The sun has already set
but you seem to shine
as usual with your yellow sweater
Though your gaze serious and halt
my heart did the opposite
the moment your eyes laid on mine

sadyang ka'y layo mo na para abutin
pero nandito pa rin ako
nananatiling manalangin
Bathala, hanggang dito na lang ba
ang aming istoryang
di pa nagsisimula
maari mo bang pakinggan
ang tanging dalangin?
sana'y pagbigyan mo lamang
masilayan ang kanyang mga ngiti,
kahit di na ang pagdampi ng labi,
ako'y di na muli mananalig

eng trans:
you're just too far
from the grasp now
but I am still here
still here wishing— praying
Creator, is this really how it is
for the two of us; our story
that haven't even began
can you please hear
my only wish?
may you let me just this time
get a glimpse of his smile
even not for the press
of the lips anymore—
*I won't ever wish no more

I love the smell of wood
the coldness on my skin
as the wind blows

I love the sun shining bright
the vibrant pigments it reflects
on water and on land

I love the skies to vast
with clouds moving freely
so serene and dark at night

Most especially I love you
the sun to my day
the warmth on my land

Your gentle face against the sun
as your hair flow through the wind
No stars can compare to you shine

I love how the nature feels so right
Just like your arms wrapped around mine so tight

If I were to be honest,
I'll be called "mad".

— 'it is you that I love'

Should I give up
on a chance that cannot be
To our story
that never even began
Am I just being petty?
We have not even started yet
Did I just leave the pages unset?
It’s just starting to unfold
Or have I really loss it? I believe
We haven't even given a chance
To our story that only has a page

‘I want to let him go.’
it's not that I want to let him go
I know fully well
that my heart can't take it
but it's more of that 'I should'
either way, it hurts

You are my muse
the pigment in my hues
You bring me meaning
but sometimes the heart
can be deceiving

I'm risking myself from falling
but the more I resist
The further that I fall

The way your eyes shine
and the radiance in your smile
sends shivers down my spine

Your voice so melliflous
your laugh so vigorous
But I promise you darling
it's not just your skin
it's not the only reason
there's more about you
so much more
that I adore

Your flaws
your insecurities
seems to pass me by
I love you

I love your everything
Everything about you seems fitting
And this is what I am feeling
You're my everything

I cannot deny it any longer
Is it safe to say?

You've been haunting me
day by day
in my thoughts
and in my heart
you stayed

To be hurt by the truth
is better to be comforted with a lie

Rather than hesitant,
be straightforward
in the midst of the fight

I'm asking you
for what you think
I'll take it all in

So I expect you to tell it all
and leave no traces behind

If you were beside me
At these instances my dear
would mind filling the space?

If you were across me
with your eyes locked unto mine
Could you melt the tears falling?

If you were here
Would I feel less alone?
Can you not let me feel lonely?

If you were here beside me
At times I feel empty
would you mind filling the space?
of the other side of my bed
of the cold sheets with your warmth
of the gaps of my hands with yours
would you mind filling the space?
of my lips that's longing for your taste
of my soul seeking its fated mate
would you mind filling the space
in my heart
that's been longing
for your angelic face?

I know
that you will never
look at me
with the same glint
in my eyes
as I look at you

I might not be the one
who will tuck you to sleep
But darling I assure you
I will be there for you
the morning you wake up
Warming up your sheets,
only if you would let me

I might not be the one
To intertwine fingers
with your calloused hands
But my dearest, I'll be gentle
I can keep you warm
Holding close onto you
Even if it's us against the world
I will be the one here to stay

I might not be the one
Who will be chosen by you
But my love, I will choose you
And only you still
Over a thousand lifetimes
In the end till forevermore
Even so, my only dear
I'd choose you

I'll just stay up
since I cannot
let you off my mind.

— wide awake in thoughts of you

If only I could whisper
All the things I want to convey
All the feelings I kept
In my fragile heart
All the love I have for you

I would want to tell
the whole world
how much you mean to me
how much of a beautiful human being you are
But I’d rather keep quiet
and tell it all to you
Besides, you’re already my world

Though I could only pray at night
when it gets dark
But your thoughts, they comfort me
and your voice lessens
the creeping voices in my head

Oh, I could only sound asleep
Every night
Wishing that you knew
In the midst of silence
It is you whom I want to fill it with

for once I want to come clean
let me taste being sober
even for just a while

— drunk in you

My dear prince,
take me far away
from these murky creeks
of these aimless heads
keeping me low, caged within

My king, the future that will sit on throne
with a crown of roses that colors bleed
How is it you can take the worries away?
Off guard; To you, and for you— I fall
With a snap of your veiny fingers
you trace the patterns of my arms
Passing on warmth
from the pure glow of your heart
And as you have said:
"Falling may be scary
but landing is not"

My wise thoughtful fellow,
you may seem so far away
from these lands
Or have I just kept my head up way too high?
Into the clouds, above the waters and blues
Still, nothing can compare
to the hues in your eyes

Is it taking too long of a distance
for our ship to sail to be called soon?
Must I chase away my dreams
Farewell— of being with you?
But you always kept me at bay,
and my heart you have slain

You are my knight,
protecting me from the darkness
seeping in through at night
My prince who let me taste
the breezing colors of the seasons
by his trusty platinum steed

And my king, you reign
You remain
ruling the castles and valleys
of my heart so deep
In your soulful eyes,
I have found my sweet serenity,
my dream filled sleep,
with you breathing next to me

Tonight and for ever afters
I do hope we will seal it with a kiss

that smile of yours
was the start of it all
it caused war zones
down my chest
up to my head

how beautiful you are
could I compare?
a thousand diamonds
laid out up there

a simple glimmer of your eyes
with the swift gesture of your hand
you swept me off my feet

you, turned into my world
I’m a satellite
orbiting around a planet called ‘you’
I will look out for you
through the ends of time
till the last bits of flames
the sun can ought to fume;
to the brim
till my heart can no longer take it

for you, my eyes formed rivers
turn into the clouds
I look up high
your eyes dark as the night sky
You shine the brightest
A star I ought to reach
And down low, I turn
I fell
along the teardrops of my heart
for you, my heart belongs, my dearest

for you have taught me what is more
to be in love
‘thank you’
you not only thought me of the word
but the meaning
to the roots so deep

but love can be cruel
more when you have to be sorry

I just want to pull you close to mine
to stand side by side
without having to think
of where I stand in line

— I have accepted it.

I've been losing track of time
As I lessen my time of sleep
It's as if my thoughts doesn't want to rest
As it keeps running its way towards you

I'm honestly feeling myself growing tired,
wanting to give into solitude...
But how can I even choose sleep?
When even in my dreams, you keep me awake?

At least let me leave traces of you
etched in paper and ink
All my love and the pain
At least here it will remain
As someday
I know this will fade away
Along the wind and the rain
As it becomes one with it

Are you somewhere sleeping, or wide awake?
Please look up the night sky
think of how I— someone is occupied
by the thoughts of your sharp eyes
Be as is with the dim lights the stars are bringing

These summer nights never seem to play
the cold melody of the air
I am used to hearing
as I let my heart resound your name
Here I call, waiting for the echoes;
any signs from you— where are you now?

My dear, do not fret
You’re the only one I find endearing
Please pass on your worries onto me,
pour out your thoughts
until you’re left with none
Let me seep onto your skin,
play with the soft strands of your hair
Let me whisper you comfort
until the buzzing of the tiring white noise
after a long day from your ears reside

Darling, you are no less than any stars
laid onto the deep velvet sky,
Don't think otherwise
as you’re worth palaces
above the clouds up high

Do not listen to the shadows that tell lies,
just breathe onto me,
let me comfort you with smiles

Until then at least look for me in your dreams
If you’re needing comfort,
or just in need of a shoulder to rest
You can always lean on me

Sometimes words are not enough
to express how I love you so
and the pain of my aching soul

Sometimes your mind can be too blurry
to even put together the words

Late at night, at times I feel sorry
I can only send you love songs
As exchange of my beating heart

Maybe this is for the better
I don't ever want you to hurt
I don't want you to know
how vulnerable I am

So instead of sending my plea
I'll let these songs reach you
even if at times,
music decides to **** me

'i couldn't care less about him really'
'i am not even serious about him'
'it's just a big fat crush, you know'
'it will easily pass by, don't worry'

i want to say all that
with a straight face
but i'll be lying if i did
i'd be playing myself bad

i'm tired hiding under a mask
where I have to pretend
that I love you less
than I already do—  I don't.

— you mean everything to me

It’s that look in his eyes. How easily he can trap me into his world. It’s so easy for me to be lured with such wild eyes. So mysterious, so captivating, and oh so warm like the earth.

They said that the eyes are the window to someone’s soul. If that’s the case, I’ve been in love with his eyes long before… it’s as if I’ve been drawn to them in a time far from here.

I’m in love with your soul…

Maybe that’s why I’m so scared for you to look away. Because of how much you can look me in the eye can bring me weak in my knees, just like that, you also have the power to stare at me, and shatter me all in one blink.

I’m losing my mind
You took it with you

— take out this heart as well

How is it that you can give feelings to your words
as if you've been in love before?
How can you explain heartache of losing someone,
without even experiencing it?

Or I just don't know you yet
Or maybe not at all

Loving you
is like looking at every fireflies
lighting up all at once

Beaming its light, captivating me
As if it's all trapped into your eyes

Loving you
is like finding you after walking
through a desert

You were the water from the well
an oasis, that quenched my thirst

Loving you
is something like a distant memory
that I kept remembering

You are something I kept holding on
Something that I don't want to let go

Loving you
that's what you'll never know

You are the one who makes me feel alive
And the very reason why I die everyday

You keep me up with thoughts of you
like any other nights
When I think of how your eyes
would wrinkle up to the sides of your face
as you let out a genuine smile

With my fingers evident with smudged lead,
and words flow on paper
of how ethereally beautiful you are

How your existence would surpass tenfold
the radiance of the passing cars
of the busy midnight streets

Oh I just wish to spend a night awake in your arms,
with my fingers in between yours
under the covers of my sheets
The bed doesn't make me want to sleep

They couldn't give me comfort
unlike your smile
that can bring the sun rays to shame
You could not compare to thousand starlights

Your eyes surrender to sleep
And your feeble yawn—
Let us call it the night

Now I know how the Moon feels
being in love with the Sun
As much as it hurts from its heat and rays
The Moon kept admiring it, still
As much as they cannot be together
It still hopes as they are in the same sky
Only, she knows too well,
they could never ever meet

Your words and gestures
seems to be made of gold
The sun and stars they seem
to be seeping from your skin

Whenever your fingers strum the strings
as you sing your melody
This is what makes my heart sing

Your smile washes the sadness away
My heart beats faster like the drums you play
When you laugh like that, what can I say?
Even your simple words can make my day

I never thought I'll see
someone amazing like you
In my heart, you are the key

To my soul, you are the cure
I love you, dear; that I'm sure

Even if we are worlds apart
Nothing can ever change
the love you left in my heart

Lately, I’ve become a hurricane
Caused by the imbalance of energy and
due to the excessive heat I’ve absorbed
which I couldn’t bear

I cannot control the raging winds I’ve created
That leaves people into the midst of aggravation

I make a mess out of everything
Every being I pass through
Sees the desolation I am holding
And I might further obliterate their paths as well
Sooner or later, they will cave in through the vexations within of me

I just want everyone to leave me be,
Let this walking disaster pass through

Besides, who would want chaos into their life?

You were never mine,
but you made me feel as if I were
in your arms,
my hands fit so right with yours

You were never mine,
but your songs seems like we once were
By the melody, we are deep in love
With your words of parting
of a meeting that never once occurred

You were never mine
But sometimes I wish you were
Always but I keep myself hidden
I knew—
from the risk of falling
It just cannot be—
So I fall back
Even if I knew it was a moment too soon

You were never mine,
I knew from the start.

You were never mine.
My love, you were never mine to keep

But you made me feel
like I was yours
And you were mine

— la douleur exquise

“Why is it you always write about the night?”/ he asks as he sees her scribbling down her thoughts again late at one in the morning.

She turns to him, unfazed and gives him a smile meant for the sun to shine down on.

“Because I feel there’s more sense into them. The night and us have something in common— something only the two us get.”

He lets her words sink into him, now looking over her shoulder with wonder in his eyes. He touches her ink stained fingers, pulling it close to his chaste lips.

“I do feel it.” He nods wholeheartedly, letting his eyes flutter with the beating of his heart echo in each other’s mind. She do hope he feels hers, too.

This is what she meant. It’s the silence and wishes that surrounds them. It’s the serene feeling, the stillness between them, that’s meant to be under the stars and the moonlight casting over their skins.

She finds comfort in the stars as it reminds her of his bright lit eyes. As he feels safe under the moonlight every night; it’s her softness that draws him the same with the moon in the sky.

The moon and the stars will not bat an eye as they just continue to look after you.

It is the night that hears the most silent and powerful prayers from the heart.

And I do hope at some nights, no matter how far we are, he would be awake as I am not visited by sleep— he would think how somewhere out there, there’s someone wishing to be a moon to another like him. There’s also someone wishing to be closer with the stars.

— ironically, I wrote this at dawn.

I miss you so much,
even if we haven't met before
You don't even have
the slightest clue of who I am
And I am not even sure
you'll get to know at all

I believe we once met
in a faraway land,
on a different epoch,
and only your name resounds
recalling us back to this time
'I recognized your soul at first glance'
Oh hear the sound of the wind
the echoes are the only ones
that transcribe the beats of our hearts
retracing us back to epiphany
that we were once in love
in a different place in time
'we are etched into each other's entity'

— I miss you each and everyday

I have a feeling
that we were once lovers
from a forgotten time

Only that we’ve restarted
When we crossed the light
Or at least, yours have

I've always wanted
to write the perfect poem for you
but alas, my hands cannot create
nor my tongue cannot convey
a better way to represent such beauty
Though I ask myself
how can I even begin to surpass
an epitome of imperfect perfection
right in my very eyes
Darling, you're already a poetry
I didn't even need to write at all

— you're my everything

Ever since you,
I stopped wishing on airplanes
And I looked beyond the stars
Ahead, I prayed to the Divine
for our fateful meeting

— I have prayed for you

A paper left blank, unlaid
Hurt, numb to even lift a pen
To hear news of your passing
It was too much to bear

A moment of silence
then tears come undone
How could you leave too soon?
I thought you were healing...

Though these mourning came on too late
I'm sorry if it took too long, my mate
Your friend wasn't able to stand your state
Especially seeing your gentle face...

At least you're hurting no more

I went back again and these words laid
Please don't worry, darling
I know you're in good hands
These tears will still fall, but not too long
I know you want us okay, we will be
We will
But please be mindful you will be missed
So much
I'll remember you through our song
especially how you radiate us with your smile
You've done well, you can rest
Someday we will reunite again
At least you gave us comfort
that another angel is looking out for us

The sound of the pouring rain from the roof woke me up.

I got myself a chair in the patio of our house. I sat there comfortably, sitting in silence for a good whole minute.

I closed my eyes, letting the sound of the pouring rain immerse into me. Imagining myself getting soaked, as if I really am in the middle of the pouring rain, drenched, and laughing carefree in the distance.

"Being outside is nice huh?" I heard a pleasant voice behind me. I let my eyes stay closed for a moment, letting the cold wind meet my face to wake me up. I also welcomed his words, nodding at him with acknowledgement. I was then met with a chocolatey steam; he prepared us two cups of hot cocoa.

"Figured you're a bit cold." His voice sounded raspy, sleepiness still evident in his tone. I turn to him as he got himself another chair close to mine. He looks up a bit, seeping the rain onto his porcelain-like skin. He doesn't go out that much to get some sunshine as to why.

I hummed absentmindedly, warming up to his presence. There was a small smile across his lips, his eyes warmer than the hot drinks he have at hand.

I mirrored his smile, getting my cup from him.

"I kinda like the cold feeling but I wouldn't want to waste your effort." A chuckle escaped my lips, and his crescent-like smile appeared before me.

He drank from his cup as I sipped on mine, letting the vibe from around me flood my senses.

I love these little instances he would think of me. Slipping a thought into his tasks, gestures that show that he does take effort in remembering things I love. Like how I prefer hot chocolate over tea in rainy days, and how I love seeing his smile on early mornings. Even as he loathes waking up and moving off the bed so early. Oh how I love this man before me.

And we sat there in silence, side by side, letting the sky pour out its rain. Our cups at hand, the aroma of the cocoa steam over our senses, full to little to none, with the cold wind howling a bit in the distance.

This went on for an hour or so; I still couldn’t wrap around the idea of how much I love these instances. I had always found comfort in him between our silences and exchanges of glances. Just in him in general; he’s my blanket, my safety— the personification of home. My umbrella; my shade to my blazing sunny days and cover to cold rainy days. I looked over his broad figure from the back, I sigh in contentment.

And as if he heard the drizzle in my heart, he gave me a faint smile; a radiance just enough to soften the hues all around us. But just enough that he stands out amongst the drizzling rain over the sunlight peeking through the clouds.

I could see the raindrops wash over the dewiness of his skin, and it looks like it's starting to show signs of stopping. But I just want to stay, stay out here a bit longer.

you were just a seed
I planted, expecting only a flower
but then you provided me a garden
you were so beautiful
but I must not pull you out
for your stem will droop
and your petals will die
so I watered you with care
handled you till you bloomed
ever so lovely—
till it was too much for me to bear
your roots, I ought to pull out
but you've been struck deep
into the surface of my skin
later suffocating me with your vines,
wrapping around my chest
so I will just wait for summer to pass
for then like the autumn leaves I fall
and these feelings will run dry
till it is too cold for you to grow
into the winter's unbearable ground

let us dream
an unattainable kiss
for then maybe I could
get the touch of your bliss
I want you to look only at me
let us meet in my dreams
as to where you’re wide awake
or when it is I
who is not visited by sleep
why is it then we cannot meet?
let me be ****** in so deep—
soundly while the moon’s at peak
by the thirteenth month of the year
I will pray to the moon of my wish
this will be the only time
where both you and I exist
let us open the gates of our hearts
behind the shadows in the night
with only the light of the room illuminates
our figures dancing behind the moonlight
is it only there we could meet?

The sound of your voice
can melt me anytime
When you sing your notes
in my heart you aim

The way your fingers move
as you make your beat
It sounds like the rhythm
that my heart's resounding

I don't know what to do anymore
The white noise in my head
seems to go away
whenever and wherever
You enter my peripheral vision

My dear prince,
In the cloak of velvets and gold
Not only you have swept me away
You have me swooned all over
Onto the oceans and in so deep
Over the mountains and skies blue seep
Now that I have travelled far to your land
Give me the permission for your heart
I am asking for your hand, risking it all
Melting, in your arms I fall
You're the only one who can do it,
Lay a sword to my heart; you've slain
Oh my blood rose, can I get close?
Veins of blue, your sharp luring thorns
Every piece of you, I'm ready for it all

You're the only one
who ever showed me sadness
In every love songs