I didn't write enough, I think that's good, yet awful.

My life is not my own, I live for others.

Another black kiss on my eyelids......

Death howls and beats the sickly, mune, and insane.

Where do I look?
I need answers.
Where do I look because I don't have the answers.
Do you?
GIVE THEM TO ME!!!
I need them,
I'm dying as the hills give birth to light.
I want the bliss, the love that is preached.
GIVE ME THE ANSWERS!
I WANT MY SALVATION!
I'm hungry........

A father always supporting his daughter,
No matter how high she jumped he caught her.
A little girls prince in shinning armor,
He always protects her and is sure to never harm her.

I don't know much of religion,
But I want to.
I am not one to be perfect,
But I believe their is one who is.
I want to believe all is good.
I want their to be someone who loves me no matter what.
I love the feeling of letting me just put it all in someone else's hands.
He has to be real because I believe in him.
He has to be real because I can feel him saving me.
He has to be real because I can feel him covering me in bliss.
"Ignorance is bliss"
True words because I am calmed by the unknown,
While it frightens others.
Because I guess I just believe,
And just believing I guess is Faith.

I know of depression.
I know the pain well,
But this this pain is different with the same symptoms.
I feel lost,
My heart aches,
Oh, My mind must stay busy,
for the thought of him will leave me broken.
Sad beyond compare,
Inconsolable

I have guilt,
I have depressed thoughts.
If only I waited a bit longer.
I have my guilt,
I have my anxiety.
If only it didn't consume me.
I, me, myself,
My person is viewed differently.
No, it's not my skin, views, religion,
It's not my ethnicity.
My person is viewed differently,
It's my minds disabilities.
The way my cog wheels are shaped.
The way they get caught on certain sounds, smells, and feelings.
I should of waited a bit longer,
I am sorry to impose my difficulties,
As you can see I am labeled.
I have been labeled as a child;
from projects kid, to problem child, mentally challenged, to Suicide survivor.
That’s right I have guilt.
I am sorry for what I've done,
I am sorry my act has disgraced you,
I am sorry I can't be normal,
I am sorry I can't be normal,
I am sorry I embarrass and make you ashamed of me,
I am sorry I didn't fight you and make you wait a bit longer,
Five Minutes.
that’s all it would of taken,
I would of quieted down,
I would of gone to sleep; never ending.
I have guilt, but
A bit longer and you would have been sorry.

I have my moments,
That's what I say to hide my embarrassment.
I hate it when I get caught when I have a blank look.
It gives away my disability,
My diagnosis.
It is a symptom,
But it's bliss,
For a moment there's nothing,
No feelings,
No pain,
No thoughts,
Emptiness that consumes my entire being.
Oh the bliss, my sweet paradise
*My symptom

No, I don't want a kiss.
I don't want to be attached to you all of the time.
You knew what you were getting into.
Or did you think you were special,
Because you are.
But that doesn't change my nature.
You see me as a belonging to be doted.
I see you as a pest,
But your devoted.

I hear a melody in my head,
A song, and poem with an end.
The end is near as I command.
Left to be read by the living soon to be undead.
My poem,
Oh my song leads only to rotting flesh.
As my word are venom to your bread.
There no meaning just the ramblings of a mad person.
I am so mad, so tired, I sometimes seek death.
My heart shows no ache to the blind,
My voice shows no fear to the deaf,
My trust shows none to the shallow.
For my words are not a peace offering.
No, just the shovel.

The shovel for your grave.
Though I won’t dig,
But you will.
I did not undue you, but I began your undoing.

I guess I am sick,
I have been to hospitals had over night visits,
I am not a brave person,
Save that for your cancer patients,
I am slowly turning my back on everyone because I want them to stab me,
They can get me now, cause me great pain,
And I will forgive them for finishing my last day,
I am here of my own accord.
My own cercumstances,
I caused all of this I just made one mistake,
I survived.
Defeating the whole, purpose of , my poisons and potions.
I survived sadly.

One day I wished I was in pain,
I wished Oh I wished I had some terrible disease,
I wished I was dying or That I could die soon.
Once I was happy when fascinating about jumping in front of a car while washing dishes.
I didn't know I was already sick.
My family was outside somewhere in the trees sleeping blissfully,
When I was downing my misery.
A call came, I struggle to sound alive enough to soothe their fears.
"I'm just sick."
In the morning they scream about the truth,
Cry and Scream!!!!!!
I'm taken away to a white room.
I survived the biggest mass murderer in my age group.
At 15 I almost flew the coop.
Now I'm sound, whispering sounds of remedies so one day I will inevitability be happy

It feels strange being on the other side of it all,
I am the one not loving as much as you love me.
I was once in your shoes,
But all that dose is make me pity you,
I felt your pain first hand but yet I feel no empathy,
Pity is all you get.

Song      Song-
Sing sing
Tweet tweeT
      Floodly  Fear intoxicating
systems   are       going            DOwn.

Song Song
      Sung Sung
Silence                        silent……..
Walk
             Away
                         Because
                                           you
                                                  lost
                                                                  your
VOICE~

sONG Song
Twitch twitch
           angry         convulsions;
leave your flesh bruised
                                          your
                                     BROKEN
Song           song-
Tweet tweeT
comes                              Another birdy
Don't crush birdy two,                                               Please;
GIVE BIRDY TWO FLIGHT~

I am happy most when alone,
Don't get me wrong I like having company,
I have two best friends.
But, I am happiest alone.
It's just my nature.
Don't think anyone will change that so easily.
I am happiest alone.
My heart docent hurt in the presence of others,
Nor dose it ache in their absence.
I like silence,
For me there is none awkward.
I am happiest alone because that makes me feel free.

I am not afraid,
Yet must I say goodbye.
I fantasize about oblivion.
Oh the sweet kiss of the shadows,
As they taunt me with my own name.
They lure me in with sweet nothings in my mind.
Throwing me off guard by avoiding my ears but going straight for the ****.
I am not afraid to die tonight or tomorrow.
So is that permission to play on the dark side?

I know this will tear you down,
I know you won't be alright for a long time,
I know the sight of me will hurt you so.
But I am hurting next to you now,
But I am not happy lying to you,
But I am just dragging out the inevitable,
Can you just let me go.
Because soon ill have to end this if you don't.

WHY
Why do I feel so angry as I stand behind an angry man waiting for a path to exist across a busy street.
Why do I feel such sorrow and pain as I sit next to a morning widow on the bus.
These emotions are not my own,
But oh how they consume my entire being.
A man with a receding hair line sayes I am one of few.
Empath.
At first I felt relief on the new discovery,
But then I realized what it meant my emotions,
My being was just bits and pieces of others.
I am a collage of the left overs of others.
I am a sad patchwork doll.
Why must I be so strange and grotesque.
My body and mind see no boundaries,
We see what's inside of everybody.
I am fake I am not myself,
but a bit of everyone.

Your sitting and someone pops you a question.
Your sitting in a room where everyone avoids the eyes.
Not the eyes of one person,
But the eyes of everyone around them.
There here to help were all here to get help.
I came here to get help.
Someone pops you a question.
The brave one.
Hey, I've seen you at school.
Why,are you here?
All is dryly silent,
Has it always been this silent?
Why.....are you here?
Hyper and curious they sound despite the environment already answering.
I had an accident,
I am being helped.
It's quiet again.
Has it always been this silent?
Are you sure or is that what they've told you.
No,
I can feel the difference.
The doctor will see you now........