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Kayla Sep 2018
I think I have a problem
An addiction
To a substance
So deathly dangerous it could **** me
But my addiction
Oh how I love my addiction
It pulls at my skin with a mighty strength
Pulling me closer to my end
But honey my death would be bitter sweet
I am okay dying for something I love
Cause honey you are my addiction
And you are slowly drowning me
In my own tears
Torturing me with hurtful expressions and words
But honey I'm okay if you **** me
Kayla Apr 2018
He was so rough with me
It was unbearable
I cried instead of screamed
I bleed instead of cummed
I guess I was
Just another one
Of his **** victims
Kayla May 2018
I was the beauty
He was the beast
I loved him
He didn't love me
I wanted him
He wanted the Knife
I sipped my wine
As he stabbed me twice
I was the beauty
He was the beast
But he killed the beauty
With his only knife
Kayla Feb 2020
I have become
What I fear most
A
Monster
Kayla Nov 2017
He's got this thing he does.
This thing with his tongue.
It goes a tick tock tick.
Over and over like a broken record.
But what can I say he is my best friend.
But annoying as hell

A tick tock tick.

He's got this thing he does.
This thing with his fingers.
It goes a snap snap snap.
Over and over like the spider man movies.
And hey I ain't dissing the Spider-Man movies.
But come on keep peter perked the same person people.
But what can I say this boy Is my best friend.
But annoying as hell but not so annoying anymore.

A tick tock tick.
A snap snap snap.

He's got this thing he does.
This thing with his mouth.
It goes a pop pop pop.
Over and over like a bubble popping.
But what can I say he's my best friend.
But maybe I want more.

Tick tock tick.
A snap snap snap.
Pop pop pop.

Is it hard to say that maybe the
Tick tock tick
Isn't as bad anymore

A snap snap snap.
Pop pop pop.

Is it even harder to say maybe the
Snap snap snap
Isn't annoying anymore.

Pop pop pop.

Is it hardest off all to say maybe the
Pop pop pop
Is what pulled the last straw.

Maybe my best friend is perfect the way he is.
Maybe I love him more than my best friend.

Tick tock tick.
A snap snap snap.
Pop pop pop.

He doesn't want what I want.
He loves me in a different way.
He loves me as a friend.

Tick tock tick.
A snap snap snap.
Pop pop pop.
Kayla May 2018
I can feel my heart breaking
For you have smashed it to pieces
I love you still though
Being stupid as I am
I trusted you
Now I have lost
The only thing that really mattered to me
You
You
You
My everything has always been you
And it will always be you
Kayla Jun 2018
I always told myself
I would take a bullet for you
And you would take a bullet for me
But now I know that if I ever had taken a bullet for you
You wouldn't have pushed me away and take the bulllet for me
Because you shot me
You shot me with your own bullet
Kayla Feb 2020
The called her a monster
For what she had become
They called the devil
But oh she was
She became this way from the pain
The torture they had given her
She learned to be hard and cold as ice
For when she was soft
She got walked all over
They are the ones who changed her
Kayla Jan 2018
Conceal don’t feel, Don’t let it show
Conceal those scars on your wrist
Don’t let them show for if they show
They will scare people away from you
They would run like you where the monster eating their Childrens souls
Conceal don’t feel, Don’t let it show
Kayla May 2018
I wish I didn’t love you
I wish you weren’t around
But when you leave
I feel a craving for you
Stronger than anything
I have ever felt
Kayla Jun 2018
I don’t know why
But every once in awhile
I get in this mood
In this mood all I want to do is
Die
I do not see a point in
Anything
All I want to do is
Give Up
I want to give up on
Everything
But then I find something that makes me
Happy
It is a cycle you see
A cycle I can never escape
Kayla Feb 2018
I miss you dad
I didn’t get to say goodbye
Your gone and I’m still here
You left March 18, 2017
I found out February 2nd, 2018
Almost a year later
Why did no one tell me
I guess I wasn’t that important
Not to you now I see
You never loved me
But dad I will always love you
Kayla Feb 2019
I use to see him in a different light
Now I see him in a darker light
A light I can barely see myself in
I hate this light
Its too dark for me to like
Kayla Jan 2018
She has demons we all do
Demons that eat at our souls
So our death is sooner and our pain is worst
Eating us inside and out this is what our demons do
No one can save us from our demons
Not  even our loved ones
The demons eat the souls of our loved ones
Everyone has their own personal demons
We fight and we lose battles against our demons
Keep trying to fight because every demon has a weakness
With strength and power we may all be able to beat our demons
Just like how one day she will defeat her demons to
Kayla Feb 2018
They all wanted her
Just to push her back down
Back down to the very depths
The very depths of death
Kayla Apr 2018
I'm
   Not
           A
              Poet
                    I'm
                           A                                                                    Experiences
                                Believer                                                  My
                                              Of                                      And
                                                  Writing                 Feel
                                                             About        I
                                                                      How
Kayla Jan 2018
He was the flame that ignited her
That flame that grew bigger and bigger
Until one day the flame dulled
Until that flame of his was no longer lit
He got bored and tired
Have gotten what he wanted from her
She was still ignited blind to his dying flame
For she was the city and he was the tsunami that destroyed her
Kayla Nov 2017
So there is this boy
This boys name is Georgy
He melts my heart
Like popsicle on a hot day
He knows what words to use
What words to make me smile
The smile only he can make
He knows the way to touch me
The way that makes me melt in his hands
He knows how to kiss me
To make me shiver with every touch
Georgy is what I want
When he whispers
The soft wanting words
Into my ear making me want him more
The intensity of each other
Looking into each others eyes
Deeper and deeper each time
The look of lust
The lust for each other
Oh how I love this Georgy
Kayla Feb 2020
My grandma has always known
That I like girls in a way
She knows I have dated girls
I remember when I finally came out to her
She looked at me disappointed
And said " I thought you were just going through a phase... I thought you would just grow out of it..."
This broke my heart into a million pieces
All I wanted was her approval
And all I got was her disapproval
To this day my grandma has treated me different
I feel like the ugly duckling
I feel like the odd one out
And to this day she still tries to set me up with guys
And to this day it is still breaking my heart
She doesn't want me to be gay
She doesn't want me to be me
Kayla Jun 2018
She heals in a way that is not understood
She heals herself
By putting herself down
She heals herself by hating herself
The hate which makes her stronger
Hate that turns into love
She hates herself to heal herself
Kayla Jun 2018
She always thought that he noticed her
He saw her in a different light
Then anyone else had
She thought that he had love her the way no on has
He treated her like a princess
But that light had faded
That love had gone
The princess disappeared
But this made her stronger
Now she strives on her own
To live her life as her own
But
Kayla Feb 2018
He heard the whisper of her voice in my ear
She had left all so long ago
Taken by the guy who stolen her
He stole her life right out of her hands
With that gun he hid in his pants
She whispers to him about that dreadful night
Even though she is not there
He hears her voice every night.
Him
Kayla Nov 2017
Him
Everything he does
To the way he talks
And the way he laughs
Every little things makes me fall
Fall even more in love with him
In love with him
Like I’m a skydiver jumping from the greatest heights
Every little thing he does
Reminds me why
Why I fall in love with him
Over and over again
I love him for who he is
Nothing will ever change that
It's not about my boyfriend.
Kayla Nov 2017
She’s a girl
A girl with hopes and dreams
A girl who has put forth everything
Everything she has
Her hopes and dreams
Are all she wants
Until a man
Dressed in black white approached her
He asks what she wants the most
She told him all her hopes and dreams
Looking her in the eye
He tells her hopes and dreams are for fools
Fools who think their dreams and hope will become reality
With those words she loses
Loses all her hopes and dreams
To what this ugly man said
This ugly man that was only a ghost
A ghost in her own mind
Kayla May 2018
I
Loved
You
But
Now
I
Hate
You
Kayla Feb 2020
I am gay
There I said it
Now the world can know
I don't have to hide in this dark closet anymore
I can be out and proud
Let me scream it from the rooftops and scream it from the hills
But wait they didn't tell me
About the hate and pain I will endure
About the homophobic comments
But this is who I am
I am gay
So I will yell it from the rooftops
And I will yell it from the mountains
I am gay
And I am proud to be me
Kayla Feb 2020
I have started to notice
I am not the same
My choices have changed me
Into the woman
I am today
I have started to notice
I fear everything more
I don't want to walk outside
Anymore
I hate the world
For what we have become
A hateful Community
That is what we are
Kayla Jun 2018
We talked
You were funny
Now I like you
Do you like me
I don't know
I wish you would tell me
If you do like me
Why don't you tell me
Kayla Apr 2018
Imagine a world
A world of flowers
Flowers so bright
Imagine a world with no pain
A world of no hurt
Where everyone wears a smile
Imagine a world where everyone is friends
No one is the one left out
The ugly duckling isn’t so ugly
Just Imagine
That’s all it is though
Imagination
In the real world
The flowers are not all bright colors
There is no such thing as no hurt
Not everyone is friends
The ugly duckling is still the ugly duckling
Imagination is not real
Imagination is just make belief
Imagination is fake
Kayla Apr 2018
I miss you’re mouth and you’re hands
I miss you’re eyes and you’re smile
I miss everything about you
I miss our weird talks
To the way you’re hands touch me
I just miss you all in all
I miss you
And
I hope you miss me
Kayla Aug 2019
You told me you love me
But in the end you left me
Kayla Feb 2020
You told me you love me
But in the end you left me
Kayla Jun 2018
Look me in the eyes
Tell me you didn't
That you did not love
That you never loved me
Look me in the eyes
And give me the stone cold truth
Look me in the eyes
Kayla Jun 2018
I wish to succeed in life
I wish to find love
To get married
To have kids
I wish to grow up to be a role model  
For my own kids
That when people say who do you look up to
They will say with the biggest smile my mother
I wish to be the woman my biological mother never was
The mother she never was
The wife she never could be
I wish to find a love that will warm my heart
Love that gives me the feeling
That I am needed  
I wish to succeed in life
Kayla Feb 2018
I find him perfect in many ways
What can I say though
He is perfect for me
My dream guy to be exact
No ones dream guy ever comes true
But mine did I must be the lucky one
For my dream guys name is Jayson
Kayla Nov 2017
It was the last straw
She could hear it snapping like a twig being stepped on
He’s done this before
Looking into his eyes she barely hears his words anymore
All she hears is the flow of the syllables he uses
It ends all the same
But before It can ends she stands up and walks away
To a new life not ruled by him
Kayla Dec 2017
I heard them whispering
Whispering those thing
Into his ears
About me
Telling him to change his mind
To leave me
Now I’m scared
He will leave me
Kayla Aug 2019
He's always so sad
His emotions rolling like an out of control wave
A man who changed my life
He is now so sad
I am afraid to help
His monsters pushing me away
Changing his dreams
And ruining mine
I have given up so much for this little sad man
He needs to find help
For those monsters in his head
Oh please my little sad man
Find something to make you not as blue as the sea
Kayla Sep 2018
I'm living in a broken world
A broken world
Surviving without you
A painful destiny
A destiny granted to me
To live without you
Kayla Jun 2018
She looked at him
He looked at her
The love in his eyes had faded
But her love had gotten stronger
He gave up on her
But she wont give up on him
And now she is getting smothered
Smothered by her own pain
Kayla Apr 2018
I love him
He loves me
I hate him
He hates me
Kayla Apr 2018
I need to learn
How to love myself first
Before
I can love you
The love that you only have
When you try to stick you’re hands
Down my pants
I need to learn how to
Love myself first
Kayla Feb 2020
If I take the medications
That the doctors say will fix me
Will they actually fix me
Or will they just **** me up more
Make me more insane
Than I already am
Kayla Apr 2018
He whispered
In her ear
Well she melted
In his hands
Kayla Feb 2020
Have you ever looked in the mirror
And pointed out every one
Of those tiny little flaws
Have you ever looked in the mirror
And thought you are ugly
I am here to tell you
That you are not ugly
You are gorgeous
You are a warrior
You are amazing
You are who you are
And that makes you gorgeous
Kayla Apr 2018
I knew loving you  
             Was a mistake
                     But it was
                             A mistake
                                         I was
                                              Willing
                                                          To
                                                              Make
Kayla Apr 2018
He always told her
That he would
Sweep her up
To rescue her
From the monsters
The monsters in her head
But when the monsters
They came out
He ran as fast as he could
To find someone else
Someone else to sweep up
That didn’t have the monsters
The ones that she had.
Kayla Sep 2018
The night terrors have returned to haunt me
Not able to sleep alone in my own bed
The monsters in my dreams look like you
The look of being used and hurt by you
When I am asleep with my eyes still open
Scared that they might come alive
And eat my sleeping body
Kayla Sep 2018
Have you ever loved something so much it hurt
Well when I think about you
And your Non-Existent love for me
It hurts
Kayla Jun 2018
He has finally noticed me
He has noticed my interest
He has noticed me
Now I must keep him noticing me
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