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samasati Nov 2012
I believe in smiling at strangers. I believe in saying hello. I believe in shyness. I believe in fear of rejection. I believe in the need of affection. I believe in the need of reminders. I believe in candles, especially those that smell of vanilla or christmas. I believe in wearing small crystals around my neck. I believe in energetic vibrations. I believe in colours - I think each person has their own colour. I believe every feeling is valid. I believe in chapstick and I believe in mascara that doesn’t clump. I believe in nail polish - every colour of nail polish. I believe that the only reason we lie is because we fear something. I believe in poetry. I believe in bluntness. I believe in the intention behind words, but I don’t necessarily believe in words. I believe in travel. I believe in travelling solo. In fact, I believe in travelling so much that it is pretty much all I want to do. I believe in music. Boy, do I believe in music. I believe any kind of musical composition can change a person. I believe music can cure depression. I also believe music can feed depression. I believe a melody can say more than lyrics and I believe that lyrics can be what someone couldn’t put together themselves to explain exactly how they are feeling. I believe anyone can create a song, even though they believe they cannot. I believe a single note can sound like the most beautiful sound in the world. I believe if someone records a song when they’re in an ugly mood, the ugliness emits to its listeners and can drain them. I believe in art. Of course I do. I believe in acrylic paint. I believe in oil paint and watercolours, but not as much as I believe in acrylic. I believe in fingerprinting. I even believe in painting with your toes. And I believe in dancing; even if it looks weird. I believe in flailing your arms even, as long as it feels good and right. I believe in dancing ‘til you sweat, though I don’t like that icky feeling too much. I believe that a babe can be a very ugly person and a physically unattractive person can be a very beautiful person. I believe that people who smile are beautiful. I believe that people who frown are beautiful too, just in a different way. I believe that there are sincere smiles and there are manipulative smiles. I believe that some people just know how to use their eyes well. I believe in eye contact. I believe in engaging. I believe in listening and dropping everything else that is going on in your mind just to listen to what a person is trying to share with you. I believe in sharing - sharing cookies and sharing love. I believe in the frosty cold. I believe that it doesn’t have to feel as cold as it really is. I believe that people complain a lot. I believe that people often have too much pride to be happy. I believe that we should embrace our discomforts and shames, that we should welcome them wholeheartedly so that we can be happy. I believe in honesty. I believe in empathy. I believe in tea. I believe in jelly donuts but only on certain occasions. I believe in quirky bow ties. I believe in knit toques and mittens and scarves. I believe in dresses. I believe in flirting. I believe in coffee in the morning. I believe in big comfy beds. I believe in walking around your empty house in your underwear or birthday suit, singing loudly. I believe in singing in the shower. I believe in singing on the street. I believe in stage fright. I believe in meditation, though I don’t really strictly set times to do it anymore. I believe mundane activities can be done in a meditative state of mind. I believe in clarity. I believe in not judging people because everyone is human. I believe every human has something very interesting about them. I believe in boring people too. I believe in christmas music - not the radio kind, the choral kind. I believe in cheap sweet wine. I believe in Billy Joel and I believe in The Beatles. I believe in Regina and Sufjan too. I believe that the ukulele is a very overrated instrument. I believe in having healthy hair. I believe in moisturizer. I believe in getting to pick a coloured toothbrush at the dentist. I believe in thick wool socks. I believe in baggy sweaters. I believe in yoga gear but I do not believe in sweatpants. I believe that yoga is one of the healthiest things for a person - ever. I believe in buying a friend drinks or dinner once in awhile. I believe in collecting shoes and scarves and rings. I believe in chords but I don’t really believe in jeans. I believe in hot chocolate with whip cream but not with marshmallows. I believe in dorky Christmas sweaters. I believe in baking cookies instead of cake. I believe in eating disorders - I do not support them, but I do believe they are much more severe and various than most people think and I believe there should be better/proper help for those who suffer instead of the usual cruel inpatient/outpatient care. I believe in trichotillomania and I believe in dermatillomania and the severity and impact it can have on its sufferers. I believe in gardens. I believe in every single flower. I believe that everyone is always doing their best. I believe that most people love to struggle. I believe in hope. I believe in having faith in yourself. I believe in iPod playlists. I believe in gym memberships in the winter, not the summer unless it’s to swim. I believe in matching underwear every day. I believe in Value Village. I believe in singing in bus shelters when you’re waiting for the bus. I believe in dressing up according to holidays. I believe in Grey’s Anatomy and I believe in Community. I believe in skirts and dresses that twirl like the ‘ol days. I believe in longboards more than skateboards. I believe in plaid like most young people do. I believe in bows in my hair, but not as much as I used to. I believe in foot massages and hand massages. I believe in reflexology and reiki and essential oils and chakras and crystals and holistic nutrition. I believe in anxiety; even crippling anxiety. I believe in awkward romances. I do not believe in flip flops. I do not believe in Beatles covers unless they are really insanely good; then my mind is blown. I believe in having long enough nails to scratch someone’s back appropriately. I also believe in biting nails. I do not believe in telephone calls unless I am extremely comfortable with the person. I believe in blogs. I believe in journals. I believe in naming special inanimate objects like journals, instruments, technology and furniture. I believe in the idea of cats more than I believe in cats. I believe in sharpies or thin pointed permanent markers. I believe in temporary tattoos. I believe in streaming movies online. I believe in royal gala apples. I believe in avocados. I believe in rice cakes. I believe in popcorn. I believe in airports but I hate the LA airport. I believe in openly talking about *** but I don’t believe in making it seem shameful and gross. I believe there should be no shame regarding sexuality. I believe in reading some great books more than once. I believe in laying on the couch under cozy blankets, watching a great suspenseful tv show or movie. I only believe in having a couple bites of cheesecake. I don’t really believe in lulu lemon. I don’t believe many people can pull off the colour yellow. I believe in buttons over zippers even though zippers are easier, they just look kind of dumb and cheap. I believe in the sun and the moon equally. I believe in closets over dressers. I believe in staring out the window for a good hour or so.
Faking Bad

In anticipation of my
Evaluation to be declared
Non Compos Mentos
I slept under a bridge
For three days
"Getting into character,"

But on the morning of
My intake interview
My hair fell perfectly,
I mean I looked like
A ******* rock star.
College girls on the bus
Were giving me their
Numbers and my skin,
Which I'd purposely sunburnt
And caked in the finest filth,
Glowed like an Australian
Chippendale dancer named Weegie
And even the female Assisstant D.A.
Who had busted me for vagrancy
Waved her ******* from
The third story building
Of the Courthouse.

No matter how much I
Tried to speak gibberish
Poetry and philosophical
Tracts spewed from my mouth.

Shuffling past the park
I beat eight
Grand Masters
At chess on move 1

Inadvertently I solved
The Phi Epsilom Theorem
By kicking stones
Into an algorythym.

When I arrived they didn't
Make me wait at all.

My caseworker giggled like
A schoolgirl while I told her
Each day was like an endless shift
In a Chinese fish- gutting
Sweatshop and every one of my fellow
Employees was motivationalist
Richard Simmons.
She ungirdled her enormous
**** and as they spilled
Like fishguts onto the desk
She began to howl
"**** me, **** me, oh ****
Me right here in
Front of the open window
On State Street as everyone
Watches me ******* the strongest,
Healthiest, smartest, most popular,
Well-adjusted man in the world.

The rest of the examination was
Also a success.
But as I left the Mental HealthCenter
feeling marvelous
I accidentally bumped
An old woman with the door:
"Watch out you manic-depressive
Schizoid with Socially Avoidant
Features klutz."
-Thomas L. Vaultonburg
Poem from Outsider Poetry Magazine http://outsiderpoetrymagazine.blogspot.com/
Kendall K Sep 2017
My dad does not love me,
I couldn't tell you why.
I do not feel at home when I am with him,
I won't even try to lie.

I know he doesn't give a **** about anyone besides himself,
not me, not him, not her.
Dad, I think of all the times I asked if you were even listening,
though I always knew you never were.

He makes me feel like I bear no purpose
and that doesn't sit too well.
I'm breathing slowly in and out,
yet I still reside in hell.

But as much as I want to hate him,
I still can't bring myself to.
I swear to god, I'm falling apart,
will we ever make it through?

This tears me apart violently,
painfully, limb by limb
I want to make things better,
but it all just looks so grim.

I'm trying so hard to convince myself
that it doesn't hurt anymore
because you told me you would make this right,
but you lied to me, you swore.

Yet despite these words that spill from my lips,
your approval still haunts me, I swear.
Because something crazy happened that made me realize
how much I continue to care.

Because when I lost the stone of a ring you bought,
my wall came tumbling down
Because I found some love within that rock
that we got in my favorite town.

On that trip, I felt important,
so much that I'll never forget.
Of all my useless times with you,
that week I don't regret.

But now that my ring is gone,
there's nothing happy for me to remember,
so I'm left here on a sunny July day,
feeling like the **** frigid December.

I began to find a home inside my moonstone,
and I wore it everyday.
Now, my memory seems to be fading
further and further away.

It's sad, I know it's lame,
but I still find myself searching all over the ground.
Though I know it's long gone,
I look hopelessly for something that's nowhere to be found.

And often times,
I also find myself tracing a finger
over the now empty space
my blue ring used to linger.

I'm looking for something
that no longer exists
because my fading faith in you
consistently persists.

I'm holding tightly onto an object
because of the meaning I convinced myself it had,
but the painful realization that you really couldn’t care less
feels indescribably bad.

I guarded it with my life,
but a ring never made me matter
And now that I've seen the truth,
I'm scared to death I'm going to fall apart and shatter.

Maybe it wasn't the healthiest coping method,
but it meant the world and more to me.
A piece of myself died once I noticed its absence
because there's a door to my happy memories and that was the key.

That one small piece of jewelry
was the hope, the love, you left me without.
This is why I cried when I lost it
because it was one of the only things I owned that I cared so desperately about.

And if I never get it back,
I’ll never find any in you again
If I thought this feeling right now was the worst,
what will I do then?

When I think of you, it all comes back;
your mistreatment is all I see.
And I'm left alone inside my head,
thinking, that my own daddy doesn't love me.
2.2.16 | this is something i was very hesitant to share because it's honestly probably the most personal thing i've ever written in my entire life, but i just needed some peace in my mind and i felt like i needed to share this in order to get that release since this topic continues to be a reoccurring struggle in my life.
I am a poet.
I am an artist.
A lover of words, a shaper of thoughts, a master of feelings;
A player of emotions, a speaker of charms, a thinker of minds.
A giver of taste-and at times, a succulent creator of madness.
Madness outside such lines of timid regularity;
The rules of the common, and the inane believers of sanity.
For to me, sanity is as easy as insanity itself-
On which my life feedeth, and boldly moveth on;
And without insanity, t'ere shan't be either joy-or ecstasy;
As how ecstasy itself, in my mind, is defined by averted uneasiness,
And t'at easiness, reader, is not by any means part of;
And forever detached from, the haunting deities of contemporaneity.
Thus easily, artistry consumeth and spilleth my blood-and my whole entity;
Words floweth in my lungs, mastereth my mind, shapeth my own breath.
And sometimes, I breathest within those words themselves;
And declareth my purity within which, feeleth rejection at whose loss;
Like a princess storming about hysterically at the failure of her roses.
Ah! Poetry! The second lover of my life; the delicacy of my veins.
And I loveth, I doth love-sacredly, intensely, and expressively, all of which;
I loveth poetry as I desire my own breath, and how I loveth the muchness of my fellow nature;
Whose crazes sometimes surroundeth us like our dear lake nearby;
With its souls roaming about with water, t'at chokes and gurgles-
As stray winds collapseth around and strikest a war with which.
And most of the year-I am a star, to my own skies;
But by whose side a moon, to my rainless nights;
On the whole, I am an umbrella to my soul;
So t'at it groweth bitter not, even when t'ere is no imminent rain;
And be its savior, when all is unsaved, and everything else writhest in pain.

Thus I loveth poetry as well as I loveth my dreams;
I am a painter of such scenic phrases, whose miracles bloometh
Next to thunderstorms, and yon subsequent spirited moonbeam.
And t'eir fate is awesome and elegant within my hands;
They oft' sleep placidly against my thumbs;
Asking me, with soft-and decorous breath;
To be stroked by my enigmatic fingers;
And to calm t'eir underestimated literariness, by such ungodly beings, out t'ere.
Ah, poor-poor creatures-what a fiend wouldst but do t'is to aggravate 'em!
As above all, I feeleth but extremely eager about miracles themselves;
and duly witness, my reader-t'at t'is very eagerness shall never be corrupted;
Just as how I am a pure enthusiast of love;
And in my enthusiasm, I shareth love of both men and nature;
And dark sorrows and tears t'at oft' shadowest t'eir decent composures.
When I thirstest for touches, I simply writest 'em down;
When I am hungry for caresses, I tendeth to think them out;
I detailest everything auspiciously, until my surprised conscience cannot help but feeling tired;
But still, the love of thee, poetry, shall outwit me, and despise me deeply-
Should I find not the root, within myself, to challenge and accomplish it, accordingly.
I shall be my own jealousy, and my own failure;
Who to whose private breath feeleth even unsure.
I shall feel scarce, and altogether empty;
I shall have no more essence to be admired;
For everything shall wither within me, and leave me to no energy;
And with my conscience betrayed, I shall face my demise with a heart so despaired.
Ah, my poetry is but my everything!
'Tis my undying wave; and the casual, though perhaps unnatural;
the brother of my own soul, on whose shoulders I placeth my longings;
And on whose mouths I lieth my long-lost kisses!
Ah, how I loveth poetry hideously, but awesomely, thereof!
I loveth poetry greatly-within and outside of my own roof;
And I carest not for others' mock idyll, and adamant reproof;
For I loveth poetry as how as I respectest, and idoliseth love itself;
And when I idoliseth affection, perhaps I shall grow, briefly, into a normal human being-
A real, real human being with curdling weights of unpoetic feelings;
I shall whisper into my ears every intractable falsehood, but the customary normalcy-of creation;
And brash, brash emptiness whom my creative brains canst no longer bear!
Ah, dearest, loveliest poetry, but shall I love him?
Ah-the one whose sighs and shortcomings oft' startlest my dreams;
The one whom I oft' pictureth, and craftest like an insolent statue-
Within my morning colours, and about my petulant midnight hue?
Or, poetry, and tellest me, tellest me-whether needst I to love him more-
The one whose vice was my past-but now wishes to be my virtue,
And t'is time an amiably sober virtue-with eyes so blue and sparkling smiles so true?
Ah, poetry, tellest me, tellest me here-without delay!
In my oneness, thou shalt be my triumph, and everlasting astonishment;
Worthy of my praise and established tightness of endorsement;
But in any doubleness of my life-thou shalt be my saviour, and prompt avidity-
When all but strugglest against their trances, or even falleth silent.
Ah, poetry, thou art the symbol of my virtue thyself;
And thy little soul is my tongue;
A midnight read I hath been composing dearly all along;
My morn play, anecdote, and yet my most captivating song.

I thirstest for thee regularly, and longeth for thee every single day;
I am dead when I hath not words, nor any glittering odes in my mouth to say.
Thou art my immensity, in which everything is gullible, but truth;
And all remarks are bright-though with multiple souls, and roots;
Ah, poetry, in every summer, thou art the adored timeless foliage;
With humorous beauty, and a most intensive sacrifice no other trees canst take!
O poetry, and thy absence-I shall be dead like those others;
I shall be robbed, I shall be like a walking ghost;
I hath no more cores, nor cheers-within me, and shall wander about aimlessly, and feel lost;
Everything shall be blackened, and seen with malicious degrees of absurdity;
I shall be like those who, as days pass, bloometh with no advanced profusion,
And entertaineth their sad souls with no abundant intention!
How precarious, and notorious-shall I look, indeed!
For I shall hath no gravity-nor any sense of, or taste-for glory;
My mind shall be its own corpse, and look but grey;
Grey as if paled seriously by the passage of time;
Grey as if turned mercilessly so-by nothing sublime;
Ah, but in truth-grey over its stolen life, over its stolen breath!
I shall become such greyness, o poetry, over the loss of thee;
And treadeth around like them, whose minds are blocked-by monetary thickness;
A desire for meaningless muchness, and pretentious satire exchanged '**** 'emselves;
I shall be like 'em-who are blind to even t'eir own brutal longings!
Ah, t'ose, whose paths are threatened by avid seriousness;
And adverse tides of ambition, and incomprehensible austerity;
Ah, for to me glory is not eternal, glory is not superb;
For eternity is what matterest most, and t'at relieth not within any absence of serenity.
Ah, but sadly they realiseth, realiseth it not!
For they are never alive themselves, nor prone-to any living realisation;
And termed only by the solemnity of desire, wealthiness, and hovering accusations;
For they breathe within their private-ye' voluptuous, malice, and unabashed prejudice,
For they hath no comprehension; as they hath not even the most barren bliss!
And I wantest not to be any of them, for being such is entirely gruesome;
And I shall die of loneliness, I shall die of feasting on no mindly outcome;
For nothing more shall be fragrant within my torpid soul;
And hath courage not shall I, to fight against any fishy and foul.
My fate is tranquil, and 'tis, indeed-to be a poet;
A poet whenst society is mute, I shall speak out loud;
And whenst humanity is asleep, I wake 't with my shouts;
Ah, poetry! Thy ****** little soul is but everything to me;
And even in my future wifery, I shall still care for, and recur to thee;
And I shall devote myself to thee, and cherish thee more;
Thou hath captured me with love; and such a love is, indeed, like never before.

But too I loveth him still, as every day rises-
When the sun reappeareth, and hazy clouds are again woken so they canst praise the skies.
I loveth him, as sunrays alight our country suburbs;
With a love so wondrous; a love but at times-too ardent and superb.
Ah, and thus tellest me-tellest me once more!
To whose heart shall I benignly succumb, and trust my maidenhood?
To whose soul shall I courteously bow, and be tied-at th' end of my womanhood?
Ah, poetry, I am but now clueless, and thoroughly speechless-about my own love!
Ah, dearest-t'is time but be friendly to me, and award to me a clue!
Lendeth to me thy very genial comprehension, and merit;
Openeth my heart with thy grace, and unmistakable wit!
Drowneth me once more into thy reveries of dreams;
And finally, just finally-burstest my eyes now open, maketh me with clarity see him!

Ah, poetry, t'ose rainbows of thine-are definitely too remarkable;
As how t'ose red lips of thine adore me, and termeth me kindly, as reliable;
And thus I shall rely all my reality on thy very shoulder;
Bless me with the holiness confidentiality, and untamed ****** intelligence;
Maketh me enliven my words with love, and the healthiest, and loveliest, of allegiance.
Bless me with the flavoured showers of thy heart;
So everything foreign canst but be comely-and familiar;
And from whose verdure, and growth-I shall ne'er be apart!
And as t'is happens, holdest my hand tightly-and clutchest at my heart dearly;
Keepest me but safe here, and reachest my breath, securely!
Ah, poetry-be with me, be with me always!
Maketh me even lovelier, and loyal-to my religion;
In my daily taste-and hastes, and all these supreme oddities and evenness of life;
Maketh me but thoughtful, cheerful, and naive;
And in silence maketh me stay civil-but for my years to come;
and similarly helpeth my devotion, taste, and creativity, remain alive.

Ah, poetry, thus I shall be awake in both thy daylight, and slumbers;
And as thou shineth, I knoweth that my dreams shall never fade away;
Once more, I might have gone mad, but still-all the way better;
And whenst I am once more conscious; thou shalt be my darling;
who firmly and genuinely beggeth me t' keep writing, and in the end, beggeth me t' stay.
Leave me not, even whenst days grew dark-and lighted were only my abyss;
Invite my joy, and devour every bit of it-as one thou should neither ignore, or miss.
Dresden Aug 2018
Life has many milestones.
Each bringing a significant change to one's life.
Whether that be a birthday, a wedding, a child.
But it's difficult to admit the sadder milestones that we carry with us.
However these negative moments also have a significant effect on us.
This is my list of milestones I hate to admit.
But they have impacted me tramendously.
It's time I released them so I can look ahead.

Molested by a boy at age 4.
Countlessly ***** by my sister starting at age 5.
***** by my therapist at age 7.
Beat by my sister throughout childhood.
Bribed and verbally abused by my step father to condition me to keep my issues to myself.
Traumatized at 10 by my father and his ex due to a domestic abuse situation.
Almost drowned from my first public panic attack at age 16.
Harassed by a man at a concert at age 20.
Endured the hell that relationships always bring.
Attempted suicide twice at age 21.
And a man attempted to **** me at a party last week while I was intoxicated.

I know I'm not the only one with these difficult memories.
And knowing I'm not alone will always be my comfort.
But I'm letting it all out;
purging out the evil so I can be releaved.
And now my hope is to heal and become whole again in the healthiest way possible.

I can overcome these milestones.
I know I can.
Matt Mar 2015
If you visit google's home page today
You will see a Japanese man
Examining noodles with a microscope
Hahaha

Thank you Momofuku Ando!
For inventing Top Ramen
Although not the healthiest choice

Here are the sodium levels for each flavor

Top Ramen Oriental Flavor-- 800 mg 33% daily value
Top Ramen Beef Flavor-- 760 mg 32 % daily value
Top Ramen Chicken Flavor-- 910 mg 38% daily value
Top Ramen Shrimp Flavor-- 860 mg 36% daily value
Top Ramen Picante Beef Flavor-- 780 mg 32% daily value
Top Ramen Chili Flavor-- 760 mg 32% daily value

If you are watching your sodium levels
Stay away from the chicken and shrimp flavors
Lol!

Many college students
Throughout the past few decades
Have relied on Top Ramen
As they crammed for their exams

I have even indulged
And enjoyed Top Ramen
Once or twice
During my early college years
Black, white, and fur all over.
That's what you were, George.
Generic street cat look, or what we Filipinos call,"Pusang Kalye".
Fattest cat, I've seen in person but probably the only reasons why I can like cats as an animal.
You came to our lives at a very interesting point in time.
You were the size of an overgrown puppy when we got you and you just turned 7 years old.
I thought it was interesting to have a fat cat live with us because I only imagined the amount of interest that would build into my family despite us never having a cat.
My sisters were scared of you out of trauma, but you know that wouldn't last forever.
I spent my entire afternoon with you the day you came to our home, and observed your mannerisms.
You like lying down on surfaces with odd textures because you like how it feels, and you love to hide in shadowy places because you were edgey I suppose?
Dunno, but that's what you were George. The fat cat in the shadows.
Time passed by, and my sisters started growing to you.
You eventually moved into my sisters' room, and you stayed there ever since.
To my sisters, you were the greatest things that happened to them.
Alyssa, the second oldest in our family, loved you as if you were her long lost boyfriend.
She'd brush your fur, bathe you when you hated it most, and she'd trim your nails.
Alyssa always looked out fo royu.
Sasha, the youngest in our family, would always pester you because she'd see you as a living stuffed toy.
Of course she did that as a joke, but I know that she really loved having you around otherwise she'd be stuck on her iPad the entire day just watching anime and K-drama.
Even our mom, who hates cats grew to love you.
She'd always stop by my sisters room just to pet you and let you walk around her legs.
Only cat owners and people who've seen cats enough would understand that cats walk around people's legs to let them know that,"I own you." It's a cat's way of saying,"I love you."
Sounds twisted, but it was one of the most genuine things a cat could do.
To me, you were one of the most deviant things in my world.
I've never imagined having a cat, and nor was I looking forward to having one.
I remember lying down on my bed frustrated.
Frustrated with insecurity in a time where I thought the whole world was filled with crap.
Every now and then, you visited my room.
You just kind of lied down on my bed and stared me.
Some times you'd meow to get my attention because you needed to use the restroom, but you were just there as if you were listening to the insecurities in my head.
One day, I came back from a giant youth conference that changed every part of my life.
I was just lying down, thinking about everything that I decided to change in my life.
Then all of a sudden, you lied down on my stomach as if it were your bed, and you just purred.
A cat purr is probably one of the most oddly comforting things in the world.
A cat's entire body vibrates and lets out a soft hum.
Receiving a cat purr is like receiving an affectionate hug from someone who's not close to you, but you know they're genuine.
I didn't move from my bed  because I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to observe but I knew that you loved me.
I wasn't very expressive in showing that I cared about you George, because I was focused on myself way too much.
Yet you were always there to meow at me and to lie down on me, even when I took long naps.
Until one day, you stopped being affectionate.
You stopped showing your love for me.
You just lied down on a bed as still as a statue.
You wouldn't react to anyone who pet you or tried to bug you.
You were frozen...
Mom took you to the vet, and who knew...
You were dying.
You were emotionless, because you were sad.
We didn't know how selfish we were by just watching you play statue.
How callous of us!
As days went by, anxiety built within my sisters.
Until February 22, 2017, you were gone.
Hearts were broken. Tears were shed.
But this thought always lingered the entire time you were there.
"Everything happens for a reason and whatever God allows is His will."
Here I am in a coffee shop on the same day, trying to grasp the concept of mourning.
If dealing with death is coffee, then mourning is black coffee.
It's the healthiest of the choices but its bitter.
It awakens you physically and emotionally.
Too much of it, is bad for a human being.
You're a cat, the second most loved pet in the world but a "hit and miss" pet for the general populace.
I'm just thankful that you were in our lives because if you weren't there, Alyssa wouldn't have learned responsibility.
You brought her stability.
Thanks for dealing with Sasha, because she needed to release her emotions as well every time she pestered you.
And thank you, for always bugging me when I'm alone.
I used to push people away for getting too close, but you taught me that it doesn't take much to show love.
Thank you, George.
The Fat Cat of the Silva-Afzelius household, the Cat of the Shadows, and Alyssa's Sweet Prince.
We are thankful for the joy of companionship that you left in our hearts.
Good night furry one.
This poem is dedicated to George, our family cat.
Gary Nov 2016
Dear life,
Let these closings of long battles
And roads of new exploration be my new path for a new serene normalcy.
May these paths lead to answers,
Answers of who I am.
It's been so long since I've been the real me it hurts to a pain staking degree.
Trying to remember what once was me.
Nothings normal, all I once knew is now forgotten and gone.
You cannot expect to accomplish a new road in life, without having the knowledge of how to overcome its new and demanding challenges.  Simply its obstacles are to great to exceed without knowledge. And even scarier to face. Not knowing the unknowing being thrown to survive in the Lions den.
As a writer I write,  my thoughts, feelings and dreams.
I feel like a caged animal
At a zoo, behind glass
Looking at my once life
Now held captive
From this disease.
I miss my old life, I progressed so far.
Able to challenge my strength of mind,body and soul
Each and every day.
Now that is gone.
Grateful yes I am
Sad and *******?
You better bet.
Although grateful, I am not in good standing with the life I lead  now.
I never asked for this change, I loved my then life and only pleaded for the healthiest body. So I may be the best I could be in all strengths from muscular to mental.
I would love to see the old me and old life I once had.
I would apologize with all my might for whatever I did for it to stop accepting me.
Then maybe I would learn how to live this new resistant relationship I am in.
It's hard to accept that your own body is fighting its every move and with its every move it is literally chipping a little by little of your life and freedom away.
All you can do is wonder why and watch it pay severe tolls each day.
If I cannot return to the past then please may my future be at a level of any normalcy that my present future lacks.
For the sake of my mind and all who are a very important part of it.
Life living in a invisible diseased world
Nicole Mar 2018
I feel like I should write
Though I'm not quite sure what to say
It seems like I feel everything so intensely
Until I try to capture it and it's gone

Words don't seem to work well these days
I'm really not even sure how I'm doing
I feel ready to have a successful week
Yet I also feel heavily disconnected from you

Maybe I am finally accepting my feelings for another
Allowing myself to explore the potential new flame
Maybe I felt held back by your distaste towards her
I realize now that it heavily tints my interactions with her

But it's not about her
And It's not about you
It's honestly about me
And the way I've been living

I have been so consumed by
Our love and all of this polyam drama
That I'm forgetting to live as an actual human
Forgetting that I exist without you too

I know it heavily affects you and
Stresses you out far more than I
So maybe this distance is for you too
Then again, you asked me not to pull away

What else can I do though
When you're consumed by another
And I feel empty and alone too often?
These feelings have led my life far too long already

So I'm stepping up my focus
I am working more on myself again
Because if somehow things get rough
I need to have someone to fall back on

For the first time ever
I've found the healthiest opportunity
The most reliable choice I should've made sooner
And it's me

I am my own foundation
My world exists through my own perception
So in the likely event of some sort of chaos
I am finally ready to catch myself

I will be ok regardless of circumstance
And that's extremely liberating
A Mareship Sep 2013
I dream of you -
My skull all draped in leather and
Badly lit,
And your hands punch
The tusk of my cranium
To get me started.

I dream of you
Skulking around a videogame,
Stealing trolleys.

I dream of you,
Talking in a language
That doesn’t translate,
You’re laughing at something I’ve said,
And I’m laughing back,
Because I don't understand
That I don’t
Understand you.

I dream of you cooking a fry up and
saving me from
Spiders,
I dream of you
In all butterfly colours,
Stuck at one age,
Face changing,
Pixels smattering,
Digestive biscuit hair
Crumbling in the wake of
waking.

I dream of you playing dice in the corner,
Or running from bombs.
I dream that you are bigger than me,
Far bigger than you
Really are.

I dream of you,
Wet dreams of you,
******* me from behind
Like a gold shadow that I can’t touch,

And when I wake up,
I feel like I've done everything with you.

(I dream of my sister,
My father,
And you.
I dream of the healthiest people that I know.)
for T.
Philip Smith Nov 2014
Dear Water,

     I have found another drink my love. It's not you it's me. I just need some space for awhile. Lately I have been craving other drinks. Flavored drinks... I know fruit punch and lemonade are not the healthiest of choices, but I can't get them out of my head. At first it was just a sip, but one thing led to another and a sip turned into a gulp and a gulp into a 32oz cup.

You will always be my first and I will always remember you and use you as a means to judge my future beverages. After-all I carry with me 70% of you everywhere I go.
Cheating is wrong. If you want someone else end what you are currently involved in first. :) And drink lots of water
This ring you gave me,
Why did you do it?
I just keep staring at it,
How can I keep it safe forever?
I know I have to,
Because soon you will be gone,
Why did god choose you?
Why do you have to go so far away?
Just to get even further away?
I watched you cry for the first time today,
As we all said our goodbyes,
You didn't deserve this,
Does grandpa ever cry with you?
Or does he try to stay strong for you?
Last year you were perfectly healthy,
Then suddenly you became sick,
we watch as you get sicker and sicker,
ALS gets worse and worse,
But i grew up with you my whole life,
I don't understand the way god works,
I just want you to be okay,
You deserve a second chance  to make things right,
To be the healthiest ever,
Please,
Is it selfish to say,
Don't go?
Kagey Sage Feb 2016
Drinking my turmeric tea
makes my mouth taste like vegan chicken soup
I spilled it on myself
so I’m committed for looking suddenly jaundice
Oh, ain’t that what they always what they do?
Mark the healthiest ones
as fatal or insane
emma l Apr 2017
i put my eggs on the bottom of all my groceries.
i did it last time, and i'll do it again,
and i'll still act shocked when i open the carton and they've fallen apart.
i'll watch devastatingly as the yolk slips through my fingers;
i'll mourn for the money lost, mourn for the eggshells on my kitchen counter.

breakfast is the healthiest meal of the day, and mine is spread across my kitchen floor.
everyone walks on eggshells around me,
but i stomp on them.
i pour bacon grease on my legs;
the burn feels good for thirty minutes,
but the blisters become unbearable at thirty-one.

i didn't just spill the milk;
i poked a hole in the carton.
i watched it leak through, like blood seeping through a bandage;
i'm crying over spilled milk.
i'm always crying over spilled milk.

i want to grow out of this never ending stage of self sabotage;
i am the victim,
i am always the victim;
the child cries wolf and no one in town cares anymore;
the wolf can't be found,
because the child has swallowed it.

i am no good.
my kitchen is a mess,
i don't eat breakfast,
and i play the victim card like it's the only one left in the deck.
my groceries are in the dumpster out back;
i'm ravenous --
i'll eat you out of house and home.
Pedro Tejada Apr 2010
It's yet another virginal autumn
sliding through the
core of my esophagus,
the most bitter medication,
and the healthiest
to some "He" I've never met.

Let us all take a gander
at the undersexed ice queen,
turning his moans
into a frostbitten cackle
heard far past his grave
crafted with the polarizing
limestone of unintentional cynicism.

He sits at the bumper
of your public transportation system,
perfectly positioned in the middle,
so he can play God,
he jokes!

But it's because he loves people watching.
People watching
is not
people knowing;
people watching
is not
people loving.

Judgmental
is a barrier
same as those
elementary PSAs
about saying no to
strangers, also known as
creepy men with toupees
in decades-old station wagons;
these filthy humans,
all know that man,
all are his children,
all his faithful followers,
his filthy, faithful followers,
no sensual thoughts
will creep into my untouched oats
this grimy morning!

I will never
have dreams
in warm Equator-creeping nights
of making friction with their flesh,
even the boy,
the beautiful boy
standing savagely
on this public bus,
making the waves
pumping through this contraption
that makes up my frame
no longer stagnant,
rabid with the saliva
begging to drop
to commemorate
my loss for words
and my panting
need
for action.

His body is eternally dripping
with the juice of a hard man's labor
luminous vibrance through the skin,
the power of the Latin sun
in the drops of salt running
all the way
down his body

and I feel myself
recording his existence,
no name needed,
just his face
and body
in this rhythmic Orlando morning.
Nostalgic Mar 2019
Perfection doesn’t exist

It’s a non-existing standard we can define by nothing more than our desperation and pursuit of completion
It’s deluding and is painful to bare, in fact letting of go of it opens up so many pores of acceptance and contentment without hindering ones ambition of aspiration

One shouldn’t go with the other
Perfection is not meant to go hand in hand with ambition
In fact the healthiest more achievable form of ambition is that which exist without the ******* of perfection in its walls and foundation

Ambition is healthy, the idea of perfection on the other hand is dangerous and so mythological that it causes a great deal of inadequacy to those that still hold on to its empty promises.

Let us produce great results, great being the profound collective exchange between good and bad, happy and sad, what is positive and what is negative

These are not opposing forces, that’s what perfection has convinced us of, they are parallel systems of reality that make and break it equally, as one cannot exist without the other in specific instance

Belief in perfection is as dangerous in a mentally ill person’s conviction to jump off a sky scrapper believing he can fly, it’s becomes more damaging the more we believe in it.

Perfection is not peaceful it is stagnant, it’s monotonous and deceptive
In fact perfection is cruel because it convinces is of a reality we seek and pursue when we can’t even imagine

It has no beginning nor an ending because that’d process and progress
Meaning perfection in a reality of progress never was and will never be but doesn’t want you to believe that, in fact the only thing that brought perfection into conception and gave it the nerve to even exist in our reality as the theory it exists on is the falsehood it’s made a home of in our hearts and in our souls, that’s why it’s hard to imagine but even harder to get rid of and eradicate.
Moonsocket Oct 2016
Morbidly we wait
drool drops
Hydration for insects
They gag on the taste

The eyes need illumination
conclusions by way of structure fire
Ash covered and mechanic

These minds crave the edge
purveyors of our time

We breathe easy
glass separates the chaos
Structured and correct
rather observe than interact

When these walls shatter

and we gaze into that abyss once so distant

We finally see the irony of our curiosity

It touches the skin in numbing complexity

A malfunctioning brain spins dizzy
nerves become alien
No control

Still we deny
asking why?
Muscles go slack
eyes glaze for the fun house

Ink filled pages

Tell nights tragedies in the boldest of detail

More looks of longing
coffee over obituary breakfasts
Eyes slightly gleam with glee
victorious in an insect existence

We crave the ***** and the depraved

Even the healthiest of minds stops for the strange

So we wait for the new downfall

Never thinking we could be the ones next observed with primitive pleasure

One billion hungry souls screaming for more
Kyle Kulseth Aug 2017
You were leaving
     with the first of the Springtime thaw.
I glued my feet and
     now I'm stuck and you know that's all
               we ever found
          we knew how to do--
was just say fake "goodbyes,"
practice "I'll miss you's!"

We can sleep through our dreams
or die standing up
on the paths of same footprints'
           same old sidewalks.
But the equinox came and you went nowhere
                        quick.
Sick of saying, "It's fine here..."
                        Think
                    I'm just sick
'cuz the healthiest ones hated us
       and now they're all gone...

               ...I guess that's just luck.
                           Dumb luck.

I was leaving
     we both knew that I wouldn't get far
before retreating
     to you and to this asphalt
               I've always walked.
               We always knew how
to just fake fake "You're fine's."
Swallow fermented growls.

We'll just sleep through these dreams
of packing our stuff.
Write our hopes on punched tickets--
           can't afford the bus.
When the equinox comes and we're still here--No
                              ****?--
We'll be convinced it's good here.
                         Think
                  we're just sick.
'Cuz the healthiest ones hated us
        and now they're all gone...

               ...I guess that's just luck.
                           Dumb luck.

Stick together, squeeze the time in
with the snow falling down.
Do what we'd never get away with
when the Summer comes around,
       When the cops patrol the streets
              that the city won't plow

               ...I guess that's just luck.
                           Dumb luck.
SpiritHeart67 Jun 2014
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is admit defeat, call uncle and walk away.
samasati Jan 2013
Remember,

people care about you

they think about you far more than you think they do

they see something that reminds them of you on the street or in a store and they smile because you are a great person and they love that they know you

knowing you makes them happy

knowing you might make them sad too, because sometimes people want more from you than you’re willing to give, but you shouldn’t dwell on making them upset because you are still great and you still bring more happiness to them on most days

sometimes people get sad and that’s not your fault

it is not your job to make a person feel better, and changing who you are just to make them feel better is just a false sense of loyalty that you’re showing them; and anyway, it is far more rewarding to nurture other people by being true to who you are because it is simultaneously nurturing yourself.

when you are sick, get as much affection as you possibly can and do not feel bad about it

tell someone you love them because you just do, not because you feel guilty, obligated or crave their approval

it’s not the end of the world if people don’t need you and it’s probably not the healthiest thing if they are constantly depending on you to clean their messy lives up all the time

you will never regret putting “go to the library” on your to-do list, even if you are swamped and stressed with other things to do; there is nothing quite like being among a whole world of books

don’t be embarrassed about your laugh or blowing your nose in public or even turning bright red when you do get embarrassed because there is nothing wrong with any of these things

you can be sincere or you can be manipulative, but remember that you know how it feels to be manipulated too

people ******* over all the time, but that just makes them people and you are just the same as these people because you do it too, so lighten up and see it’s not a big deal, but don’t let them walk all over you time and time again because that is just disrespectful to yourself

learn when to stay and when to walk away

you are awesome
Jessy Andrews Jul 2010
Powerful Focus
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
5-20-2010
1:23 PM CST
Poem 14

I need to escape.
I need to run away.
This mind is frazzled.
Hell I am having grounding myself.

Too much going on.
Can’t keep track of it all.

When I’m scared.
When I’m hurting.
When I’m angry.
I come back to this.

I try to come back and comfort myself by taking up the pen.
It seems to be the most healthiest place to go to.
Inside my mind the one to judge me is me.
Only I can punish myself for the mess of my mind.

Yes, right now I know not where I’m going in my life.
And with any silence I can come across. I seek out answers.
I ask to be taken out of struggle and out of strife.
Right now my nerves are tied in a knot.

My own personal happiness cries out to be sought.
Knowing where I’m at now has been a battle hard fought.
I want to cry, but my body won’t let me.
I can’t right now. I have to be strong.

Words again flying through my head.
A lot of them going too fast for me to catch.
Wishing just a few of them would crash onto my paper.
At this moment in this place and time they seem to be finding their flow.

I do now recognize that my path starts to again grow.
A newer life is starting to ignite.
Into this flame I bravely and gladly go.
It is time for me to embrace freedom and take flight.

I need to escape.
I need to run away.
My mind though feels a little clearer.
The hour are now drawing nearer.

I know not what the future holds.
I am just trying to live in the now.
Though I find myself still drifting into the unknown.
It gives me some strange form of comfort.

My time now is here to experience a new zone.
I am now free. I can and will do what I want.

I will escape.
I will not run away.
No longer am I a being to haunt
©Ministries of The Chaotic
Frank Sterncrest Mar 2013
your laughter is interrupted
and the punch line crumbles onto your lap.

as you answer your phone
          the chair hardens
                    svelte
                    to skeletal.
          every corner in your bones
          grinds
          against every edge of wood.

as the earpiece exhales
          the grey seeps in from the dusty dome
          and a wheeze of cloudy cold
          floats, foggy, over the sill
          and freezes firm your loose lips
          before a smile can stretch them.

you rise
          and the door evaporates
          at your touch
                    a droplet
                    to your violent,
                    expanding
                    gasps.­
          the croaking in your ear
                    feeble
                    but ‘fine’
          traps your tongue
          under stacks of pennies.
          your heart
                    singular
                    sympatheti­c
          beats fast enough for two
          bodies.

you stand on frail, fractured leaves
          and try to cram crutches
          and buttresses
          through a receiver,
          but your fumbling fingers
          won’t speak.
          your neck buckles
          and bends
          under the heavy phone
          call.

back inside
teetering on your bony seat
you try to sit on your hands
          scoops of your scattered words
                    ‘my leaving
                    was the healthiest thing
                    that has ever happened to her–’
          foreign and
          hollow.
Del Maximo Oct 2011
she dreams of him
strangers seated at long tables
repast in her residence
a wake awakening thoughts
eminent signs and symbols
of transitioning

she thought he was calling her
never imagined he would take her son
fourth of five
sixth of nine overall
seemingly the healthiest among them

a year and a month later
a series of medical mishaps
emergency rooms and hospitals
x-rays, ultra sounds and CT scans
tranfusions, colonoscopies and CT colonographies

he returns so often now
strangers in the house
awakening concerns
for a proper last will and testament
she no longer fears him
it's life's sufferings that frighten her
not a welcoming but a readiness
impeding her fight
she feels her time is near
© October 26, 2011
Bella Kiilani Dec 2015
"Babe, you were my last thought in 2014, and now you're my first thought in 2015...
I love you."

That's what I texted you last year, at midnight, on New Years Eve.
You replied with, "Aw, thanks."

It's December 28th, 2015, and I haven't gone a day this year without you on my mind.
I don't think anyone understands what I feel towards you, you especially don't.

I feel like at one point you might have loved me.  Now I feel like you tolerate me, but even that can only last for so long.

I've spent a year loving someone who didn't love me back.  I've spent a year trying to make things work, with someone who never cared to try.  I don't think it was the healthiest year for me.  But the thing is, I can't blame anyone for it. It's been my choice, and it always has been.  I choose to make this year about you, I choose to put you first, I keep picking you.

Will 2016 be another year of you?  I guess it's my choice, let's see what I pick.
The United States on many levels is a messy affair. Often this plays towards its strengths - a heterogeneous glob of skin colors, backgrounds, opinions, personalities, and characters over the past 240 years has helped shape a cultural, political and economic haphazard semi-benevolent, oft-belligerent empire not seen on this planet before its creation.

We would be idiotic to think that these past two centuries, and nearly a half, have been without some outstanding contradictions. We could pornagraphicly chart how glorious words from the Declaration of Independence have been ******, again and again, including “all men are created equal” and how people have the right to “throw off such Government[s], and to provide new Guards for their future security” when such governments do not serve the will of the people.

We could start with how a great portion of the founding fathers were slave holders, then we could move onto less touchy subjects like most were rich and all were white (and had penises). Sure, we could write that stuff off - you know - the times, the course of history, blah, blah, blah. And all that is true. America has had its Frederick Douglass, its Martin Luther King, its Sacagawea, and Chief what's-his-name, along with all those famous Latinos and Asians they teach us about in grade school we remember so well.

But then, we turn towards those other two hundred odd years where the United States’ culture and politics hung black men and women from trees like strange fruit or burned them alive atop hateful lumber, committed genocide against Native Americans and buffalos with guns and blankets, while also overtly and covertly murdered and overthrew leaders and regimes in Latin America, Asia and the Middle East for resources, power, and influence. Then there was that whole thing where we herded Japanese people into pig pens before we massacred somewhere around 200,000 of them on some island in the pacific with big bombs we had immigrants create for us. To be fair, they started it.

We could write that stuff off - you know - the times, the course of history, blah, blah, blah. And that’s true.

Lean in a bit more and you’ll smell a bit more sweaty *******. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps kinda stuff.  Just like how the current President started off with nothing but a multimillion dollar loan from his daddy to kick off his economic empire. Just like how anyone can succeed in America as long as you work hard, which is why minorities in this country control a majority of multinational corporations, hold a majority in both the Senate and House of Representatives and why every white kid in America grows up aspiring to be either Black or Latino because their parents say “it's for the best.” Just like how America has the best health care, that’s why America has the lowest infant mortality rate and the healthiest people who never ****** each other with 2nd Amendment guns or commit suicide after killing their families or classmates.

Are you writing this down? I am.

Perhaps we could turn to ourselves (I’ll play the overly judgmental overlord who doesn’t give a **** about your feelings or my own personal hypocrisy) ready? How about the shallow puddle of desire we hold in our hands that we mindlessly scroll through and tap and caress and coddle and cling to like an obsessed sociopath? That thing that connects us but deletes us from the here and now? That thing that traps us into a circle of impersonations of ourselves?

Hold your head just this way, smile just like that, clench the jaw just so, a little less cleavage, a little more flex and tuck, bribe the kid for a smile  and - SELFIE! I am a happy, successful, wealthy, witty, charming, sassy, badass ******* genius party hound, bound for success and glory and please like this post or photo or confession or rant or meaningless comment about my mundane life. I need to stay connected.

Let’s drop the phone. I’m still the overlording hypocrite. How about we talk about the polished mirror we strap to our heads by leather, stick, and string and leave dangling before our every step and twinkling eye? We ***** and moan about the drive to work, the long flight, the uppity moronic ******* at the office. On the other side of the mirror a drone strike just killed a mother’s son. Did you vote, do you care? We bemoan the ****** pay and mindless work we’re given in a corporate service driven economy lorded over by overpaid ******. Move the mirror and look in the distance, a dictator just mass murdered his own people. We wallow in self-pity, no one sees our potential, our worth. At the stoplight downtown, hold the gaze of your fellow American asking for a buck - what’s he worth? What’s yours and why?

Okay, how about this? We stroke the ***** and ***** of our own deflated morality by inflating the stupidity of others. Mr. Jones lost his job and slept with a woman not his wife - oh, my. Mrs. Jones chopped off his ****, how unladylike - oh, my. This might be where we avoid the mirror we’ve strapped to our heads by stick and string. I’d never do that, never done anything like it. He deserves what he got and she’s off to the psych ward for sure. Yet, we guzzle down the *** of lurid stories steeped in “other” people's faults. We’re all in the **** video now, and everyone’s acting *****.

Let’s not pretend anymore. Humanity is America and America is messy and often ugly. But there, in the chaos, gleams an oxymoronic hope to do better. To be better. I am as small as my mistakes and shortcomings but as towering as my dreams and ideals. We cannot change or erase our past stupidity, but we can be so much more tomorrow. I want to be an empire of hope, a mountain of kindness, a river of acceptance, a field of peace. A good father to my daughters, a loving partner to my wife. A man that lives.

Let's not write that future off as blah, blah, blah.
I was seduced by your tongue.
From the menu in it's ripe pink
bequeathed with syllables
of toxic waste pronounced;
production rivaling the healthiest liver
in this materialistic marketplace.

Still it is a delicate decadence
not for the faint-heart by recommendation
can only be served in it's ****** state
never preserved with age nor maturity
for it's zest for life can never be tainted
even when cooked
it still wags on and on....
churning more poison.

I placed my order
may the best man win,
I was not a coward.
Bon appetite.
Appreciation is the key ingredient to cultivate healthy relationships. Healthy couples always appreciate each other in day-to-day life to show their commitment and love. They never miss an opportunity to give a loving appreciating remark to their partners.

Always Stay In Touch:

Healthy couples maintain their contact no matter how busy their schedules are. In our busy lives an unexpected text message, an admiring note or a phone call can have much deeper effects than we can realize.
Healthy couples always maintain their loving connection and don’t allow distances and busy routines to part them.
Being Happy is Their Priority:
For healthy couples being happy is much more important than being right. Leaving their egos behind they always strive to discover solutions. Instead of playing the blame game they choose compromise and compassion.

They Sleep Together:
Leave your arguments and battles behind before your crawl into bed. There are arguments and tensions but never take them with you to bed. Leave your negative emotions and anger behind.
Healthy couples suggest to always tell your partner that you love them before you go to sleep and this is especially applicable to the nights when u have an argument. A simple hug and a smile can result in sudden release of tension between couples.
Being Intimate:
Being intimate is essential to keep your relation alive. Healthy couples maintain their intimacy to prove that they cherish their relationship. Preserving your physical relation is vital for establishing healthy relation as a couple.

Being Patient And Respectful Towards Each Other:

No one is perfect. Even the healthiest couples are just two imperfect human beings. Being a perfect couple doesn’t mean that they are perfect in every way, in reality it is accepting and being patient to each other’s imperfections.

Healthy couples are always respectful towards each other’s shortcomings and they compliment limitations of their partner in a way that they look perfect as a couple.
Mitchell Sep 2011
Residency rebellion for the ones afraid to breathe in
The crap in a boat thinking thoughts of the big win

Pure gold turns to fools gold neath' the river which is brimming
With millstones and mile stones ol' Redding screaming "Gimme Mercy!"

Flicking away at the muse to actually prove
One's worth in a Tombstone of Blues

Hacking away at a stone already carved'
The seas are still lo' your imagination there will be parted

Process of purity is not established neath' roof or comfort
But found bludgeoned in grass wet from God' s holiness

To please the masses is to please the mass of meager philanthropists
Squatting on an idea to sell to the absolute highest crippled bidder

Sell! Sell! Sell! Make sure you bring your glitter and your bells
Vegas is waiting with its scythes and its knives and the promise of a prize

Love does not matter there for Love is sold for you to be taught
Stare into the back holes of the 9th tiers and you will surely be bought

Smell the walls the engravings of past misery makers
Ink stained souls praising their own illusion of an individuals goal

Nothingness rains on the heads of the running wild pure
Go! Go! Go! belts out out the man holding a cat in full fur

Yet I am distinguished as I fish for the memories of mother and father
Hoping they will give me the fire for this next morning starter

Where are the bike rides lined with car fumes choking the healthiest soul?
Where are the lords who toss heads ******* tight on their heavy soup bowl?

In the wood, in the creaks, the voices of the former tell the present to beware
Though the heart is beating does not mean with knife it will stab and tear

Do you not see the softness we are heading toward with our flags blazing?
Writing for no one accept the check and the acceptance of their boredom?

Fire heat from hearths not of our world but of the other!
Bleeding fingers spread across the face in poverty stricken struggle!

Shower curtains browned from the dirt of the day
Toilet bowl gone from a weeks worth of decay

Now I relish in the hardiness of madnesses peckishness
Where spelling don't matter and everyone is mad as a hatter

Holes are not dug but swung from the clouds and hugs
Hate hates itself while horns blow their idea of ****

Not though here thought naked spent pitch a tent
I remember no childhood except for the window neath' my toes

Good night lo' good day
This thing was never meant to have its end
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2016
somewhere along the lines, a pre-script revelation by dumb'oh: because painting deals with nudes in all seriousness and soberness, music explains the coupling of violins etc. to an ******... writing, in its depth has to deal with the murk and muck of thoughts and emotions - poetry as such entices an anarchistic spontaneity against any categorisation and systematisation, who's chief proponents are the pillars of reason, psychology and philosophy systematise, tell you the plans of the house, tell you what the limits and excess are... poetry in its anarchism teaches you nothing but experience and how to exploit it - as nietzsche pointed out: a shamelessness towards experience.*

i could, i mean, technically make
poetry cut-clean and smartly dressed,
sigh O sighing and star gazing,
i could masquerade what i'm about
write, but then i sometimes do like
cleaving meat off a bone using a blunt
knife, for that lion's tooth feeling
of having to use the molars (yes,
the canines are all kosher, they stab you
and the lion waits for you to slowly
bleed out - no sadism on his part,
no industrial death syndicate with
iron maidens, racks, a blunt sword
that hacked a few times at ******
mary's head on the scaffold - they executed
the ones they loved with a sharp sword,
mary's head was chopped off using
something as sharp as a toothpick, terrible
scene) - where was i? ah yes, blunt things,
blunt knife cleaving off meat from the bone
(a hellish follow-up if you're dicing the
meat for a curry) -
so this lion is the kosher butcher, he doesn't
do insect digestion, no spider-web cocooning
(is that an anaesthetic aphrodisiac you're
injecting so you eat me while i sleep? grand) -
so he bleed the **** thing out,
he's not some inverse necrophiliac in want
of wanting to see the thing he's about to eat
watching itself get eaten - another time,
another place;
unlike painting and composing music, writing
doesn't really have ****** perks when it
comes to it - oddly enough writing is a
pseudo-celibacy - now this is where the bluntness
comes in - i mean bach ****** and fathered
about a dozen children, mozart too, picasso for sure,
but writing is hardly a form that allows
the healthiest *** lives of what painters enjoy,
there's no aeroplane or lightning-thunder mechanics,
you know when you see a plane and "think"
you see it 20 miles behind, when it fact it's the
gurgling lazy tentacle flapping about from the
engines lagging behind - first lightning, then
the thunder - well, writing is the thunder and
the 20 mile lag of the aeroplane - i don't know
why music fits in with painting in terms of
being classified in the former, but it does,
it's a passive excursion into the art - you don't
need to play an instrument these days,
the ****'s just there for you to be bothered enough
to listen to it - i know, i know, audio-books,
never listened to one - but such passive appreciation
i'd only recommend to the blind, unless proficient
in braille, more than two volumes of the work done...
so bluntness... well writing is comfortable with
that other form of ****** gratification, your own,
like today: i was on Onan's throne (a toilet),
wiped my *** after taking a **** and thought
about not utilising my imagination, rather,
using what i call the perfected debasement of
*******: gifs - i can't glorify *******,
but i need something to act like a plug-hole
for the imagination to be pristine - and .gifs
are the perfect way to use it (after all, it is there
for something): no fetish, no ***** leather,
gimps out the question, ****** mind you too,
no teen, not fatty boom boom, no she-male -
whatever, you know it's out there -
but then my neighbour started singing in the
bath... the walls are thin... yes... thin enough
to hear what's going on next door...
now that put me off altogether... couldn't do it...
not that it annoyed me, not even in the slightest,
i can't do those kind of robotics with my
neighbour's "soprano" washing herself in the bath...
just, couldn't, do, it - sulky mood? not really -
but the moral of the story:
               the debasement of *******
               given that feminism
               proposes that ******* is debasing...
hey, i'm not the rich ******* with a mansion
bored and working out a steady income.
Zack Ripley Oct 2020
Hiding how you feel isn't lying.
In fact, for some people,
It's a form of surviving.
It may not be the healthiest way to heal;
Ignoring the pain and feelings
To the point It's not real.
But do whatever it takes
To see tomorrow.
David J Nov 2022
Life is of Motion
Even water itself is healthiest with movement
But Stillness
will always be necessary for reflection
Reflection can’t be done with a busy stream. Happy Thanksgiving, take some moments to slow down.
Joan Karcher Jul 2012
Pain and love
do they ever get confused?
Passion and anger
do they ever trigger each other?
feeling as if I was actually helping you,
when you hurt me everyday,
blaming myself when the bruises bloomed,
you said that there was no one else
to take your anger out on,
convincing me
over and over again
that you would actually change
actually stop,
only for you to go back to your normal self
when you forgot to try,
you shouldn't have to try,
it shouldn't be so hard
to actually be gentle with the one you love,
if it's truly love, you would never raise a hand
if it's truly love, you would never raise your voice
so cruelly,
I walked away
finally I left, and didn't come back,
after many years with you,
I actually left,
left my old life behind
to try to start anew,
I thought there couldn't be anything else,
I thought that we had true love,
I thought that all that passion you had
balanced out all that anger,
but I was wrong
you were just too angry, violent for me,
taking it out on me too often
I left,
and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life,
but it was also the healthiest,
I am actually happy now,
truly, truly happy
I would like to thank another poet here on HP for giving me the courage to write and post this poem about my experience by expressing their own pain.
la cazadora Apr 2013
Colors to fill
pages, I mean.
But the shades and the lines --
Oh! Well those don't really exist.
The lines, I mean.
They too
are just more and more pigment
a buildup of a gradient
into a darker strip
of grains of ink
or oil
or chalk
or graphite
or any other wonderful, God-given blessing of an artist's tool
It's been so long, she says.
I say.
Because, it is me in there.
This is no Being John Malkovich story.
Though those moments happen too.
What the hell was that, when it happened?
All of a sudden I felt controlled
like a robot
An outside force drove my movements & I
like a Sim
that's right, a Sim
(It was all around the same time in my life)
just felt someone else doing all the work
And I, a slave to this invisible master
felt terrified for lack of knowledge
I still maintain that it occurred
What was that?
Haven't thought of it in ages.
I remember the geometric colored shape-patterned paper
That little alcove
But I think it happened
at the old house too
Among those wood-paneled walls
I miss those.
Something pure, good, sturdy about them
But no, I couldn't have just imagined it
But it wasn't like now
When this unstoppable force is driving the words out of me
through the pen & onto the A5
No
It was more like a separate entity
whose presence I felt
making me do it
It? I mean everything
If only for a few moments
A trembling child I became
I was.
And I never figured it out
I think I told her
Musta mentioned it, right?
She always knew everything else
Up until recently, anyway
She's at a distance now
From no fault of her own -- I placed her there
And I worry
that she's fading
The only one there for me
Really there
With almost no judgment
Maybe not the healthiest thing for me
But there nonetheless
I must ask
And in days ahead write another poem
I'll tell you
You
My indeterminate reader
What she says
Because that kind of power
that kind of drive
was and is
the most terrifying thing I've
ever endured.
That included.
David May 2012
This hatred my dear
of the healthiest years
is worse than we feared dear
worse than we feared

it eats you alive
and tears you apart
this hatred my dear
its breaking my heart

This hatred my dear
of body and soul
of life and love
of joy and tears

Its dragging you down
to your 6 foot deep home
Leaving us behind
sad and alone

our times and our smiles
alive all the while
ill miss those the most
while i wander for miles

Alas my dear
its time to part
sad and alone
its broken my heart.
CamiliaMhd Jun 2017
Accept that you deserve more
Than painful love
Life is moving
And the healthiest thing
For your heart is
To move with it❤️
The
healthiest choices made are
final and official
never always.
dissolved in solid
molten
cast
?
isolates
solidified
error
Tanvi Bird Sep 2014
A premature lamb lay in the pool of red,
her intestines and stomach spewn about, sputtering,
quivering, left on the ground as a sacrifice,
unworthy to be displayed on an alter.

At night she was *****, torn apart by
a Jackel, a Tiger, and a Snake
who chewed
but regurgitated her remains.

Believing death would soon come,
she lay, like a whisper
neither living nor dying,
only her brain left beating inside her.

Three days passed and she survived.
The gods refused to take her soul,
she was not worthy They said, hardly
notable and lacking in value for sacrifice.

she was from Cain's livestock, They said
she wasn't the fattest nor the healthiest.
Spotted, sickly, and skinny, unfortunatley born,
neither a blessing, nor a curse- insignificant to be either.

Abandoned, abused, and neglected in her first life
bullied everywhere she went, a mockery, except
as she glanced at her reflection in the stream, She saw
beauty and magic, and expected to blossom like an evening primrose.

she acquired religion, the only gift she received from her birth mother
she clutched the ideals and smiled despite her cross because of it
All of her ailments, her deformities, she bore
in Christ's name

In her next life, she tried to live forgetting the past, but it
pursued her like wild fire drawn to a black locust tree
she could not hide who she was, for she bore
the mark of Cain on her forehead, through no fault of her own.

A new chapter, she fell in love and was betrayed thrice.
The Jackel, the Tiger, and the Snake came,
upturning her life ferociously, mindlessly, recklessly, carelessly
but gone with the gust of wind.

she had nothing, but her will
until she lost that too.
she looked around the world and saw happiness
but none of it was hers, because she was nothing.

she dared not dream,
since Loki would, for sport,
create more illusions til she
could no longer discern the salt of reality.

after the storm, she opened her eyes and saw
her own blood splattered on the brown patch of a muddy forest.
The Jackel, the Tiger, and the Snake liked her smell. They chewed her flesh but could not digest it. They regurgitated her remains and left.

The gods did not accept her as a sacrifice,
they spat on her with water from the sky and closed their eyes.
her soul wished to part, water from her eyes wished to escape,
but she was not gifted enough to cry, nor blessed enough to die.

Not even the earth was willing to take her in.
her body did not decompose, but stayed there- not quite dead.
Passerbys poked at her with a long stick, but did not touch,
nor partake of the flesh, nor bury her.

Some simply walked around her, others walked on top,
A few deficated on her, but no one saw the life in her eyes,
nor the tears unable to be released, nor the hope
still daring to survive in the cells of her blood on the ground
Daring to Hope from the Ground (written 9/2/2014)
not the healthiest thing
but the best thing for me
'cause I won't shoot up a mess
and I won't swallow poison
that infects the organs within

the soul with the open mind smokes
and the ones who build gates don't
unless you're fighting an addiction
and I know it isn't fiction
'cause I've been through it all before

or maybe save a little money
when being broke cannot be funny
'cause after a long while
we all get a little sore

but I still love her[b]
and it will settle me down
when the sun is rising
or I'm leaving the town :
the alternative to deficiency

'cause we all go blind at times
when the circus chimes
and it's time to go
but just take it slow
inhale, and then glow
Alive Again Mar 2018
I’m really unhappy once again

I’ve met some guys
In the age range I want
Online, in my area

They ask to meet up

But I can’t, I’m terrified

Not because they are old, I’d be just as afraid to meet up with a guy my age

But because I’m afraid I’ll spoil my fantasy

What I want is carefully outlined in my head
And if I meet a guy
Who isn’t as cute in person
Or doesn’t look like his picture
Or just isn’t what I’ve imagined

I’m afraid the most exciting feeling I have inside of me will die

And I won’t like anyone
And I won’t have anything to look forward to

I don’t feel depressed often
My anxiety is way worse and takes over
But right now the hopelessness is drowning me

My mind switches through different things to hate about myself and what I want

Give up, you’ll never find real love
Give up, you’d still be this unhappy at your healthiest weight
Give up, it will never be a great as it is in your mind

If it’s not him
It won’t be your fantasy
So quit bothering

Just let things be

You, alone
Quit chasing people who would never chase after you
No one will

Not even the man you left for good, who is still in love with you

Is that not proof enough?

— The End —