Sharp pain side splitting,
harsh words hard hitting.
Sleepless nights, endless fights.
Try as I might the pain remains inside...

Unidentified, but never left,
uncomfortability felt with each breath.
Unbearable days and unimaginable nights,
Take the pain away and turn off the lights.

Heavy breath, wheezing tight chest,
freezing and cold sweats,
feeling so close to death,
Paracetamol,
paranoid to eat them all.

Are you disappointed?
That our dislocated touch
still
lingers,
In buildings now dilapidated,
Days seen better,
Pupils dilated in dire straights.
Are you frustrated?
Our genetic make up,
Ran away
d
o
w
n
your
pretty
face,
laced with love -
but deflated.
To reveal pale skin,
Rivers of mascara flow,
Eyelash flickered like wings,
And flew into destructive mushrooms clouds en passé.
We must move,  
Fast;
To survive the dynamites blast.
Let me demonstrate this,
Now;
Do you still see stars in my eyes?
Is it constellations,
Or conversations behind turned backs you wish to have?
Out of order,
To betray with sharp knifes in spines,
In spite of the time we spent
Fermenting like fine wine.
Are you still mine?
Or just disappointed?

I'm just pointing out the obvious,

In an ominous motion we
burnt
out
like
shooting
stars

alas

We made it this far,
You
whispered
into
the space i used to take up in your heart.

I want everything from you,
You want nothing from me.

I want you to be free,
From me.

But I'm imprisoned by who you used to be.

Now I'm left with nothing but what I used to see.

Blinded by the reality,

The clarity is the hardest thing.

Once upon a time
You opened my mind
With ****** inter course.
Now your so deep into your flaws,
Your closed.
For refurbishment,
You heard my thoughts.
I miss you.
These issues are beyond the metaphors
Of what's mine and yours.
Behind closed doors,
I think of you
When you dismiss me so easily,
Whilst I think about how it used to be.
Buts that's a memory
And reality is mystery.
I don't know why you don't want me anymore.

I stay true.
I'll always stay true.

And hopefully,
We can be what we used to,
Someday,
Sometimes
One day.

I held my breath and died

i see you in the Philippines.
east of the sunrising,
colliding with my thoughts.

Taught differently to me.
yet a breath of fresh air.

How you living over there?

Not like me,
i guess,
Wondering whats it like in Manila,
Sat here in London,

Were not far in mind,
but far in land.

Not far in skin colour either.
And we probably believe in different things.

My life embargoed.

Would we trade places?
I don’t know.

This one is for Paolo,

The crystal ball see’s the future;
Cristablo.

X

Last days hopeless,
myxomatosis

Ridden like a champion,
Diseased then deceased.

Rest in peace chief and the secrets you keep.

What lies beneath the surface seas is beneath me and beyond comprehension.

Did I forget to mention that I could see in the dark?

Rip your thesis part and take us back to the start.

A sharp dart, stupid, is all it takes Cupid to bring us together in cells and effect the brains nucleus.

But these bad habits won't change our tactics;
slapstick style remains in the temperance of saints and frustrates until we meet again...

Don't lose focus,
myoxmatosis.

The disease spreads like wildfire,
the wildfires spread like disease.

RIP please, just rest in peace.

It’s happening again,
initials on the fingertips,
names of ghosts on the tip of tongues,
the linch pin swan-song.

A mysterious blue,
frosty peaks,
melt to reveal a supernatural guise,
small time news,
spreads like wildfire
through the forest of honesty,
respectability nowadays,
is a foreign policy.

Underneath the layers,
and the lawyers suits.
Hide shadows in the caverns,
a melodramatic pattern,
good men and bad men,
shatter in a symbolic surrealist twist.

Blink and miss it,
the patter of the birds sing,
a quirky beginning and a murky ending.

Who knows what the day brings.
Who knows what the day brings.

I tried a hundred times,
and a thousand times more,
but why?
To become the master,
I had to fail,
more times,
than the beginner is yet to try.

Teardrop

Your not the one one to stay awake until the anxiety goes away,

Those teardrops fall like raindrops down the side of your contoured face.

Out of this world so vividly,
Watching the rain become the sea.

Opinions divided like rivers estuary,
That's where we meet,
And leave our legacy.

Sometimes it easier to let go and breath,
Than to carry on and bleed
Out.

But those tears
still
fall
like
snowflakes,
Melting my heart and changing the landscape of our lives.

Contours, contours,
Mountains divide us,
The sheer drop petrified me,
But I still want more than those tears,
A range of emotion and silent devotion,
To you and you alone.

At my highest peak
Teardrop.
Another drop of tears fall down your cheeks,
That's for your fears my dear.

Or maybe,
Just maybe,
it's just me.

The snowball effect,
Connects four snowflakes,
A ballerinas tiptoes evades footsteps
On the game board,
A perfect pirouette.
The overtures prologue,
Mother tongues twisted in specific syllables,
To emphasise the divide in culture,
the closeness of nature.
The bubble in a spirit level bursts
And disrupts the axis of the world as we know it.
An Easter egg made of woven hope.
Sweet and septic,
A dangerous connection.
There's electricity in the thunder clouds,
A storms reform,
No prisoners in the matterhorns scorn.
But we must climb to reach the pinnacle of desire,
and grab the bull by its horns.
Torn between the torqiunet,
That restricts our true colours,
The blood seeps through like the Matadors tools.
Only fools would make light of those we share the earth with,
Ma whirlwind changes the landscape,
It can never be the same.
Underneath the terrain,
A lesson remains,
Statuesque,
In the mystery of history's gifts.

The last to leave
the ghetto standing,
the flames
came in waves.  

Wildfires,
light up
the night skies,
horizons
Are those fire flies?
the sounds of sirens?
charred ash
black,
or
the sound of silence?

The phoenix
&
rubble
conundrum.

The standard prose,
bloodstained clothes,
and holes,
where things used to go.

Those pieces don’t fit anymore,
a malleable man,
that couldn’t stand the heat.
a flash in the pan.

We’re slightly charred by the situation,
tarnished,
yet not quite burn’t.

The smoke
smells fresh
in the
green grass.

As the time,
passed.

They made the most of those fertile soils.
They spoiled the landscapes,
with mistakes made
for the price
of oil.

Just set me on fire and let me burn
with the earth.

juicy,

the truth is i’m weak diluted,
a student of a beautiful movement.
The devils advocate counting my blessings on a abacus.
You can count on me,
when things aren’t adding up.

With the midas touch,
everything I touched turns to closed.
A salesman in his heyday,
a maverick i’m told.
You can lean on me,
in rough times when the terrain is callous,
bold and strong inclined slant slides like font akin italics.

A jewel crest chalice and palace.
Redundant when alone and thirsty.
Touching thirty,
but goals and dreams still out of reach,
a whisper of wind still capable of causing a whirlwind.
You can use me as an example,
when you burn the candle at both ends,
blame me if it’s ample to repent you of those sins.

That tin man courage,
in abundance to your fears.
Even after all these years,
I question the validity of your tears.
But you can call on me,
when all you reach is the bleak reality of the answering tone,
To pick you up once again from the other side of the phone.


.
.
.
.
.
.








Please leave a message,
because nobodies home.

Carpet burns,
Multicoloured neck in a beautiful bruise,
Red raw knees,
My beautiful muse.
Caught up in your eyes,
The war is over.
Not about the price oil anymore,
Just baby oil all over your body and floor,
As we slip inside the eyes of our minds,
Sweat drips in couplets.
Shower time,
Your body sublime,
entwined in the fuckeries,
You been ducking me lately,
And I seen you in day dreams,
****.

I can still hear the echoes in the playground.
Round and round we go.
Kickstone and grass stained clothes,
The lampposts sundials, calls us home.

We could stay out until the sun goes down,
And even later if allowed,
Look at you now.
A shadow in the distance,

The big city called your name and you answered that call of fame,
Before you recognised the mistake you made.
What a fateful day that was,

My fragment of a friend

One day Dostoyevsk talked to me in dreams.
In my early teens, way before the time of my life.
A stripling adolescent,
misspent juvenile youth.
I sat on the roof of the bakery,
reading The Devils.
Over and over again,
until it started to make sense.

Before Kierkegaard,
I found life hard,
no meaning, no dreams came true.
Quantified in my mind,
applied to doctrinal differences I found within,
authenticating the delusions and disorientation of this absurd world we live in.

It all Sartre(d) with being and nothingness.
A cultural movement brought to public providence.
Ominously before I was born,
but I was still torn between being,
and nothingness,
like everyone else.
Distinguishing secular humanism,
rejecting pseudoscience,
apparently.

Now the Blade run’s across my skin.
Married to the cause,
with the force like Harrison,
can you appreciate the retort of
my existential crisis.
We could get lost in the Matrix,
in the “necessary absurdity of the human condition and the horror war”
Like Kubrick.

There’s beautiful new tricks I use to wake up each morning and go about my personal piece of silver screen.

The
Apathy
You
Feel
Will
Make
Fools
Of
Us
All

Mountains moved with thoughts
We stood still as the land shook
Handshakes won't break our cause
I see through those crimson gloves,
That velvet touch won't fool us all.

We move in crevasses,
We'll never fit into those confined environments
End it all, end it all before the earth rips us apart,
Craters remain where we once stood fingertips glanced, fleeting moments,
Give me one last chance.

We told them we were protected,
Projected on to those fallen walls,
Broken bricks and misplaced concrete tricks,
We're stronger than them all,

We told them we won't fall,
As we looked to the stars,
It was only then we realised our backs were perpendicular to the floor,
Alas, I couldn't wait there anymore - but for you I'd spent eternity beneath those dark clouds amongst strangers and go to war.

Again.

Could of been your fool,

It could of been me,
or it could of been you,
I never knew it then,
but I could of been your fool.

You had this attitude
that was pretty rude,
I pictured you in platitudes,
but the latitude cut right through
the altitude,
and you just slipped right through.

Now you long for the truth,
and
i’m,
just
long in the tooth,
who knew then, that,
if we didn't pretend,
then I,
could of been your fool.

Flying above you
where the air is thin,
there in;
I cast the final sin.
Simply defined,
it looks like you win,
again,
&

I’ll always be your fool.

Serendipity

Circumstances of the unforgiving sea,
Breaks my foundations like a wave.
The sun is out for blood,
Yet we are deceived by the breeze.
Farewell faro, so long for now,
I'll see you again
Someway, somehow.
For now take me home,
There's changes to make,
The chip on my shoulder dislocated my mistakes.
I'll change no matter how long it takes,
And you're safe here with me
At peace
At least,
until the levees break x

Born to be mine,
Baby innate,
Borrowed in time,
I've made my mistakes.

Sleep in vicinity,
Pretty dreams,
I won't wake you from sleep,
Keep dreaming about me
And I'll keep thinking about you.

Goodnight butterfly,
Cocooned in my arms,
Released from your grip,
But not from your heart.

Good morning freefalling,
It's time to come round
What's the point in getting high,
If we never come down.

what you got in your pockets?

Reveal yourself with an object,
let the subtext talk in a million ways.
What you got hiding,
and what does it say?

What you
keep
close,
exposes
emotion.

Your devotion to the object chosen,
is outspoken in a delicate gaze.

Theres a million ways you can spend that minimum wage,
Or a rainy day,
is just a rain
drop away.

And you could save me from the cold with your ignorance.

And i could pickpocket your soul in the holes of  indifference.

But,
What’s the difference anyway.
Keep safe on your daily ways
keep safes, keeps the evil away;

I’ll keep you in my pocket until laundry day,
forget about you'
watching the world go round in bubbles and soap screens.

We got the same jeans (genes),
baby,
We got the same dreams,
baby.

Awoken with a sombre tone,
a shattered spine, twisted curling toes.

An empty ink cartridge, grinding cartilage.
It started like this, but it can't go on.

As the bones meet, the pain is no longer discreet,
unbearable, climbing up the walls;
dents made in the wood chip by newly chewed fingernails,
hanging on to prevent the falls.

The desperation to cling on to whatever's left of the self.
The wealth took over you didn't it?

It twisted your mind until it every thought became mangled.
Those drugs you chose to use...
Those spangled moments seem so misconstrued right now don't they now, you idiot?

Nothing happened,
Nothing came true,
No-one came through,
Other than me,
Other than you.

Sleep now as the pain relieves,
it floats away like a helium balloon,
healing the wounds with the secrets you keep:

This is the place that you and I meet.

One last tequila shot.
Naked on the couch,
Wrestling on the tv.
Nearly thirty.
Nearly February.
Not one resolution  lasted a day.
Dry January?
When it rains it pours.
We could blame global warming,
Or take responsibility for our wrong doings.
Content until there's no penny's left.
Cash rich,
No flinch.
Is there emotion for this?
The nothingness.
The TV won't guide me now,
Adverts in the background,
The glass sounds like a siren as it hits my gold ring,
The tequila brings a taste to my mouth that makes me feel sick..

Standard ****.

I’m not sure which way to go no more,
these roads all look the same,
those mistakes made on those past paths,
have come to haunt my thoughts again.

I keep on through the dark side,
the sun will rise again,
it’s nothing new, just deja vu,
and the memory remains.

i’ve made my peace with landscapes,
that cut and broke my skin,
i’ve thought inside the mangroves,
to discover what’s within.

Now since those times are changing,
the days just aren’t the same,
the hours take their toll on me,
burns holes into my brain.

Take me back to restless,
show me where we tame,
those moments ran beyond us,
but our destiny won’t change.

Oh Marilyn Monroe,
you were married to the stage show.
The baggage you carried made you run from home,
into the arms of Joe DiMaggio.

How could they of known?
The demons in your mind,
hidden inside the beauty that you portrayed on the outside.

They say revenge is dish best served cold,
but some like it hot.

Oh Marilyn,
you must of forgot.

d-r-a-g-o-n

dragon lady,
rain candy,
breath fire,
red candid
lips slip,
kisses through
open mouthed,
wide eyed,
startled smiles.

It’s been a while,
how you been
starting over? ,
spreading your
wings,
spreading your legs.
reptile,
I like your style,
Wild hair,
peach, bleach;
mon amore.

So
serpentine,
certainly mine,
mythologies
evolved
in our separate minds.
Nowhere near
our spirit,
refined
in the clearest
mist of forgotten days
we left behind,

and,

Life
drag’s on,
nothing
left
but you
&
mythologies.

Perfection.

*who knew

I can see you in your teens in my minds eye
the song sung blue until the nights sky,
emerges through cloud curtains,
closed,
exposed,
yet
we still try and hide,
as
umbrellas shade our lifestyles,
but
we still get dripped upon,
honey drip,
you slipped from my thoughts,
but were caught in the cobwebs spun in the web of deceit,
beneath.
So sweet, sticky, hippy wild child, pretty lady,
evaded me,
daily.
I can’t get enough of you lately,
I see you in daydreams
as you make yours come true.

I’m right at home waiting on you.

i made her run like her mascara as she cried
and i just sighed;
dead inside.

i seen the tides change, she’s tired of me again and who can blame her for talking sense time and time and over again.

i sat on the fence and built a wall around the tension.
Pretending to be on my best behaviour to saviour the pretence.

i sliced through my pale skin,
so you could hear me screaming inside.
the blood poured and you cried,
as much as i tried
i couldn’t hide my shame.

And you could spot how the blade glides that this was just a game.
I felt tame as the scars healed before you saw me again.

I peeled those scabs, red raw
blood sore.
I need to feel what i felt before you saw my insides and core.

But the metaphor was lost in translation.
We spoke the same language but couldn’t stand it when we didn’t understand one another.

We didn’t know at the start,
closed tight shut forever delapidated situation.
Bankrupt.

Yea,
We didn’t know at the start,
money tight, tightrope outspoken broken up arguments and tense situation.

Yea baby,
we just didn’t know at the start;

That art,
was the gate way
& the key to our hearts.

Lay my head on a pillow of sentimental dreams.
Clouded vision, misguided moments.
Nostalgic memories, dispensed endorphinemachine.
Grudges held in high regards,
counterparts the spectrum of emotions experienced.

Token gestures of b r o k e n spirts,
r u g g e d features gold lies within it.

Within movements the snowflake melts in foreign temperatures.
History repeats itself,
things will never be the same again.

A beautiful eulogy,
an anthology of my soul.
Let it speak on the page in a delicate manner.
Channel my essence and bottle my compassion.
Make it happen.

Label it love.

Experience my being in your sensory safe house.
Whisper sweet nothings until they sweep me of my feet.
Hone in on my reason with the precision of multicoloured laser beams.
Lie to my in the format of lullabies.
Blow up my heart, let me be your doormat.
Actively break me, erupt and explode.
Eradicate your thoughts, erase what you were told.

Hang me out to dry -
let the crease decieve you.

Let me take over,
but don't let me defeat you.

Juxtapose my thoughts hold close and dearly,
departed,
nearly an artist.
Recently started,
standing up to be counted,
but the fact is,
the numbers don’t add up.


Pull the rug from underneath my feet,
and i’ll feel at one with the ground.
my soles will meet the surface,
and the holes in the life i chose.
will be exposed to those I surround.


Mistakes repeated like a daily routine.
a habitual cycle,
ritual in virtue,
I never meant to hurt you,
but the aftershocks are oblivious to man made emotions,
you watch in retreat,
as I go full circle.




Meander through my mind,
for one final time, 

maybe mine will change yours,
like the course of a river,
after a natural disaster.




My time alone is golden,
selfishly spent,
a time to payback and repent,.
I wish that made sense,
I whispered again.


For heavens sakes,
when the levee breaks,
you might understand,
I’m scared of the sea,
but i’m lost on the land.

i feel your heat broke,
held back tears choked,
body mould vegetable like an artichoke,
rope burns, red raw, fingerprints imprinted
like an etch a sketch around the throat.
Hoping for forgiveness.
All you got to give is ambivalence to a kaleidoscope,
a spectrum of a sliding scope,
outpost, hides in a gliding cloak.
Invisible to the individuals
that provide the hope,
the inevitable return of the great white dope.

So,
Those fragments of the heart,
are an art piece.
Raw and uncut,
you came unstuck in your cuticles.
Nailing your beautiful mistake,
To a cross shaped like shoulder blades
holding up those younger days,
shades of the shadows past.

Like a puzzle,
someone will find your corners,
and pieces in between,
when it seems all is gone,
the heartbeats faintly.

Not all is lost.
quaintly.
the beep is constant
and,
your heart spoke in rhythm to the promised land.

there was a time i was,
someone.

i used to feel the cold.
I've not turned the boiler on in 4 years.

i used to dress in clothes,
and care what they look like.

i've not cut my hair in nearly 10 years.

i've not been to the doctor in over ten years.
the dentist in 12.

i've not read a book in nearly 14 years.
i read over a thousand before i was 16.

i used to listen to people.
now i couldn't care less.

i used to exercise and care about my appearance,
now i walk around naked and don't get dressed.

I used to leave the house.
i still do,
but i long for home.

i used to respond to my texts,
now i've changed my number.

i used to have friends,
now i hate them.

they still try,
but when they look me in the eyes -

they know i'm not who i used to be.

i used to be scared to die,
now i'm only too scared to **** myself.

i used to think i had talents and qualities,
now my only issue is that i'm too much of coward to end my life.

i'm suicidal,
but too pathetic to do anything about it.

So i just exist in nothingness.
Understanding life and understanding myself,
but i can't find reason,
or purpose,

and i don't even care.

i used to be a human being.

now i'm just a black hole where a soul used to be.

please please take my diseased body,
exoskeleton broken irrelevance and and put the pieces together,
as a hobby,
to resemble a body,
you own my bones, and my capillaries are filled with foreign grapes,
bottled up, squashed and refined mistakes.
the levee breaks,
how does that **** stained fluid taste,
you druid fakes, robotic flakes, for heavens sakes,
the lessons break my heart.
or at least bends whats valuable into a malleable state.
crossed borders and crossed words,
word search and cross words,
finding me is just a doing word.
the symphony is simplicity, bittersweet or so i heard.
your patchwork, the match works when it strikes the corrugated sides of my insides.
starts a fire inside like a colt 44.
you've heard it all before,
but the sound is so obscured,
prevention or cure, i'm not sure anymore,
the sea shore is so far away,
that lands no longer a plan of mine.
but whenever you're around,
it's steady ground or quicksand.
my minds, mine. abused.
IQ through the roof,
but still sheltered from the storm by you.
born again like i'm passing through,
the ages created by the frustrated players,
of the game of life.  

Tonight, i'll sleep.

If i find you in my dreams then you belong to me.
it's not wrong to be,
in love with you.
it can't be.

fortified lies,
forty nights and forty days,
so many ways to hide the devil inside you,
he don’t tempt me,
but he’s got a hold of you,
and i see red,
with everything you say and what you do.
i see you struggling,
just to juggle what is true,
to find the line inside what is real and what is you.
i’ve spent my time,
trying to make your lies to truth,
but i have found that defines me and you stay you.
i’ve seen the light,
and the beacons shine on you,
but you reflect from the lights that guided you.
and now it’s darkness,
but your seeking for your youth,
and as you age, you don’t know just what to do.
and inside, there are pieces of me in you,
but we collide and i can’t pretend it’s true.
i wish i lived, a life as false as you,
but i can’t disguise reality like you do.
and i watch you lose your life until it’s through,
you don’t care, about the legacy abused.
thats ok.
but i just can’t be like you,
so don’t expect me to spend my time with you.
but i miss the things we used to do,
and since you left ,
my dreams will never come as true.

i’m singing happiness,
from a place of despair.

Those dark lights
emphasis the spark
of brightness lost in the night.

as we soldier on,
with a chip on our shoulder,
weapons at arms,

take a moment to relax,
reload,
and aim for the stars

We don't mean you no harm,
and I know that it's strange,
to aim for the target
knowing those bullets aint remotely in range.

do it again,
we do it again,

we’ll see how close we can get,
anyway.

In the darkness we slept in world records  of our evenings,
believing in better days.

maybe,
but knowing better anyway.

the law of averages say it in lehmans terms,

i’m the reason for the medium,
the yin and yang of the best made plans.

they never last until completion,
just good intentions and interventions,
it could of meant something to someone surely.

if not me,
i’m bored by the habitual routines,
a scene only has meaning,
if it’s set with intention from beings,
if you get what i mean.

so long society,
as i quietly slip from your succulent grasp.
i’ve been meaning to ask do you swallow them whole?
or do you devour the body first,
and then feed on the soul?

society has forsaken me,
i won’t go quietly into the slot for me,

live life like a slot machine,
accosted by the cost of life and human beings.

Waiting patiently for the payout that never comes.

Let me be the first to say,
I'm not sorry for the words I said.
They may of been said in haste,
and put you in your place.
Enjoy the taste, of your own medicine.

Bittersweet quitter,
I could eat you for dinner.
There could only be one winner,
and I can't see you celebrating a victory today.

Take me away to the place where we doubled down,
your humbled frown,
in your dressing gown.
No one else around,
the screams in the backround,
no one will backdown,
at least for now.

I'm still not sorry,
Sorry.

i changed a £50 note

into pennys for you;

but you still want change.

1,2,3,4

What do you 1, 2 be 3, 4
They 1, 2 be 3.
What 4.
Why do you 1 2.
I just want 2 be 3.

What do you want to be free for.
They want to be free.
What for?
Why do you want to?
I just want to be free.