It is so easy to pick on yourself
but so hard to pick yourself up
I realised this not long ago after long times of endless hammering smashes on my bare soul
even my body so scarred that maybe I looked more like a chopping board after all
I never let myself have chances to let the parts grow together and see that flowers
do indeed bloom from my depths within
Instead I continued to **** the monsters and demons I thought I consisted of
but in reality I was just harming myself; an awful sin
I always believed that destroying myself was what was needed to be done
and I deserved this pain of never being able to stand on my two feet
I had come to believe what I was told by many, that my two feet do not have the strength they need
So I never walked and never ran
I always stood still or crawled along while letting them get weaker ever since I began
I don't understand and realise when I began to notice that my ways were terribly wrong
I never understood or realised that I had wasted years that forever now will be gone
But I do understand and realise that I finally have been blessed to see
That I do not exist to survive, but simply to live and be me

We all make sacrifices to survive in this world
Many in which we regret to the very end,
But we lie to ourselves saying it's for the greater good
Even when we know there is no greater good in what we're doing
For there will never be a greater good when making costly sacrifices,
But I guess that's where the philosophy "you win some, you lose some", comes from
If that's the case why are we fighting
No matter what do so many people will get hurt
Does it make it any better since we're trying to survive
In this chaos is there really a good guy,
Or are we all just the villain in disguise
Which begs one to wonder what if everything we believed in was a lie
And we're all just part of some elaborate scheme to eliminate ourselves
What if our true purpose was to die
Would you take a life to save your own,
Only postpone your own demise
So the only real question left to ask is
What if...?

Just when I think you are
You're not
I'm on a roller coaster
Your roller coaster
A roller coaster you're making as you go along
And I'm strapped in with no way off
You don't even realize what you're doing to me
You bring me up
Plunge me down
It makes me so scared
I'm not afraid of the ups and downs
I'm afraid you'll one day stop
And I'll just fall
I don't thing I could survive that fall
I can barley survive the downs
You don't even know you're doing it
You just go on your merry way
Not realizing you drag my feeling with you
I don't know how to cope
I've never had to before
I've had crushes
But not like this one
You make me so nervous
More nervous than I've ever been
I just don't know how to deal
To act
To feel
To be
You're tossing my up and down
Up and down
I can't handle you
I can handle anyone
Just not you
You've thrown me off
You make me go at your pace
No one ever takes me by their pace
But you of course
Why do you do this to me?
How do you do this to me?
I'm confident
You make me humble
I'm loud
You make me quite
I curse like a sailor!
You make me sound like a nun
I'm not a person to **** with
You make me as threatening as a kitten
I'm the biggest ******* *****
And you make me a child!
I'm intelligent, despite my crude language,
You make me feel an imbecile
Nobody has ever done this to me
I never let anyone
But somehow
Without my noticing
You do all this
I wasn't expecting it
I wasn't expecting you
You slip passed my defenses
Not tripping a single alarm
Dancing your way passed my walls
Taking my heart for your own
Without even knowing it
Not even trying
My cute little thief
How do you do this to me?

When I rain, I pour.
But this year broke me.
Sank its fingertips
into my shoulder blades
and tore me asunder.
Nailed me to the
floors of this apartment
that weeps like a willow.
While you wrapped yourself in goodnights
I screamed into the floorboards.
I licked at your fingers
like a dog.
No matter how deep I dived
I never reached the ocean,
And I cried.
Sweet Jesus, did I cry.
But men aren’t supposed to,
so I begged instead.
At the age of twenty
I discovered shame.
I felt like calling for help,
but my voice cracked
like a frozen lake.
You’d tell me you were going out
with a few friends, and I’d beg you to stay home,
but my guilt tied my tongue down
with fish hooks.
When I rained, only ashes fell.
And no phoenix clawed its way out.
Only my naked back, flayed by the chains of the prison
I forged for myself,
bleeding out poems that I’ll never see
again.
******* out air from music notes
in order to survive.
This year I discovered guilt.
I could never count how many times I said I’m sorry,
but I tattooed it to my chest
so when I made love to you
I wouldn’t have to say it out loud.
I used to burn.
Burn so loud that
when spoke
smoke climbed from my lips,
I lived my life like a car crash
but sang like a music box.
I plucked smiles from strangers
and drank up the voices
of girls
like wine.
I played loud.
And at the age of nineteen I found myself unworthy.
I inhaled smoke instead of speaking it,
and never let the car
leave the driveway.
I cried ink from my fingertips,
and used you as a telescope to search for God.
With you, I discovered far too much.
I still feel that only shackles embrace me,
but I want to shred open my rib cage
and the let the songbird
out of my chest.
Pull the hooks from my tongue
so I can say
I love you.
When I rain, I want to ******* pour.
So the world knows my heart’s beating.
My wounds are canyons,
that I’ll stitch up with poems.
I want you to know me.
I want you to hold your breath
when you press your hand to my chest.
I want to scream so loud these
walls split open
to let the ocean pour forth from their eyes,
so I can swim to the surface and write my name on its face.
Sing the moon into my hands.
And free that fire from my music box,
so I can find my way
home.

If I write these words a hundred time, maybe they'll be true
Chasing each fabricated memory alone
Give me technicolor instead of skies of blue
So I can create a world of my own

Welcome here, welcome dear, here you are secure
In the room I've made for you in my heart
Fantasies of you within my mind will endure
In a dream from which I pray I never part

Lovely vision, oh mixture of mind and soul
I'm fighting to keep you alive
In this reality I feel out of control
Struggling for my world to survive

So let me say these words a hundred times
And maybe a few more just for me
Trading this world, for a dream so sublime
So fantasy will become reality

I honestly hate myself as a whole. everything I’m made up of. I hate the fact that I let people influence me so ******* much. how they say “oh you should listen to this because I like it.” or “you should do this thing because I enjoy this thing.” it drives me insane. I’m such a people pleaser. I rely on what other people think of me. maybe they would like me more if I was more like them. why does it seem like I am a mosaic solely made up of a bunch of different people? When I was a six year old little girl why couldn’t I have chosen to be my own self instead of following all the other little boys and girls around mimicking them, watching what they did, like a was some sort of robot programmed to learn their ways and fit in. Along with being a people pleaser I hold a lot of things in. I’m always making sure everyone else is okay. Putting others before myself has always been something I’ve done. I enjoy it though because it makes me feel accomplished. I just want to be… perfect. beyond perfect. The athletic, brilliant. stunning, skinny, flawless girl. From striving to be this person that I’m absolutely not, the person that nobody is, I have developed…things. While people notice my never ending battle to be faultless, they say,” why do you do this? no one is perfect you need to accept that.” I think in my mind,” really? you think that I don’t know that? you think that I want to be some control freak that needs everyone’s approval to survive?” All I honestly want is peace. Peace and to be myself. But how am I  supposed to be myself whenever I never was myself? How am I supposed to just drop everything I know? like I’m sorry that I’m so determined to make everyone around make happy whether I know them or not, whether they care or not. Does anyone understand me? Its truly a tragic misfortune. But I need my peace once and for all…

I know that I'm not all there
scattered pieces everywhere
I had to let parts of me die
just so others could survive
joy, pain, angst and rage
are just shards of the puzzle
I have to learn to turn the page
to break free from those struggles

doing so time after time
has taught me not to try
investing  in attempts to find
whats not worth sacrifice.

So you know I wasn’t raised in the hood,
But in a beautiful place in Surrey enclosed by woods,
Had quite a nice childhood,
Until the age of ten, everything was all good.

It all changed when my Dad went away,
Couldn’t cope with my Mums Bipolar state,
When he left I have a photo memory of that day,
‘Promise you won’t get divorced, I want you to stay’.

Then that kid had to grow up quick,
When mum had an episode, breakdown psychotic.
Held the family together through all this ****.
Then lost the plot myself couldn’t handle it.

So I left home very young, let down by pen pushers.
Dumped in and out of care, social workers?
Isn’t it a wonder how I became an alcoholic toker,
Stress of my life turned me into a chain-smoking joker.

A year I slept in my bus stop,
Stealing food to survive from various shops,
Helped to sleep with prayers and alchopops,
Checked on by ‘Rosy cheeks’ the local cop.

A street, ruined by Council workers
Never to be repaired.
A church, the dominion and focal point
Where only Satanists laid claim.
Two shops, one sold rancid
The other, overpriced.

Five hundred people, bored and doomed
Loyalists, who took pride in their version
Of Pandemonium, of Lucifer's funhouse
Of this cesspool of glorified
Rubble, this wasteland
Where only those who had given up,
Or that knew they would die
Slowly and agonisingly should, or could survive.

One castle, where brave Normans
Would frown and disown such a place,
And leave, rather than stay in such a disgrace.

To this place and it's inmate's I say
"you are nothing if not ordinary".

As i fall into the wring of fire
My rage will explode
Out of me
My mind is still there
My tactic will be unmatched
In the end
The devil may cry

One thing is for sure
I may not survive
But it's been one hell of a ride
You and I

If life were a battle
then no one'd have cattle cause
tending is hard to do.
Rather than that,
they'd sit there and chat
'bout things that they already knew.
Helping is rare
cause no one will share
what they know that makes life so blue.
So will I survive?
I guess I'll just dive
cause if I don't I'll never be true.

Fingers are pointed, talk is prevalent,
Blaming each other, but its slowly growing irrelevant,
This situation has gone past the moment of blame--
--everyone made their mistakes--
--they have to stop this game.

I used to care once, as the others did, but my
Energy was spent and
My will got a dent in it.
Walked in with every confident air, but now i am being ****** back in,
With no, legitimate, time, to spare.

Its time to press that button (emergency!) for outsiders, we see
          Their demise, the household
                 that        grew       to        a               di --vid --e

Bad energy, bad karma, whatever you want to call it
Seems that they have to just get on it.

But personal issues and psychological cracks,
Just seems to replace everything that they lack.
It's a "defend myself" game and
"You’re the one to blame", it’s:
| Shame | Stubbornness | Pain | Guilt |

All framed, in
The house that was supposed to be a haven
Is now a grave and I see the smokes of ****,
Rather than smokes of fury for
Inspiration and Desperation
To get out of this,
god,
forsaken,
place.

You can only say so much with so much
Conviction and not have experienced what
They have been living and yet,
Someone has to move.
Yet, no one moves.
One foots out the door--
--But then a hand pulls loose:
The walkway’s gone and now there’s no where to choose,
It’s back to negative 0, or wait, is it back more?

The only viable solution is to set aside the differences
And the egos, and pride, that's been dominating and winning,
Just to start over and say:
Hello, I’m not  a martyr, i’m just a
Kid in the adult world trying to survive harder
Than anyone else...
...I just want to live.

Believe me.

I had--have--been wishing for a dream.

******* in soul,loose in mind
Hopin on my toe,into a fairy smile
I could lay all night
Measuring the length nd breath of the ceiling
Cos right nw,sleep seems like a taboo to my bulge eyeball
My appetite rattle in pieces
At the thought of losing him
Feeling I could go miles
To make him just mine
Though, all seem blossom
Yet,my tears saddles on the gurp of my throat
Cold shield my heart
With the fear of losing him

He completes me
Without him,life won't be awe
With him,well
I can go towards a roaring lion
Shove off a live crocodile
Break the teeth of a tiger
Cuddle a snake till it becomes *****
Yes!
I can move what seems bigger than a mountain
Jump off a tall cliff
Cos I know he's got my back
I can fight to survive and yet survive
Even under the depth of oceans
I can break through whatever life calls challenges
Cos I know I have him...

time passed with you
is time well wasted
change well made
from bills well spent
and i am bent out of shape
from all these round rhyming words
bowed to the ground
at the feet of this feeling
confused as all hell
(however unpoetic that may be,
it's how it is)
at the line between
beauty and truth
between outside and underground
uncomfortable heat and ignored cold

weird words, but that's all i've got
i'll shout them underground, unheard
or silently
to the cold, rushing river
or whisper them to myself
but that's it
(however dishonest that may be,
it's how i am)
and these simple words
primary colours:

red is telling me
that the pink in your cheeks
is diluted, and i don't want to know
what that real colour means

blue is saying
that the ice in the air means nothing
and that melancholy has no place
in the space between our hands
since we close that
a million times a day
and it is forced to escape our grasp

yellow tells me
that the sun is shining, somewhere
and i reply that i don't even care
it's sunny here, even underground
face turned round to meet yours
i'll survive

time passed with you
is time well wasted
change well made
from bills well spent
and i may be broke
but trust me
it's been worth it, throwing
colourful Monopoly money
imagined riches and caution
to the wind
with you

My dearest love,
I was taken too young, separated from you by some sadistic hand. I wish I could write to tell you that I am in peace, that I am happily floating above you. I cannot. I was admitted into these ethereal gates, but no fruit of this hand nor any amount of time can calm me down. I reside in a luxury spa of torture.
We may have anything our souls desire, but mine is contradictory and rips the fabric of reason.
You see, I only wish for you. I will never ask to end you life, but I cannot live without you. Although, when you think about it, I'm not living in the first place, not anymore.  Live is not the correct word. Survive. Thrive. Grow. The English language has failed me for this synonym.
I wish for you to live forever. To enjoy the sweet earth and to gain all that is offered to you.
I will wait in agony for you, for that is all I can do. I would rather this feeling than be with you in guilt.
Sincerely, Truly, Deeply,
Your tragic love.

They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
But they push harder to be alive tommorow
They are usually criticized as insane boys
But they keep blowing side ways
Some of them are afraid of what might be insight while they're flyer than a flight
They love strolling on the highway
Highways highways
And they keep with passage ways
But they sometimes go where they want to
They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
But they push harder to be alive tommorow
They are usually criticized as insane boys
Insane boys insane boys
They want to live together
They think life is just a lousy freeway
Freeway freeway
They get ridiculed into the gangway
Later on they try to break away
But they went down the wrong pathway
The think life is a freeway
They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
They like walking on the highway
Highways highways
But will they survive tommorow?

I was never tempted to go on adventures because I thought adventures, life,
would call out to me. But now that I'm older,
I see things just a little bit differently.
What I've learned is that you can't wait for life because it will never be able to keep up
with the speed of change. If you do wait,
you may be able to win  the day,
but if you're not careful,
you could lose the night.
And take it from me,
that can make a big difference
in a world where you have to fight
not only to survive, but thrive.

Life
So fleeting
So short
No one realizes
Until they lose someone
That it could all be taken
In an instant
No one wants to die
Even when they are in so much pain they can't move
Physically, mentally or emotionally
They just want the pain to go away
No one has to die to stop pain
Dying only gives it to other people
So even if you are crippled by sadness
Or sickness
Try to keep living
Not survive
But live
Everyday
Appreciate something
The sky
The snow
The grass
Anything
Just to remind yourself
That not everything is bad
The world is fundamentally good
Try to see the goodness
Because
We don't have much time
And we would hate to spend it sadly or angrily
So live
Make yourself happy
You can do
I Promise

I find peace in storms,
The waves tell me otherwise,
Violent coils grazing me with the
last bit of sanity that's left,
But maybe I can survive without getting seasick,
While the sun comes out,
A clamorous sound wakes me from the dream,
Of hitting my place,
You can't touch me here,
You can't phase me here,
So I am not afraid of storms,
For, I am learning to sail my ship.

a.s.

Click the link if you'd like to listen to me speak this poem.

https://soundcloud.com/venniekocsis/the-separating

I have stared at pictures
of my face with
closed eyes

I have imagined
this is what I would
look like in a coffin

so I will be burned
turned to ash
sprinkled into the
soft earth of this Mother

so they can remember
the sound of my laughter
when I visited the trees

Some say "oh, that is so morbid!
how could you think like that?"

I reply, "how can I not,
when I know I'll be back?"

I am but just a blink
on this thing we call a life
when I return to stardust
I'll sleep a thousand nights.

But for now
I trudge the wreckage
of a complicated pain
to see if I can
build the strength
to return this way again.

How does one hold on to hope,
dying in the snow,
huddled 'round a barrel fire
as the sarin seeps the ground?

I say I am a washer,
some ask me what I mean
I have invisible knapsacks
strapped behind my knees

I have wondered why
I'd choose this kind of life
to feel the saddest parts
of a human's broken heart

Sometimes I stare at photos
I don't recognize myself
not the upturned nose
or the slight overbite of my jaw
I stare at foreign eyes
who was she before
she was forced to survive

I remember planets
where I sat beside the blues
places just like this one
without the sorrow

It has always felt abnormal
to be inside this skin
like my soul has always
fought a war
with being in human form

I have gazed at my face
in colorful gradients
long to kiss my lips
and feel their softness
to know just once
what it is like
to stand on the outside
of a bullet riddled body

I would hold my cheeks,
look at myself so sweetly
in all the ways I imagined
would happen if I was loved
unconditionally, fully,
wholly, without expectation

I have stared at the darkness
like it's a Hearst
where my dead flesh would rest first,
carried through dimensions
back to the before
if I could just have the courage
to step through that door

It doesn't feel familiar
being in this place
with the indifference,
the passivity and
the down turned faces

It's not to say I
don't have moments where I'm happy
but how can I skip through rainbows
when there is so much weeping?

I feel each time they ache
like it's my very own heart
like they're a piece of my existence
their shadowing lingering
in my footsteps and
I cannot catch a breath
for the intensity of
their desperate loneliness

I have stared at my hands
folded across my chest
the way my fingers would interlace
before the skin decays and breaks

the way humans display
other humans
to feel better inside
about the way
their loved one died;
pomp and circumstance
taking precedence
in lifelessness

I have images stamped in my head
my eyes black and absent
the way they'll be in the end

take it back
put it in concrete
make a chisel with a code
so deep
they'll have to go to
great feats to figure it out
because there are two choices
love and doubt

and in the end
neither will matter
it'll just be you and the stars
and the echo of grief
evaporating into the mist

and you will see your face
on white paper
with words about
a second of an inch thick
before you become separated
into a remember when

let the shards fly
sink into my skin cause
I'll be back this way again
but until then

I wonder what will be
written on my epitaph
she felt too much
she let the sadness gush
she whispered in the silence

No, No
save the stone
instead, make me flame
in my last moments let me shine
and be light
then take me to the sea
where the waves will bury me

and I'll return home
to tell them of a dying planet
and the few eyes
who have not yet lost hope

v.k poetry
copyright @ dbv publishing 2013

I think it’s hardwired into us
To wonder what our purpose is,
To search for meaning and for comfort,
To feel
Lost.
I’ve wandered a lot in my life.
More than my share, perhaps,
For the years I’ve spent on earth.
This feeling
Takes hold of me
And pulls me after it.
Like a string around my heart
Thin but insistent
It has led me
So many places.
I’ve boarded planes
With little plan
And crossed oceans following it.
I’ve emerged from sleep
Onto shadowy country lanes
Chasing the silver the moon left on the ground.
I’ve walked out in rain
On dull, slick cobblestones and watched
Unafraid
The underworld of London
Surge topside
In the dead of night
And swirl around me like the mist that clung to my heels.
I have walked and walked
Through fields shrouded in early morning dew
Met the eyes of animals in the dark
And held them in a moment of
Understanding:
We both of us are lost
Both hunted
Both free, but uncertain.
I have followed this feeling wherever it has led me
And it has always led me somewhere I could love
But never somewhere I could rest
Until now.
My heart pulled me to you
And I thought I would be out at night again
Scouring the streets
Searching for meaning,
Searching for
Sustenance.
I was ready to live that again,
Ready to embrace that odd agony of feeling,
The secrecy, the doubt,
Ready to leave a trail of blood behind me
As I staggered through the night and into dawn.
But you
Surprised me.
You saw me.
You
Loved me.
These nights, I find peace in my heart
And for once I do not wander.
I savor the warmth of my own skin
Content that soon your hands will bless it,
Will travel it like a map of the world,
Will bring
Light.

I don’t know what my purpose is
But I can guess.
When I look at you
I suspect my purpose is to be right here,
To love and love until I run dry
And simply fall to dust.
And maybe that scares you
But it doesn’t
Scare me:
Sitting here,
Curled up with tea
Writing poetry for you
Dreaming of your smile
I think of all the other callings I could have had-
A call to arms
A call for blood
A call to action or revenge or martyrdom.
I could have been called
To serve
To teach
To sacrifice,
To survive or to
Destroy-
And I look at this love,
This love that I would gladly let
Fade me
Like a step worn down by the shoes of someone familiar and welcome
Like a favorite shirt gone pale with washes
Like an old newspaper clipping in a frame in sunlight
Cherished but worn
Crumbling with time
Known as the back of your hand
Known as your fragile heartbeat,

And I think
To love is not such a bad purpose
After all.

I made a vow to myself
a vow that I shall never break
no matter what happens
I'll follow my dreams
till my last breath
even if I have to walk on a flaming path
and battle the devil inside me
I'll survive their mockery and their prejudice
they will laugh at me, try to stop me and look at me with disgust
but I'll keep standing proudly
they will be jealous,envious and hateful
but their words won't harm me
they will call me names freak insane ***** and even "kefra" ( non believer)
but that won't take my dignity
won't take my pride
they will all stand against me
my family "my friends" and the society
they will try to scare me with their stupid superstitions
but I won't turn back
I'm strong enough to bear the harm and the pain
I won't break my vow
no matter what happens

I am misunderstood.
Because I am black & white,
Never showing one solid color.

Others believe that I have no ability to fly,
They criticize my abilities based off their undead opinions.
But I am a bird,
I can fly if I really want to.

I come off to them as something white,
Something nice,
Something loving,
Happy,
Shy,
And optimistic about things that no one cares about.

But I can be something black.
A reckless, risk taking bird,
That lives in cold, dark places,
And relies on my independence to survive the harsh world.

As much as you get to know me,
You will never actually meet me in my true color.
I am hidden beneath my fake appearance,
And the wayward shadows I carry on my heavy shoulders.

You can say whatever you want about me,
And use my colors and inability to fly as an excuse to hurt me.
But I believe that my useless wings and my conflicting colors are only useful to me,
I can use them to fly to places you will never see.

I could be misunderstood,
But I am the best flying, black & white penguin I could ever be.

-FJ

The Journey

In our journey down the long road of life
we have weather some storms some trouble and strife
we have travelled down some sunlit plains
some awesome places to hard to explain

Then a fork in the road appeared in sight
you went to the left, I took the right
but the landscape was changing as we travelled our ways
from lush tranquil plains to a dark barren day

Our paths came together on the banks of a river
we stood there together and looked out at the vista
the splendour over there was somewhat a dream
the sun was shinning the earth was so peaceful and green
but the river was running deep and wide
how was it possible to get to the other side

Then magic occurred and a ferry appeared
a tall dark man at the helm with a long flowing beard
“To get us to the other side I asked what would be the fare”
“It is what you shall pay” came the answer so clear
“A deposit will be paid before you may board
the balance will come before we reach the other shore”

The dues I paid with pain emotion and fear
then I boarded the ferry and departure was near
the river was ruff with wind and tide
but calmness could be seen on the other side
as the ferry departed I looked back to see
you were standing on the bank, you were looking at me

So i’m crossing this river all on my lone
and so far in the journey I feel I have grown
I am feeling  and learning as much as I can
changing my ways to be a better man

When finally I reach the other shore
the splendour and peace I shall embrace and adore
but wait I shall with emotion love and bliss
for you to make the journey I pray you do not miss

I turn to look if you were there for me to see
my eyes can’t believe that you are waving at me
I turn to the ferryman “you must stop this vessel hence
we must return to the side we have just left
my girl has decided she will take this ride
so we can land together when we reach the other side”

We return to the shore you leap in my arms
the ferry departs I melt in your charms
“but her dues are in debt for she has not paid”
“what sum is required she has already made”

It might take some time for this voyage to complete
the learning thats to come in its self will be a feat
we don’t have to worry about the outcome
the ferryman’s been paid the job has been done

In our journey  to the other side
we  battle fierce wind and very strong tide
our ferry has taken water the pumps I have manned
the cables have strained beyond their command

At times our ferry seemed to have wings
flying along at the speed of the wind
that distant shore was truly in site
I was sure we would make it I was willing to fight

A storm now comes bigger than before
my hopes are now fading of reaching that far shore
the waves start to surge the cables do strain
hull planks are cracking and here comes the rain

The ferries cables are now parting its the end of the ride
when the ferry brakes free we’ll be at the mercy of tide
we will drift with the stream and land were we may
regardless of the site its were we will stay

But fight I will so we can survive
I will splice that cable and keep us alive
I will pump that bilge and mend broken wood
keep this ferry afloat like I promised I would

My heart is bleeding with the strain of the toil
you come to my aid with river in boil
you help with the splice and repairs to be done
the team is back we surely have won

The sun brakes through the waves do abate
the air starts to clear and not to late
we feel a bump and concerned Ive become
but its the shore we have reached the journey is done

We open our eyes to a vision so sweet
we step from the ferry pure sand at our feet
the landscape is lush filled with sweet peace and love
birds sing in harmony from trees high above

I turn to the ferryman “thank your my friend”
a smile returns and a shake of the head
“The journeys is over and you both saved my ship
let karma be with you and thanks for the tip”

Unhinge your jaw and shut your eyes
because the best things in life are simply felt,
and you’ll feel it everywhere if you’re doing it right.
A spark of electricity will ignite where your tongues dance
and it will sizzle through your teeth and down your throat,
lighting fires where you didn’t think could burn.
Curl your toes and knot your fingers into her hair like it is your lifeline.
Weld yourselves together, crawl into each other.
Run your tongue along hers until everything tastes like ‘we’.
Don’t forget to breathe; share the air until it’s gone
and all you have left to survive on is each other’s souls.
And whatever you do, don’t stop kissing her.
If you do, your lips will lose all meaning
because their only purpose now is to taste hers.
Your eyes will open and the world will seem a little grayer
As your soul untangles itself from hers.
Your tongue will become a defibrillator,
trying to revive the moment,
trying to recreate the electricity only you two can make.

maybe my time comes when yours is over

what is the point of living when everything is perfect
when the sky is always filled with beautiful stars
the boys and girls they all liked her, everyone did

this girl had flowers in her hair but demons in her head
she had long purple hair what made her look like fairy
she always was a little bit more magical than the others

it was the past that was following me
a one way ticket straight down to hell

it was that moment when I looked Lucifer right into his eyes
I knew there was no turning back, my soul was forever his

this girl was too young to be this sad, too wonderful to be this mad

she was only seventeen
and her world was made of lies
living on the streets, trying to survive

her smile was always gold
her tears were always silver

but her heart was darker than the deepest sea

Noone to judge and the freedom to be who you want, self expression with lack of criticism. Not a matter of wrong and right, it's whatever I want to do. No presence of concern or opinions of others. Not approval of others or undesirable judgements. Peace of mind because oh do spirits soar, but not when I'm alone. Such a confusion we live with so many distractions, a break from it sometimes feels like it all. Who better to understand ones self than one self. Seeking compatibility to survive amongst each other, laws of nature would suggest we are better alone, people's lack of loyalty and commitment, such selfish beings amongst selfless acts when in our own best interest. It's physiological warfare between good and evil according to the masses, however alone I am my greatest investor amongst the world of egoism.

Childhood innocence
What a beautiful thing
Back when Papa was a super hero
Mama tucked you into bed every night
And getting high, was something you did with a swing
Everything was exciting and new
Imaginations ran wild
That run down shack in the woods?
A castle, perfect for games of war

Adolescence was miserable
Such a horrible time
Papa wasn't there; the bar was his domain
Mama smoked to much and cried herself to sleep every night
And pills were popped every night, just to survive
It was so hard to find a smile
Everything seemed empty and fake
And that shack in the woods?
Used now only for the least personal kind of date

High school's end was a blessing
Though its a surprise you made it out alive
Papa was gone, he never even called
And mama was drunk, she couldn't handle it all
Living such a burden, so hard for you to do
Life seemingly hopeless, no joy around for you
So you went back to that shack in the woods, for the very last time
And left this world behind you, one pill at a time

The place between home and destination
         Where lost souls come to breathe
Only the strong can survive this mess;
    It's a harsh world kid, can you face yourself?

It's in the gutters and back alleys
        Where the filth is laid out to see

I want a location
To go on vacation
I need somewhere humid to go
Where sweet senoritas
All serve margaritas
Where no one has ever seen snow
With white sandy beaches
Where no one can reach us
Where everything moves rather slow
I just need a ticket
I'll tell winter..."stick it"
I'm off to where the warmer winds blow

chorus

The drifts are now sky high
To shovel...I don't try
I can't get my car in my drive
I'm stuck wearing snow shoes
I'm stuck with the snow blues
I'm doing my best to survive
It's time I was flying
Instead of just crying
To someplace with sun and white sand
Just get me that ticket
I'll tell winter ...."stick it"
As long as it's warm when we land

chorus

I hate this cold weather
My skins turned to leather
I'm leaving as fast as I can
This isn't living
It's snowed since Thanksgiving
I need to go work on my tan
I'll swim with the fishes
I'll use all three wishes
To get away south for a while
Just get me a ticket
I'll tell winter..."stick it"
with my drink and a mighty big smile

chorus

I am not made for weather like this
My blood is too thin and I'm old
It's not the adventure that I signed up for
I'm tired of being so cold

I'll be okay just not tonight
I don't love you that way (I thought)
Can I be weak tonight?

It's hard being strong
I can only do this for so long
I'm trying to survive
Trying not to die

The world is against me why do I try?
There is nothing I can do
No where I can run
No place to hide

If I can survive the night
The light is easy
Daytime is fine
The dark is when the demons eat me

Don't move to fast
I cant keep up
Don't go to slow
They'll get to close

I'm trying to live
But the world is dying
I'll be okay
If you can save me