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Hewasminemoon May 2017
I took a deep breath in
Smelt wet pavement
Heard the pouring rain
Watched the windows fog
There was a delay
And now
My body slow like molasses
I could taste you on my lips
Before I even knew what was happening
Before I even knew you
I wanted to taste her too
Her hair
A white blonde
His eyes sown shut
I wanted you
Just like this
One hundred days short
A week
Nestled between
Before I even knew you
You were mine
You made me weak at the knees
Hewasminemoon Apr 2017
I awoke on my back
out of a nightmare
above me
the shadow of a man putting his shoes on
my body
I felt trapped
heard the door click shut
began to cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours

blinking back salt
I saw them
a thin pair of black rimmed glasses
to me
a beacon of hope
I rushed to stand
spilling cold water on my feet

staring through the peephole
(into the grey foggy morning)
I waited
then finally
he emerged
the moment came
so I slithered back to bed
for some time
I lay there
like a fallen mannequin
but then
once again
the door smacked shut
Hewasminemoon Mar 2017
I lie in vintage floral and breathe in the musty smell of the "yellow bedroom"
The room is pitch black and in the distance is the blaring of the 11 o'clock news echoing on two televisions

I toss and turn in my bed
Its mattress much firmer
than I am used to
It makes my bones ache so I crack my feet
and stretch my legs
I hear footsteps coming down the hall so I shuffle in my place and quickly click the lamp beside me off
I lie perfectly still
Rubbing my tongue against my teeth

A small white sore formed on the tip of my tongue one week ago and it won't go away
When I eat sugar or spice
it burns
Sometimes I stick it in the air and feel the cold **** up all the moisture
Drying and healing the spot
But only momentarily
Until I place it back in my mouth, and the stinging returns, two fold

The sounds of steps again,
this time departing
Then the sound of the microwave

My eyes are swollen from lack of sleep

I lie and think of the summer I slept in this same bed
After a long days work in the heat my skin was blistered
from the sun
I took a photo of my tan lines to send to someone
My back
bright red
I can still smell the scent
of weeds
and freshly dug dirt
underneath what fingernails I had left
I could feel the dirt spill out onto my pillow as I rested my head on the back of my hand

I adjusted my position and suddenly felt the space between my legs burn
Earlier, in the shower, I attempted to shave with a cheap pink razor
It mutilated me
Left dozens of little pin ***** like wounds
The rush of discomfort caused me to sweat profusely and the combination of the perspiration and heat almost created a cool tingling sensation that reminded me of dry ice

I laid still again until the pain went away

I could feel my eyelids
getting heavier
Sleep beckoned

I recalled a happy memory
from a few days prior
As I closed my eyes
I imagined myself
back in my own bedroom
My own television
Its volume barely audible
On the screen
A film entitled
"To Catch A Thief"
My head burrowed
in a mans chest
My arms wrapped around
his neck
Swirling the ends of his hair
in my fingertips
I would drift in
and out of a dream
Each time, waking with a jolt
After some time,
He announced his departure
pulling himself out from underneath me,
kissing me softly
and slinking out the door

I yearned now
for the sort of sleep
that followed then
A heavy,
almost drug induced sleep
My body dense and soupy
My mind delirious
My dreams

But the elation of this idea
was short lived
And instead,
I was back in stiff sheets
Once again,
I could hear the televisions
This time;
the sounds of late night infomercials

I had always hated falling asleep alone
It was tedious
as a twice told tale
And desolate
as a desert
Back and forth
My left and right shoulder occasionally
exchanging the weight
My internal organs
sloshing in me
from one side to the other

I found a comfortable spot
And decided
I had better force myself to sleep
On account of an early wake up time tomorrow
I took one last long breath
in through my nose

I was wearing his sweatshirt,
In the hopes his smell would waft in and put me right to sleep like a lullaby
but instead all I could smell was my own perfume I had spritzed earlier

The image of his face would have to suffice for now
I closed my eyes and imagined the small dimple in his chin and the sound of a door closing shut.

Soon I was fast asleep.
Hewasminemoon Jul 2016
I'll let you sleep
I'll let you sleep
Cause I can feel the anger
swelling in me
I'll let you be
I'll let you be
Cause I can feel my
body shaking
I'll let you dream
I'll let you dream
Cause my fists
are aching
From holding on
From holding on
To you
too tightly

(Bridge) x2

Am                         F
But Tuesday is coming
and i've gotta let you go

gotta let you go

Am                           F
But i'll wear a black dress
And pearls
To your funeral
Chords are Am, F, C, G
Hewasminemoon Jun 2016
At twenty two I tried to die.
I looked into a silver bell.
Swallowed until I was sick.
In the bell,
A kaleidoscope of colors.
A boy with red hair.
Eyes kind.
Lips thick.
Said every time he saw me
I was sitting in a row of white,
I laid awake at night.
In a green posy bed,
soaked in blood.
Blue from head to toe.
The boy with the red hair called me true.
Told me horror stories.
Said he bled too.
Why are all the most beautiful men bruised?
When he kissed me I could taste the cat he killed.
Then he pulled my hair,
bit my neck
and eventually I forgot the cat.
Made him promise only to write love on his arms.
In the morning I left with four bags.
Two under my eyes.
He helped me carry them to the door.
I let him sleep.
And took a flight back to you.
Hewasminemoon Jun 2016
His eyes are hazel
Witch hazel in the bathroom
He tells me stories at four in the morning
Reads my poetry
His too
Says I need a purpose
He's got tattoos
On his shoulders
On his back
He asks me to scratch
In Vietnam
They cursed him
Four broken ribs
He still wanted a fight
In Marakesh
The women wouldn't look at him
I worked in Marakesh once
By the water
Making leather
The smell of fish
Baked bread
His father worked in a bakery
In Philly he said
Hewasminemoon Jun 2016
The air is thick like smoke from a forrest fire
The sky is grey and there is lightening
I can still see the burn on my right wrist left from a hot kettle
There are some burns you can't see.
Voices in me, thundering.
My eyes beg for sleep
I can still taste you on my lips like a cigarette
I like the way you looked at me last night
The way you tussled my hair
A man across from me is reading "kiss or ****"
I wonder which one it will be.
You tell me I terrify you.
You're terrify me too.
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