One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that my first love, didn't love me back.

I spent 3 years with a man who I constantly had to explain myself to.

Who told me to my face in all types of ways that I wasn't good enough.

Yet I loved him unconditionally, for those 3 years and for so many more.

I still believe part of me would break if he weren't on this planet, and it's sad to think that he doesn't feel that way too.

I wish you were as chemically addicted to me like I once was to you.



Just so you could see how much strength it took to walk away and stay away.

You were the most addictive poison I've ever known.

I imagine it's similar to someone who's lactose intolerant

They can't deny how sweet and wonderful ice cream tastes on their mouth


But it's gonna hurt later.

I wonder if this is how drug addicts feel after years of being clean

I'd still take a hit of you

The chemical reaction is just too strong

And I know it would ruin me

But the high would feel so good.

Nothing seems to be able to stop this feeling

Like a thousand weights are right on my chest

The whole world around me whirring by and I'm dazed

Frustrated that the pills aren't helping anymore and I'm thinking about my past

Depression is the worst whip lash one can experience and it's friend anxiety is not any better.

I remember when we were just tweens

And you called me one day out of the blue and I tried hiding in my closet so that no one would see just how giddy I was

So no one would know just how much one person could effect me

And now, today, we are complete strangers.