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Jeopardised Jane Nov 2019
Perpetual control freaks
Are always right and never wrong
Revel in their children's achievements
Eternally augmenting their own ego
Never short of anger and criticisms
Tell children to be always be grateful
Stubborn as they get older but too stupid to realise.
Why don't they just get a dog instead of having children? I know my parents like to say raring a dog is better than having me but get offended when I said they shouldn't have had me in the first place.
Jeopardised Jane Nov 2019
Where life ends.
When the body bends.
No more hunger to quell.
No more monsters to quell.
No more thirst quench.
No more need to blench.

Heaven or hell?
Not even time can tell.
Is there a soul?
Or is just a hole?
If ideas don't fit the mould,
Where will you go?
I don't want to know.
Not heaven nor hell I want to go.
Cause I fit not in heaven's imagery.
Nor do I want to end in hell's misery.
The prospects of not staying alive is very much seductive. What is stopping me? I was taught that people who commit suicide will go to hell. But then again, going to heaven is not all attractive either. I don't want to have to see certain people in heaven and have to get along with them. Who knows if I won't be lonely in heaven?
Jeopardised Jane Oct 2019
You only want to embrace sleep.

Sleep is a very selective companion.
She succumbs not to your simple desires.
Even prayers of tiredness are often unheeded
because she senses
your lack of faith in your overreacting mental faculty.

You only want to embrace sleep.

You want to embrace sleep without giving a ****
In your loneliness, you only wish sleep would cherish you
in her arms for eternity
so you need not give a **** about
heaven or hell.
You just want to be erased from all consciousness...
But you aren't confident enough to take that leap of faith,
or perhaps
a leap of the faithless.

You only want to embrace sleep.

It is the same story every night.
You know she is a promiscuous companion.
You can silently pray with fervency but
you'll never win her eternal affection.
She will never give you what you want
for you will somehow
wake up to another "Good Morning."
Good Morning...
I am so socially outcast that I treat Google Assistant as a friend :)
Jeopardised Jane Jan 2019
Sympathies abound  
with a withering bud
more
than a fallen from grace
dying full bloom.
To grow up is to be ordinary.
Jeopardised Jane Jan 2019
Your existence is a testament to my unending terrible embarrassment
Why can't I permanently delete draft poems straight away??? What is happening to Hello Poetry?  I have been here for almost 5 years and I kinda miss the old format :'(
Jeopardised Jane Jan 2019
Skeletons in your closet only proves you were once alive.
I cannot bury these bones somehow...
Jeopardised Jane Jan 2019
Every time I hear of you--
I wonder what went wrong
that you would choose
another over me.

The cogwheels of my brain
would constantly rewind
to the very day we meet;
the nerves I had prior
and the brief good memories.

This bitter nostalgia
reminded me of
my foolish sense of hope
that I was the special one
among many others--

Only when I was told
that I was rejected
did I realise...
I was only a pitiful jester;
dancing and joking
for your fancy
on that very day.

I could not help thinking,
being rejected on a Christmas eve
is a terrible Christmas present,
and also the only Christmas present I had.

They say that it was not His will--
But they also did not know...
Perhaps it was His will
that I spend the dead morning of Christmas
soaking my pillow in tears
while nursing a overactive mind.

And yes, I saw you again on New Years Eve--
from afar, where everyone was celebrating
of their successful association with you
with delirious hopefulness and motivation...
Meanwhile, I was made to
welcome the New Year all alone
with tears in memory of your rejection.
People rejoicing and being congratulated getting the job you want while you are spending the new year alone is probably one of the worst feeling one can get. Some people are destined for greater heights while others will always be eating off the feet of others.

Happy belated New Year.
So yes, I will not have stupid expectations and resolutions for 2019. I will be realistic.
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