I like to think of myself as a ghost.
It makes me feel less alone.

I just locked myself in a bathroom stall during our school break and cried, listening to 'Michael In The Bathroom' on repeat.

I don't think I'm okay anymore

**** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die **** **** **** **** **** **** me please **** **** i wanna die ****

I miss you a little bit every day.

You make me feel lovesick.


everything seems so cliché when you haven't felt it yet




i miss you
it ******* *****

but what hurts the most is knowing that you don't miss me anymore



calling would be pointless now




i'm never getting you back,
no matter how ******* much i want that.


it's not like these stupid poems are gonna help.





so here, because you still deserve it.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. For whatever I did to you.


i know it won't make things the way they used to be but i hope that it can at least be alright




i'm waiting for ya

This is my 500th poem here.
I really am a hopeless romantic.

everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest
It might've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you're here
They don't deserve you"
I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter
It could've been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't wanna let anybody know
'Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don't wanna let 'em down
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you're here
They don't deserve you"
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?

I can't convey my feelings to paper
or a computer


                                                      I hide in song lyrics

Big Empty - Stone Temple Pilots

Driving faster in my car
Falling farther from just what we are
Smoke a cigarette and lie some more
These conversations ****
Falling faster in my car

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Too much walking shoes worn thin
Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin
Time to catch her ride it leaves today
Her name is what it means
Too much walking shoe worn thin
Time to take her home
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation

Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

******* broken hearts - Billie Eilish

You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
What is it you want?
You can lie but I know that you're not fine (oh yeah)
Every time you talk
You talk 'bout me but you swear I'm not on your mind
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Everybody knows
You and I are suicidal stolen art (oh yeah)
Pretty moments sews
Stitches into all your ******* broken hearts
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort you
Like you want me to
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort me
Like you never do
Every now and then it hits me
That I'm the one that got away
But I guess being lonely fits me
And you were made for begging, stay

Somebody that I used to know - Ables

"I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so wrong. Guessing I don't need that though, now you're just somebody that I used to know."

I love you,
I promise.

I really do


Remember that, okay?



Whatever you'll hear about me






Just remember

Thank you.
I'd be lost without y'all

I'm in love with my car - Queen

Oh
The machine of a dream, such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam
When I'm holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
With my hand on your grease gun
Mmm, it's like a disease, son
I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer roll bar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal
Told my girl I'll have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks saying this is the end, now
Cars don't talk back they're just four wheeled friends now
When I'm holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When I'm cruisin' in overdrive
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive
I'm in love with my car (love with my car), gotta feel for my automobile
I'm in love with my car (love with my car), string back gloves in my automolove

listen before i go - Billie Eilish

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do
If you need me, wanna see me
Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me, déjà vu
If you need me, wanna see me
You better hurry, I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now (sorry)
Sorry I don't know how (sorry)
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

I had a good day. Some bad things happened, but I'm fine. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay.





You
Are
Fine

Dear G,
It's becomming harder and harder to express my feelings, especially about/to you. I hope that the poems I recently posted are enough. Enough for just one sign. Nothing even has to happen. I don't even know what I want to know or hear. God, I'm really ******* helpless. I'm sorry. You deserve a good letter, from a normal person. One that has a poper end. I'm a mess, I'm sorry.
Sincerely, yours
Lillie

It's a weird kind of lonely I'm feeling.
Like I'm hugged by a dark emptiness, not your arms.

You keep asking me to be more honest, reveal more. You're stripping me down, piece by piece, but the thing is; I'm already naked. You're just hopelessly tearing off my skin because you so desperatly wanna find something that isn't there. I must say that I feel sorry for you. Forcing me to be so honest sometimes just forces me to lie more. At least you tried.

Ah yes,
A new year to completely **** up.
I promised myself I wouldn't drink the next half decade.
I failed within the first three minutes
Happy new year

The last day of the decade in which I grew up.
Funny. Every year felt like a decade itself.

Solo - Clean Bandit

This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I never meant to leave you hurtin'
I never meant to do the worst thing
Not to you (this solo, solo, everybody)
'Cause every time I read your message
I wish I wasn't one of your exes
Now I'm the fool (this solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
Every single night I lose it
I can't even hear the music without you (it solo, solo, everybody)
Ah, yeah, yeah
Try to stop myself from calling
But I really wanna know if you're with someone new (it solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So do it solo
Can't do it solo
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own (here on my own)
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
So I do it solo

I'm sorry guys,
My internet failed hellopoetry
I'll post the missing notes today

I'm supposed to be healthy.

I work out daily,
My eating habits are normal,
I'm physically healthy,
My grades can be fixed,
My mental health is becomming better,
I'm in a loving, non-toxic relationship,
The connection to my family is alright,
I'm close with my friends.
I have a lot of hobby's and interests
I don't feel empty most of the time.

Why, Why, Do I Not Feel Okay?

Dear G,

It's been a while since we last talked, although we've been messaging indirectly (like this) somehow. That's better than nothing, but still. Knowing that you remember me feels good, since I haven't passed a single day without thinking of you. At least I'm not invisible to you. Like I've said to myself to many times; Letting you go was one of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. It was my own mistake, and I'm sorry.
I can't explain why I left you (yet. someday I will) but I hope that that doesn't stop you from being amazing at what you're doing.
I think that the thing that hurts the most, is not knowing how you're actually doing. The only way I ever hear something from you is stuff on HelloPoetry and via anime memes on your instagram story. Looking at the poems you posted, you're doing better. I don't know if I should be happy or not with that. I probably should, I want you to be happy.
I'm not begging you to get back with me, be friends again or even talk to me. (There would be to much to discuss anyways) Hell, I'd never wanna see myself again. But still,  nothing ventured, nothing gained. Maybe, when you're ready, if you ever will be, or already are, consider it. Consider reviving what we had.

Sincerely, yours

Lillie

Force yourself upon me
Push me down with all your strength
Let me be your prisoner

Lock me down and hold me still
Silence me against my own will

Tie me to your bedframe and we can play together for hours

Love my body the way you love my mind
Don't be tender,   don't be shy      (we're all gonna die)


If you can be so toxic to mind
Why aren't you like that   in real life?

Force your way into my body
No matter how bad you'll hurt me
If this means I get to hold you
I just want to taste you,  can't  you  see?

Take me,
Taste me,
Hold me hostage

Throw the dice, dear.
Before your time is up

before
               I
                    lose
                               my
                                        patience

Graciously flies the butterfly
Through the morning sun and night
She picks the prettiest flowers in the field
With a touch so soft and light

Silently flies the butterfly
All across the garden
She keeps the flowers safe all day
She is their gatekeeper, their warden

Softly flies the butterfly
Tenderly she touches every flower
She'll never be tired of her company
She loves them every minute, every hour

Carelessly lands the butterfly
Right there on my shoulder
She looks at me as if to say;
"Don't ever grow older."

I'm a sucker for your poetry.
Maybe that's because it's the only way you're still in my life.
It went downhill after I left ya.
I don't even have your number anymore,
But you know me. It's engraved in my memory. My courage isn't though. I need to look for that first.

P.S. The picture is ugly and I love it.

》It's been three months, and I still don't know your name.

If you wanna know,
There's still a picture of you in my room.
I just always tell people it's because my best friend is on it too.
Little do they know.

I still keep waiting every day
For one of your poems to appear,
Because that's all I have left of you now.

Just because it didn't last forever,
Doesn't mean it was a mistake.

Dear G,

I'm sorry. That's all there is to it. I wrote maybe a hundred sentences, but honestly? That's just *******. I tried to tell you in many ways, and here's another try.
I really am sorry.

Sincerely, yours
Lillie

It's the last day of school today.
I saw you walking in the hallway,
And you gave me a quick kiss.
The world really doesn't like us together,
Does it?
But I now know what I want this year,
The only christmas present I'll need.
I think I'll wish for you this time,
And pray that the world will let you keep being mine.

My apologies, for not writing the way I used to. I've said it a lot, but still. Writing changed me as a person, and a big part of my life. Yet, I can't find the strength to write anymore. I'm sorry for that. I try to keep up with everything at a pace that's not too slow to fall behind, but not fast. It's just not working out. I need to figue stuff out and find inspiration. When I had to do that, writing was my escape, now it's a burden. I want to keep writing, but it's getting a little harder every day. This is not a goodbye. Hopefully y'all understand it a bit better now. I'll try my best.
Sincerely, GSG

Not today

Every time I see you
I spark up a little
And I'm really not supposed to

I can't miss you
Cause we haven't been together
But somehow, I still do

I wanna love you a bit more every day
And it's quite a killer,
Knowing that you don't wanna stay

I want you, you don't want me
That's the way things are
And how they'll always be.

Not telling you is fine,
I've dealt with that for ages.
But I still want you to be mine.

I'm suprised you still don't know by now.
That you don't see that I want you.
So I have to ask you one question; How?

"Write a poem about snakes because they're adorable boopers"

sneaky snek
looking for maus
i see snek
i boop

{Hope you're happy now}

"Write one about our French teacher"

Oui oui bonjour
Like I care about your class
I'm really not interested in French
Oh, this period is finished, alas!

I asked my friends for inspiration and here's what I got...

"Ukuleles zijn kut"

"*****"

"Ukuleles zijn vals"

For the first time in a while
I felt comfortable with me
And I could show my true identity
So that everyone could see

e5tsregcvsdfrthacsdhg bgfnmvs dgetdfn,sdfccvhnwcgncrhnhnwbwtghwdfhvnovnkvnkevnksnksegnkseniwdfe­vn lhtmeu4xqp8

My diary is in "crypted."
Every letter is a different sign.
I guess I don't want anyone to read my diary
I want to keep telling them I'm fine.

I wanted to draw what dissociating felt like
But there still was an empty paper

Study
Study
Study
Eat
Sleep
LEAVE

For everyone who needs it. Y'all better take care of yourselves, I love you.

First thing, If you think you're going to self-harm, make sure that there are people around. Meet up with a friend, walk around town, go to a shop, or even just go into the living room with your family. If you're not alone, you can't self-harm. You can also call a friend, whatever it takes to not be alone.

Second, listen to some music, watch a movie. Silence is a killer. Put on some relaxing piano music if you're having a kind of anxiety attack. If you're not being that anxious, maybe listen to some of your favorite (upbeat, happy) songs. You don't even have to sing along.

Smiling. Smiling, even forced, actually makes you feel better. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you look beautiful, that your smile is great, and give yourself some compliments. Even a little. Just, smile?

Writing it down helps too. Even if it's stupid. Just, write down whatever. Not just your feelings, but things like jokes, happy song lyrics, something nice someone said to you, whatever.

If you have an instrument, play it. Just, pluck the chords or smash some random keys. Same with drawing, you don't have to be good at it, just draw. You have to be busy, and actually do things physically.

Working out could help too. You'll be fit, and you'll feel better.

Draw/paint/write on the place you want to harm. Make happy stuff there, so you'll be reminded of good things.

Analyze movies, songs, beats, behaviour of people on soaps, whatever.

Do chores. Another "keep busy" thing, but it works. Your house/room will be clean, which will make you feel better. If you can't clean, just organize something.

Make yourself some food or a nice drink.
Focus on different things.
(Or message me of course)

If you really can't resist the urge;
You can shoot an elastic band at your arm or rub paper against your skin.

If you eventually end up harming yourself with scissors, a knife, razor blades, whatever. MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN. I can't stress it enough. If you decide to self-harm, you don't want it to infect.

What NOT to do;
- Shower. (You'll see all the places you wanna harm, there are razor blades around and sitting in the shower for too long will make you feel sad)
-Listen to sad songs. (They'll make you feel worse)
-Lie down. (If you're active, you're more likely to be happy. Don't lie down. You'll sink down, mentally and physically. Even if you just stand up and walk around the house that'll make you feel better)