rib cage. You can't buy that. 16, 17 and 18 are Christmases tinged with nostalgia. Little ghosts of the younger you run down the stairs on Christmas morning, feet clad in slippers and Power Rangers pjyamas askew, whilst you follow in procession, almost a funeral. It's not that you don't like Christmas. It's not that you don't love your family. It's not that you don't feel a fire light in your belly when you bite into a mince pie, it's not that the battered Christmas videos your family replay each year don't still make you smile, it's not even that you've gotten too old for it all. Have you? Slippers and tiny fists batter against advent calender doors, begging you to open them. When you're 19  you do. You let them out and let them rush to rip open their presents under the tree. You let them eat their selection box first before dinner. You let them cry when the Snowman melts and you let them laugh and not mock heave when your father chases your mother with mistletoe. You let the ghosts become holograms you can play in your mind like a projector and slides, no longer a need to leave holly by their graves but a chance to remember and smile. You let them be happy.
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Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 10:08 AM UTC
The Puberty of Christmas
There is nothing more unsettling than a teenage Christmas. The coming of age when adults find their inner child again and you have to try and get rid of yours. 11 is fine. Part of you still believes Santa put the presents under tree. 12 is also okay, just a little less pixie dust stirs in the stomach on Christmas Eve. 13, 14 and 15 are tricky. You don't want to look babyish by getting too excited, so you shrug it off and ask 'Santa' for a mobile phone, a laptop, a TV, until by 15 you ask for the most 'grown up' present of all. "I just want money." The words burn your lips and tongue like acid, a yearning for the sensation of a gift you can unwrap tugging in your rib cage. You can't buy that. 16, 17 and 18 are Christmases tinged with nostalgia. Little ghosts of the younger you run down the stairs on Christmas morning, feet clad in slippers and Power Rangers pjyamas askew, whilst you follow in procession, almost a funeral. It's not that you don't like Christmas. It's not that you don't love your family. It's not that you don't feel a fire light in your belly when you bite into a mince pie, it's not that the battered Christmas videos your family replay each year don't still make you smile, it's not even that you've gotten too old for it all. Have you? Slippers and tiny fists batter against advent calender doors, begging you to open them. When you're 19  you do. You let them out and let them rush to rip open their presents under the tree. You let them eat their selection box first before dinner. You let them cry when the Snowman melts and you let them laugh and not mock heave when your father chases your mother with mistletoe. You let the ghosts become holograms you can play in your mind like a projector and slides, no longer a need to leave holly by their graves but a chance to remember and smile. You let them be happy.
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43
You are the rock stuck inside of my sock. You are drying off naturally after the longest shower in history, because you forgot the towel. Like the string that is hanging off of my sweater. I keep tugging it and pretty soon it is short enough for July weather. The person using the car horn instead of ringing a door bell. The low battery symbol on my cell. Pungent perfume from a co-worker, the grossest smell. The **** that asks for the red piece from your package of sweets. The friend who cancels five minutes before every time you meet. The rap artist that thanks God when he wins an award, even though his songs are just about killing. Medical technicians milling about when your arm really is broken. The chapstick left in the pocket when the clothes are in a dryer. Dress pants for work that are so tight, you feel you must be riding a wire. The friend's children that you think are rude, Unexpected company when you and your lover were getting in the mood. But I guess it is just easier to say, I just don't have a good attitude.
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Apr 19, 2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 10:21 PM UTC
annoying people
What She Look Like?    …Like one tenderly hushing water in her lap Elemental peace No place to go No more to be …Like the ocean in the background of a photo on a warm spring day belying rage and the random possible thrash-- out! at all guilty ******** in her path Toss in the next sentient soul who should happen to pass within range who should have seen who should have known what a storm could do…. Moody in the aftermath and sorrier than rain With the tide in retreat grumbling excuses Hiding out waist-deep in dusk’s Merlot Waiting for night to sleep it off to heal the rifts cleanse the shame Rising yellow, bright— and “What the hell happened, here?!” _______________ Her hair a winter’s tragedy of trees upside down— No wait— the wind has put her right to ragged random branches swaying, wet with intermittent hues of dark and silver caught in collar, flying inelegant and free at the shoulders of the levee tossed and softening shyly sagging jaw and nose a stump of tree All perspective changes… if you watch a while— She’ll raise her eyes into the sunset to catch an eagle entering flight …and then you might… ______________ She looks like— a pudgy robin querying grass mud soaked that hides the fire of her breast tugging at a worm more than half her length “I will feed them, **** you! Give it up, you son of a snake!” _______________ ...Don’t miss her hour of music though for anything Encroaching darkness from the rooftops she listens to the hearts she breaks Remember this in winter she can give but she will take it out on February when you’re longing for her
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Nov 7, 2017
Nov 7, 2017 at 7:57 PM UTC
What She Looks Like
What She Look Like?    …Like one tenderly hushing water in her lap Elemental peace No place to go No more to be …Like the ocean in the background of a photo on a warm spring day belying rage and the random possible thrash-- out! at all guilty ******** in her path Toss in the next sentient soul who should happen to pass within range who should have seen who should have known what a storm could do…. Moody in the aftermath and sorrier than rain With the tide in retreat grumbling excuses Hiding out waist-deep in dusk’s Merlot Waiting for night to sleep it off to heal the rifts cleanse the shame Rising yellow, bright— and “What the hell happened, here?!” _______________ Her hair a winter’s tragedy of trees upside down— No wait— the wind has put her right to ragged random branches swaying, wet with intermittent hues of dark and silver caught in collar, flying inelegant and free at the shoulders of the levee tossed and softening shyly sagging jaw and nose a stump of tree All perspective changes… if you watch a while— She’ll raise her eyes into the sunset to catch an eagle entering flight …and then you might… ______________ She looks like— a pudgy robin querying grass mud soaked that hides the fire of her breast tugging at a worm more than half her length “I will feed them, **** you! Give it up, you son of a snake!” _______________ ...Don’t miss her hour of music though for anything Encroaching darkness from the rooftops she listens to the hearts she breaks Remember this in winter she can give but she will take it out on February when you’re longing for her
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From the cultured hood of Beverly Hills Young rich white kid rapping Blonde hair perfectly combed and trimmed Blue eyes shaded from California sun Spitting ghetto slang about unfair pain, Affirmative action, cultural injustices Daddy’s allowance, racial profiling Pimp[le] mobile and spinning rims Gold plated teeth over pearly whites Slinging 401k’s and time shares Baggy pants sagging down past his *** Tugging at his crotch His hand permanently attached To his little white flaccid **** Trying to keep from tripping While he’s running from the police Wanted for questioning On insider trading And insurance scams
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Apr 28, 2012
Apr 28, 2012 at 8:48 PM UTC
Beverly Hills Gangster
Having Depression is like finding out that mermaids are real It doesn’t make sense to you until you’re getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean And then you think Oh That’s what this is And I’m drowning now, That’s just……… great And eventually, with your last vestiges of breath left You float back to the surface And you’re fine. And that’s it. Mermaids stop existing again. Because you never actually saw what grabbed you You only felt the claws around your leg The cold, clammy hands tugging With a force that you could never fight against But you never saw her So it was all a dream Right? And it happens again and again You are drowning again and again Until the water begins to feel like home And the only thing reminding you that you are alive Is the burning in your lungs And when everything you had balanced so very carefully starts falling Off the shelves of your life When your “mild” depression starts deciding it wants to be more When being alone makes you feel dead inside And when losing your cool for one ******* second makes you contemplate your own demise When do you admit to yourself that you are slipping You are sinking and just because you can slow your descent Does not mean that you’re not still drowning And at the end of the day just because it took you longer to get there this time Doesn’t mean you aren’t still lying on the ocean floor Devoid of light and sound And if you had just climbed onto that now distant boat and sailed away You’d be fine. But climbing was too hard And sinking is so much easier And you’re scared that if you reach out Your hands will feel clammy and cold As they wrap around your friends throats And drag them down with you And you would rather rot at the bottom of an endless sea Than let that happen So you lie in darkness and wait For a sound The singular resounding sound Of failure And you slowly float back to the surface Take a deep breath And you’re fine. Because mermaids aren’t real It’s all in your head
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Sep 4, 2017
Sep 4, 2017 at 2:58 PM UTC
Fairy Tale
Having Depression is like finding out that mermaids are real It doesn’t make sense to you until you’re getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean And then you think Oh That’s what this is And I’m drowning now, That’s just……… great And eventually, with your last vestiges of breath left You float back to the surface And you’re fine. And that’s it. Mermaids stop existing again. Because you never actually saw what grabbed you You only felt the claws around your leg The cold, clammy hands tugging With a force that you could never fight against But you never saw her So it was all a dream Right? And it happens again and again You are drowning again and again Until the water begins to feel like home And the only thing reminding you that you are alive Is the burning in your lungs And when everything you had balanced so very carefully starts falling Off the shelves of your life When your “mild” depression starts deciding it wants to be more When being alone makes you feel dead inside And when losing your cool for one ******* second makes you contemplate your own demise When do you admit to yourself that you are slipping You are sinking and just because you can slow your descent Does not mean that you’re not still drowning And at the end of the day just because it took you longer to get there this time Doesn’t mean you aren’t still lying on the ocean floor Devoid of light and sound And if you had just climbed onto that now distant boat and sailed away You’d be fine. But climbing was too hard And sinking is so much easier And you’re scared that if you reach out Your hands will feel clammy and cold As they wrap around your friends throats And drag them down with you And you would rather rot at the bottom of an endless sea Than let that happen So you lie in darkness and wait For a sound The singular resounding sound Of failure And you slowly float back to the surface Take a deep breath And you’re fine. Because mermaids aren’t real It’s all in your head
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Shaky breathing Jelly legs As I watch you from across the room Laughter echoing Your face lighting up like the sun Oh the way you smile Makes me go crazy Eyes crinkling Dimples showing Tugging a string in my chest You stop talking and turn your head Our eyes meet I hold my breath Heart beat quickens Hands start to get sweaty You smile Corners of my mouth start to twitch I smile back
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Aug 19, 2015
Aug 19, 2015 at 7:38 PM UTC
Smiles and cheesy poems
It has been a while since we've spoken I have been tugging on a broken line May be too gone this time, Lord Been too low to be grounded My demons dancing in a conga line I am surrounded You made me in your image But what if I don't like what I see? Is that insulting? Is that absurd? I made almost all my angels flee It keeps me knocking on heavens door So tell me, are you listening?? I'm not feeling assured They say you turn water into wine, But none of that tonight I can settle for a bitter cup of coffee, For a bitter state of mind To keep me up so I won't dream of Grandparents who can't walk Or my lifelong companion In a wild dogs jaw Or an angry pair of sapphire eyes I know I've failed them all Water into wine, maybe two or three Will make me numb enough to remind me Of what their love was like, Like the warm screams secreting From my windpipe, do you hear me now? Can you listen to me tonight??? I know I can be cowardly disciple, even a sheep In lions clothing- wasn't your book written for People like me No, I don't want to be Self loathing, another fallen angel You lose hope in, don't let me go Off the deep end, let the bitterness I've been sipping on be sweetened Please
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Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 5:21 PM UTC
Dear God (remastered)
A head, gnashing and screaming Forgiving my unknown hospitality Pretty is weakening I'm a fatality deemed Obnoxious is my scene The mocking and mimicking comes easy for me No secret, I envy the earth's energy Depressed, sitting in my fancy dress Shoving and tugging with desirable credibility I ravish my personality Amused? As I show my tender meat bleeding Kissing, authentic generosity A bit suggestive Confidence in deranged descriptions making others nervous Excuse me, I must leave my head is blistering, Popping, Gushing and oozing profanities Dented durability, consume me I love the fact I'm lacking Becoming one with the barbaric queen
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May 28, 2016
May 28, 2016 at 1:06 AM UTC
Broken isn't cute