You know that moment that most classify as your heart "dropping"?
When someone tells you something or you start thinking too hard
And suddenly you can feel your chest just stop?
Someone's holding your heartstrings so tight that they stop vibrating.
They stop making the music you've grown comfortable with
And make it start throbbing and makes your knees weak.
For me, and many people, it gets really bad sometimes.
Sometimes it gets so bad that you can't breathe quite right.
Like when your fiance tells you how worthless you are when you thought things were just looking up.
Like when your mother tells you the news that he left you with nothing but your anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.
sometimes you can't help but wonder why.
I know I wasn't perfect but I did everything I possibly could.
So when you hear the news he's going to be a father your world stopped and your heartstrings try to sing but
Because as he walked out he dragged them behind him
As if holding you there forever is such a possibility.
As if you'd follow him forever.
With your back breaking and knees clanking and palms sweating
You'd stay there just for him.
You'd deal with your anxiety attacks.
Youd try to no avail to silence the voices that have done nothing but break you down bit by bit.
You know that moment when your heart drops and you can feel your heartbeat in your toes?
As if that's where your heart has lived your whole life?
As if stepping on the veins that circulate every blood plaitlet in your body didn't hurt as everyone stepped on it.
As you stepped on
Because darling one of these days you're gonna take a wrong step and crush your own goddamn heart.
So pick it up.
Pick your heart up from the soles of your feet.
Place it back inside that cage you call a chest and just keep trucking like you always
Because time does in fact heal all wounds but
God you wouldn't know that because you don't stop dwelling on the subject to let Father Time do his work.
Pick up your sharp edges and twisted senses.
Pick up the pieces of your broken mirrors and safety nets.
Baby it's time you learned how to fly and stop loving your life underneath the surface.
Pick it up.
Spread your wings.
Fly on the songs of your heartstrings
And never let
Your nightmares turn to reality
This is a verse for the grey nomad,
An archetypal older lad,
What? Bored with watching TV?
Why can't you travel without her or me?
So, you wish to travel, "Off the beaten track!"?
Camping, "Back to the basics!" Alas, alack!
Are you camping alone tonight?
Sooky! Older ladies have seen the light,
Indoor plumbing is all the go,
We wave rolling stones, "Bye!" no woe......
The rolling waters, the dripping sea
Of all the places, I wish for you with me.
Miles away, winding hills beside
If only you'd come along for the ride.
My toes submerged into sand,
At times I hope I can avoid being so bland.
A bird dives into the water
If only I could go just a bit further.
A towel lay spread across the ground
How I wish I could share the relaxation i've found.
The rolling waters, the dripping sea
Over everything i've found content over you with out me.
Gwar'th, a scranny peasent boy
Frequented the tavern to hear the local bard play
Enthralled by stories of shipwrecks, cataclysms, Corpses rising from their graves.
He begged the bard over and over.
"Please! take me on your next adventure?"
Gwar'th locked eyes with the bard
Gave him every bit of attention.
The bard always declined,
"it's too dangerous for a child." He said,
"But I'll sing you a song.
The tale of the Red Metal Lute."
The sky was black
You couldn't see but walls of rain
you couldn't hear a damned thing.
Not even each other speak
Until A loud wail rose from the sea
shattered every window and bottle on board.
In the distance, a figure
unwaivered by the storm.
A ghostly figure,
with a red metal lute
Seemed to fly,
Loom on the rain.
the figure plucked a single string
wailing screams from years of forgotten dead
some sailors on board went mad
The woman and children ran inside.
The captain headed out the cabin.
Grabbed his lute from off the wall
Walked right up to the ghostly demon
Challenged him to a duel.
"I win, you lure me the biggest fish
inside this ghostly sea
Once we haul it back to shore,
you let my sailers leave."
The ghostly demon preached back in wail
"My spoils claim each drop of blood
left upon your ship,
you'll join all the eternal tongues
wailing from my instrument."
They played their lutes so hard that storms whipped bruised wailed and brown
Lighting struck, fire popped and squeltched under the heavy rain.
Not a soul on board could hear the music, for they all deaf from the banshees wail.
But one small float snuck cloaked in shadows from the duel above the sails.
It had a mother and a brother
a baby in the mothers arms.
They made mostly to shore.
The oceans trials took all the family, but I, the baby,
I don't know who won, the Captain, the Demon.
But I know one thing is true.
The power that lies within' an instrument
is more then anybody knew.
One foggy night in Deastbhillow
Long after the tavern closed
The bard was packing for a 'venture
loading up the partys caravan to head out of town
Gwar'th snuck on behind the treasure chests.
It stopped in front of a cavern
Five adventurers stepped off
A knight, a priest, a bard, a Clairvoyant
And In the shadows,
Down in the belly of the cave
Past the bones and the torches
there was a red glowing from the end
THE RED METAL LUTE
Gwar'th, excited, lunged from the shadows
Alerting the party.
The knight drew his weapon
The bard struck a chord
The priest prayed
And The Clairvoyant read the boys mind.
Together They killed the boy in cold blood.
"What did it look like to you?" Said the Preist
to the knight who slaughtered the boy.
"A beautiful woman.
What did it look like to you?" The knight asked the priest.
"What did it look like to the boy?" The bard asked.
"An instrument," said the Clairvoyant, "A powerful instrument.
What did it look like to you?"
The bard looked down.
She drove, I rolled,
Some meaningful conversations, on an empty road.
We smoked, we roamed about,
Two souls at the nucleus, of a cloud of crowd.
We had some munchies, and drank some fizz
Shared food for intimacy, no hugs no kiss.
It was not a date, we had both mutually decided...
And maybe that's why we never said hi,
Or bid each other goodbye.
When the waves have washed me here,
I'd be a fool to look another way,
sturdy sturdy , doesn't it feel strange.
They say it's chaos out here at the moment.
I've dug these roots and cultivated their tender tendrils.
this is my song
this is my voice
I know this now.
For the love of myself,
Is the focal point now,
spin - turn - it's not yet happened
states of misunderstanding
foraging in the silence for our understanding
for the decisions that would make things easier
but I'm turning over now
rolling with this wave
a fool I may be but an anchor I do have
and i've come to be -
serene meditational gaze
life is unraveling in the way life kows best-
my heart bumps
I tend to live my life in a cloud, always foggy, never taking the time to look around.
I gave up on the world before I even saw it.
I gave up on myself before I had the chance to live.
It's so easy to get lost in my head and forget to breathe sometimes, but you call me out on it, every time, no matter what. It doesn't even matter if you're struggling internally as well, you always make sure to look at me. To notice when I'm not talking as much, or when my text seems oddly worded.
I knew how intuitive you were from the very beginning, I would watch you watch the world. And the sparkle in your eye forced me to look around as well.
You are the push I've needed for so long, you keep me focused and remind me that it's just another day.
No matter how horrible things may seem
the birds will still chirp,
flowers will bloom,
life will go on.
And I can either continue to crawl through it, or I can live. I can choose to smile, every single morning no matter how much it hurts. Because there is beauty everywhere, everyone and everything has a story.
I hope I never lose the sight you've given me. I think that's why I don't like the idea of you buying me materialistic things. The gift you've given me can never be repaid or properly recognized.
You gave me everything I have, my mind set, my smile, the air that brushes past my lips.
You showed me everything that I was too afraid to see before,
you gave me the world I live in today,
and I swear I will never forget that.