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sol May 28
i went to the place where
we first met,
and there i saw
the corpse of who you were.
i stood over you
i let the flies hit my face
i watched the vultures circle
waiting, waiting
until i finally left &
they could pick at your bones.
i stood there
as the clovers ate you
as my hands were left with blood.
i saw your corpse on that hill
where you said my age didn’t matter
i could still send you nudes
at seventeen & in love
with who i thought you were.
the you i thought you were
died on that hill
as it should have
when i asked you to stop drinking too much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to stop smoking so much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to never leave
and you did.
you died on that hill.
and i stood over your corpse
with my own blood on my hands
after killing myself for you.
i watched decay eat you on that hill
and i stepped back into myself
and i walked away.

i didn’t bother to bury you.
the vultures ate what was left.
sol May 28
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME
AND I PRETENDED NOT TO CARE BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED
I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU
AND YOU DID NOT ******* CARE.
sol May 12
may i be the tower in tearing down
your structure.
in the same breath i am the chariot,
carrying you forward in light
past the destruction.
a living example that all of us have
to fall in order to pick ourselves
back up again, & carry on.
to rebuild back stronger you must
leave behind the ruin
to rise anew.
rubble ghosts blind the eyes
from the heart & jam into the wheels.
tear down rotten structure & leave
behind the thoughts of the mind
to refuse change & recovery.
i am a human with incredible buoyancy;
nobody else tears me down from
this tower better than myself,
just as nobody else can pick me back
up & make me get back to work
all over again, repeat the process
until you learn.
repetition cursing karmic cycles
break the chains of rigidity
embrace the cycle of chainge, cyclical.
the sun turns the planets which in turn
turn each other. as the earth
turns the moon, & the black hole at
the center, turns all of us.
remember to myself, this is part of the
process.
lows are just as necessary
for learning as are the highs.
inspired by the tarot cards & my life path number, 7/16
  Apr 28 sol
Krizhe Ming
Universe is reaching out
Angels already calling

Time to go back on track
Been wandering longer
Than I should
To find pieces
Of me that were lost

Universe is reaching out
Angels already calling
I almost didn't recognize
As I started to forget
Who I am
And where I am going

Glad I finally heard
Message received
I feel like I've been seeing 11:11 (and 1:11) a lot to say it's just coincedence... And I am really glad to recognize the message now :)
sol Apr 27
when you water it.
where you water me.
don’t overwater, please.
i’m already rotting.
sol Apr 25
my body is
always moving the water
with the power of a heartbeat
inconsequential waves
infinitesimal ripples
we are so small
but so powerful
and i don’t know how that is.
sol Apr 25
you smelled like
cheap leather,
and cigarettes.

no wonder i had
headaches.
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