It seems cliche when some one talks about it
It seems like they are too weak
Or exaggerating the situation.
There is a place where you feel like you have lost the fight.
Where you  feel like you are falling
You want to stop
You wish you would stop
Sometimes you aren't even sure you want to stop
You wish for different
You don't know if its at the top or the bottom
One day you are a free spirit
You feel good and beautiful
Then someone shows up and ruins it all
First it is i love you forever
Next it is the same line or better for someone else
Suddenly you are the bitter person
The one who feels the need to hate another girl
A girl who doesn't even know you exist
Yet you... Oh God!.. know all the others
Those before, during and after you.
Because you let yourself get consumed.
Because you decided to take your own advise
And gave love a chance.
And all it did ruin you...
Break down walls you had built so high.
Now you wonder if you are not enough
Or why exactly she is better than you
From his point of view...
So yes...there is a rock bottom for every one.
You just hope you come back sane enough to continue living.
Some people would ruin your life just because they want.
Or may not...they just fell in love with someone else.
The heart wants what it wants.
You just sit there and wait for new love.
And hope that this time.
You are enough.
And  forever isn't just a promise.
I'm still learning how to describe love without stressing
Or complicated in between lines....

every one talked about a savior
apparently everything gets better when it gets here
that is what was said about Jesus
though not everyone took the time to believe.
we are born at a time of little or no faith
we long to see with our eyes
long to touch even
do we ever consider what happens after we have seen and touched

yet this time our only option is to trust and believe
or do we just sit back and pretend it never happend

i come to you with news of this saviour
yess doubt not
i have seen with my own eyes
and i've taken my time to touch and study
i cant say everything said was true or false
but don't quote me wrong
we may all be in for some surprises.
we don't ******* IBS it stuck with us through tough times
we cant say we didn't love different parts of it.
and saying bye wont come easy either.

but we can enjoy the period as it comes in
allow it to over whelm and excite us
learn from it also
and when it is settled and has sunk
thrive at this new discovery
fall in love with something new.
something obviously better.

imagination is a beautiful thing
its encouraged at every level of existence.
in this case we need to actually be ready
not imagine readiness or pretend its real.
i choose to believe that every one is as ready as me.
choose to believe and be it as well.

together lets make excellence history.
together let us allow clarity enable us to thrive.

I'm so much into you it **** hurts.
Do not tell me that I'll move on because I will not.
I loved you yesterday, I love you now and I will love you tomorrow.
I just know I will.
I wanted to hug and kiss you so hard the first time you smiled at me.
But you are the strongest person I know and you go hard at stuff.
I was afraid you'd reject me hard as well.
You are the kind of girl that gives and withdraws your heart when ever you feel like it.
At-least you strike me as such.
Yet I just love you so hard any way.

You walked in today and all I'd think about was how much I'd missed you
I wanted to hug and hold you... so much
You just smiled at me while saying hello and went off to hug some one else.
I wished so much that it was me.
I watch you every day, every time I can.
You smile about the most normal things and worry too much when things do not go your way.
I wish I'd hold your hand through it all. the good and the bad.
To make you realize your not alone.
And you do not have to be.

I need you ....so much.

I am sorry that I wasnt perfect
I am sorry that he left.
I am sorry that I let him leave.
I am sorry that I didnt beg him to stay.
O r to come back.
I am sorry that I didnt think of you.
The way you wanted me to.
I am sorry that I didnt wait with you.
I am sorry that I told you to give up.
I am sorry that I made you feel bad for waiting.
For believing he would return.


I am sorry I did what I thought was best
I am sorry I wanted to be perfect for my kids.
I am sorry I sacked at marriage.
I AM SORRY.

Is that a game?
no, art.
i remember the first time I talked to you
i knew you were a blogger or something...
yah!... you guessed right.
our first lines
now I know more... more, more
you do not eat cake
which I could never relate too
you do not eat pizza
that can be okay....
you studied a stranger kind of medicine
the kind a twisted mind holds onto
you walked away from it
you like complexity
simple and routine is boring for you
you can afford to junk only once a year
you talk about your child with less emotion
you ask questions
not because you need the answer
but you want to know that the other party wants the same thing
you want people to tell you what they want
only because somehow you expect them to say...
they want you...
you pull away when they don't.
you are complex
you reach out and pull back at the same time
there is a part of you that wants to be chased.
or wants to tell someone simple i'm not interested.
you smile in between kisses.
you make actual conversation
not the kind that says I do not want to know
you are confusing
you are not forgettable though.....
so.....
what do you want....
happiness....good people..
what do you want....
NOTHING!
probably our last lines.

Am I blind for believing you
for thinking the ordinary man
flaws and is exempted
its easier to blame, the weakest link
the one who will not get backed up by society
its easier to move on
if one is not affected directly
the system didnt fail us 100%
we fail the system at 50% and it meets us almost half way
its just easier for it to be wrong
because you are another smiling little ordinary man
because you dropped out of school, produced more children than you can handle, trash or *** where ever you feel like, give and collect bribes, cheat in exams or simply fail because you didnt work harder.
Join the others when they say the system failed them
but how many of you gave your best and the system didnot come through?

better starts with me and you.

you see Ingrid is male
now donot ask why
you we didnt know if he was initially male or female
you see the person who named him hates cats.
like really really hates cats.
which is werd
ı mean because cats are lovely
also there was a time ı didnt love cats
okay that is wrong
ı dıd not hate cats.
i was verily terrified of cats
and then someone showed up..
and they loved dogs.... so i loved dogs...
and then i moved and met Cinamon.
she is Ingrids mum...
and now Ingrid comes over often...
hungs with us...
and we feed him and love him
you see when we found out he is male
we didnt want to change his name because we loved it already..
so now we have a male cat called Ingrid...

they say we are all like pop corn
it may be picked on the same day
kept under the same conditions
then prepared to get cooked.
under the same heat
in the same container yet,
magic may be born or not born

whereas others pop and become...
beautiful and yearned for even.
others stay at the bottom.
just the way they looked when they were put in.

so whats the bad part?
the one that remains the same despite anything?
the one that can test just as good if chosen
and takes a longer time to chew.....
the one that only the enduring and patient can handle.

but all prefer the corn that popped.
the corn that is behind the name pop corn.
the one that looks white, fluffy,beautiful and attractive.
they forget the beautiful brown seed,
that requires more energy to chew
that could take you on a hungry day.
thats sweet when given chance ....
the different shades of brown that grace its cover..
making it all a different kind of beautiful.

is it okay or too bad to be the corn that didnt pop?

she'd watched him.
first from a distance
then up close.....

now, she'd talked to him even.
She had fought for him.

I did not get your name.....
Brenda.
......
then, she walked away.

what if you hadn't showed up that day
what if you had stayed home
what if you had slept in and showed up late
what if you had missed that interview
what if you had been transferred else where
what if you worked with different people.

would you be happier?

what if you had missed that paper
what if you had done a different paper
what if you went to another university
what if you had dropped out of Uni
or chosen a different program..

would you be happier?

what if you hadn't applied for that internship
what if you had gotten another offer
and taken it
what if you had stayed at your internship place.

would you be happier?

what if you met your self
from a different perspective.
from an external perspective.
what if you saw yourself the way those that love you
get to see you

would you love you too?

I am a black girl with locs
I wear head wraps and put on African prints
I do not speak with an African accent
or religiously follow the traditions.
For that I am not African enough.

One says he loves me
One looks at me enough to burn holes into me
One comes looking for me only to act like he doesn't know me
One winks and seeks attention when I'm done giving it
One.... one said He can never like me
That one I think I like most
For that I'm foolish.

I am a small girl
I however seek to loose weight more
than people way fatter than me
They all say my size is okay but they are not
my brain and thus don't get to feel fat the way I do
For that they say I'm ungrateful.

I appreciate black men
I just prefer white men
I try not to date black men long time
For that I am racist to them.

I speak to my parents but don't go out
of my way to spend time with them
Past hurt and experiences and avoidance
of future heated discussions leads me
For that I am ungrateful.

I sit in my house and cry.
I cry at worship and feel less and lost most of the time
I take smiley pictures and eat a lot of ice cream
For that I am happy.

I love eating at restaurants and cafes
I love ice cream , cake and wine
I don't like food and rarely eat
I take pictures of my food and ice cream a lot
For that I am a show off

All assumptions, all untrue, all your thoughts
Ask me my name and hold me when I feel I'm falling apart
Love me on days I cant love myself
Ask me about me first.
Then think truths about me.

The first time I actually saw him
My heart raced.
Then it was a date
Then it was a trip
Emotional abuse became my potion

The first time I saw him
He was just another guy
That guy told me it was nice meeting me
He thought that was goodbye
Then he saw me again
He told me he would never like me.
He said no three times in one sentence
Now he smiles and looks or my eyes in full rooms
Says be safe, and long time..... like he cares.
My ego reminds me  he said no

The first time I saw him
He  was just another guy
Then we argued a lot
Then he started saying things like I'm his half
That  I'm the love of his life
Talking about babies and   ***
But he touches me and all my senses are awakened
He holds my hand and it fits perfectly and when I try pulling away,
he holds it down tighter

Yesterday  he used my phone to text himself
He said I love you so much
He has shown it.....
He has never said it though
For me to believe it, I need to hear it too.