the bluebird had queries and questions
and thought he should ask the moon,
but the moon was dark that night.
its hood was pulled tight.

the bluebird sighed, and so did the sun.
the sea greeted him with a waving hand.
“bluebird, bluebird up there!
the moon does not speak easy.
having its skin broken too many times.”

the bluebird whistled a sad tune.
“whatever shall i do, when i need the moon?
he will not speak, and i am too weak
to fly to him up there.”

the sea crashed against the rocky shore,
and its response was, “you need not wings,
bluebird, when the moon will come to you.
for when your light falls the moon will rise,
in the darkness it lights the skies.”

the bluebird huffed once again.
“i am not the sun, silly sea.
you mistake my feathers for blue skies,
i am not the stars in the night.”

but the bluebird could not see,
how bright he was to be.
and as he flew away,
the moon began to say,
“your wings are bigger than they seem.
bluebird, do not fret.
our time is to come together yet.

so the bluebird whistled a tune
as his wings expanded and grew,
and lifted him high into the sky,
and to the moon he drew nigh.
he landed among the stars.
bluebird, you will indeed go far.

am i too big for my own skin? or do i just make myself out as something i am not?
sometimes i see things from the outside and i can see me hiding in myself because i want to pretend i am something great.
it feels like lies, but never have i wanted more than lies to be truth. i want to believe that what you see is what i am.
but can that be?
i want to be what you see. but can that be?

dare i wonder what you think of me
for i do not know what i think of myself.
maybe there's a difference between how you see yourself and how you let others see you.
     am i a plague or a remedy
     am i stone cold or burning flames
     am i chilled to the bone or am i a home
sometimes home can be a person, but i am no home.
my hands are cold, they will burn you with
frost. i am kind but i am afraid.
my chest hurts with the thought of you.
not because i wish to have you but because
                            i don't.
maybe i do, but i am an ocean and you are lost in me. i can see the moon.
     do i flee from what i have only to retreat to what i am?
i ask of you, are you something new or the
                             thing that i can't find.
i have a treasure that i wish to keep and
                              not soil.
you are a treasure of your own.
yet i am not worthy.

i can have obsidian or i can have gold.
Man has always been greedy but i am
                      Humble.
     am i kind?
am i kind to take a cherry with
     cyanide pit?
you believe me a diamond, but i am only coal.
you, my dear, have a heart made of gold.

is it possible,
to dream and lay awake?
i know who i think of,
but yet the name i cannot
place.

i see the lights
you lay in your wake.
paint me a shadow
that i may dance with
late into the
night.

your arms are
the only haven i call home
but what is home without
you here? it is not a place
i can see.

walk, bruised and broken
through these battered
bones of this house, still i
walk lightly, careful not to
wake these beasts that
haunt me.

and you are
the dancing figure walking
along the bones in my chest.
these are not the careful wings
of butterflies i called my
friends.

instead it is you.
and i know your intentions
this time.

stray
from me

please,
don't go

i will
swallow
you
like poison

oh
but the
pain
feels so
sweet

you
are
my
last
mem
         **ory

"is that all you think this is? fun and games?"
"of course! where is the fun if you are not insane?"

how is it a game if none want to play?

accept it as it is; know you can't change it

my name is bitter on your lips.
i know because i can see the way
your eyes flash, your lips curl.
i am not sweet licorice anymore.

but that is strange, because i was
never sweet. you just bit into my
center. i am the darkness in the
light. do not look into my eyes
and dare tell me what is wrong
or what is right.

you however, oh, you were always
sweet. bitter as the shell but soft
on the inside. you, oh, you were
the light inside the darkness.

i enjoyed swirling your blood on
my tongue, coating my sense of
taste in nothing else but you, sweet.
but i bit my tongue and you stung.

oh, how you stung.
and i finally knew
what it was like
to love someone
like me, as someone
such as you.

because darkness can only exist with the absence of light.
and i never needed you to complete me.

“hi, i’m wolf” his eyes were silver. the silvered-eyed boy with brown skin.

i remember this. i remember him, the way his tongue would fiddle with his silver lip-ring on the right side of his mouth. the silver pointed studs that hooked through his left eyebrow.

the way he said my name.

i was always “carnage” from where i came. i wasn’t named that, no. but they would say it anyway, just to see if i would flinch. if i fell for it, they would follow with “you break everything you touch”.

if i fell for that?

that was why my blood was usually the one running down the sink on those nights.

“your name isn’t carnage, really? you don’t look like someone who could hurt that many souls.” my eyes fell away from his, ashamed. “tell me you don’t believe that, little lamb”

so that became my new name.

i hope that when they look at me, they can see your ghost in my shadow

we kiss because love is liquid death, and we're just curious to take a sip.
     darling, it's okay to wonder about death because you haven't tried it yet. just trust me when i say that love is the slowest, most painful route to take.

loneliness is ten letters, but the thought of me ending without you because i never told you to kiss me is all i think about.
     there is nothing i am more afraid of then feeling alone because i don't have you, but yet i am terrified i will have you and still feel empty.
     kissing only lasts so long but i can still remember the taste of your lips -- honey and salt in the perfect mixture of sweet and bitter, for those who wonder -- and i still hear the way you whispered my name against my neck in my dreams.

we kiss because the air we breathe for most of our lives is stale, but the air inside your lungs is the freshest i've ever tasted.
     god, let me breathe you in like the smoke i crave, yet you still insist will **** me.

our minds are more awake while we sleep.
so this is why i never go to bed.
because i'd rather dream with my eyes open.

and how dare the stars still shine,
as we are dropping dead like flies.

but i guess that's their point.

i like to pretend that i am walking through the universe.
it's much easier to understand up there;
why our eyes shine, why our cheeks ignite.

because we are made of stars.
we are barely a pinprick on the map of this universe,
but we are made to
*S H I N E

cold wind bites my cheeks.
red and orange and pink
expand across the sky,
like blood flowering from
an open wound.

you can't stop your heart as it beats erratically.
      now isn't that funny?

and your breathing is gone but yet you still live.
      how i thought you were weak, oh, what a whim.

now your stomach is empty, but you're full to the brim.
       you fight with your life, yet you can win.

and a god never thought humanity could live this long.
      you fight wars as you sing death's song.

i've always felt at home up high,
since i am closer to the stars.
       the stars seem like the best thing
       we can hope to be.

“the sky has gained a star.”
“i do not want to remember him as a star! there are millions of stars! i want to remember him as blu, as who he was. a man, with the sun as his soul. with wings the color of the sky, and eyes the color of rainclouds. he is not a star; he is the man who brought us here. who eliminated what has been plaguing our people for decades, the man who taught me what it was like to be in love with the day when i am are the night. blu was my love! he is a man! he would not want to be a legend, he would only want to die when we die! he was humble; remember him as such. a man, not a star.”

“he will destroy himself” he looked up at her, her hair like the smoke trailing from his fingers. tears traveled down the length of his nose and collected on his lips like salty dew drops. “the star thief will one day become what he stole” and she left him with this, the universe collecting on his shoulders like sand washed onto the shore.

i know your story and i know it well
hold the secrets you won’t tell
dream catcher, dream catcher, oh

so dare tell me a lie
as our collision draws nigh
we will sit and count all the stars in the sky

where do willow trees grow?
oh, but you and i both know
they grow where we roam
because we plant them as we go

we’ll be dancing in the dark before too long
with a match-strike smile and a killer tongue
dream catcher, dream catcher, run

i wrote a book of poetry
but it’s in a language you can’t read
take your time to find my heart reins peculiar chemistry

where do willow trees grow?
oh, but you and i both know
they grow where we roam
because we plant them as we go

your eyes reflect the city lights
your mind as vast as the stars in our sky
dream catcher, dream catcher, dare hide

the weeping willow will never hear,
how we draw so near.
the weeping willow will never know,
oh, where do willow trees grow?

He used to know her.
He remembers her.
He knows her.

He does not know her now.
He cannot know her now.
He will not know her now.

Her hair is red, like the
blood dripping down
her neck.

He remembers when
her hair would glow
in the sun.

She is not a blonde.
Not anymore.

Her eyes are black, empty,
the soft caramel brown
that he used to know is gone.

Her cheeks are covered
with blue marks,
and her skin is broken
in many places.

Blood drips down her shoulder.
She limps as her wing hangs
broken behind her,
dragging in the mud.

She is not who he remembers.
But she is who he will never forget.

Sometimes I’m torn between
the light side of my soul,
and the dark place in my brain.
People say you have to pick a side,
you can’t stand in between.
And if I’m caught in the crossfire,
it’s better than tearing myself apart.
Pitting one side of me against the other.
Because the demon whispers lullabies
While the angel whispers doubts.
I’d like to think I’m quick to catch the lies
in the net of truths shouted at me,
collecting in the space behind my eyes.
Sometimes my finger slips
and I pull the trigger, but little did I
know the gun was pointed the wrong
way, so now I have a bullet between my
eyes, aiming at the dark part of me.
But the angel side decides that
maybe I’m not ready to die.
I pinned a rose to the face of the
side that died when I thought it was
wise to try and take my own life.
Because the demon in me promised
me a truth that was consisted of lies.
And my heart is empty, with a blood
red lipstick stain on my cheek. And the
demon in me says that it’s not my
responsibility, but how could I not know
that while I was keeping the light behind
a cage, the dark was roaming free.
My nail was painted white when I held
the muzzle to my cheek. And I aimed to
**** the bad part of me, but the angel shot
an arrow at his brother and changed his
mind before I had time to change mine.
An angel killed an angel, in a moment
of fear and shame. I fed the wolf too much
rotten meat. I corrupted the light in me,
running too fast to keep up, and I
missed the black spots swimming in
my head. The Devil kissed my lips
while I was sleeping, and the angel
drank the poison to save me the agony.
I let the light swallow the dark only
to turn into the poison meant to **** me.
And now I peel the petals of the rose
bestowed to me by God, only to
see the body of the angle laying
dead in the center, pollen coating
its skin as it sleeps eternally.
Just like the better part of me.

we had lost our sanity in the night,
blowing smoke from our lips.
the taste of you is still sweet on my tongue.
and we’re an explosion,
bright for a moment and then gone.

we cannot find what we live for.
sweat drips off bare bodies being pressed together,
like melting wax from a burning candle.
there is a grace period where we can
fit in our sanity, just for a short time.

sand slips past knuckles,
satin sheets gripped in fists.
grinding teeth against slurs,
we leave our fingerprints
on an empty pill bottle.

together, we have the fury to set this world on fire.
but alone, you have the passion to rearrange the stars,
make the sun freeze,
and fill the moon with life.

alone,
i can create tornado’s and wind storms,
small glimpses of silver breath whistling through
the wheat fields, over the tops of trees.

i could never match your ability
to make the sunset paint all of the sky instead of just one half of it.
the universe turns it’s head whenever you work your magic.
in the thick of things, i am a grenade exploding
but you are the big bang that started it all.

We confuse what we say, tripping on our tongues
Caught on a thin line between the shadows and the light.
We are drowning in a warm place, a high we cannot reach, words we cannot preach.

We are lost in the limbo of what we hide and what we show.
We are the static of a confused connection, scattered pixels and broken sound.
See our outline on the blue screen, we are ready to be overthrown.
Hands reaching for the sky but touching the ground.

A mixture of color and black and white, life against truth.
The grey area, the words in our minds and mouths and let go.
Inked in words on white walls, distorted blots and acid down your throat.

We are lost in the limbo of what we hide and what we show.
We are the static of a confused connection, scattered pixels and broken sound.
See our outline on the blue screen, we are ready to be overthrown.
Hands reaching for the sky but touching the ground.

We are the catalyst for your breakdown, the chemical fix you need.
The flash of truth behind a liar’s eyes, a rusted lock that has no key.

We are the static of a confused connection, scattered pixels and broken sound.
See our outline on the blue screen, we are ready to be overthrown.
Hands reaching for the sky but touching the ground.

We are the static of your broken explanation.
Watch us wither and die as you drag your feet, a long way from home.

i think i see you staring at me,
  But then i turn my head and it is just a trick of the light.
The luminescent bulbs reflect off the white walls, and i wince when i hear you speak.
     A butterfly settles on my cheek.

i thought i saw you standing in the corner of my room,
  watching me sleep as my chest rises and falls with the thought that i will wake up next to you.
     But it is only a ghost i had created in order to replace you.

i hoped i would find you in my dreams.
  i did, but you were not dreaming of me.
And they say that when you dream about someone it's because they fell asleep thinking of you.
  i highly doubt that is true,
     And i don't dream during the night, much less about you.

i wish you would talk to me.
  A half of my life says that i can't trust you, because they are afraid that you will hurt me.
And the other portion of my life tells me to take chances now,
  or i won't have stories to tell to my children, or my children's children.

And if i can't reach you then i know that i am nothing more than a fragment of a broken star that is not part of your constellations.
     Because i am too far away for you to see or care about.

And I hope that someday i will be part of someone's world.
Close enough to see so they miss me when i am gone.
  But if that never happens then i will fade out rather than burn away.
     Having nothing to give, i will leave no trace.

My heart is pounding. I’m cold.

Should’ve worn a jacket instead of trying to impress someone who doesn’t even care enough about you to stop dragging you over the gravel of their soul. *******.

I didn’t eat lunch because I’m scared and confused and I don’t know how to feel even though I know I am feeling.

Stop.

And if human emotions—feelings—are such a normal thing and we feel them everyday then why do I feel so ashamed?

Because you shouldn’t feel the way you do. You’ll just get hurt.

But maybe I don’t care about the backlash of what I do now because it will only matter later, and later doesn’t matter because what is will be. I want to feel things now and be numb later because then I’ll at least be back to not caring what people say or how they treat me because anyone who’s attention I’ve wanted to get just rejects, regrets, forgets about me anyway.

You don’t need to be loved to feel love.

And I know you don’t need a person in your life, your thoughts, to get yourself to feel but I don’t care because I want to see a face when I think of love. I don’t care who it is, where they are, I just want to know that I feel—

You deserve more than this! If they hate you, degrade you, make you doubt yourself, then the way you think is no better than the way they act! They kiss their knuckles before they bruise your cheek, and they pray to God that they won’t feel guilty even though you’re the one who’s left bleeding! And I know you can’t help how you feel but you have to try because in the end you’ll just feel like ****, biting down on your lip to keep the sobs in while they watch you unravel but you’re still wrapped around their finger! And you have to let go, unravel yourself from their hold even though they’re letting you slip through their fingers and you’re still holding on! You have to let yourself go, because you want to feel but you’re pigeonholing what you allow in so only the things you know will starve you have perfect aim! You want to feel, but you’re not letting yourself feel true enough because you refuse to let go of what you want instead of looking for what you need!

*…Stop.

A kiss does not have the power to **** you.
Wound you? Maybe.
But never eternal rest.

A kiss does not lead Death to your door.
It is not the Grim Reaper wielding a scythe.
It does not hold your soul in its hands.

But it does hold your heart.
A kiss may not have the power to **** you,
But it does have the power to bring you to life.

Blue like the diamonds in their eyes.
A childhood broken on a rusted slide.
The rungs of the ladder are gone,
The sirens of the city moving on.

There are galaxies of stars in your eyes
Like the rust spots scattered on the slide.
The one we used to ride,
Before the moon stole the tide.
And now I’m lost in the broken scatters
Because you were all that mattered.

I beg your eyes to open up to me like castle gates.
Let me cross the moats, I want to see what you’re made of.
Light a match, set this on fire, it’ll blow away in my hurricane.
I am the fire, you are the timber, so let me come and leave my scars.

Let me lay down all my cards, I have nothing to show.
Lay down your weapons, you hold no sins.
If it came down, would you **** to show your innocence?
If I put you through Hell will you come back unbranded?

I licked you with my lies, burnt you with my ties.
I covered you in slime, hurt you down to your insides.
If I’m your hurricane then you’re the shore that I tear apart.
So let me come and pass, I won’t hold it over your head.

If you hold this between your hands then by all means.
Show me what you’re made of!
If I am the will then you are the doubt.
If I am the mercy then you are without.

The way you fold yourself in two, ripping apart at the creases.
Splitting yourself into pieces is the only way you are enough.
If I am the ignorance then you are the clarity.
If I am the shame then you are the pride.

You are the parts that claim who I am.
Because if I am the strength that makes you the weakness.
And if I am the drug then you are the dealer,
And if you are the devil then I am the sinner.

A red swing paired with a blue slide.
The rust of the metal reflected in diamond eyes.
A childhood that seemed perfect from the outside.
Buried underground with lies told from the inside.

Pale pieces of wood on a beach shore.
Soft sand that they hoped would forget the blood that they poured.
Clumps of seaweed along the rim like lost limbs.
Scattered into pieces, they know how it is.

A fenced in **** farm housing a satellite.
Stars reflected in green eyes like drinking the night.
They’re sipping on alcohol, burning so bright.
It’s better to burn out than to leave without a fight.

Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Fly through the storm to me.
Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Find your way to me.

And if you call upon me,
I shall not take too much,
And I shall not leave too little.
For I am a humble thing.

Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
A quick thing you be.
Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Find a place to perch happily.

I am a smaller thing,
With bigger wings.
And I am the color of crimson,
For I bring you the morning sun.

Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Grow yourself legs and walk with me.
Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Get yourself a voice, and tell me.

I am one for flying high,
And I belong in the sky.
Do not look at the ground,
For I am not one who resides there.

And at the times when you need me most,
Is when I am most silent.
For I count on you to hear me singing,
Even when the rain is quite loud.

Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
You are a delicate thing.
Little Red Bird, Little Red Bird,
Fly from my palms now,
And go to someone else who needs you,
More than I now do.