"healthiest" poems - Hello Poetry

Faking Bad In anticipation of my Evaluation to be declared Non Compos Mentos I slept under a bridge For three days "Getting into character," But on the morning of My intake interview My hair fell perfectly, I mean I looked like A ******* rock star. College girls on the bus Were giving me their Numbers and my skin, Which I'd purposely sunburnt And caked in the finest filth, Glowed like an Australian Chippendale dancer named Weegie And even the female Assisstant D.A. Who had busted me for vagrancy Waved her ******* from The third story building Of the Courthouse. No matter how much I Tried to speak gibberish Poetry and philosophical Tracts spewed from my mouth. Shuffling past the park I beat eight Grand Masters At chess on move 1 Inadvertently I solved The Phi Epsilom Theorem By kicking stones Into an algorythym. When I arrived they didn't Make me wait at all. My caseworker giggled like A schoolgirl while I told her Each day was like an endless shift In a Chinese fish- gutting Sweatshop and every one of my fellow Employees was motivationalist Richard Simmons. She ungirdled her enormous **** and as they spilled Like fishguts onto the desk She began to howl **** me, **** me, oh **** Me right here in Front of the open window On State Street as everyone Watches me ******* the strongest, Healthiest, smartest, most popular, Well-adjusted man in the world. The rest of the examination was Also a success. But as I left the Mental HealthCenter feeling marvelous I accidentally bumped An old woman with the door: "Watch out you manic-depressive Schizoid with Socially Avoidant Features klutz." -Thomas L. Vaultonburg

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Aug 11, 2015

Aug 11, 2015 at 5:05 PM UTC

outsider-poet-thomas

Faking Bad (Outsider Poetry)

Faking Bad In anticipation of my Evaluation to be declared Non Compos Mentos I slept under a bridge For three days "Getting into character," But on the morning of My intake interview My hair fell perfectly, I mean I looked like A ******* rock star. College girls on the bus Were giving me their Numbers and my skin, Which I'd purposely sunburnt And caked in the finest filth, Glowed like an Australian Chippendale dancer named Weegie And even the female Assisstant D.A. Who had busted me for vagrancy Waved her ******* from The third story building Of the Courthouse. No matter how much I Tried to speak gibberish Poetry and philosophical Tracts spewed from my mouth. Shuffling past the park I beat eight Grand Masters At chess on move 1 Inadvertently I solved The Phi Epsilom Theorem By kicking stones Into an algorythym. When I arrived they didn't Make me wait at all. My caseworker giggled like A schoolgirl while I told her Each day was like an endless shift In a Chinese fish- gutting Sweatshop and every one of my fellow Employees was motivationalist Richard Simmons. She ungirdled her enormous **** and as they spilled Like fishguts onto the desk She began to howl **** me, **** me, oh **** Me right here in Front of the open window On State Street as everyone Watches me ******* the strongest, Healthiest, smartest, most popular, Well-adjusted man in the world. The rest of the examination was Also a success. But as I left the Mental HealthCenter feeling marvelous I accidentally bumped An old woman with the door: "Watch out you manic-depressive Schizoid with Socially Avoidant Features klutz." -Thomas L. Vaultonburg