You were always good with bad timing, but I think this one was the worst. If I could explain this pain I would but I'm still processing everything at the moment. If its one thing you knew about me was that I couldn't take heart break easily, I guess I'm just one emotional *** person but never would I have thought that you would bring me pain and heartbreak like this. Even though you warned me that you would, i blindly fell in love with you and i wish i could have listened to you. We taught each other so many great things and your love was the best I've ever received because it was like a drug i had never tried before.
It took me 5 days to come back to this poem and finish it. in the last five days who would have known so much would go so wrong. All it took was a phone call, a little passed midnight, to make me realize how quick a person can go from being the love of your life, to being the reason you hate yourself for being so weak . The amount of disrespect you showed me that night should never be brought down on someone you say you love. I hung up the phone feeling nothing, I couldn't tell if I was happy or angry that you showed me who you really are and what our relationship really meant to you but If i had one phrase to describe our relationship it would be that " I let you in, and you let me down.."
And then I asked myself.
How can I still love someone who doesn't exist anymore?
Why am I torturing myself by pretending like I've moved on?
I didn't think it was possible you know... to burn every memory we had was like setting everything i've ever loved into flames. Sometimes i thank god for making you an important part in my life because you leaving taught me that words don't mean a ******* thing when it comes to love, and that in order to be happy i didn't need someone to tell me they loved me because i learned to love myself. i lost so much of myself and who i used to be along the journey, i was weak, i was hurt but not once did i give up. No i'm not in love with you anymore, but i wish everyday that i would've gotten the answers i deserved, instead of crying on the bathroom floor. Even after a year there's still one question i couldn't put aside, when you told me you loved me, did you mean it inside?
My sadness turns to anger whenever someone mentions your name. Sometimes i wish i could erase everything that ever happen and it kills me that i even think that way now because you used to be my everything. My happiness, my right hand, my soul mate and most importantly...my best friend. I hate explaining the how much pain i had to go through to people because i have to relive it everytime. Do you understand how hard it is to pretend like none of it killed me inside? I hope you're doing fine, and i hope your parents feel better about themselves i hope you live your ******* life too the fullest because thats what you always wanted...was to be happy. So i hope your happy.
Im sorry. I hope you see this....
I forgot how beautiful you looked,
But i noticed you right away.
Tears began to roll dowm my cheeks i cant remember if it was because i was happy i found you or because i had so much anger held back.
I cant describe the pain i felt or how much anger i wanted to release. I just remember crying, and i remembered how much it just tore me apart. but you were okay, youre living the life, you have so much ahead of you snd it tears me limb to limb knowing that i couldnt be apart of that. Are you happy now? Because All i have is swollen eyes
It still hurts when someone mentions your name.
Because I know I'll never get over the fact that you were once here
Smiling, laughing and loving. I have to remind myself that perfect endings don't exist and no matter how much you want things in life to happen you have to be patient. But patience doesn't heal your pain, patience doesn't wipe your tears from your face, patience doesn't pick up from the bathroom floor at 2 in the morning....This is why I needed you
On this day a year ago
I asked the girl of my dreams to be mine.
But today has been the loneliest.
On this day a year ago I felt so alive and so full of joy.
But today I cried on my bathroom floor wanting to forget you.
On this day a year ago I told you no matter what, I'd always be by your side Cheering you on.
But today I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong between us.
On this day a year ago... I fell in love.
But today you no longer exist.