I stand here poised
Like a bored gazelle about to leap
Not in the Serengeti
But leaning against a bin
Near Frankfurt
It is a wrought iron bin
Of fine craftsmanship
But all I can smell is ****
The **** of a thousand dogs
Over one hundread years
Marking their patch
And having no thought
For this man
Who would have his senses offended
By their ammonia picket fence.
Perhapse I will move

For Keith, that man mountain of towering spirit,
That weaver of emotion, standing proud in his truth.
I wish to be like you;
An artist of the heart, of genuine expression,
A facilitator of truth,
A provider of safety,
Like a harbor for small ships caught in a storm.
You offer a home to those who have none,
A space of healing wrapped in acceptance and silence,
An inn to rest for the night,
So we may continue our journey refreshed.

But how did you find this goodness?
Was it given to you as a gift at birth?
No.
You wrestled it from your soul
With awareness, unflinching courage and tears.

Thea, the goddess of the earth
Sits like a rock in her chamber of woven light.
The fortunate who enter here
Are blessed and tormented and burned and held.

They arrive knowing that they must make a sacrifice;
They do not pay in money but in tears,
In truth wrenched from the soul,
In accountability and naked raw awareness.

None who arrive do so lightly
But all who come leave lighter.
Their confusion unraveled through skilful enquiry,
Cut by a sharp silver sword of truth and knowing.

Enter - but do so with reverence and respect.
This is a place of healing!
Men and women are unmade and made here.

We are dancers of the soul,
Fencing with lauguage
To exorcise our truth,
Our passion,
Our pain.

We are bent over
Retching words from the darkest corners of our souls,
We are laying on cold concrete,
Cheeks pressed to old news print as our truth bleeds out,
Rages out!
Spews forth with the bile of
Words never spoken, not honored or even fully felt,
Yet there
in truth
buried!

Until...
Contained no longer,
They burst through
And like a mob unseating a dynasty,
They chant and sweat and rage and dance
Until their cause is heard and seen.
Until the News at Ten reports
That "the world is NOT AT ******* PEACE!"
That our own kingdoms will not tolerate suppression
And that our souls will be held down no longer.
That we WILL be heard!
We will no longer sit and do as dictated through years and decades and lifetimes of docile abdication.
We will NOT BE SILENT
But with our spines straight
We will rise up and
be heard,
Counted.
And fight with our poetry,
With our ink or keyboard
For the goal of freeing what we know in the depths of our hearts to be...
Our truth

Bless us!

There were days when he drew crimson across the landscape,
Painted life's already incandescent colours,
With a patchwork of his own joy and creativity,
The stars were a small reach above his head and the moon was his good friend,
He would dive into oceans and explore their depths,
Swim miles beneath the surface where  the world seemed safe and calm,

Then it stopped.







The world stopped...
With life.
And colour with it.







He stopped too and his world was no more.


Like a grey
Grey
Grey




Wasteland






Without the things he loved




And






This







Became








Normal.....







And as time went on...








he forgot,

that he once was happy...








but he knew

somewhere deep down









in some small place in his soul










that he had lost something...



Someone? maybe....

something precious

himself?







and that there was a longing inside






a longing






for life







it was like a tiny thread







which one day









he felt






Brave








Enough



To









Follow.

















It took him




















Home

I stand in the forest unaware of myself...
I wish the forest would hold me,
Would take me,
Maybe it is...

Can I stand like a tree in a forest;
My feet like roots into the earth,
My arms like branches,
My fingers leaves,
Moving in the breeze...

Can I unite with the Earths as one with my surround?
Become earth and wood and branch and leaf
And live my life here in peace?

Allow me to bend in the wind,
To grow in spring
And turn my faces to the sun,
Let me drink it's warmth
And feel it awaken my heart!

Let me pass the seasons here,
Watch the moons come and go,
The days grow long and short once more,
Till even I must fade and fall...

Here the veins of the earth trickle  between moss and rock,
Their passage held by soil and stone.
Who sees it? who is there to witness?
Who even cares?
The earth knows and turns.

Listen... what will you hear but the birds,
The sounds of running water
And your breath?
What will you feel but the earth beneath your feet?
How dare you think
When nature takes you into her womb.

Why do you sit here friend
And worry about this and that?
Go to the forest and walk.
Watch the trees and the birds.
They will take your cares away
And ease your troubles.

How many mouths whispered silent prayer
And sat in these halls wishing for god.
How many lives were celebrated and mourned here.
Unions made and broken.
The family, the hearth, spirit, life and death.
All flowed through here.
Now it stands proud and open to the heavens.
Holding the glory of what has been and is now.

Stone upon stone,
Piece by piece until it was made
That church that castle of the soul
It stood, it stands, a monument to man, toil, sweat and reverence.
Time honours it, blesses it.
Now it is part with the land
As it was always.  

Do not look upon it for you may not see it's glory
And a shame to miss and pass by
and to not think what things happened here.
What joys and sadnesses,
What moments and sorrows it witnessed.
Do not pass by but do not look either
For we cannot imagine. To know
The stories it holds and the memories it keeps.

To you my love
Whose hand I have just let go
Who now walks in a direction
Unknown to me
And whose fair touch and soft voice
May take repose with
Another

Shout "Yes!" and reach for the sky my Brother,
Shout "Yes!" and call your name out in Joy!
You have triumphed!
You are here!
You are alive!
And  the world is here before you.

It will embrace you
For you only exist in thought,
It's arms open in eternal patience.
There is plenty of time
But every moment counts.

What will you do?
Like a canvas unpainted it waits...
Your palette; imagination, courage, unknowing .
You must go to it,
You must run to it!
You must leap!
Bury your head in it's chest and cry "embrace me!"

Do not stand and stare open mouthed
And let the white expanse defeat you.
Now is not the time for hesitation my Brother
You are more than this, you are better than this,
You are the king, the magician, the lover, the master of your world!

You must leap!

You must pick up a brush or knife or better still plunge you palm into colours and paint!
Smear your desire and passion onto the blank expanse.
Reduce the white to bold streaks of vermillion, cobalt and burnt sienna.
How long must we wait!
Seize your passion and make your mark.

And so he sat,
Afraid and alone
Waiting for her
To come back to him.
Waiting for her to finish her shower
And walk through the door
in her towel
And say to him,
"Its your turn now",
In her kind loving voice
And he would have a shower too
And it would be okay

Creeping silently I advance
Unsure of my destination.
I know my place of beginning;
It is my soul,
My nutrition,
My **** ridden fertile pasture.
From which I must grow,
Move forward,
Be sustained,
And know
That
I come from
The earth
And that I will survive
And be strong.

Don't take life so seriously,
Its not like your going to get out alive.
So why wait and wonder
And sit and ponder
At the things which keep you awake at night?

Don't take life so seriously
Because you will not make it out the door.
Sit here and enjoy what you will,
Where you are and what you do
Because it and you will not be here for long!

Don't take life so seriously
Because today may be your last!
Your last song, your last dance,
Your last kiss or love.
Play and sing like you may never again.

Don't take life so seriously
Because the survival rate is nil,
And a shame to watch and wait
And sit and wonder
And never do the things which make your soul sing.

Don't take life so seriously
Because we are here alone
Spinning through space
To a destination unknown
Stuck to a beautiful mass of rock.

Life is the joke, we are the canvas!
We were meant to be painters
And paint our lives into a medley of colour,
Choose a bright colour for today
And do not think that it may be wrong.

Dip your hand in the pallet and paint!

It is my time of day when I must breathe.
Anxiety knocks at my door
Calling me to prayer
Like the bells of an old steeple.
Chanting slowly again and again
"Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****!"
Reminding me that I need my god.

*Breathe and go inside my friend
Be still amidst this storm.
Breathe and let your soul be nourished
By the free flowing waters of faith,
Clarity and peace

Alone I am touched.
My core, rock.
"Do not breathe"
but I cannot not!
Presence touches me,
the twine loosens.
My belly fills like the surging in of the tide.
Light floods in,
colour, humanity.
And i am alone
but present with the world,
feeling my veins
my breath
my nose...

What trepidation
these first few breaths,
as I step from the shuttle
into this new world.
The atmosphere tickles my skin
and i look around at my new home...
life
feeling
colour
earth
depth
sensation

Who is this person who sits here?
I will like to know!
There is joy inside
and excited fear too.
I feel a whole man
newly woken from sleep
skin recently shed
eyes newly open
emerging from his rock
cave
prison
walking into the light
blurry eyed
but alive
and
whole
once
again

tell me why
I am sat here again.
encased in glass
with my ear to the window
wondering what will happen next

tell me why I am here sat
unable to move
barely breathing
for fear of life
sat eternally emotionless
unable to face my fear

tell me why
i am still here
my tasks are not simple
but neither are they overtaxing
tell me why I  cannot engage

okay
listen my friend
this is why
you are not ready
you are not capable
you are not right

you are too small
for this world
it will swamp and envelop you
if you dare
to brush past it

so stay here with me
safe and sound
in this quiet solemn place
we call home
and be at peace

let me breathe, i will breathe
my breath takes me through the glass
breathing deeply into my belly
I will let my prana carry me beyond the limits
set by myself long ago.

The breath will engage me
enlighten me
nourish me
give me food
and safety

I will try to find a home there

Chasing rainbows on a sunny French afternoon
Gritty sand dried between my toes.
Spoke over lunch of salad and bread.
Harsh reflections in my head;
Memories of times gone by,
Regrets brush past me like a lullabye.
Soothing me away from life
Drawing me into their own sweet strife.

Lest i make my stand Ill fall,
Swirl like so many into that dark pool.
Decend and spend my whole sweet life
Choked by thoughts which cut like a knife.
Did I do right or did i do wrong?
Who will say when all is done?
But did I live I will ask myself
at the end when all is to dust.

Here I sit
Astride my computer
Held in its gaze
Unable to draw away
For fear
That i may miss
Some small titilation
Or item of interest.

I sit here
And feel
Slowly
Slowly
Less
Me
And more like
My screen.
A souless avatar,
A mindless hologram
Composed of
Ones and zeros

I commune
With my
Digital peers.
Empty as
A jar
Which once held
Homemade jam.
I feel incomplete.

Silently I sit
A little closer
To myself.
Covered with
Emotions scars
And battered
Beaten
Torn
apart

In the ash
Burnt pit of despair
I find my fear
Dipped in the blood of my ancestors
My blade greets me
I am whole
a man
amongst men
My bones echo back through the centuries
Through the earth,
Mountains,
Rivers...
Carrying the spirit of the land
To rejoin the souls of old
With those now standing tall.
A robin sings
and moves from branch to ground
Hunts
Fearless
Protective
Arisen from ash
Pit
Harmony

Does Calski love Calski?
Sometimes I think no.
Confusion, addiction and destruction are his friends. Or his enemies. Or his lovers. Or his employers. Or tormentors

Choose peace my good friend and come home.
Sit by the fire of life and put up your feet.
The fire will burn but it warms too.
It makes bread and consumes what is given to it.

Stay by the fire of life my friend
And do not run away
Because outside it is cold
And you will be lost!

Sit by the fire of life.
Let it warm your heart,
Let yourself remember love
And let kindness take root.

Sit by the fire my friend,
Let it burn away your sadness,
Let it consumer your grief as you gaze into its flames.
Sit by the fire and weep, let your eyes sting from the heat.

Sit by the fire my friend
And let it make you whole.
Let it bake you into a wholegrain loaf of a man
(and remember that this cannot happen without discomfort).

Sit by the fire my friend
And do not worry if it seems too hot.
The fire of life burns bright near vibrant souls like yours,
Nothing is destroyed, only transformed.

So sit by the fire and stay. Where else will you go?
What will you find there?
It will not be life but something else!
And we have baking to do.

Seized within the grip
Of chains forged long ago
Panic grasps me
Unable to move
To decide
To act
In my head
In my room
In the house
In the street
In the town
City
Country
World
Galaxy

Lost infinite space...

And twirling back again,
Contracting
Descending
Into this nervous child i find i inhabit.
Lost
Without place
Or reason
Abandoned
Alone
To stay is to be crushed
But I cannot move
Not because I am restrained
Fear inhabits me
Ties me to the spot
Whatever will happen will occur
I will watch but not take part
I am encased in glass
Frozen
Life calls to me but I cannot meet it
I will not meet it
This is my reluctant home