It’s 2:43am and I can feel you,
how you’d hover above me, staring at me with those baby blues
and with every pull of the bottle,
the taste of your name becomes less awful
and my thoughts start to blur
but I don’t think there’s any cure.
I want to wash you away in order to stay sane,
you’d disappear like even the worst stain.
The drugs came next,
and with each drag I feel less perplexed.
Is it you disappearing, or is it me?
From you, will I ever be free?
Cause the bottle’s almost empty,
and those drugs, we’ve no longer got plenty.
I’m running, chasing the bottoms of bottles in order to forget
just what you taste like on my lips.
I’m trying to remember to forget,
my lungs burning from multiple cigarettes.
The hollowness inside is what I’m running from,
the world fading into a distant hum.
The sheets still smell of your cologne,
and the pillows echo in my ear our every collected groan and moan.
I can almost still see your towel hanging in the bathroom on that crooked hook,
how can I outrun you, when you’re everywhere I look?

You’ve got me trapped.
Got my body mapped.
Hands like sin,
when our bodies are skin on skin.
You’re an addiction,
your love a sweet affliction.
You’re the air I breathe, but you’re polluted.
You being good for me could be disputed.
You’re a poison, flowing through my veins,
but your love has left it’s stain.
Your lips make me burn with desire,
but our love seems to be fenced in with barbed wire.
I can’t love you without hurting,
to most it’s a little disconcerting.
But I don’t know which is worse,
because not being able to love you would be a curse,
but a blessing in disguise
because I know eventually our love will be my demise.
And I’m wondering what to do,
but all I can hear are your words, *“Baby, I’m bad for you”

Believe me when I say,
I never thought it’d work out this way.
You fell in love with me,
with something more than what you could see,
or that’s what you told me.
You’ve always said I was an open book,
and when you first told me that I made you promise not to look.
I want to be kept a mystery,
be more than the girls in your history.
You were always kind of a dream,
and had a way of tearing me apart at the seams.
It was a push and pull,
but my heart had never before felt so full.
I never thought it’d happen,
so a few fights wouldn’t dampen
my love for you
because we both knew the feelings were true.
Falling in love wasn’t something we planned,
but our instant attraction was everything but bland.
So I may not have thought we were ever possible,
but at night when you whisper those three words, barely audible,
I know my wildest dream came true
and it was forever having you.

Take a deep breath,
see the pain was just a catch.
This ship has yet to sail,
so just exhale.
You might think your heart’s mangled,
your throat’s so raw from screaming, it’s like you’ve been strangled.
Fists clenched,
hair drenched,
mascara so far down your cheeks
it appears in muddled black streaks.
See you put your heart in the palm of his hands
thinking to yourself, “the rest of the world be ******”
so sure taking care of it was what he planned.
Two feet in,
love rolled out, seeking you like a bowling ball and you the pin.
You never stood a chance,
this love was a “Bad Romance”
but that song didn’t forewarn
that there was nothing like his scorn.
You wanted his ugly parts, but not this
for it was seeping into your every shared kiss.
But, take solace in this,
the fact that you’ll experience a bigger, real kind of bliss.
This pain will fade,
you’ll meet someone who doesn’t use his words as a blade.
These wounds will heal,
and you’ll start to feel
new things; a new start
in this book of life, you’ll realize this hurt was just a small part.
Next time, a man’s fists won’t hurt, they’ll mend.
His words won’t aim to tear you down, but for you they’ll defend.
Your hair will be drenched, not from a fight in the rain, but from a shower shared.
Your mascara will be spared.
Your heart will stay steadily beating,
for this time his love won’t be fleeting.
It’ll be with him, that ship will sail
and hand in hand you’ll both prevail.
So take a deep breath; exhale.
Use this knowledge to your avail.
Stop making excuses
for these healing and newly formed bruises.
Stop fighting him, and start fighting for YOU
it’s time for your beautiful beginning; for you to start anew.
Leave the hurt and the heavy weight on your shoulders behind
for even though this is only a poem you’ll find
that you now understand,
the risk that’s at hand.
Realize what you deserve,
show him that he’s not someone you serve.
Know your worth,
and know you’ve been destined for so much more than this since birth.

I don’t think you understand,
because I don’t, this wasn’t what I planned.
So I’m wondering how you can understand, when I don’t.
I won’t lose myself loving you, I won’t.
You’ve got me feeling too many different things,
got me contemplating cutting our tethered strings.
Falling in love has me tripping
over my own two feet? Maybe. All I know is I’m slipping
face first into this tangled mess
and now guilt eats at me as I slip from your arms half dressed
in the mornings when all I want is to escape,
wishing I was Wonder Woman with that red cape.
I slip away, but it hurts-
but I’ve seen it; my family, we’re cursed.
Concerning love, we’ve had no luck
I can’t lose you, so I’m labeling us a causal ****.
I hear you yelling now that you know my reasons,
promising our love could survive even the coldest season.
But how can he be so sure?
Doubts plague me as I slip toward his front door,
because love didn’t come with a brochure.
I hear you figuring aloud that I don’t love you enough.
You come to the conclusion,
“if this is how you feel, then I’ll set you free”
I got in my car, driving around till the clouds were dark and the clock said three.
Your words had been like knives,
but then I started thinking about my dad’s four wives.
My brain’s all jumbled,
it’s like there was one second left, I was on the one yard line, and I fumbled.
Is the risk worth it?
Could my heart even take the hit?
When I got home, in the dark I saw you standing
my heart was demanding
that I make my way over to you
but my brain said these feelings needed to be subdued.
I heard you say “I love you too much to set you free”
It was then when I looked in your eyes, love was all I could truly see.
My scalp tingled in realization,
as I floated toward you with some type of natural gravitation.
My heart had already taken the risk, without permission
and that’s when I mumbled my belated admission;
“I love you too and I’ll take my chances,”
My brain finally conceded to your romantic advances.
But really, truth was, I’d been under an illusion
because our love had always been a foregone conclusion.

Well of course it’s dangerous,
they certainly promise it won’t be painless.
You’ll break, and crumble,
all your words will get jumbled.
Curious?
It can twist you in knots,
all while you’re still trying to connect the dots.
Hell, the happy ending isn’t even promised
and this is me being honest.
Curiouser?
There’s no way to prepare,
it’s only way is to ensnare.
But you’ll be okay with that trap,
you’ll still be trying to understand its map.
Figure it out?
This crazy thing we call love,
it’s the most twisted game you can think of.

The crowded room makes it hard to breathe
my mind keeps spinning, what do you have up your sleeve?
I want to trust you, I want to be good enough
but with each day that passes, I’m starting to feel like it’s all a bluff.
There’s no space between us,
I can feel when we move, just how our bodies touch.
Yet we’ve never been father apart
but it wasn’t like this at the start.
How can souls, once so intertwined, drift so far?
You played each and every one of my strings, just like a guitar.
I’m twisted up, wrung out, drained to the core.
How many shots can I take before I bleed out on the floor?
It wasn’t supposed to be like this,
and I can’t help but reminisce.
When it is time to let go?
And how am I supposed to know?
This distance is tearing me apart,
I need a shock to kick-start my heart.
Where is it I’m supposed to be?
Anywhere that doesn’t involve you and me.
Our souls have been separated, and now our bodies follow.
I’m starting to understand, even though it was a tough pill to swallow.
There’s a light beyond you,
and I promise I’m going to see it through.

We were easy,
that’s something I remember.
It’s buried under the freshest memories,
memories that can’t be cured with medical remedies.
The rain felt like hail,
your words felt like bullets.
Nothing about that night was easy,
I remember feeling queasy.
It was such a contrast,
soft spoken words of love seemed to be a thing of the past.
We were easy,
that’s something I remember.
Being together was freeing,
lust, love, I guess I mixed up what I was seeing.
I thought we fit,
now it seems your personality’s seen a split.
Did you ever love me,
or was that another hopeless and fake decree?
We were so easy,
so what changed, and why didn’t I see?

Easy come, easy go
it hurts a bit more than a stubbed toe.
The hurt means I cared,
but I can't let getting hurt make me scared.
I have to believe
even if you all will call me naive,
that not everyone will leave
even if the notion, right now, is hard to conceive.
Easy come, easy go
you packed up and left, it was the end of our show.
But it's not the end of mine.
For one day, all my stars will align.
Everything will fall into place,
I won't have lies told straight to my face.
Easy come, easy go...
From this hurt, I know I'll grow.

I thought you’d be easy to forget,
but I still haven’t accomplished it yet.
See, the cigarette smoke didn’t flush you from my lungs,
like I hoped it would
because it seemed you were a part of every breath I took.
You had consumed every part of me,
and the alcohol didn’t wipe your name from my memory.
I wanted so desperately to forget; I still do
because the days are becoming harder to get through.
I wanted the burn of the alcohol that settled in my throat,
to form a protective coat
so that anytime I said your name,
all I remembered was that you were to blame.
I want your name to only remind me of the bad memories
because I’m slowly losing what’s left of me.
I wanted something so different for us,
but I didn’t account on you breaking my trust.
So now I’m desperately trying to forget,
the good, the bad, the moments I did nothing but fret;
about you, me, us
and what was supposed to be unbreakable trust.
For now I’ll keep looking for something that’ll work,
something that will temporarily numb the hurt.

My chest weighted by a million pounds,
my ears crammed with a million sounds.
There’s so much to take in,
so much to be seen.
There’s half a million sides of me.
I want you to know,
every little piece of me.
But, it’s hard to expose
the parts of me unknown,
to even me.
I’ve got secrets, and cracks,
I’ve hidden my face behind millions of masks.
For the first time, I want to be seen
by you,
and the half a million sides of me,
finally agree.

I can still feel you,
how our bodies stuck together like glue
and the sun came up, but we hadn’t slept
we were laughing, looking so very unkempt.
We’d been lost in each other,
sparked a fire that neither of us could smother.
Our minds connected too,
reminiscing on all we had commonly gone through.
But it’s starting to feel like an illusion
your memories feeling more like an intrusion.
You were gone before I could blink,
now I’m asking the bartender for a strong drink.
A whirlwind romance?
No, that means you had to of given us a chance.
But that’s not possible because you left
taking my heart with, but I’m not calling it theft.
I gave it willingly, I’m not sure when
maybe when you fixed my hair with that old bobby pin,
or when I woke up next to you, and the sleep was still in your eyes,
possibly maybe when you held me through my cries.
At some point I tucked my heart away in your hand,
under the impression that staying was what you planned.
I can’t find it in myself to hate you, but I am nostalgic
because baby our love was magic.
Or maybe it’s because I can’t erase the feel of you,
and as I stare at a picture of us, I’m not even quite sure I want to.

I remember it, like the back of my hand.
You walked towards me and I stood, sweaty palms intact.
You started talking and I swear I couldn’t breathe.
And worse off, you'd only said Hi to me..
I didn't know where to go from there
I'd dropped my books in the hall,
your fingertips brushed my hand
I didn't understand.
Why help me?
You have places to go, people to see.
So why'd you stop to help me.
You didn’t stop there,
you stopped me in the hall, asking for the class notes.
Little did I know you started building my hopes.
The trips to my house, the late night talks...
I couldn’t pinpoint what made me fall,
in my mind you had it all.
The tricks of the trade spun differently for you,
you have this thing about all the things you do.
You did it for me right?
Wrong.
You did it for her.
I was blindsided,
I never saw it coming, but it snuck up quick.
Like a predator chasing its prey, I never stood a chance.
You wanted me, to get to her.
Did you see us together all the time?
Is that how the plan unfolded in your mind?
You knew were inseparable,
Sisters connected at the hip.
You took a crash course on crashing,
Taking my best friend from right under me.
I didn’t see it coming, so can we go back?
Can I get a redo?
Cause now all I feel is hate with every little thing you do.
I wouldn’t of let my palms sweat, my heart race.
I wouldn’t have kept pace with my feelings.
My books would have stayed spread out on the floor,
When you came to see me at home, I would have shut the door.
Those notes would have stayed in my binder
the ignore button would have served as my reminder.
My blushes wouldn’t have reacted,
and my hand would have retracted.
My eyes would have wandered,
that ‘hi’ wouldn’t have left my lips.
I would have kept walking,
and I wouldn’t be left like this.

Momma once told me,
of a type of love not everyone gets to see.
But the way she described it
didn’t quite fit,
those fairy-tales and storybooks
because she described it as some type of crook
that took without you realizing
in the midst of your fanaticizing.
She described it as a hurricane,
the intensity, breathtaking beauty, the danger,
how it’ll change you, until you yourself are a stranger.
But it is beautiful,
that’s irrefutable.
Yet, I was still confused,
at how not everyone got this, was it really just a ruse?
My mother simply stared, looking quite bemused.
She said, “Most people are afraid, afraid to let themselves go”
Which at first confused me, for where would they go? But now I know.
It’s dangerous because it can destroy you,
you’re supplied a front row seat to something that could **** you.
And suddenly, the hurricane made sense,
this type of love is way beyond intense.
But, I’m running toward it with reckless abandon,
searching for my reckless companion.
My mother was right,
it’s such a beautiful sight.
But something she didn’t tell of, is this after peace
that the craziness does cease
and if you survive, lucky enough to be revived
you know without this type of love, you’re nothing but deprived.

Our generation has become so use to temporary feelings, things and people
we aren’t surprised when there isn’t a sequel.
But it’s sad really, how accustomed we’ve become,
detachment has become a rule of thumb.
I don’t want temporary feelings, things or people,
I want to be surrounded by loved ones when I’m standing in that cathedral.
I want forever, like in the storybooks
but it doesn’t have to be a fairytale like with Peter Pan and Hook.
I just want something real,
something that in the depths of my soul, I can feel.
Someone through thick and thin,
there for me when I lose, and when I win.
It won’t be perfect, and definitely not easy
but we’ll have each other, that’s the dose of 'cheesy.'
Our generation is use to temporary feelings, things and people
they don’t expect a sequel.
They’ve come to expect everything to end,
the idea of temporary is the new trend.
And it’s really sad to see,
this generation missing out on so much that could be.

I’ve been on the run
and I think you’ve known.
I can’t stop this fear,
I’m caught in the headlights like a deer.
I’m back and forth,
you’re south while I seem to be north.
Polar opposites?
Those attract, don’t they?
Or am I making up excuses for me to stay?
See, I’m not quite sure anymore,
it’s always been that I’ve had one foot out the door,
ready to run
with no worries under the sun.
But now there’s you,
and I’m actually contemplating what to do.
Our love is like a hurricane; damaging, epic, and beautiful.
And when I’m with you, it’s something so youthful.
Now the fear’s dissipating,
and what’s next is what I’m anticipating.
For the first time there’s promise,
even though our relationship is the furthest thing from flawless.
I’m still running, but I’m not running away,
I’m running to you and the journey is already underway.
You’ve changed me for the better, and I can’t disagree,
I love the thought of a forever with you and me.

Self-love;
it’s such a concept
and there’s no time for this nonsense
from society, blabbing on about what size we should be.
Open up a book,
society’s view on how we should look,
has changed so much
but feel the contours of your own body under your touch.
You’re beautiful.
We want so badly so be accepted,
and in that we’re all connected.
But this image of beauty keeps shrinking,
And it’s got me thinking,
if we just accept each other
we could get rid of these stereotypes that smother
our uniqueness, and know our differences
aren’t our weakness, but our strength.
It’s in our power,
to take charge and not cower
at the harsh words of society
and all their notoriety.
Love how you look,
and close society’s picture book.

At the end of the road,
There’s someone staring back at me.
I see it, and it looks like me.
But, it can’t be me.
Her hair untamed,
like a lions mane
her eyes don’t shine,
and I feel to blame.
Her heart lays broken,
on the floor in front of me.
She can’t be me,
I can’t be her.
I want her to get herself up off the floor.
Her cheeks are sullen,
Eyes are grey,
and I wonder what made her this way.
But I’m here, and I’m happy.
I feel she’s my future, or maybe she’s my past.
It’s hard to tell when you’ve been down so many paths.
I hope and I pray
these demons get taken away.
I can’t be her,
She can’t be me.

Raw;
I want you to see my flaws.
It’s crazy, right?
When my skin’s bare, caught in your stare, I don’t want to take flight.
You need to see me, the real me
and not want to flee
because then I’ll know it’s real-
that there’s truth in what I feel.
Your hands caress me,
and soon I’m lost at sea-
No, I’m lost in ecstasy.
Your fingers tip-toe down my side,
leaving a trail of fire, from which I cannot hide.
Your name, lodged in my throat...
losing touch with reality, I’m trying to stay afloat.
Can you handle it?
Can you put up with my ****?
When the alcohol’s taken over
will you become rare to find, like a four-leaf clover?
Because it’s the alcohol that’ll show the deep parts of me,
along with when I’m tired, and it’s half past three,
you’ll get to know parts of me nobody else gets to see.
I’ll hand my secrets to you with one quiet plea,
“Keep them safe” and then with your promise I’ll feel free.
Until I wake, then it won’t be pretty,
you’ll get to see the nitty-gritty.
So can you put up with all of me?
Or do you want to flee?
I want you to see me raw,
because you’re slowly getting my defenses to thaw
and I need to be ready,
be able to get my heart to steady.
You’re a tidal wave,
one look, defenses down, and I know from then it’ll be you I crave.
But you need to be sure,
that what you’re feeling is pure.
So see me at my weakest,
and when I’m at my bleakest.
See me when I’m vulnerable with sleep,
and when all I can do is weep.
See me while I’m at my meanest,
and especially when I’m at my sweetest.
Know in your heart this is what you want,
and I’ll stand beside you, trying to seem nonchalant.
But when I know,
we’ll make sure to take it slow.
Every inch of me you’ll have memorized
and we’ll only stop when we need to re-energize.
The contours of your body will become an extension of myself
and we’ll be beside ourselves.
This love will be long,
and incredibly strong.
But you’ve got to be sure,
because once I have my taste, there will be no cure.

My problem is that I give.
I give until I have nothing left,
and then when I’m a fraction of myself,
I wonder why this is.
My problem is that I love.
I love without so much as a thought
of being loved back, and then when
they don’t love me back, I’m heartbroken.
They teach you about drugs;
pills, powder, injections.
They teach you about alcohol,
and its addiction.
But they didn’t teach me about that need,
inside of me to fit in, to be seen.
They didn’t tell me it’d chew me up,
and spit me out.
See, they didn’t tell me about love,
or giving until you have nothing left
in hopes of fitting in, in hopes
of feeling something so magical
it’s like you’re drowning.
So I gave until there was nothing left,
and they took without so much as a thought about their theft.
And I loved, loved until I thought I’d run out,
wasting it on people who didn’t care or deserve it.
That’s my problem.

Time flies, that’s what they say right?
But the alcohol still has its bite
and the drugs still have their haze
I’m walking hour to hour in a daze,
of what could have been,
should have been,
and would have been.
I’ve started drinking straight gin,
no time for the tonic, but we were toxic.
Maybe that’s why I like it, I take another swing and tell the movers ‘box it.’
How’s this the right thing,
when I’m still hurting and it’s spring.
The drinks no longer numb me,
I just want to feel free
but I don’t know how to move on,
at the end of the day I’m drunk, and you’re still gone.
Whiskey reminds me of you,
its burn is welcomed, right on cue.
I’m latching onto the bottle, wishing this wouldn’t be so hard to swallow.
I’m tired of you making me feel so hollow.
So I’m starting to play your favorite game of pretend,
telling myself that everything will be okay in the end.

We want to love and be loved.
Take a step toward the edge and be shoved
into the abyss, with no direction
palms up, heavy heart a beating, up for inspection.
Is it enough? Is love enough?
Will it survive if we both storm off in a huff
of annoyance because we just can’t take it;
real question is, can our hearts take the hit?
Cause we’re gonna hurt each other,
but it is after the rain you get to see the rainbow’s beautiful colors.
So when our hearts are breaking,
and our legs seem to be quaking
with every step we take,
will we give up and hit the brakes?
We want to love and be loved,
take a step toward the edge and be shoved.
This love’s unpredictable,
farthest thing from typical.
We don’t complete one another, we complement each other.
Each day something new about one another we discover.
Before you my heart had bled,
its old fears it had to shed,
to be born new,
to be able to take this chance on you.

It’s not the type of ugly, like the bruise on your arm.
It’s the type of ugly is meant to disarm.
It’s brutal, and gut wrenching, and it hurts.
It makes you feel as though you’re constantly trying to avert.
It’ll make you feel numb,
until you’re don’t even recognize who you’ve become.
Once you’ve experienced this ugly, it takes over your life,
reminding you constantly of your strife.
Your failures seem to look you in the face,
with every step forward you seem to take.
It’s got you questioning if you’re taking two steps forward, or back,
it’s got your calm, unaffected, beautiful façade about to crack.
Once you’ve experienced this type of ugly, it’s hard to believe you deserve the beauty
and you start to come off as snooty.
Once you’ve experienced this type of ugly, you’ll think there’s no going back,
that the past will never just be in the past,
but in your future too
stealing your happiness, ruining the true you.
Once you’ve experienced it, everything takes a backseat
even when you want something so bad you can hardly speak.
Once you’ve experienced it, and let yourself suffer,
you have to decide if a second time around is worth it, knowing it’ll be tougher.
You have to see that somehow, when you accept it,
the good times make the bad memories fleeting, even though it’s hard to admit.
This type of ugly will ruin you, but only if you continue to let it.
So fight, because if you’ve experienced this ugly, you’ve already taken the worst hit.
Let yourself believe,
there’s more than just an ugly side, don’t continue to misconceive.
When push comes to shove,
you have to fight to see past the ugly side of love.

They warned me,
saw, past the façade, what I couldn’t see.
“He loves, and leaves them”
Picks off the pedals until they’re nothing but the stem.
A fraction of what they could be,
broken down, sobbing on their knees.
But, I was blinded, I wouldn’t listen
my heart at risk, and he was on a mission.
They’d always warned me about the guys to avoid
bad boys, non-committers, the fixer uppers that’d leave me destroyed.
But what about the blue-eyed, charismatic man?
Why wasn’t he in any of their curriculum plans?
Chiseled face, a wicked smile,
words that managed to cover up anything vile.
They warned me
coming to truly see him, since I was unable to see.
He wasn’t like the others, that you’d obviously stay clear of
No, he oozed confidence and the ability to love.
I wish he’d worn a flashing sign that would have warned me off,
stopped me before he turned me so soft.
So be aware of those, even those with a pretty face
if you’re not careful it’s your heart they’ll run off with, leaving no trace.

I think that’s the painful part,
remembering our start.
The innocence,
the uncontained bliss,
it’s such a contrast to now
and I’m still stuck wondering how.
How that chapter of my life is closed,
how is it that we’ve become opposed?
I think I believed we were indestructible,
that our relationship wasn’t corruptible.
It hurts most when I think about it, about us
and all the things we said in unshakeable trust.
Those words float now,
detached, but unforgettable somehow.
I keep asking, why?
For when we were together we aimed for the sky.
Here in the now, it’s much different.
I no longer have the ability to call you up in an instant.
We’ve grown apart,
strayed so much from our start.
We’ve grown up, but part of me is still fighting for what we had
and I know I need to stop because I laugh, but the disconnect makes me sad.
I can’t say I want to forget you, forget us
because you were somebody who had my trust
but things have changed
and we’ve become estranged.
I wish it were different, I don’t think you understand how much
but somehow I’ve benefited, for now I’m my own crutch.
So the goodbye is bittersweet.
I know a part of me, in some aspect, will always be incomplete
for a bond there was severed,
but I do wish you luck with your future endeavors.
I harbor no ill will,
and we’ll meet again on some rainy day, accepting a passing fill.
But we’ll know the truth,
we’ll share a smile that holds a million memories from our youth
and that’s what I’ll come to appreciate,
I’ll carry those wonderful memories even if we don’t affiliate.
We grow up, we change
the future isn’t something we can arrange.
We can only realize our choices,
and follow through on this voyage.
It’s messy, and beautiful, and can hurt like hell
but on the bad things we can’t dwell.
So the memories I’ll keep,
locked away, just for the rainy day when I see you on the street.

The sky was lit with fireworks,
subtly laying the groundwork.
Our wandering eyes met,
and I swear I heard a string-quartet.
The childish blush that overcame my cheeks,
seemed to appear in hot, red streaks.
You walked nearer and my eyes twinkled with anticipation,
thinking you were to make some grand declaration,
of our feelings that needed exploring,
see, it felt like my heart was soaring.
I didn’t realize that in the drink you were pouring,
was what would ruin everything for me.
My voice was lost so quickly you see,
because you seemed to know little ol’ me.
It wasn’t until it set in,
the walls seemed to move from where they had been.
My mind was clouded in the darkness,
and now I’m thinking, "how could you be so heartless?"
But not like the song,
no, nothing about us was like music, easy and flowing.
You took from me, what wasn’t yours to take,
I’d been a blank slate,
but by then your wandering eyes,
had looked like they’d won a prize.
We didn’t fit together like puzzle pieces,
I still remember how my dress had creases.
The next morning was worse,
it was then I watched my trust in men ride off in a hearse.
The pools of blue that once intrigued me,
resurrect within what seems to be a raging sea
of emotions, that I cannot suppress
and it’s you that got me into this mess.
I’d been in love with you since I was sixteen,
something that now seems so obscene.
So at eighteen, I thought you’d finally seen me,
but now you’ve seen more of me than need be.
That bet you made with your friends,
left me with a darkness that descends,
especially when I sleep,
leaving me to feel like a black sheep.
But, as time has passed,
within me there’s been a huge contrast.
I will not be a ‘victim’ anymore,
and someday I’ll feel my heart soar.
I’ll experience another fleeting glance,
and one day, I’ll give love a second chance.

I left my pen in my desk,
I buried my feelings deep in my chest.
The words had been lost
and now they’re back, my heart the cost.
I realized what pen and paper meant to me
they cleared up the muddled feelings so I could see.
But now I wish I’d seen you,
they didn’t warn me about what you could do.
I guess it’s good to know now,
so my heart didn’t get invested, only to take its last bow.
Friends.
You said you were different
filled my head with make-believe until I wasn’t coherent.
See, I neatly played my house of cards,
and when it fell, windows broke, and I tried to pick up the shards.
Bare Hands. Bloodied. Tired.
I wish I could take back all the actions that transpired.
Can we pretend?
Before, when this wasn’t a dead end.
Because I didn’t love you, but I cared
and you knew all my feelings, they lay bared.
“I won’t leave.”
You actually got me to believe.
That’s when you pulled away,
now I feel like ripped jeans; I’m frayed.
Not broken, but bruised
you left me beyond confused.
But, I’ve got my pen and paper
and my feelings, as I write, turn to vapor.
If you need to leave; go.
The hurt means I’ll grow.