You were never really there when I was younger.
The divorce set us apart with your constant job sprinkled in.
You were never really there when I was younger.
I had no one to play catch with.
You were never really there when I was younger.
I had no one to watch to run like a man so I learned from the little girls next door.
You were never really there when I was younger.
I looked around and saw my friends with their perfect parents as I sat with my broken parents   wondering what it feels like.
You were never really there when I was younger.
Ao I found myself sympathizing with fictional character that either had one parent or didn’t have any at all.
You were never really there when I was younger.
So I thought of myself as half the kid others were.
But,
You were sometimes actually there when I was younger.
When you did see me, you took me to fun places like baseball games and the zoo.
You were sometimes actually there when I was younger.
I found friends to play baseball with and you came to see my games.
You were sometimes there when I was younger.
How badly I run doesn’t change the man I am.
You were sometimes there when I was younger.
Though kids had perfect families, I had two time the family they had.
You were there when I was younger.
I had clung to superheroes without parents like Batman and I had clung to you.
You were there when I was younger.
I was never half the kid.
I am a whole kid with a perfect, broken family.
And you were always there.

We are wrong about every single thing. They teach us everything they know. They tell us what to do. When we see the sun they tell us it's a star. We are wrong. We get misunderstood and they get mad at us. We try to make things right but we make it wrong. They teach us to always do the right things. When we follow our hearts and do what think is right they tell us to think again. We are wrong.

We are a generation of misunderstood teens trying to make everyone pleased, make mom and dad proud, do what we love but always gets it **wrong.

If I had a dad
he would be
Langston Hughes.

Jazz, daughter of
Mr. handsome blues
or Sir mulatto smooth.

heads would turn
as I stroll
the streets
looking pretty
while dancing
with the winds beats.

at sunset we would meet
laugh and retreat
cool us, in the heat.

Rhyming,
Singing,
and tapping our
Happy feets!

Dear Dad,
I know that you're somewhere else,
hopefully somewhere beautiful,
somewhere where you aren't in pain anymore.
It all just happened so fast,
Christmas Eve I was out to dinner with you
later that night you were gone.
Trust me,
that was the worst present I've ever gotten.
It hit me
that it'll be 17 months without you in 10 days
and I still pick up my phone and try to call you
but then I remember you aren't there anymore
and I can't.
That's what kills me the most,
because the people that have their Dads to talk too
treat them like ****
because they don't know how it feels
when they can't talk to him at all anymore.
If I could go back in time
I wouldn't have treated you the way I did,
because I can't help but hate myself for not
hugging you back more and kissing you more
and telling you how much I actually care.
Ever since I lost you Dad
it's been really hard trying to let people in
I don't want too lose someone that means so much to me
it killed me inside
especially losing you because
now who's going to walk me down the isle?
or kiss my baby girl's head
and hold her like you once held me.
It's night like tonight
when I cry myself to sleep and ask myself
a million questions about why you had to leave me,
when I needed you the most
and how I'm going to have to get over the fact
that you aren't going to be there to watch me grow up anymore.
I know that you're my guardian angel and
that you look down over me
I just wish that I would've said I love you more
and got to say my actual final goodbye

i shouldn't have been 10 years old when you forgot me on thanksgiving
i shouldn't have been afraid of you coming onto me
i shouldn't have told you in the 8th grade that it was me or alcohol
i shouldn't worry when you have 1 beer
i shouldn't have been told you had a coke problem when I was 15
i shouldn't blame my mom for cheating on you
i shouldn't worry about you breaking glasses
i shouldn't be embarrassed to introduce you to my boyfriend
i shouldn't cry
grandma shouldn't say that i have to accept it
i shouldn't worry about you hurting the dogs
i shouldn't get sad when you ask me the same question 3 times
4 times
5 times
i shouldn't be afraid to have a drink with friends
i shouldn't worry if i'm turning into you
i shouldn't ask myself at 19 years old if i'm going to be an alcoholic
mom shouldn't say i'm my father's daughter
i shouldn't wonder why you can't choose me over the bottle
i shouldn't blame myself

you shouldn't do this to me
i'm "your girl"
your daughter

put down the ******* ***** dad you're drunk at 12 pm

Every night when I go to bed
I toss and turn
Can't rest my head

A man that stares outside the glass
The night that never seems to pass

Who is this man
I do not know
The air is still, a distant glow

This man is dark but he isn't bad
Reminds me of my unknown Dad

He holds a smile thats oh so bright
And when I start to fall asleep
He disappears and says "goodnight"

let me start by saying i'm not a spiritual person
i don't believe in destiny
or even probably god
but today i had a spiritual moment
mid afternoon
listening to the song she told me she loved
and it's completely silent except for the gentle
sounds of guitar and lyrics
oh god the lyrics
through rivers and roads, rivers and roads
and as i thought about if you were in heaven or even had a soul anymore
sunlight seeped through my window
and i think i felt you
i clutched my arms around myself
and squinched my eyes shut
and felt like it was you that was hugging me
and you were telling me how proud of me you are
and how i've grown into such a remarkable woman
and i whispered into the charged air that i would try for you
i will live my life for you
i will work so ******* hard to make you proud of me
and i know if you were here now
i wouldn't need to rely on the window
because the sunlight would be seeping out of you

I miss the two things I once had
One my mom and two my dad
My dad and I were sometimes close
And my mom used to be fun to talk to
But then one day it all came to an end
when the devil came into their lives
there was nothing I can do but cry.
my dad started messing around with other women,
And my mom was on and off the streets.
I know I was just a little one,
but my feelings were strong and mature.
They stopped paying attention to me
that is when I felt that nobody loved me
I started to pray every single night
and would beg Jesus for just one little sign
to help my mom and my dad
because Jesus was the last person I had
I am still young and I know I have to be strong
because my life isn't over and time isn't gone.

Well, I wish there was a telephone in Heaven.
Oh, how I'd love to talk to my Dad.
I'd tell him that I miss him and I love him,
And I'm sorry for the times we never had.

And I wonder if they'd charge me by the minute,
I wonder if they'd charge me by the mile,
I'd call up that ole Angel operator,
Could I please talk to my Daddy for awhile?
Telephone in Heaven

Well, I wish there was a telephone in Heaven.
Oh, how I'd love to talk to my Grandma.
I tell her that I miss her Sunday cookin,
I haven't ate like that since you went to meet Grandpa.

Well, I wonder if they'd charge me by the minute,
I wonder if they'd charge me by the mile,
I'd call up that ole Angel operator,
Could I please talk to my Grandma for awhile?
Telephone in Heaven

Well, I wish there was a telephone in Heaven.
Oh, how I'd love to talk to the Lord of mine.
I'd tell him that I love him and I'm thankful
For watching over all these loves of mine,

And I know he wouldn't charge me by the minute,
I'm sure he wouldn't charge me by the mile,
I'd call up that ole Angel operater,
And say thank you for this big long distance smile,
Telephone in Heaven.