Every time I hear of you-- I wonder what when wrong that you would choose another over me.
The cogwheels of my brain would constantly rewind to the very day we meet; the nerves I had prior and the brief good memories.
This bitter nostalgia reminded me of my foolish sense of hope that I was the special one among many others--
Only when I was told that I was rejected did I realise... I was only a pitiful jester; dancing and joking for your fancy on that very day.
I could not help thinking, being rejected on a Christmas eve is a terrible Christmas present, and also the only Christmas present I had.
They say that it was not His will-- But they also did not know... Perhaps it was His will that I spend the dead morning of Christmas soaking my pillow in tears while nursing a overactive mind.
And yes, I saw you again on New Years Eve-- from afar, where everyone was celebrating of their successful association with you with delirious hopefulness and motivation... Meanwhile, I was made to welcome the New Year all alone with tears in memory of your rejection.
Happy belated New Year. So yes, I will not have ****** expectations and resolutions for 2019. I will be realistic.