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426 · Jan 2022
My Baby Doll - Part V
Randy Johnson Jan 2022
Sadly, your existence ended eighteen months ago.
On July 11, 2020, you would have no tomorrow,
You were a very pretty dog with brown fur.
You died and it certainly was hard to endure.
Your life ended one and a half years ago today.
It was very sad to learn that you passed away.
I bought another Chihuahua to ease my suffering but not to replace you.
You were one in a million and you can't be replaced, that's certainly true.
It's truly sad to know that you no longer exist.
You were my baby doll and you have been missed.
DEDICATED TO AGNES (2011-2020) WHO DIED ON JULY 11, 2020.
424 · Sep 2015
Mom's Heart
Randy Johnson Sep 2015
When I was born in 1971, she was a great mother right from the start.
Mom was a warm and caring person because she had a good heart.
Her heart was as big as the East Coast.
Her death really hurt me because we were so close.
I didn't know what I had until I saw that it was something that the Lord would be taking.
When Mom died, there was no power on Earth that could stop my heart from breaking.
She was a caring Christian who helped others.
Mom's heart was what made her a great mother.
She was devoted to God, she read the entire Bible twice.
When I say that she loved the Lord, I am being precise.
It was very painful to say goodbye when Mom's life came to an end.
When somebody came into her life, they always became her friend.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Randy Johnson Aug 2020
When you died, I was devastated and didn't know what to do.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
The love that I felt for you was special and it knew no bounds.
My heart was broken when you were lowered in the ground.
If you could hear the words I'm saying, I'd want you to hear me say "I love you".
When you died, my days were filled with unhappiness because I was so blue.
I grew inside of your womb until I was born in August of 1971.
You were spectacular and it was a privilege to be your son.
I suffered when you died and it's something I wish others wouldn't have to go through.
Happy birthday Mom, if you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
DEDICATED TO AGNES GREENE-JOHNSON (1948-2013) WHO PASSED AWAY ON MARCH 6, 2013.
Randy Johnson Jan 2017
God gets more angry as each day passes by.
His anger increases and I will tell you why.
People do stupid things that make no sense.
They gamble, fornicate and commit violence.
Many people sin against The Lord and lead lives that are ******.
They won't do what's right, they don't want to make God happy.
People who are big sinners must listen to my advice.
Unless they change, they won't be allowed to live in paradise.
421 · Apr 2019
April Fool's Prank
Randy Johnson Apr 2019
Three convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.
Those three people said that I won a thirty million dollar lottery and then yelled "April Fool".
They sold me a fake lottery ticket with the winning numbers.
They started laughing and said that a person couldn't be any dumber.
For a few minutes, they tricked me into believing that I was a rich man.
I thought that I could drive a Rolls Royce and throw away my minivan.
When those idiots yelled "April Fool", all hell broke loose.
They thought it was funny and didn't expect such abuse.
I beat the hell out of all three of them and they made loud thuds when they fell.
I'm as poor as I ever was and now I will be spending the next year or two in jail.
I'm in a lot of trouble, I also broke some other things in addition to breaking the law.
When I repeatedly punched those convenience store clerks, I broke their ribs and jaws.
My obese mother-in-law just yelled "April Fool" after saying that she was going to pay my bail.
I just knocked her on her bloated **** so now I guess I'll be spending even more time in jail.
419 · Aug 2019
Trump's Stolen Credit Card
Randy Johnson Aug 2019
I stole one of Donald Trump's credit cards five years ago.
I spent ten million dollars and prison was where I had to go.
I bought a lot of expensive things, including a Ferrari.
I committed credit card fraud and I'm not at all sorry.
I hid everything I bought really well so that it can't be retrieved.
Trump has tried to find it but it's something he hasn't achieved.
Trump said he wouldn't press charges if I would give the merchandise back.
I gave him the finger and he spat on me so I had to give him a hard smack.
I slapped the taste out of the President's mouth and he started crying.
Even though Trump hasn't found the merchandise, he won't stop trying.
Yesterday, my sister planted a few of the stolen items in Hillary Clinton's house.
The police hauled Hillary away in handcuffs and they also arrested her spouse.
But Bill resisted arrest so the police had to use tear gas.
They also beat him with their billy clubs and kicked his ***.
The cops believe that Bill and Hillary were accomplices to my crime.
And that almost makes up for me having to do hard time.
419 · Sep 2020
Gospel Music
Randy Johnson Sep 2020
Gospel Music is fantastic music because it praises God.
When it comes to Gospel Music, it's something to applaud.
Anything is good if it praises the Lord.
When it comes to God, he should be adored.
Gospel Music is incredible music and that's a fact.
It's awesome and that's a statement I won't retract.
Randy Johnson Dec 2016
Every Christmas was a good Christmas when you were around.
But it stopped being good after you were lowered into the ground.
The last Christmas that we spent together was four years ago.
I had no idea that it would be our last Christmas, I didn't know.

When a man spends Christmas with family, it means everything.
And when that is taken away, it's like being struck by lightning.
When we spent our last Christmas together, I didn't know the end was near.
Merry Christmas Mom, because you're in my heart, a part of you is still here.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
417 · Jan 2017
If You Haven't Been Saved
Randy Johnson Jan 2017
Many people won't have eternal lives because of the way they behave.
But people can live forever if they do good and have been saved.
If you haven't been saved by God, I suggest that you do it now.
Don't risk losing eternal life, it's something you shouldn't allow.
If you're a big sinner, you can turn things around and be good.
If you're wondering if you should be saved, you definitely should.
If you haven't been saved, ask God to save you.
I've been saved and I love God and that is true.
Randy Johnson Aug 2016
It was wonderful to have a mother who was so great.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned sixty-eight.
When you became ill and died, everything went sour.
But while you lived, you were as precious as a flower.

Pink was your favorite color so you were buried in a pink dress.
I felt lost when you died but while you lived, I was truly blessed.
Nobody could've been a better mother than you.
You were one in a billion and that certainly is true.

When you became ill, I wanted you to get well but sadly, you could not.
I had to learn to live without you but I still miss you a lot.
I told you how much that I love you during your final hours.
Happy Birthday Mom, while you lived, you were as precious as a flower.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
414 · May 2016
Are You Prepared?
Randy Johnson May 2016
We may be living in the last days and people need to be aware.
My only question for you is are you prepared?
People must make drastic changes even though they're unwilling.
People must stop stealing, doing and dealing drugs, lying and killing.
To get to God, we must go through his son.
Violent people had better put away their guns.
When Jesus returns, the Earth will be transformed into a paradise and I'm overjoyed.
But wicked people won't live in the paradise, they will be judged and then destroyed.
If you're a big sinner, you'd better stop committing your sins.
God wants everybody to live in paradise but the wicked won't win.
To live in this paradise, people must love and honor Jesus and God because they are who we need.
People must start thinking of others instead of just themselves, they must put an end to their greed.
The end may come next week or it may not arrive for another thousand years.
But people who are doing wrong had better change just in case the end is near.
413 · May 2015
Tragic Magic
Randy Johnson May 2015
My wife was a magician and she loved to perform magic.
But something happened that was devastating and tragic.
She tried to perform a new trick that she called 'The Burning Box'.
The goal was to escape from a burning container after unlocking two locks.
But she couldn't escape from the box like she thought.
If you're wondering if she survived, sadly she did not.
I should've known that she couldn't do it, I should've known that she would fail.
Her body was burned so severely that she lost her life and her beauty as well.
When she said what she was going to do, I should've put an end to it.
I should've put my foot down but I was ignorant and I really blew it.
I shouldn't have listened to her when she asked me to trust her.
Now I'm a bitter and broken man and life no longer has its luster.
I can't eat or sleep and people have been saying that I look pale.
I let my soulmate do something stupid and now life is pure hell.
This is a fictional poem.
413 · Jul 2018
Dad Ceased To Be Alive
Randy Johnson Jul 2018
Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.
Five years ago, Dad died at the age of sixty-five.
He was a hard worker, he could have outworked two twenty-year-olds.
When he went to the doctor, bad news was what he was destined to be told.
He was diagnosed with Leukemia and it caused distress.
Twenty months later, he succumbed to his terrible illness.
Two days before he died, he couldn't even respond when people talked to him.
Forty-eight hours later, he met a terrifying fate that was very grim.
He underwent Chemotherapy to temporarily survive.
Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.
Dedicated to Charles F. Johnson (1947-2013) who died on July 13, 2013.
413 · Nov 2018
Veterans of the USA
Randy Johnson Nov 2018
This is a special day because it's Veterans Day.
We celebrate because certain people fought for the USA.
Veterans put their lives on the line so that we can be free.
Veterans are important to you and they're important to me.
It's heart breaking to know that some Veterans are homeless.
They are heroes who we should ask God to bless.
Randy Johnson Aug 2018
Many people know how important you were to me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy.
You were a kind woman who loved to give.
I would've done anything if you could've lived.

You could no longer be my BFF, you weren't able to be my best friend forever.
Sadly, on the day of your death, our bond of friendship and love was severed.
On your last birthday, we celebrated when I bought you a cake.
Your memory is something that I won't forget or forsake.

I turned out to be a good person and it's because of you.
You raised me and taught me to have morals and values.
The doctors couldn't save you but they certainly did try.
Happy Birthday Mom, I'll love you until the day that I die.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Randy Johnson Jun 2015
Some people believe in Darwin's theory but I don't.
These people want me to believe Darwin but I won't.
I can't believe in Darwin's theory because it goes against what the Bible teaches us.
If I have to choose somebody to believe, I choose God because he's the one I trust.
Darwin wanted us to believe that we evolved from apes.
Darwin was only a man and men can make mistakes.
But God is perfect, he never has and never will make a mistake.
I'm sorry but Darwin's theory is something that I must forsake
Randy Johnson Nov 2018
I have a sad story that requires music that's played by a fiddle.
I've been wounded and I'm spending Black Friday at the hospital.
Gamestop announced that they were knocking 80 percent off of Playstation 4s.
Less than one hour later, paramedics wheeled me through the hospital doors.
I tried to grab a PS4 from a woman, I thought because she was a woman, she wouldn't put up a fight.
But she stabbed, clawed, poked and she even decided to bite.
I really wanted that Playstation 4 because of how little it cost.
But when that woman was through, a lot of my blood was lost.
I'm at the hospital on Black Friday and it's a real shame.
Why did I want that PS4, I don't even like video games.
410 · Feb 2016
Only God Knows
Randy Johnson Feb 2016
The end of time has been predicted by some.
But those people were wrong, only God knows when it will come.
Jesus and the Angels don't even know when the end will arrive.
When the end comes, God will judge us and many won't survive.
If people want to live in paradise, they'd better stop stealing.
And they'd better stop taking and dealing drugs and killing.
People must give up **** and other wicked things.
Because if they don't, devastation is what it will bring.
Only Jehovah knows when the end will come and we should be prepared in case it comes soon.
People must put an end to their wicked ways and live by God's rules or they will be doomed.
409 · Jul 2019
RSO Record Label
Randy Johnson Jul 2019
I'm talking about a record label that was founded a long time ago.
It was founded in the early seventies and the label was called RSO.
They were once a very successful corporation.
RSO stood for 'Robert Stigwood Organization'.

When it came to stars like Andy Gibb and Eric Clapton, RSO managed their careers.
RSO was founded in 1973 and sadly, the record label ended after just ten years.
They also managed the careers of Yvonne Elliman and the Bee Gees.
RSO manufactured records about 'The Empire Strikes Back' and 'Return Of The Jedi' before dissolving in 1983.

In 1980, the Bee Gees slapped RSO with a two hundred million lawsuit.
There was a settlement for an undisclosed amount that ended the dispute.
In 1983, many people hated to see them go.
The world is a better place because of RSO.
DEDICATED TO ROBERT STIGWOOD (1934-2016) WHO DIED ON JANUARY 4, 2016.
406 · Nov 2017
Black Friday
Randy Johnson Nov 2017
It's Black Friday and I grabbed the last iPad.
When I grabbed it, it sure made people mad.
One man kicked me in the crotch and another got his foot stuck in my ***.
Black Friday turns people into beasts, they sure don't have any class.
A man said if I didn't hand over the iPad, he would kidnap my wife's mother.
I told him to take the old crow, they deserve each other.
Black Friday brings out the worst in people and that's sad.
I'll break my foot off in your *** if you try to grab my iPad.
This is a fictional poem.
405 · Jan 2018
Goodbye Charles Strange
Randy Johnson Jan 2018
Let me tell you about a neighbor of mine.
He had been my neighbor since 1979.
He had a loving wife and two children.
He has died but we will see him again.
His death is hard for his friends and family to face.
He's in Heaven now which is a far better place.
It's tragic because his life came to an end.
He was a great neighbor and a friend.
When I learned that he died, it was very sad.
But now he's in Heaven with my mom and dad.
Dedicated to Charles Strange who died of cancer at the age of 62 on January 9, 2018.
402 · Apr 2021
The Death Of Ken Osmond
Randy Johnson Apr 2021
He was Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To ******".
He starred as the best friend of Wally Cleaver.
When he starred as Eddie, his performances were sure to please.
Sadly, he died on May 18, 2020 from Peripheral Artery Disease.

When it came to acting, Ken Osmond was sure to excel.
He wasn't only an actor, he was a police officer as well.
It is nice to know that he helped to enforce the law.
When people saw him on television, they were in awe.
Dedicated to Ken Osmond (1943-2020) who died on May 18, 2020
401 · May 2021
The Ninth Mother's Day
Randy Johnson May 2021
Nine Mother's Days have come around since the day when you perished.
The many years that we spent together are something that I'll always cherish.
You were such a great person because you cared.
When you died, I learned that life can be so unfair.

You were a wonderful mother and that's why I celebrate Mother's Day.
I knew that life would never be the same again when you passed away.
When you inherited $3600 in 1985, you shared it with my brother and I and Dad.
You were the most unselfish person in the world and when you died, it was so sad.

You weren't just a woman, you were a lady as well.
When you died in March of 2013, it hurt like Hell.
You were an outstanding mom to me and my brother.
Happy Mother's Day, you were the world's greatest mother.
DEDICATED TO AGNES MARIE JOHNSON (1948-2013) WHO PASSED AWAY ON MARCH 6, 2013
400 · Nov 2017
Things To Be Thankful For
Randy Johnson Nov 2017
We should be thankful to have our friends and relatives.
We should be thankful to God for every day we have to live.
When our turkeys are cooked and we start carving,
We should be thankful not to be in a part of the world where people are starving.
As we sink our teeth into the delicious pumpkin pie and tasty stuffing,
Please remember that some aren't so fortunate, they have nothing.
Before we eat our Thanksgiving meals, it would be nice for people to say Grace.
Without God, people wouldn't even exist, he is the creator of the Human Race.
396 · Jan 2016
Mister Rickman
Randy Johnson Jan 2016
You starred in Die Hard and also in Galaxy Quest.
And you starred in Dark Harbor and The Winter Guest.
You starred in some Harry Potter movies and in A Little Chaos.
People are saddened by your demise because it's a big loss.
In 1989 and 1990 you starred in Quigley Down Under and The January Man.
In 1991 you starred in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and also in Closet Land.
I'll tell you something that is certainly true.
You were a great actor and people will remember you.
Dedicated to Alan Rickman who died at the age of 69 on January 14, 2016.
396 · Dec 2019
My Wife Isn't Pregnant
Randy Johnson Dec 2019
My Wife looks like she's pregnant but she's just fat.
People have been congratulating her and she hates that.
My father yelled "Woo Wee!" because he thought he was going to be a granddad.
But when he thought she was pregnant, she saw red because she was so mad.
She shaved his head bald and then she beat the crap out of him.
And when others congratulate her, she does the same to them.
Half of the people in my town are wearing bandages and they're bald.
She makes people pay because being pregnant isn't what she likes to be called.
People run because I'm living in a town that has been gripped by fear.
She did the same thing to a man that is done to a bull to make it a steer.
Please don't ask her if she's going to have a daughter or a son.
Because if you do, she'll get ****** and you will have to run.
395 · Nov 2019
Halloween Delinquents
Randy Johnson Nov 2019
It was Halloween night but I had no candy.
But I did have an air rifle and it came in handy.
Because I had no candy, some punks started vandalizing my house.
Just because I shot them with my air rifle, people called me a louse.
I pumped the air rifle ten times and shot one of them in the *****.
The **** juvenile couldn't walk back to his house, he had to crawl.
I put pellets up their ***** so that a valuable lesson would be taught.
Before they vandalize another man's house, they will have 2nd thoughts.
But the cops came to my house and I was the one who was placed under arrest.
Apparently it was illegal when I shot them in their *****, ***** and a girl's left breast.
Sadly, shooting the girl was an accident, I shot her as she was walking past.
After I got out of jail, her dad paid me a visit and put my arms and legs in casts.
There was a valuable lesson that those juvenile delinquents learned.
I shoot people who are vandals, that's why none of them have returned.
391 · May 2015
Happy Mother's Day, Mom
Randy Johnson May 2015
Since you died, this is the second Mother's Day that has come around.
Since March of 2013, peace and tranquility aren't things that I've found.
You were one of the greatest mothers who ever lived.
You constantly thought of others, you always loved to give.
People have always loved you because you were so kind.
If people couldn't see how good you were, they were blind.
I still feel lost even though you've been dead for over a year.
I would tell you how much you mean to me if you were here.
My brother and I had to end your suffering by taking you off the respirator.
I still miss you like crazy even though it's been fourteen months later.
It was so hard to see you suffer and die.
You were one in a million and that's no lie.
You always bent over backwards to be good to me and my brother.
I'm very proud and was so lucky to have you for my mother.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
389 · Dec 2015
Spiritual Food
Randy Johnson Dec 2015
We need spiritual food just as much as physical food.
Jehovah can lift your spirits when you're in a bad mood.
Just ask him to give you faith and to fill you with the Holy Spirit.
Jehovah is listening, if you pray to him about it, he will hear it.
You can receive spiritual food if it's something that you seek.
I receive it by praying and going to church twice a week.
So remember this when you're angry, worried or depressed.
Turning to Jehovah is the way for you to receive true happiness.
Randy Johnson Feb 2016
While Jesus was on Earth, one thing that he taught people was his father's name.
He told people to call his father Jehovah, that is what Jesus proclaimed.
God's name is seldom used now, I've only seen it in The King James Bible once.
People have neglected to call God by his true name in Jesus's absence.
Jesus knew that knowing God's name is important and that is what he taught.
Jesus was the greatest Human Being who ever lived and I love him a lot.
386 · Aug 2015
Danny
Randy Johnson Aug 2015
I have a great friend and his name is Danny Carpenter.
He's a very nice man and he's going to Heaven for sure.
He bends over backwards to help his fellow man.
He helps me and other people as much as he can.
The way that a few people have treated him was so unfair.
But that doesn't stop him from being a good friend who cares.
Even though those people did him wrong, he continues to help others.
Danny and I aren't related but in my eyes, he's like a brother.
Dedicated to Danny Carpenter.
386 · Apr 2015
Goodbye, James Best
Randy Johnson Apr 2015
Your last name said it all, you were the best.
Because of you, the entire world was blessed.
You have left this world at the age of eighty-eight.
Your life is something that we should all celebrate.

For six years you dazzled us as Rosco P. Coltrane.
You died but your reruns will continue to entertain.
You starred in a few episodes of Bonanza and twice on the Andy Griffith Show.
You entertained us for several decades and all of your fans hated to see you go.

Talent should've been your middle name.
It's not surprising that you found fame.
You starred in a Twilight Zone episode and in Firecreek.
You will never be forgotten because you were unique.
Dedicated to James Best who died at the age of 88 on April 6, 2015.
386 · Jul 2016
Denial of Jesus
Randy Johnson Jul 2016
Jesus Christ rules his father's kingdom and he's a magnificent leader.
One day Jesus predicted that he would be denied three times by Peter.
Peter told Jesus that he was somebody who he would not deny.
But when Peter said that to The Messiah, it turned out to be a lie.
Peter denied Jesus three times just as Jesus predicted.
And soon after, Jesus died on the cross because of the wounds that were inflicted.
This is the 21st Century and now a days many people deny Jesus as well.
Sadly, the people who are denying him won't live in paradise, they will fail.
385 · Feb 2020
Registered Sex Offender
Randy Johnson Feb 2020
The story I'm going to tell is something that isn't good.
A registered *** offender moved to my neighborhood.
A child molester moved to my neighborhood and I didn't want him here.
When I told my neighbors that I wanted him to leave, I made my point clear.
But the idiots said that everybody deserves a second chance.
Sometimes that is true but not under this circumstance.
All of my neighbors said that we should forgive and forget.
They ignored me and it was something they would regret.
Less than two months later, a neighbor's daughter was molested.
The police were called and the creep was handcuffed and arrested.
I told everybody time after time to make him leave but they ignored my advice.
And because of their stupidity, my neighbor's underage daughter paid the price.
I have a message that each and every person needs to receive.
If a child molester moves to your neighborhood, you should demand that he leaves.
384 · Jun 2018
Boy's Death
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
Today, my cat died that I had for nearly six years.
When I found her dead, it brought me to tears.
Animals always bring plenty of joy.
I adopted her in September of 2012 and I named her Boy.
I named her Boy even though she was a female.
It was heartbreaking when I had to say farewell.
It wasn't until she died that I truly appreciated what a special cat that I had.
Boy and I went to Sneedville and spent the last Christmas with Mom and Dad.
She was very pretty and solid white.
She was indeed a beautiful sight.
It's very sad to know that she no longer exists.
Goodbye Boy, you were my cat and you will be missed.
384 · Jun 2018
A Fate Worse Than Death
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head.
He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead.
I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me?
This is a fate worse than death, I want him to put me out of my misery.

I can't stand the political correctness of the new Doctor Who.
I'm begging him to pull the trigger, that would be the kinder thing to do.
I like the new Doctor Who as much as Jerry Seinfeld likes Newman.
Forcing me to watch these episodes is cruel, it's positively inhuman.

If I watch much more of the new Doctor Who, I swear I'll be driven insane.
I can't believe what this ****** is doing to me, how can he be so inhumane?
I loved the classic Doctor Who but forcing me to watch the new is sick behavior.
I want him to pull the trigger and end my life, he would be doing me a favor.
382 · Sep 2017
Stacy III
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
We went to school together and were in the same grade.
You were such a good person that you deserve a parade.
Sadly, you died twenty years ago tonight.
You died in a car wreck and that wasn't right.

You haven't been forgotten and I hope you never will.
People suffered because your death was a terrible ordeal.
You had charm, class and you also had wit.
You were a good person and that is something that I'm proud to admit.

When I learned about your death, it was a devastating blow.
Your family and friends loved you and we hated to see you go.
You were only twenty-five, dying at that age wasn't fair.
We won't forget you because your friends and family care.
Dedicated to Stacy Brooks (1972-1997) who died on September 7, 1997.
382 · Nov 2016
Vaughn
Randy Johnson Nov 2016
He was an exceptional actor but now he's gone.
The man who I'm speaking of was Robert Vaughn.
Vaughn starred in The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and twice on Columbo.
He starred in Escape From Witch Mountain and The Towering Inferno.
He guest starred in Hotel, The Magnificent Seven and The Love Boat.
He made a few appearances on The A-Team and ******, She Wrote.
Millions of people are sad because Vaughn is dead.
It is terrible to lose an actor who was so talented.
I became his fan over thirty years ago when I watched Superman III.
He was a legend and when I learned about his death, I was not pleased.
Dedicated to Robert Vaughn (1932-2016) who died on November 11, 2016.
380 · Sep 2018
Well, Doggies!
Randy Johnson Sep 2018
Oil was struck on my land and 100 million is what I was paid.
My nephew has a great education, he graduated the 6th grade.
Granny makes her own whiskey, and she makes lye soap.
But if you're wondering if the neighbors are happy, nope.
Mrs. Drysdale doesn't like us, she constantly complains.
She says living next to us is going to drive her insane.
Elly May is my daughter, and she's awful fond of critters.
But now she has rabies because her raccoon bit her.
My sister Pearl insisted that I move here from the South.
Elly May won't drink water, and she's foaming at the mouth.
Jethro does some cyphering, he can count up to ten.
If you've met somebody smarter, I'd like to know when.
I love my mansion, especially the billy yard room.
If you get too close to Granny's still, you'll be knocked out by the fumes.
The people of Beverly Hills wants us to move away.
But they'd better get used to us, we're here to stay.
This poem was inspired by 'The Beverly Hillbillies' TV show.
Randy Johnson Dec 2024
You were my mother until I was forty-one.
I was fortunate and lucky to be your son.
December has arrived and Christmas is near.
Life would be better if you were still here.
You were the best woman that I've ever known.
But since you died, I've spent Christmases alone.
If you and I could share another Christmas, it would be great.
But you died over eleven years ago and it was a terrible fate.
I still miss you to this day and that is certainly true.
Have a Merry Christmas, Mom, everybody loves you.
DEDICATED TO AGNES JOHNSON (1948-2013) WHO PASSED AWAY ON MARCH 6, 2013
Randy Johnson May 2016
You are an atheist and you say that religion is a fraud.
You say that I'm full of crap because I believe in God.
You say that God is fake and that he didn't create the Human Race.
But when the Second Coming arrives, you will have egg on your face.
You say The Bible is a book that is full of fictional stories.
But when Jesus returns, you will see him in all of his glory.
You call me a fool because religion is something that I embrace.
But you will be the one who looks foolish, you will have egg on your face.
377 · Oct 2016
Satan Is Coming After You
Randy Johnson Oct 2016
Satan is working extra hard and he's coming after me and you.
We must resist his evil temptations, that is what we must do.
When Lucifer makes people do us wrong, it's best to forgive them.
Satan will soon be defeated and he wants to take many people with him.
If you're greedy, dishonest, abusive or a drug addict, Satan has corrupted you.
Now is the time to reject Satan's ways and turn to God and that is certainly true.
When The Devil is on your back, tell that evil creature to get out of your face.
You can resist him and live in paradise with other members of the Human Race.
377 · Sep 2017
Great Omnipotent Dude
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
G-O-D should stand for Great Omnipotent Dude.
When we are born again, we are renewed.
Great Omnipotent Dude is what God is and what he'll always be.
He is benevolent and noble and he means everything to me.
We should thank God for every day that we live.
It will please him if you're caring and love to give.
Our prayers are something that God doesn't ignore.
Great Omnipotent Duse is what G-O-D should stand for.
Randy Johnson Aug 2019
When I went to Las Vegas, I lost all of my money and I also lost my wife's entire life savings.
I have no hair left on my body because she grabbed my electric razor and started shaving.
I told her to calm down and that she should be forgiving.
That really ****** her off and I'm lucky to still be living.
She said she was forgiving, she was for giving me a swift beating.
My jaw is wired shut and the doctor told me to forget about eating.
For only twenty-four hours, the Golden Corral was giving everybody a free buffet.
But I can't even eat one morsel of food, so I had to turn it down, I've seen better days.
My wife is so ferocious that if she was a dinosaur, she would be a T-Rex.
I learned something as she kicked my ***, she's not the weaker ***.
Her life savings came to a total of ninety grand.
She was my supervisor at work and I was canned.
She's so furious because of what I did that she's thinking about getting a divorce.
She sold my car to get some of her money back and I'm using a buggy and a horse.
I'm scared because of the angry and violent way that she has been behaving.
You'd better listen when I tell you not to gamble away your spouse's life savings.
376 · May 2016
Gifts From God
Randy Johnson May 2016
Jehovah God gives people gifts, my gift is the ability to write.
When we think about what God does for us, it causes delight.
Albert Einstein wouldn't have been a genius without God's contribution.
Without Gods gift, he never would've known that E Equals MC Squared, he wouldn't have found the solution.
God gives a gift to each of us.
He does it because he loves us.
Some people may not believe what I'm saying but it's true.
I have two words to say to The Lord for my gift, "Thank You".
374 · May 2015
Everybody Needs God
Randy Johnson May 2015
Everybody needs God as much as they need air.
Have faith in the Lord and he'll always be there.
A church ran out of food that it gives to the poor so that they can survive.
The Preacher told God about the dilemma and a truck full of food arrived.
God is wonderful and he works in mysterious ways.
He will always be there for us, he'll never go away.
Randy Johnson Dec 2016
Four years ago was the best Christmas that I've ever had.
I was able to spend the final Christmas with Mom and Dad.
It was Mom and Dad's last Christmas, they wouldn't have another.
I knew that Dad would die but I didn't expect to lose my mother.
After losing Mom and Dad, I had to get used to spending Christmas alone.
When Christmas Day of 2013 arrived, I had to tolerate being on my own.
Next Christmas you may be on your own like me but hopefully you will not.
Family is the best Christmas present so appreciate the family you've got.
Dedicated to Charles and Agnes Johnson.
Randy Johnson Feb 2016
In the future paradise, all wild animals will be as tame as kittens.
Children will play with poisonous snakes without fear of being bitten.
We will be able to build our own houses and grow our own food.
Everybody will be friendly to each other, nobody will be crude.

Animals won't attack each other, they will no longer be carnivores.
This and other wonderful things are what the future will have in store.
Jehovah God will give us our hearts desire, nothing will be begrudged.
But people who refuse to worship and obey God, won't live in the paradise, instead, they will be harshly judged.
372 · Jun 2019
Jack Schwartzman
Randy Johnson Jun 2019
He died 25 years ago today, which is a quarter of a century.
He produced 'Never Say Never Again' with Sean Connery.
He was born in 1932 and was a man who people would admire.
First he was married to Judith Deborah Feldman and then to Talia Shire.
He was the executive producer of 'Rad' and 'I Am The Cheese'.
When he produced movies, they were certainly sure to please.
DEDICATED TO JACK SCHWARTZMAN WHO DIED OF PANCREATIC CANCER ON JUNE 15, 1994.
Randy Johnson Jun 2015
My life would be so much better if you hadn't become sick and died.
You were a wonderful person because love was what you supplied.
My life would be so much better if you had gotten well.
But you died in the hospital and life became pure hell.
My life would be so much better if you were still around.
I wish I could still hear your voice because it was such a beautiful sound.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
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